Untouchable
by ElspethGordie
Summary: Bella, broken and hurting, escapes to Phoenix for a new beginning, and to pick up the pieces from her destroyed life. How long until Bella's past catches up to her? AH, Canon pairings
1. Convergence

**A/N: Welcome one and all! This is my first attempt at fanfiction, so I would like to thank my beta for all her wonderful help tearing up my words and putting them back together in a coherent manner. You are amazing! love you!**

**I will be uploading the next few chapters rather quickly, but after that I plan to have a regular update schedule.**

**Warning: potential for difficult adult themes and violence. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and ****character names. All plot lines, backgrounds, characterizations, and details belong to ElspethGordie.**

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Chapter One: Convergence

_It's raining. Ack, of course it's raining. I travel all the way from the rainiest part of the Continential US, to the sunniest and I bring the rain with me._

Well, some say that the weather is a reflection of your mood. And the torrents of rain pounding the pavement outside the Phoenix airport was definitely reflecting my mood. My unbelievably chipper and joyous mood. Crap.

The airport was the same, gray dusky carpet with green stripes, and taupe textured walls, with easily read signs for terminals A-D, Bathrooms, and Baggage Pick-up. I looked around to see the scurrying horde buying cheap airport trinkets, trashy romance novels, and slightly burnt greasy food. _Ugh, I think I'm going to vomit. _

I frantically looked for the nearest bathroom, hoping I would make it in time. Where were those handy signs when you needed them? Not thirty seconds ago they were blaringly obvious, but as soon as I needed them, they disappeared. Forcing myself to remember the direction I slowly breathed through my nose, slightly subduing the nausea, though it wouldn't last long I'd been fighting the nausea since I got on the plane in Seattle.

I slowly reassessed my location. To the right was the way to the baggage claim I would need to remember that. Directly behind was the terminal where I escaped from that claustrophobic plane. _How have I not puked yet?_ To the left, obscured by the airport cleaning staff, was the bathroom.

I ran.

Pushing by a young janitor, ignoring her neon yellow sign that declared the bathroom closed, I dove into the ladies room. I grabbed the first stall and revisited my breakfast, and the cute little pretzels I had on the long flight. _I'm never eating pretzels again._

My friends thought that I was moving in with my dad in Phoenix to get away from my Mom and her newest boy-toy. Now, don't get me wrong—I love my mom. It's been me and her for as long as I can remember. The best days of my life were spent with her, making something out of the nothing that was our podunk town.

Last spring we orchestrated the biggest town wide Easter egg hunt. People think that you get sick on candy at Halloween, but they've never seen Mom organize a "spring-renewal" festival. Or her save the redwood tree fundraiser. I've dressed up like a giant redwood tree for more years than I can remember. That costume's a boy-magnet, let me tell you. But she'd always sit and listen when I had a bad day, or pull out the peanut butter chocolate chunk ice cream to make me feel better. _Nothing is better than peanut butter chocolate chunk ice cream._

No, I was here of my own accord.

Now, mom has had her share of boyfriends since the divorce but she never flaunted them at me. Honestly, I'm surprised that the town seemed to have bought the reason for my escape, but then again Mom was always exceedingly persuasive.

No, I was here, not because of Mom or her newest "friend" but to save her from humiliation. She was ashamed of me, and I couldn't put her through that anymore. She said she didn't blame me, but I knew it was only a half-truth.

She might always love me, but she would eventually resent me for all of my mistakes.

I love her more than anything, so I exiled myself to live with a complete stranger.

My dad.

So here I was, away from home, already several weeks into the new school year, and vomiting into an airport toilet with a crazy cleaning lady behind me muttering something that wasn't English, and I'm sure wasn't flattering.

I slowly sat back on my heels, and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. Tossing the paper in the toilet and hitting the metal flusher with my foot I turned around to meet the eyes of the less than excited cleaning lady. _Excuse me sanitary management._

I gave back a glare much stronger—I had the practice—and caused her to take a step back. _Yea, don't mess with the crazy puking teenager._

Grabbing my purse, I stalked past her to the sink to quickly wash my hands and my mouth. I refused to look in the mirror. I knew what I would see. I would see the wide brown eyes, surrounded by heavy bruises, of a seventeen year old girl who felt sixty. I would see long brown hair, wavy and unruly from not taking the time to blow dry it last night, the last night at home. I would see a face, too thin, with prominent cheek bones and the shadows of bruises that no longer exist along her jaw and hair line. I would see an old UW sweat shirt ragged at the sleeves, and washed out jeans from Salvo.

I knew what I would see, but I did not want to see it.

The cleaning lady started muttering again, but ignored me and went about the job that I had interrupted a few minutes before. Setting my backpack on the counter, I rifled through for some gum or breath-mints, otherwise I was never going to get out of this restroom without hurling again. In the front pocket of my stained navy bag from freshman year I pulled out some spearmint gum, old and stale. It'd have to do. I yanked the zipper shut, with only a little protest, and left the room, keeping my eyes on my beat up pink knock-off chucks.

I pulled my cell out of my pocket, and glanced at the clock; three missed calls. Mom, Mom, and Dad. Sighing, I put my phone back in my pocket.

I didn't really want to talk to mom. I would see Dad soon enough.

Heading back the way I came, I followed the signs to the baggage claim. I didn't have much with me, all of my clothes were for the cold and the rain, but then again I hadn't thought that I would bring the rain with me.

I picked up my pace, eager to leave the airport, and found that my lonely bag was the only one left on the conveyer belt. The rest of the passengers from my flight were already on their way. I hoisted the bag from the belt and almost teetered over. My balance was crap.

The man next to me laughed. Looking at him under my eyelashes, I realized he wasn't a man, but about my age, only… huge. He reached toward me and lifted the mottled grandma-print flowered suitcase into his hands. My mouth slightly dropped at his audacity.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself. You seemed like it was gonna make you topple over like a bunch of dominoes," he chuckled. I narrowed my eyes.

"I'm Emmett. Your dad sent me to pick you up." He offered his hand to shake.

I stared at his hand, wincing inside, and waved awkwardly instead. "I'm Bella, Bella Swan."

He nodded and indicated to the sliding doors.

I stopped him before he began to move. "Wait, why should I come with you? Who are you and why would my father send a complete stranger to come get me?"

Emmett cocked his head to one side, and asked, "Didn't you get his call?"

I shook my head.

"My dad works with your dad on the force. They're partners actually. I see him just as much as I see my own dad. They have a really important case they are working on, and something came up this afternoon. So he gave me a call, and asked me to pick you up." He smirked and checked me out. He leaned forward into my face, hot breath against my own, "Don't worry Bellarina. I'll take care of you."

I scrunched my nose at his comment. _Bellarina? Who does he think he is. Ugh. _He waited, smiling and waiting for my response.

Ignoring him I pulled out my phone and called my dad.

"Swan, here"

"Hey dad, it's me. Bella"

"Hey Bells, how was your flight? Did you find Emmett alright?"

"You mean the behemoth man who is holding my suitcase hostage until I come with him?"

Emmett's eyes widened and he began to laugh. A big belly laugh that makes you hold your stomach to keep from rolling on the floor. _Geez, I'm not that funny._

"What?"

"Yea he's here." I sighed, and pushed my hair out of my face. "So I take it he's legit, and not trying to kidnap your only daughter?" I heard a soft chuckle over the phone.

"Yes, Bells he's legit. I'm sorry I didn't call you, I guess that time got away from me. But this will give you time to get to know someone before you head to school on Monday. He's a senior this year too."

_Oh great, just my luck._ _He expects me to make friends. It's not like they are going to stick around long._ "Okay, dad thanks. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Bells."

I snapped the phone shut, and focused my best I'm-an-innocent-angel look at my ride home.

"So everything's on the up and up?" He swung the suitcase up onto his shoulder like it was a boom-box from the nineties.

"Yeah." I bit my lip, trying to sound semi-intelligent. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be all distrusty." He smirked and raised an eyebrow. "But you know, new town, everything's unfamiliar."

He smiled, "It's alright Bellarina. You never know who you can trust. Especially when you have behemoth teenager holding your suitcase hostage." His smile widened to show an adorable dimple in his right cheek. I could feel the heat rising in my face, and he smiled even bigger. I didn't know that was possible.

I didn't expect what happened next, though I guess I should have. Emmett, in what I could tell was his usual manner chuckled and draped his arm over my shoulders. I didn't expect it. I wasn't prepared.

The world narrowed, smoky and dark, indecipherable. I was there in _that_ room. The music blaring some annoying loud indecipherable mess that could never be viewed as more than screaming. And _he_ was there. There was no place for me to go. He would find me. He knew me better than anyone. Someone in the room was whimpering, "Don't touch me. Please don't touch me."

And then it was gone.

I opened my eyes to find Emmett frantic above me; somehow I was on the floor of the baggage claim, my cheek on the cool tile. I moaned.

"What happened?" I knew what happened, I just didn't want to freak him out anymore than I already had.

He squatted down and peered into my face. "You passed out! Bella, are you alright?" He moved to help me up, but I flinched back. He stopped short, and waited. I achingly pulled myself off the ground. He hovered around me but didn't try to touch me again. I'm so glad he hadn't thought to catch me as I fainted, that would have been bad. Yes, I am the queen of understatements. _All hail Bella, Queen._

A crowd had assembled around us, and I scrambled to assure them I was alright. _Long flight, stressful day, yada, yada. _The truth is so overrated.

From a distance, I followed Emmett out to his car. He kept looking over his shoulder at me; I could tell that I freaked him out. It's not everyday that being friendly causes some strange girl to 'pass out' in the middle of an airport.

Emmett stopped at a dark green jeep covered up to the handles in mud; the rest dusted with a fine red dirt except for the paths of the windshield wiper. He opened the passenger door for me, and let me jump up myself. _Huh, a gentleman and a quick learner._

After setting my suitcase in the back, he jumped into the driver's seat and pulled out. I took the awkward silence as time to inspect him; I had been a bit preoccupied before. Emmett was huge, muscled, built, ripped…whatever you want to call it. Perhaps buff. Yea, if anyone deserved the term buff it would definitely be Emmett. His arms were toned and as big as my thighs, no wonder he lifted my suitcase like it was filled with sponges instead of the current contents of my life. He had dark curly hair, and hazel eyes, the kind that changes from a green brown to a blue brown. His hands griped the wheel perhaps a bit too tightly, but that may be due to me. I have that kind of effect on people.

Sighing I broke the silence, "Hey, Emmett," I drew in a deep breath, I could do this. "I'm really sorry about earlier." He glanced over at me with obvious concern in his eyes. "You don't know me, and I get that this is a bit weird. But I really am sorry."

His mouth turned slightly down in disapproval, "Bells, I have no idea in hell what's going on. But I'm willing to be a friend. I mean I would like to be your friend. Honestly, I don't know how you'll get rid of me," he smiled. "You know, my dad and yours are best friends, and partners, the only time I see my dad nowadays is when they are together. It seems like they never stop working." At that statement his smile lessened, then burst bigger than before as if he had a brilliant idea. "Can you work an xbox because I am going to kick your butt at Modern Warfare 2!"

I tucked my hair behind my ear, and couldn't help but roll my eyes. Sure he scared me a bit at first, but Emmett seems like a big teddy bear. He kept glancing back at me from the road waiting patiently for a response.

He had no idea what he was getting into I may look all soft and girly, but I can hold my own. Those twelve year olds on xbox live had nothing on me. "I _might_ be able to work an xbox… we'll see who has the mad skills."

"Awesome." He smirked, the dimple peaking through. "So tell me about yourself."

I scrunched my nose. _Hmm… tell the truth and freak him out? I'll settle for evasion._ "What do you want to know?"

He tapped his finger on the wheel, and twisted up his eyebrows as if he was focusing. "What do you do for fun?"

"Uh, I like to read. I cook—"

"Really?!" He looked like a little kid in a candy shop. "What can you make?"

"Um, anything really, as long as I have a recipe. But I can make a mean pork tenderloin with a black bean and corn relish."

He began to tap the wheel in excitement. I guess it really is true—the way into a man's heart is through his stomach. If I don't screw it up, with the help of my special peanut butter rice krispy treats, we could be friends.

But that's unlikely.

The awkwardness faded, and Emmett stopped fidgeting like someone had stuck itching powdered down his pants. The drive went quickly as he pointed out landmarks I might be interested in. The mountains were beautiful. There was one that even looked like it was praying. _I should probably start doing that._

Before I knew it we were pulling into the driveway of a white stucco ranch with a tile roof and giant orange tree in the front yard. Emmett leaped out of the car, enthusiasm obvious in every movement he made. He had a definite bounce in his step. _Catalog that for later ammunition._

I slowly opened the door taking a good look around. Emmett hummed "pa-pa-pa poker face, pa-pa poker face," as he grabbed my suitcase from the back. _And that as well._ Palm trees lined the street, and yard was full of little pebbles instead of grass. Several large cacti lined the side of the house. I would have to steer clear of those if I didn't want to end up in the ER with a giant needle in my arm.

I called out to Emmett, "Is it always this brown?"

He laughed. "Hun, you are not in Forks any longer."

_Yea Toto, I so know the feeling. _"If this is Oz then, who are you? The Cowardly Lion?" He guffawed, and almost ruffled my hair, but stopped short as I froze.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and looked into his face.

He awkwardly wiped his hands on his shorts and whispered, "Bella, I'm sorry." I nodded, and looked away guilty. He hadn't done anything wrong. He shouldn't have to worry about me freaking out when he came near.

"No, I'm sorry. It's me. It's me." I repeated. He shook his head, his smile replace with a serious expression. I felt even guiltier for wiping that teddy-bear smile from his face.

"No worries." He took a big breath and let it out slowly. A small smile grew on his face, "So do you want to see your new house?"

I nodded, and he unlocked the door. He already had a key to my house; I needed to get one of those.

I walked in the front door into a small atrium, sparsely decorated. I continued into that house, and ended in the kitchen. It was surprisingly cheery. The colors matched the kitchen at home. Mom's favorite room had always been the kitchen. It seemed Dad remembered.

The cabinets were all white with black knobs, and the walls were a bright welcoming yellow, almost bursting 'good morning.' I couldn't wait to break in the appliances—they looked as if they had never been touched. I peeked in the fridge and confirmed my suspicions; there was an almost empty carton of milk, a few Chinese take-out containers, and what looked like two-week old pizza. I would need to make a grocery run as soon as possible; maybe I could bribe Emmett to take me with the promise of dinner.

The kitchen led back into the living room, and I saw Emmett exiting the hall right of the front door. Cocking an eyebrow at him, "Poker face? Didn't peg you for the type." He blushed. _Blushed_, and I smirked my sassiest smile and swept by him.

I could hear him laugh to himself as he sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. The first bedroom was obviously my father's, the bed had not been made, and I was pretty sure that there were more files on the floor. Next was the bathroom, the only one. _Great._

And finally my room.

The room was nice, much nicer than I expected. The walls were a soft blue and the bed had a white fluffy comforter, a white desk, and matching dresser. There was a beautiful bay window with a window seat. I've always wanted a window seat. It's a perfect place to read on a rainy day; not that I'll have many of those here.

Emmett had set my suitcase at the foot of my bed; I set down my back pack next to it and breathed a sigh of relief. I was here. It was done. My decision was made, I would not go back. I took another deep breath through my mouth and let it out through my nose just like my mom had coached me when I was nervous. Looking at my room once more, I smiled softly, patted my growing tummy and head out to talk Emmett into taking me to the grocery store.

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**Reviews are loved more (almost more) than a behemoth Emmett carrying your bags like a 90s boom-box!**


	2. Charity

**A/N: Chapter Two! I know I'm a bit eager... but I can't help myself. Once again tons of love to my beta MsWDarcy. You are my muse.  
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**Warning: potential for difficult adult themes and violence. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and ****character names. All plot lines, backgrounds, characterizations, and details belong to ElspethGordie.**

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Chapter Two: Charity

The grocery store was huge. There was a _Starbucks_ in the grocery store. Now I've been to a super Wal-mart in my day, but this was even bigger. Did you know that an aisle can be completely devoted to cereal, not shared with the oatmeal or random breakfast bars? No, in Phoenix, they get their own aisle. In Forks, they got a shelf.

I wandered quietly, and tried to contain my impish glee at the variety. Emmett, my personal man servant, as he dubbed himself, pushed a cart behind me. I had grabbed all the mixings for my favorite recipes, hopefully enough meals to last a whole week. But somehow a box of donut holes, three tubes of sour cream and onion Pringles, and enough fruit snacks to feed a preschool ended up in the cart as well. If I was feeding Emmett too I would be spending most of my life at the grocery store. Not that I minded.

"Bellasaurus, what do you need three blocks of cheese for? Are you secretly a mouse?"

I dropped another item in the cart. "Homemade baked mac'n'cheese." His eyes lit up. "Be nice if you want some."

He instantly attempted to look innocent, making a halo over his head with his finger. I returned to my shopping, hearing a faint "squeak, squeak," behind me.

I whipped around giving him my best you-better-not-mess-with-me-mister-or-no-food-for-you glare. But I couldn't hold it long, Emmett looked shocked like he never expected me to have so much ire. I laughed. _Don't mess with Bella Swan. Giant silencer. _

Grabbing the last few things on my list, I ended up in the cake aisle. Yes, a whole aisle devoted to cake. I was so going to buy all the best ingredients for chocolate cake from scratch, and eat it all myself. I'd been craving chocolate cake with homemade cream cheese chocolate icing for days.

While I debated the pros and cons of the using dark chocolate powder versus melting semi-sweet and dark chocolate discs, Emmett's phone rang. His ring tone was "Baby" by Justin Beiber.

"Wow Emmett, I didn't know you were a middle school girl." _Double wow._

He rolled his eyes. "Hey Ali. What's up?" I went back to my internal chocolate debate.

"Sure, yea… Yeah, I can help. Do you mind if I bring a friend along?" He grinned at me. "It's Bella. Ya know Charlie's daughter." Pointing at the chocolate discs, he asked me, "Do you mind if we stop by my house before we head back? I need to help my neighbor with some junk."

I could hear a high pitch squeal on the line, which made Emmett crack up. I shrugged. _Sure, whatever. What else was there for me to do except follow Emmett around?_

"Okay Alice, we're gonna check out and then we'll be over." Alice… hmm._ I wonder if that's his girlfriend. _Her squeal sounded exceptionally girly.

After fighting over who paid (I won) and seeing who could bag the groceries faster (he won), we loaded up the car. Emmett placed all the cold stuff in a cooler he had in the back. _Who keeps coolers in their trunk? Well, I guess that's Phoenix for ya._

I didn't realize how late it was getting until we got in the car. It was already six and I had been in Phoenix for three hours.

It felt much longer.

I rolled down the window to let the wind blow into my face. The nausea from earlier had resurfaced and I had no desire to hurl on the side of the road. Nausea had been my constant companion for the last few weeks. I had begun to hate the inside of a bathroom, especially the porcelain throne that held my reflection much more than a mirror.

I took in the scents of the city. A strong musty odor swirled around my face, and stuck in the back of my throat. The dusky scent in the air created an aroma much different from home, like the land was glad it had rained.

"—You know Bells, I think you're really gonna like it here." Emmett had been rattling along for a while; but barely required a response.

Emmett kept fiddling with the radio dial, finally settling on what seemed to be his favorite—Lady Gaga. At least it wasn't teenie bopper boys singing in falsetto…or what I hope was falsetto.

"So." I looked at him through my hair. _Uh, something to say? Something to say_? I'm terrible at small talk. I'm never witty when I want to be.

His eyes crinkled up. "So?"

"Uh, I guess it's your turn to tell me about yourself. Other than you have super bizarre taste in music, and you skip around like a girl, and can eat enough fruit snacks that a whole elementary school must go without." I was rambling. I could feel my ears begin to burn. At first I don't know what to say, and then I can't stop talking nonsense. _Yeaaa, it's one of my better qualities_.

But he was laughing, that great booming laugh. Maybe I wasn't a total loss after all. He sure found me funny.

"Oh, just wait until you meet Ali. She is going to looove you." He coughed a little catching his breath.

"She's partial to music ignorant newbies, with a tendency to ramble?" I fiddled with my raggedy sweat shirt.

"Naw, she's just gonna like you. Did you know she helped Charlie pick out your bedroom stuff?" I shook my head. "Yea she loves that crap. I think she dragged him around Ikea for an entire day making sure that everything was just right."

I didn't know what to say. Charlie in Ikea? Alice shopping for my room? My friends at home would never have done that for me.

"Really? Why would she do that for me? She doesn't know me from a hole in the wall."

He grinned. "Sure we do, Charlie couldn't shut up about you. He was so excited when you decided to move here." I raised my eyebrows. He didn't seem that excited to me.

"Anyway, Alice's gonna have you turned topsy-turvy before the end of the month. She's a force of nature. As soon as she over heard Charlie telling Dad that he didn't know what to do about furniture, she wore him down until he let her help." He chuckled. "Don't worry Bella-bean. I'll protect you."

Looking at him skeptically, I pursed my mouth. "Force of nature?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." I winked.

"I'm sure you can. With those guns, I obviously have no chance." Taking a hand off the steering wheel he pointed at my bony arms obviously engulfed in my huge hoodie.

"You know it. I have a black belt, but I hide my lethal ninja skills under a guise being terminally clumsy." I dusted off an invisible speck of dirt from my shoulder, letting a smirk sneak onto my face. "Any other crazy friends I should know about before I let loose the inner master?"

"Oh, not too many. Only Alice's brother, Edward, and the Hale twins."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are they all crazy?"

He turned into his driveway. "You'll see."

He lived in a house much like my dad's—white and stucco—but with more cacti and actual grass instead of pebbles. Real grass! I wondered if they had to water the lawn a lot because of the heat. _Gosh, Bella. What are you, a 45 year old woman? Who thinks about these things?_

Before I even got out of the car, a tiny girl with shoulder length dark brown hair came frolicking out of the house next door. _Literally, frolicking. I though only fluffy baby sheep could do that crap._

Beaming, she hurried to the car. She was wearing a yellow lacy sundress and little white ballet flats. _I am so underdressed_.

"Hey Bella! I'm Alice." She hopped up to car, bouncing, and looked expectantly at me. Emmett shook his head and got of the car.

I panicked for a second. _What was she expecting?_

I guess I'd find out.

I carefully opened the door, smiled cemented in place, unsure as to what she'd do next. I hopped down from the jeep.

Immediately she wrapped me up in what can only be described as a bear hug. How this girl, inches shorter than my 5'4" frame, bear hugged me? I have no idea. It felt wonderful. I melted into her arms.

I looked up into Emmett's surprised face. He looked back and forth between Alice and I, her hug and my easy acceptance. His eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

I looked away. .

Alice finally released me. I sighed deeply and brushed my hair away from my face, smiling sheepishly at Emmett and then Alice.

Alice gushed. "Bella, I'm so glad to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you from Charlie. We are going to be the best of friends." She linked our arms and pulled me towards her house, yelling back to Emmett. "Come on you big oaf. I know you think this was a fake errand just to meet Bella, but I really do have some really big boxes I need you to carry."

I could practically hear Emmett's eyes roll at that. "Where's your good for nothing brother?"

She shrugged pulling me inside. "You know him. Probably running or studying."

I raised my eyebrows. "In this heat?"

She smiled conspiratorially. "Sexual frustration. Plus, he'll probably just jump in the pool afterward."

_Sexual_ frustration? Fascinating.

She pulled me down the hall, barely giving me a glimpse of the house. I vaguely saw a lovely woman with caramel hair in the kitchen cooking what looked like a quiche. Alice yelled, "Hey mom, we'll be in my room. Emmett's gonna carry the boxes out!"

I scrambled after her, but the smell of burnt bacon followed us from the kitchen.

_Crap._

All the self control I had been using since my last visit to the bowl of shame flew out the window.

Holding a hand to my mouth I forced out, "bathroom." Alice grabbed my free hand and ran the rest of the way down the hall. I made it just in time to toss the snack and juice I had before we left for the grocery store. I didn't stop until I was dry heaving into what was rapidly becoming my closest companion.

Catching my breath, I found that Alice was still at my side, and had held my hair the whole time. She gave me a look of sympathy, and handed me a cold cloth for my mouth.

"Sorry." Wow, what a first impression I made. I barely say two words before I begin up-chucking the entire contents of my stomach. _Awesome way to make friends Bella._

"No biggie. I'm surprised that I haven't thrown up from that myself. You think it smells bad, imagine having to eat it."

I went green.

"Or maybe you shouldn't," she giggled.

I laughed with her. It _was_ a rather ridiculous. And it did smell horrid. I'm actually proud I made it all the way to the bathroom.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, and I picked myself off the floor, the giggles dwindling as we composed our selves.

Alice's mom peeked in her head. "Are you girls okay?"

"Yeah mom, we're good. But I think you should lay off the bacon vegetable medley casserole." She smirked.

"Mom, this is Charlie Swan's daughter, Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Esme Cullen."

I nodded politely, "Nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen. I'm so sorry. I guess I still haven't recovered from my flight yet." _Yeah, right._

She nodded in understanding, "Please call me Esme, Mrs. Cullen is my mother-in-law." She then looked from me to Alice and back to me again. With a hand on her hip, she scolded Alice. "Alice Elizabeth Cullen, what are you doing dragging this poor girl over here on her first day in town? She must be exhausted from such a trip!"

Alice looked chastened. Busying her hands, she straightened her dress, and set the wash cloth in the sink.

I did something I rarely did anymore. I reached out and patted her arm.

"It's alright Mrs. Cullen." She gave me a pointed look. "… Esme—I was actually already out at the grocery store with Emmett, and I'd much rather meet Alice than sit at my dad's waiting for him to get home."

"Bella," Mrs. Cullen drew my attention back to her. "I just want to prepare you before you are pulled into Ali's shenanigans. But you are welcome anytime. Anytime." She smiled at me, tapping the door frame on the way out.

Alice let me wash out my mouth with Listerine, before she began bouncing from foot to foot. I have no idea how I'll ever keep up with her.

"Okay. I think you are my new favorite person." I raised an eyebrow. "We're never going to have to eat that awful casserole again." I smiled in amusement. _Glad to be of service. _

"Let's find Emmett, we have lots for him to do."

"Please tell me its manual labor, because I'm pretty sure that pushing around a shopping cart does not fulfill Emmett's promise of indentured servitude to me."

She cackled, and pulled me into her room. "How did you manage that?"

"Wicked charm and wit."

"Now Bella, if you keep saying such nice things about me, you're gonna make me blush!" We found Emmett. He was lounging in the middle of a frilly pink bed with his arms behind his head, feet crossed, and eyes closed. _Where is my camera when I need it?_

"Oh, Princess Emmett. We wouldn't want you're head to get too big. You look so pretty in pink." His eyes popped open, as Alice and I giggled uncontrollably. He pushed himself up into a sitting position on the side of the bed, and tried to look intimidating and macho. He failed.

Alice immediately went into 'force-of-nature' mode. Emmett hadn't been kidding. She immediately put him to work taking the numerous boxes that were stacked around the room and in the hall into the garage. She talked a million miles a minute. All the boxes were filled with old clothes, and other reusable items she had been collecting all summer and were now being donated to a homeless shelter. This was her third collection this year, and she had grand plans for the next one. She could give Renee a run for her money._ I wonder if she had any plans for the redwoods._

I sat quietly on her bed, interjecting questions once in a while—which was completely unnecessary. It was almost relaxing to watch her busyness. So much had been swirling inside of me for the past month that it was nice to focus on something completely separate from me.

My arms unconsciously wrapped themselves around my middle. It was my fault. I accept the responsibility.

Alice called my name, and my head jerked up in response. "Bella, I'm boring you aren't I. Sometimes I just get carried away."

"No, no," I shook my head. "You aren't boring me at all, and I'd love to help with the next collection. But I guess the jet lag is really getting to me."

She bounced to my side, and hopped onto the bed next to me. "Of course it is. Silly me." She put her arm around me, as if she knew everything about me.

But she couldn't. And she wouldn't.

I extricated myself from her arm, slowly enough as to not hurt her feelings.

Unwilling to leave yet, I asked. "What do you do for fun around here? Other than clothe the city's homeless?"

She scrunched her nose at me, leaning back on her fifteen pillows. "The usual, shopping, food, parties. Rose and Jazz are going to have a pool party next Friday."

"Emmett mentioned the Hale twins earlier, is that them?"

She nodded. "They live down the street. They're seniors. Emmett and Rosalie have been flirting for years, but neither of them ever make a move." She rolled her eyes.

"Ahh, I see." She gave me a pointed look wanting me to explain. I blushed. She threw a pillow at me. I dodged it. I gave in. "It's just that Emmett has been in big brother mode all day, and I was wondering if he was dating you."

Her eyes bugged out, and she made a gagging face. "Eww, that'd be like dating my brother!" I giggled.

"So what else? Anything I should know before Monday? Any faux paws I should know to protect me from social suicide?"

She leaned forward eager to share her infinite knowledge. "Watch out for Banner, he's the vice principle. He snorts, and looks up unsuspecting girl's skirts. Avoid the bathroom near the language hallway. The third stall has been clogged since the first day of school, and over flows all the time. And Jasper Hale is mine." A smile broke out onto her face. "He doesn't know it yet. But he is."

My eyes crinkled as I tried to keep from laughing. "No worries. I've washed my hands of boys." Alice bounced up on her knees moving the bed. She looked… like she was plotting. "No Alice. When I say no boys, I mean no boys. Really."

She pouted, and threw another pillow at me. This time she hit me.

I yawned. "Do you think Emmett is done yet? Because I think I had best get back. I'm sure my dad will be home soon, and I haven't even seen him yet."

She flounced off the bed. "Oh yea, he's probably lounging by the pool now with Edward."

I followed her out of her room.

We walked through the living room to the sliding glass door, to where Emmett was lying like a cat in the sun. He wasn't alone. A boy was leaning next to him, with wild bronze hair. He was tall, lean, and obviously built. He was definitely Alice's brother; aside from being tall, the resemblance was obvious.

And he was hot.

No, more than hot. He was smoldering. _The heat must be getting to me. _

Laughing uproariously at something my friend had just said, the boy leaned his head forward elbows on knees, trying to catch his breath.

Alice skipped over to the boys, dragging me with her.

Emmett started to get up. "Ready to go, Bells?

Edward was still snickering at whatever Emmett had murmured. He smiled at Alice then looked my way, giving a quick perusal.

And then it happened.

He looked at me. Really looked at me.

His eyes were the clearest green I'd ever seen. Like absinthe, sea glass, or emeralds. I wanted to ask if he wore colored contacts.

But it was what was behind those eyes. They pierced me.

My mask, my walls. Into my very core. They knew me like I had never been known.

They knew. Everything.

Immediately I wrapped my arms around my tummy.

I panicked.

I ripped myself from those eyes. The ones that could see into my soul.

I bolted.

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**Reviews are better than Princess Emmett is all his pretty pink glory. **


	3. Connection

**Thank you to jetstreamRose, twicrack83, and MarchHare5 for your lovely reviews! And of course a huge thanks to MsWDarcy for her amazing beta-ism skills, and for allowing me to send her emails/questions/concerns/text at all hours. All my love!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all character names etc. I just like manipulating them, of course destroying their lives, and then maniacally watch them try to put it back together. mwa-ha-ha-ha. **

**Warning: This story is rated M for Bella's past, which includes adult subject matter and violence. (all to be revealed in time)** :)

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Chapter Three: Connection

I bolted.

I immediately hit a large immovable object, a man. A stranger. He gripped my shoulders holding me up.

The Cullen's living room disappeared.

A burst of pain exploded in my face. I braced myself against the wall. It was sharp and rough, and cut into my hands.

Hands grabbed at me. Hands twice the size of my own. They pulled at me, turning me around to face their owner. The owner of the hands that became fists. I backed into the wall, pinpricking my back. I tightly shut my eyes refusing to see what would come next. If I didn't know it was going to happen it wouldn't be real.

The hands began pulling at my shirt. It would rip any moment. I tried to push him away. But he was stronger. So much stronger. I finally looked into his face. It was angry, and full of need. My shirt tore, and I tried to smack his hands away. That made it worse.

He was going to hit me again. I promised myself I wouldn't but I couldn't hold it back.

_I begged. _

"Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me."

And then it was gone.

Cool hands were holding my face. These hands were still large, but nice—gentle. They eased the phantom sting that still lingered.

I opened my eyes. I was on the floor. _Again._ And my comforter's hands belonged to someone.

Not just anyone. Edward.

He crouched over me in a protective stance above my body. His face was fierce as he gazed into mine, eyes glancing back and forth, seeming unsure what to do.

He was completely focused on me.

I suddenly remembered we weren't alone.

Emmett was hollering. "Don't touch her man! I don't know why, but she doesn't like it. Keep your hands off of her!"

Edward obviously heard him too, because he quickly jerked away his hands. Their cool relief only a memory.

But he leaned down again, the action hidden by his body, and brush one finger along my jaw.

Edward was pulled out of the way and replaced by the man. The stranger. Not that I was bosom friends with everyone else, but we had at least exchanged first names. He was blond with Edward's eyes and Alice's smile. He kneeled next to me, and reached for my arm, probably to take my pulse.

I yanked my hand to my chest and out of his grasp, searching the room for safety. My eyes landed on Alice. She was standing next to Emmett, wringing her hands. He stood defensively with his arms crossed, obviously unhappy with the situation.

_No kidding. I wasn't too enthused about it either._

I looked imploringly at Alice, and she rushed to my side, crouching down. She helped me into a sitting position, and let me scootch a few feet from… her father?

Ali placed her arm around my shoulder and I unconsciously leaned in. Esme stood in the corner of the room talking on a phone. I caught snippets of the end of the conversation. Something about fainting spells, and vomiting. _Awesome._

"Bella, I'm Carlisle Cullen. I'm a doctor. Sorry for stopping you earlier. Would it be okay if I took your pulse?"

I shook my head.

He smiled. "That's okay Bella. Do you mind if Esme takes your pulse then?"

I shrugged. _Darn nosy doctors._

"Esme, dear? Would you mind coming over here?" She was done talking on the phone, I guessed with Charlie. She moved towards me, like she was approaching a scared animal. Gently she took my wrist in her hand and watched the clock on the wall.

Alice began to rub my shoulder as if I was cold. _ I must be shivering_. Esme looked back at Dr. Cullen and nodded slightly. Apparently I passed inspection.

Esme and Alice helped me off the floor and into a chair. Esme and Carlisle sat down in a couch across from me, while Alice stayed by my side.

Emmett flanked my other side like he was my personal body guard, but Edward kept his distance, watching me intently.

I took a deep breath. _Damage control commence_. "Uh. Well." _Great start Bella, you have them on the edge of their seats—literally._

I ran my fingers through my hair awkwardly. "I have this traveling problem." _Liar._ "You see I get really bad motion sickness. Really bad. So I haven't eaten much today, or even yesterday. And whatever I do eat I throw-up, which I guess causes me to be fatigued, and leads to whole lot of fainting." I glanced up at Alice and her parents through my eyelashes.

Beyond them Edward was narrowing his eyes.

I looked down at my twisting hands. "I'm so sorry I freaked everyone out."

Alice answered for everyone. "Bella, don't feel sorry. These things happen." She patted my hand.

I stood. "Thank you. I've certainly made a great first impression."

Esme's smile reminded me of Mom's take-care-of-yourself-or-I-will look. I missed her.

Carlisle waved his arm. "We're just glad you're fine. But don't hesitate to let us know if you aren't," he said pointedly. "I know you just met us, but if you need anything, let us know. Especially while Charlie is working."

I just nodded, too exhausted to argue. He wouldn't have let me anyway.

"Time to go, Bells." Emmett stated gruffly. I agreed, we still have groceries in the car, and Charlie was on his way home—thanks to Esme's call.

Edward was still watching, standing on the sidelines, the only one not to say anything. He inspected me, almost suspicious. But he couldn't be suspicious. He didn't know me, couldn't tell when I was lying.

And I had become an excellent liar.

Just in case, I silently beseeched him to stay silent. The message must have gotten through because he nodded minutely, said goodbye to Emmett, and left the room.

The car ride home was quiet. Emmett kept glancing over at me, but I wasn't offering any other explanation. I couldn't

Reaching my dad's house, Emmett helped me unload the groceries, and stock the fridge and pantry. I started putting things away anywhere. The cupboards were basically empty, and I would organize them to my liking later.

We didn't say anything other than what was necessary, but I could tell that he wanted to talk. He lingered after the last item was put away.

"Emmett I'll be fine. My dad should be home soon." He raised his eyebrows. "Really. I'm good."

Looking away from me, and then back again, "Bella, I get that you don't know me, but if you need to talk I'm here, and Alice is here. You fainted twice today. Not that I'm an expert on fainting, but that's not normal."

I ignored the offer, instead turning it into a joke. "What? All the girls _normally_ faint _more_ than twice? Darn. Now I'm just one of the fan club."

He laughed. "Naw, that's Jasper or Edward. I make the girls scream."

I let out a surprised laugh.

"But I mean what I said. We're here." He pulled out his phone, "what's your number? I need to program you in."

I smiled cheekily. "Are you asking for my number? Isn't that going to make Alice jealous?" His eyes widened. "You know, cause you're right, she's pretty awesome."

He sputtered. "Bella, Alice and I aren't together. She's like my little sister! Plus Rose would kill me." _Point for me._

I grinned, "Oh, well in that case." I gave him my number.

Once he was gone, I headed to my room. I intended to unpack but as soon as I lay on my bed I fell asleep.

* * *

I was in my backyard, underneath the huge oak that held my childhood tree house. It looked different, older somehow. As I leaned against the withered trunk, a little girl's laugh interrupted the peaceful quiet.

A child with long dark curly hair came bouncing towards me, and jumped into my arms. Her eyes bright blue and sparkling, lit up her face. I swung her around and laughed with her. Our voices intertwined into a melody, sweet enough to be music.

As we played I could feel them watching us. Those green eyes. Protective and clear, almost laughing with us.

But the darkness and smoke began to swell, separating me from his gaze, intruding on me and the little girl.

She couldn't come with me. She couldn't be in that room. I had to protect her.

* * *

I jerked awake to find Dad standing over me. He must have shaken me awake because his hand was hovering a few inches away. I pulled away from him.

I was definitely awake.

"Uh, hey dad." I pushed my hair out of my face.

He sat down at the end of my bed. "Bells—how are you feeling? Esme Cullen gave me a call earlier. I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

"I'm fine, really. I just have terrible motion sickness, especially after flying."

He tried to pat my leg; I pulled it away before he could touch me. He sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I talked to your Mom, Bella. She told me about Jimmy." I looked away. I was not going to talk about this. Not with him.

"I know he hurt you real bad. And I wish I had been around. But I'm here now, and you can have a fresh start." I picked at the comforter. _What did he want me to say? That my ex-boyfriend beat me up? Or all the things my mom had not told him. Yeah, everything was just hunky-dory._

"I know dad. Thanks." He stood up, and patted the bed. He had said his piece. He didn't feel the need to prolong it, or hover. That's what I loved best about him.

"Dad?" He turned in the doorway. "I love you."

He blushed and responded gruffly, "Yea, you too Bells."

He needed to know it. He didn't know what I brought with me. .

I slept peacefully that night. No dreams. I woke unsure I had actually slept—it was so rare not to wake in the middle of the night. I was more rested than I had been in two months.

I got up and found dad rumbling around in the kitchen, going from cupboard to cupboard searching.

"What cha looking for dad?"

He jumped. I snickered. "I thought detectives couldn't be caught unawares."

He shot me a look. "Where's the coffee?"

I walked into the kitchen and pulled it out of the cupboard above the coffee maker. _Shocking, coffee by the coffee maker. _

I pulled out a coffee filter, and measured the coffee grounds. "Emmett took me to the grocery store yesterday. I bribed him with dinner. And I know I didn't have to; I wanted to." I smiled over my shoulder.

Dad chuckled and shook his head. "I'm sure you can get Emmett to do anything if you offer food."

We moved about the kitchen, I pulled out ingredients for omelets, but he kept getting in my way, so I made him sit down at the table. I started to make breakfast.

Charlie coughed awkwardly. "How's Renee?" His face went a bit pink. _Huh, so that's where I got it from._

"Good, crazy. The usual." He looked at me inquisitively. He wanted to know more. He was so not over her.

"She went all out this year for the 4th."

He chuckled. "That always was her favorite."

"She dressed in hot pink and decorated the yard with 35 pink flamingos." I smirked. She did it to cheer me up, and it had, for a little while.

He smiled, obviously envisioning my ridiculous mother and the plastic birds.

We spent the rest of breakfast in companionable silence.

I cleaned up after he left, and reorganized the kitchen to my liking. Honestly, it just makes sense to put the glasses near the sink, and the plates above the dishwasher. Make it easy on yourself. _Yep, I've officially become my grandmother._

I moved to my new room, and began to put things in drawers. Like I said, I hadn't brought much with me; the climate in Phoenix is as opposite as opposite can be. I bet I would make Ali's day if I asked her to take me shopping.

I pulled my laptop out of my backpack, and set it up on the desk. Opening my e-mail I found that I had two facebook friend requests waiting for me, Alice and Emmett. I logged in and accepted their requests. As soon as I did a chat box popped up.

Alice Cullen: Bella!!!

Bella Swan: Hey

Alice Cullen: How's the unpacking??

Bella Swan: Not much to unpack. I'm already done.

Alice Cullen: Really!?!

Bella Swan: Yea most of my stuff was for the rain and the wet.

Alice Cullen: OH!!! Do you want to go shopping?

Bella Swan: Sure, but I can't today.

Alice Cullen: But this week!?

Bella Swan: Sure.

Alice Cullen: Hey do you have a ride to school tomorrow?

Bella Swan: Yea, probably my dad. But Emmett said he could too.

Alice Cullen: Okay! Well let me know if you need a ride or anything. I'll see ya later!!!!

Bella Swan: Bye Alice.

Wow. I could feel her enthusiasm, and I wasn't even in the same room as her.

I spent the rest of the day puttsing around the house. I cleaned a bit, and took a shower. I only puked once. _Victory!_

I finally got around to calling my mom. She had left another message on my phone.

I took a deep breath to brace myself, and dialed her number.

"Bella!"

"Hey, Mom." I put the phone under my ear, and began to refold the clothes in my drawers. Don't judge. It's relaxing.

"Why haven't you called me!? I've been so worried." Her voiced started to get a whiny tone. She spent too much time with first graders.

"I've been busy mom. I've been settling in, and I went to the grocery store."

"On your first day?"

"You know Charlie. He lives on take-out. You know I can't eat that stuff now."

She sighed, and ignored my comment. "How is Charlie?"

I switched the phone to the other ear. "He's fine. Busy with work. But he seems good—content."

She sighed again. "Bella, how is everything else going." This is why I didn't want to call.

"Fine, mom. I'm fine." I tried to keep the frustration out of my voice. "I got to go. I still have a lot of unpacking to do."

"Alright honey. Please call me more often. I love you."

"I love you too." I hung up, glaring at the phone. She reminded me of _everything_, and right now I just wanted to forget.

Charlie came home in the evening. I had chicken and green beans for dinner. He acted like it was a gourmet meal. He had to go into work early in the morning, and asked if Emmett could pick me up for school.

Honestly, I was relieved. What high school senior wanted their dad dropping them off? I was already the new girl, and several weeks behind. School at home hadn't started yet, but here school started at the beginning of August. _Ugh_. _That should be illegal._

I gave Emmett a call. He picked up on the second ring. "Bellaphant!"

Trying to hold back my laughter. "Dude. You did not just compare me to an elephant, because you are sooo gonna regret that." And he didn't know how much.

"Aww, Bells! You're just too easy! You know I'm just messing with you." I wasn't sure if he was properly repentant. You never—ever—compare a teenage girl to bulbously sized animal. But I let it slide.

"Favor?"

"Anything for you Bells. Do you need me to kill something? Cause I've really wanted to try out Jasper's hunting bow on something worth while." He sighed. "Rabbits are no fun."

"No impending mayhem today." I chuckled. "But tomorrow still looks promising. Can you give me a ride to school? Charlie has to leave bright and early."

"No prob." I heard something thump from his end of the line, sounding like wild banshees were attacking. Emmett grunted.

"Emmett? What's going on?"

There was a lot of shuffling, and an unknown male answered the phone. "Uh, Emmett can't come to the phone right now. He's currently being pelted by water balloons."

I laughed. "Okay. Have fun with that."

He laughed. "Sure thing."

I hung up. I couldn't wait to hear about that tomorrow.

I crawled into bed, and curled onto my side. I tried to read the paper back I had sitting on the nightstand, but I kept rereading the same page over and over again. The memories were always there, waiting to surface whenever I was unsuspecting.

I would never escape the questions. Someone will notice. Someone will ask. And no one will understand.

Mom didn't, and she was my best friend.

I could see the little girl from my dream in my head, full of laughter and joy. I lifted my shirt and took a look at my tummy. Still flat and smooth.

I could hide if for a while, but eventually my secret would be obvious to everyone, even the most oblivious.

I had made my choice. I would not go back.

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	4. Contact

**Special thanks to MsWDarcy for her amazing beta-ship. If I could give you your very own Edward I would. Thank you for putting up with me!**

**Disclaimer: adult content and violence. You have been warned. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all characters, names, my life, etc. I just like to mess with them, and make Mike a total creeper—he he he. So, everything else is mine—ElspethGordie. **

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Chapter Four: Contact

I'm in love.

Completely in love, with the sun. I've seen the sun maybe seven times in the last two months. It even rained on the 4th of July. I can't think of anything I want more than to continue to sit on my dad's front porch soaking in some well needed vitamin D.

A car honked. _Stupid Monday. Stupid school_. I glumly picked up my old backpack off the stoop, and headed to Emmett's car in the street. He didn't even pull into the driveway. _Well, I guess he feels comfortable with me_.

I opened the passenger door, and hopped in. Emmett was busting a move (and I used the term "move" loosely) in the driver's seat. He had Lady GaGa's "Just Dance" blaring from the speakers. _I really need to invest in a camera_.

He turned the music down, and beamed at me.

"Wow, you're morning person?" I snickered.

"What is there not to love? The sun is shining, my new best bud is here." I blushed. He pulled away from the curb and chuckled. "See, that's awesome. I can never get Alice or Rose to turn all red. With you I don't even have to try!"

I rolled my eyes. "Careful, you don't know if I have an arsenal of water balloons in this bag of mine." His smile widened to show a dimple, and began tapping on the steering wheel in time with the music.

"Aww Bellarina, you wouldn't do that. Then I'd have to throw you in a pool." My smile diminished, but he didn't notice, so I laughed it off. He thought he'd got me, and I wasn't going to push it otherwise. He rattled on about the water balloon fight yesterday, how Alice and Edward sneak attacked after Jasper tackled him.

Minutes later we arrived at SierraValley High School, the proud home of the Flamebirds. Yep, the school board sure knew how to pick 'em.

It was a huge school, with four main buildings and several smaller ones on the campus. I couldn't see any clear identification on the buildings.

Great. I was going to get lost.

We parked next to a silver Volvo and a red convertible. They were nicer than any cars I had ever seen in the Forks High parking lot, but here they were just part of the norm. Over half of the cars were drool worthy, and I know crap about cars.

Emmett walked me into school. Close enough to guide, me but far enough away that he wouldn't accidentally bump into me. _Perceptive._

I hadn't thought about the ramifications of school. Touching, bumping, jostling, pushing. It would be everywhere. I began to panic. I needed to find my way around, and quick, because I was not—I repeat _not_—going to have an episode at school.

The halls were blessedly clear, and Emmett led me to the office. A lovely woman with a volunteer name tag, Judy Cope, greeted us.

I smiled, hoping to make a good first impression. "Hi. I'm Isabella Swan. I'm new."

She nodded. "Of course dear. I have everything ready right here." She handed me some papers. One was my class schedule, and the other was a map of the school. _Goody._

I indicated my thanks and turned to leave. "One more thing dear. Mr. Banner, the vice principal, wants to meet with you first." _And this day had started out so promising._ My anxiety level went from a 3 to a 7 in under a second. I did not want to be alone with a strange man. I looked up nervously at Emmett who was flirting with one of the office assistants.

"I'll wait for you here Bells, and walk you to your first class." He flashed a smile at Ms. Cope and winked. "I'm sure Ms. Cope won't mind writing me a late pass."

I looked at Ms. Cope, pleading with my eyes. Emmett would help me if I lost it. With a longsuffering sigh, she nodded, and then led me to Mr. Banner's office.

Alice had said something about him the other day… but I couldn't quite remember. I knocked on the door, and heard a baritone voice answer. "Come in." He snorted.

I remembered. Alice said that he snorted. _Check_. And looked up girl's skirts.

I was so glad I didn't wear a skirt. I was simply dressed in my pink chucks, dark skinny jeans, and an elbow length ribbed pink and green shirt. I even left the hoodie at home, in honor of my first day.

He indicated to the chair. "Please sit Isabella."

"Just Bella." I sat.

I nervously looked around at his impersonal office as he perused my body. _I think I'm going to vomit_. I should have brought the hoodie.

"I want to officially welcome you to Sierra Valley High School. I've seen your transcripts, and have high hopes that you'll fit in well to our rigorous academic honors program." _At least he sounds official_.

He snorted again. _Kinda. _

I nodded. I've always had impeccable grades.

"I've already spoken with your teachers. You may have to do some make up work to catch up with the classes. Don't hesitate to come to them or me, if you have any problems or questions that we can address. _I _would _love_ to help you out in anyway."

_Oh, yeah. As soon as I'm out of here I'm gonna vomit._

If I was unsure earlier, now it's official. Mr. Banner is a perv.

I stuttered. "Uh, thanks. I'm sure that everything will be fine." I rose to leave, and he stood up as well.

He held the door open for me, allowing me to leave first. I shook my head, and smiled, trying not to hyperventilate. No way was he going to follow me out staring at my ass the whole time. If he was behind me I wouldn't be able to see him. And I was going to keep him in my sights at all times. You never know what he might do. _I know—I'm the trusting type._

I followed Mr. Banner back into the main office. Emmett was waiting. The office aid must have had work to do because he looked bored. He glanced up and shot me a questioning look. I must have appeared apprehensive.

I was.

I faked a smile. Nothing that I couldn't handle. _Right._

Still, I scurried over to Emmett's side, giving Banner a wide berth. No wandering hands would come near me. We said our good byes and headed off to class.

I carefully read my schedule. AP English, AP Calc, Government, Spanish, Lunch, Med-Bio, PE. _Oh Joy—PE, I need to get out of that soon. That will sooo not work_.

Emmett grabbed my schedule out of my hands, careful not to touch me. He gave out a whoop of glee. "Yes! We have Government and Spanish together."

He showed me where my locker was, and I got the combination on the third try. I dropped off the extra notebook I had with me, took a deep breath, and instructed Emmett to lead on.

I arrived to AP Lit a few minutes late. I grabbed an empty seat in the back. I had no desire to draw more than the necessary attention—thank God that the teacher, whose name I'd already forgotten, didn't make me introduce myself. That must be a small town thing.

I had read almost everything on the reading list. The only remotely interesting new material was _Troilus and Criseyde_ by Chaucer. I read the _Canterbury Tales_ last year, but this story was unfamiliar to me. The class was in the midst of Milton's _Paradise Lost_. I perused the copy the teacher gave me, refreshing the story and the poetry in my mind.

The class took a pop quiz. I would have aced that crap.

A dark curly hair girl introduced herself as Angela and offered to copy her notes from the last three weeks. I eagerly agreed. She was sweet, and it would be nice to have an ally in class.

She offered to walk me to AP calc; she had pre-calculus in the same building. I dawdled in the classroom until the hallways were clear. Angela took me down the hall and outside to get to building four.

Angela walked quietly beside me, not interrupting my thoughts. I liked her. She was unpretentious. She didn't have anything to say, so she didn't fill up the space with empty words. She smiled kindly at everyone we passed, and said hello to a few. It was a big enough school that I didn't get many looks. _Ah, anonymity is a beautiful thing_.

We walked past a group of guys loitering between classes. I cautiously kept them in my vision. One of them yelled out to us. "Hey Ang, gotten over Ben so soon? Already moved on?" The whole group snickered. Angela glared; I flinched. A boy toward the back crossed his arms and scowled at his friends.

Angela's eyes shot daggers at them, as she pushed past. At the last moment, as if she had struggled up the courage Angela turned around and yelled back. "Go screw yourself, Mike."

I smiled, holding in a laugh. She's got some backbone, can't be the nice girl all the time.

"Nice." I congratulated her. "What was that all about?"

Her face clouded, "Oh you know, stupid boys. They're not worth my time anyway." I nodded. I completely agreed.

"Did you go out with that Mike kid, or the one he was harassing you about?" We trudged forward, and I waited for an answer. "Sorry, it's none of my business anyway."

She shook her head. "I don't mind. They just make me so mad! I broke it off with Ben, because he couldn't stand up to those jerks. He was so sweet with me, but those douche bags are a bad influence. He was involved in some stuff that I just couldn't deal with."

I smiled sadly with her. I knew what stupid boys were like. "Let me know if I can do anything." Hmm… maybe Emmett would help.

She smiled, and hurried me into building four. We had taken longer than I expected to get to class, but a great thing about having such a big campus was that you had more time between classes.

I reached AP calc with no problem. I spoke briefly with the teacher and received a textbook. I got to sit in the back again.

I recognized one of the other students as he walked in. Angela's ex sat two seats in front of me. I gave the back of his head the death glare for Angela, just for good measure.

The class breezed by, I took voracious notes. I may be a whiz in English, but this class made me wonder why the heck I had decided to take AP Calc, especially three weeks into the material. I would have to study my ass off in order to catch up with the class.

The trek from calc to government forced my anxiety up another level. A cold sweat had broken out on my palms, and I was beginning to feel nauseous again. As soon as I reached the class I grabbed a desk in the back and asked to use the pass.

I hurried down the hall hoping to find a bathroom soon. And I prayed for the day when I wouldn't have to see my breakfast for a second time. I would stop eating breakfast altogether if I wasn't so darn hungry in the morning.

I scurried around the corner, narrowly missing a pack of nerds traveling together, probably for safety. Thankfully a girl's room appeared in front of me, and I pushed past the line for the stall that had just opened. I heard several unflattering comments as I locked the stall, and emptied my stomach.

I wiped my mouth, and exited the stall. The girls I had left in line sneered at me. I glared back.

I cleaned up, and headed back to class. Class was just beginning as I walked in, and Emmett waved from the desk next to mine.

Government and Spanish flew by, especially when Emmett made what I can only term "lewd" comments in Spanish, _in Spanish_. I thought I was going pee myself when he told Senorita Hall that "Yes, he liked to lick his ice cream. But 'el gato' tastes better."

She didn't even blink twice, replying that 'el gato' is very stringy, and no one should try it unless they had no other alternatives. The fact that she was oblivious to his joke, and was completely serious about eating cats, had the class rolling on the floor, and her in utter confusion.

The bell rang for lunch. Everyone was still holding their sides, and several students even clapped Emmett on the back.

We walked to lunch, Emmett ever aware of my tension. He acted as a barrier, walking beside me but keeping anyone from bumping into me.

"So Bella-bean. Surviving?" I grunted. "Aw. School sucks. But it can't be that bad."

"It's not bad. It's just school." He nodded in agreement. "I met someone in my English class who's nice. Her name's Angela—she just went through a break-up."

He looked over his shoulder at me. "I heard about that, Angela and Ben right?"

"I think so. Anyway, on our way to second a group of his friends harassed her in the courtyard." He frowned. "I told her we'd maybe have a bit of secret fun with them?"

His eyes lit up. "Whatever it is. Count. Me. In." I had him hooked.

"Now, I've played a few good pranks in my time, but I have a feeling you may be the king. So if you help me out, I'll help you get Jasper, Alice, and Edward back for their water balloon attack."

He turned around, his grin bigger than I had ever seen it. He looked like he could hug me. "You are my new hero." I giggled. _Pranks were a part of before… I really hope that the 'before-Bella' still exists. All I can do is try._

We reached the cafeteria, and got in line for what I hoped was not mystery-meat. I grabbed a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and a chocolate cupcake. What can I say? I was hungry, empty stomach and all. I paid for my food and looked around. Emmett indicated to a table to the right. We passed Angela, and some of her friends on the way. I waved.

Spotting the table we were headed towards, I saw him. Edward's green eyes instantly connected with mine.

I had missed those eyes; they haunted me in my dreams.

I sat down shyly, breaking contact but then uncontrollably seeking them again, only to find him occupied. A pretty brunette had plopped down into his lap. She had the shortest skirt on I'd ever seen, and a tattered shirt-like top. She looked like a trollop.

"Eddie! You didn't call me back this weekend! I thought we were going to do something on Saturday." He rolled his eyes, aggravated, and pushed her off his lap.

"Jessica. Not now." He looked angry. "We've talked about this." She pouted and leaned over giving him an ample view of cleavage. _There is no way that those are real_.

I tried to avert my eyes. It was awkward enough that I'd been staring. Staring into his eyes. Plus I'd meant what I said to Alice—No boys. Who cares if stupid bimbos sit in his lap and paw at him?

Edward ignored Jessica's pout, and pointedly began a conversation with another boy at our table. She finally got the message and wandered off.

_Crap._ I had no idea who we were sitting with; I'd been so consumed with Edward.

I put on my best smile, and introduced myself. "Hey, I'm Bella."

Everyone looked at me, as if they didn't notice the addition to the table until I spoke. Other than Emmett and Edward, there was a lanky blond who looked too emo to fit in with this crowd. Next to him sat a tall, leggy, blond who narrowed her eyes at me.

Emmett introduced them. "Bells, this is Jasper and Rosalie Hale." I smiled and nodded, placing faces to the names I'd already heard.

Jasper smiled at me, but didn't say anything. Emos aren't that talkative.

Rosalie crossed her arms, leaning toward me from across the table. "So Bella. Where are you from?" _Let the interrogation begin_.

I raised an eyebrow at her, not letting her intimidate me. "Washington." Emmett looked back and forth between the two of us, seeming unsure whether he should interfere.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"What year are you?"

"Senior."

Suddenly I had an image of Rosalie sprouting goat horns, holding a giant staff, standing in front of bridge and yelling. "What is your favorite color?!" I snickered to myself. _I need to stop watching Monty Python marathons. _

"What are you doing here?" I knew this question would pop up sooner than later. Fortunately, I already had a response, ready and rehearsed.

"My mom got a new boyfriend. He moved in. It was awkward. I decided it was about time to spend some quality time with the absentee father." I kept eye contact, and cocked my head. "Any more questions?" She smirked and went back to her sugar-free non-fat yogurt. I guess I passed inspection.

Emmett chuckled and patted the back of my chair. I flinched.

Apparently Edward had been paying attention the whole time. His conversation with Jasper had dwindled off after I introduced myself. His eyes narrowed when I flinched. He looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself, and looked away.

Alice came bounding up to the table, almost pouncing on me. "Bella! How's your first day? Emmett told me that you had to meet Mr. Banner. Isn't he such a perv?! Do you like your classes?—" She prattled. I don't know how she breathed.

I interrupted. "Alice!"

She pushed Edward out of his chair, stole it, and gave me her full attention.

I giggled. "Fine, Heck-yes, and Okay."

"I know!" She exclaimed and began to eat some of Edward's lunch. I had no idea what she 'knew' but I went with it. Don't question Alice, it will only lead to more questions, just like _Lost_.

Edward pulled up another chair on Alice's other side, and stole his lunch back. He hadn't said one word to me; almost but not quite.

Unbelievable eye contact, but not one word!

Now he was avoiding my eyes, while Alice rambled on about her art class, and their new project that kept her after class. I only had to nod or mumble noncommittal sounds to keep her talking, holding the conversation.

I ate my lunch, one eye—and ear—on Alice, and the other on Edward. I was so confused. He stared intensely at me, as if he was studying me; he held my face in his hands at his house on Saturday. The first time since… _since_…that a guy's touch hadn't sent me into a crazy conniption.

And he still hadn't said ONE WORD. Was he mute?! No, he spoke to Jessica, the tramp, and Jasper.

I sighed, pushing my hair away from my face. Not my problem.

I devoted my entire attention to Alice for the rest of the period. I even spoke to Rosalie again, though it wasn't completely devoid of hostility. But I think that's just how she relates to others. Alice didn't bat an eye when Rosalie insulted her latest charity endeavor. She just told her to be at her house at 7 o'clock sharp to take the collection to the local shelter. Rose rolled her eyes, but nodded. _My new friend is magic._

The bell signaled lunch was over and I carefully made my way to Med Bio. Emmett and Alice escorted me. I have no idea how much they know, but they're figuring something out. I didn't notice much anymore when I flinched, or skirted away from everyone. It had just become part of everyday life.

I still hadn't given my dad a hug.

But they must have noticed. They made sure that I had safe passage to class. I was grateful, but annoyed that they saw through me. I hated that I needed help in the first place.

I was victimized—but so are a lot of women. Why was I acting like a crazy-person? Maybe I was crazy, maybe I wasn't, but I didn't have time to worry about it, so I coped as best I could.

I was the last person to class. I introduced myself to Mr. Molena, ignoring his hand, and took my text book. There were only two seats left in the class. Both tables had an occupant. One was Edward, and the other was that douche bag Mike. I chose Edward.

I sat down next to Edward. He acknowledged my presence, but that was it. No, "Hi." No, "Do you need a copy of my notes?"

Nothing.

The class was interesting; we took notes on cellular anatomy, and then we began the lab. I sat at the table and Edward grabbed the supplies from the front of the room. While I waited "douche bag" Mike came up to me.

"Hey there. You're new right." _Thank you, Captain Obvious._ I gave him a closed lipped smile hopping to discourage him. "I'm Mike Newton. My family owns the biggest outdoors chain store in the city."

He was not discouraged.

He leaned on the lab table only a few inches from me. I scooted backwards, trying to escape. "Want to go out some time?" I tried to keep the disgust from my face—I hope I failed.

"Eh, no thanks." I avoided eye contact, hoping he'd get the picture and leave.

He didn't.

He came around to my side of the table. "Why not baby?" _Full on sleaze_. "I know I could show you a good time," he added suggestively. I tried not to gag.

He took a step forward, and I stumbled off my chair scrambling to get away from him. I fell into Edward. He grabbed me before I fell.

I froze.

Waiting, always waiting.

And nothing happened. Nothing at all. I looked up into his face, and found his eyes searching mine. I hadn't fainted, I hadn't relived… it. I was fine, and I was safe.

I had forgotten about Mike; he was still there, glowering at Edward, and his possible 'score'—me. _Shudder._

I stood up, pushing myself away from Edward, missing the lost connection.

"No thanks Mike." I glanced up to him, trying to look forceful, and unwavering.

It didn't work—because he reached for me.

Remember how I promised myself at the beginning of the day that I was not going to have an episode? Even if I had to become an invisible loner, I would not humiliate myself by freaking out at school?

I lied.

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**DUN DUN DUN! **

**Review are better (way better) than a pervy Mr. Banner!**

**ps. Epov outtake coming soon!  
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	5. Complication

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated sooner! My week has been crazy. I'm starting Twelfth Night with my tenth graders, and I'm in charge of hair and makeup for the theater department where I teach. I also like to be a few chapters ahead of what I'm posting, and I'm still stuck in the middle of chapter 7. **

**Thanks again to MsWDarcy--you keep me sane, and encourage me when you don't even know it! Best beta ever!  
**

**Thanks to my dedicated reviewers! I heart you! and there should be an Edward pov outtake posted very soon! My very own present to you!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters etc, the rest is mine. **

**Warning: This story has a potential for adult material and violence. If you have triggers etc. you have been warned. **

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Chapter Five: Complication

I woke up on the floor.

_Again. _

This was becoming ridiculous.

There was a crowd of faces leaning over me, like one of those movie shots of a sports huddle from below. It certainly wasn't as cool in real life.

I pulled myself up. _ I need to invest in body padding_. _Or a helmet_.

I found Edward's eyes in the sea of faces. He looked concerned and guilty. I understand why he might be concerned. His lab partner passed out again. You'd have to be inhuman not to be concerned.

But guilty? That I didn't get.

Mr. Molena pushed through the huddle, and reached down to help me up.

"Don't touch me!" I practically shouted. He pulled back like I had burned him. I hid my face in shame. I faint in class—from being touched—and then I shout at the teacher trying to help me. _I fail at life_.

"Bella. Are you alright?" I nodded. "Can you get up?" I nodded again, and pushed myself up with a grimace. There would be bruises tomorrow.

As nonchalantly as possible I placed my hand on my belly, making sure I had not been bruised there. That I can't bruise—I must protect at all times, at all costs.

Edward finally inched his way towards me, gently offering his hand. I caught his eyes, grabbing his hand with relief. He breathed out deeply, as if he had been waiting for something bad to happen. _Again_.

He looked at Mr. Molena. "I'm going to take Bella to the nurse." His voice was delicious, spicy and soothing at the same time. I'd been starving to hear that voice. _Keep speaking. _

Mr. Molena nodded, turning to write a pass.

Letting go of my hand, Edward quickly packed up our stuff, obviously not planning to come back for the duration of the period.

Placing both of our bags on his left shoulder, he offered me his right arm. I fell into it, relishing the safety I felt next to him.

I didn't understand why he didn't send me into a fit. I trusted Emmett. I trusted my father. But neither of them could touch me. And yet Edward could.

He gently led me out of class, and towards the nurse's office in silence. I glanced up at his face. He seemed deep in thought. I could almost here him thinking he was doing it so hard.

I tugged on his shirt signaling him to stop. "Why won't you speak to me?"

He let go of me to nervously run his fingers through is hair, making it stick up in all directions. He started to lead me again down the hall, without answering my question, without speaking at all.

I huffed, and stopped, refusing to go any further. "Why?" I asked again. He was starting to piss me off.

"Because—" His voice made me want to melt. "I don't understand this." Huh?

"You, uh, what?" Huh?

"You—I don't get you." I narrowed my eyes. Of course he doesn't get me! He doesn't even know me.

"But—I feel like I know you. Whatever." He looked exasperated, like when the words are directly on the tip of your tongue, but nothing comes out right. My frustration dissipated—I understood his confusion; I tried to reassure him.

"It's okay. I get it." He felt it too. When our eyes collided, he felt it too. If I felt that he could see into my soul, maybe he felt like I could see into his too.

He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed it.

"You confuse me." He rolled his eyes and groaned. "Now, I sound like a girl."

"Just because most males are emotionally stunted does not make you a girl." I answered with an eye roll of my own.

"Come on, let's get you to the nurse." He smirked.

He had no idea that I was more confused that he was. I don't know anything about anything.

It didn't matter what I believed or thought, or even hoped. I would not become a victim again.

Ever.

I pulled away from his arm, determined to walk on my own.

I had been burned, and beaten. I would protect myself. I'd be careful. Especially with Edward.

We found our way to the nurse's office. I was feeling fine, but I hoped for an excuse out of PE. I didn't succeed.

Edward helped me sit on the exam table, and I crinkled the paper loudly. "She fainted in biology." He leaned against the wall next to me.

The nurse got up from her desk in the corner, taking her bifocals off her nose. "Ah, yes. Biology. I always get a few of those in here."

She came over and checked my blood pressure. "How are you feeling now, deary?" I shrugged. I don't like to make a habit of lying, unless I have to. Felt like I had to a lot lately.

"Your color is good, and you blood pressure is fine. Why don't you wait here until the end of the period, and then head to your next class. You should be fine by then." _I never get what I want._

I sighed dramatically, which made Edward raise his eyebrow. "Okay. I guess I should go. First day and all."

She smiled brightly. "First day! Welcome to Sierra Valley. And I hope for your sake I don't see you too much in here."

I grimaced. Edward cocked his head. "I'm vertically challenged. It's not something I can promise."

He failed at withholding a laugh. It burst from his gut in a guffaw. If he had been drinking, the liquid would have spurted out his nose. I giggled with him. _I know—I'm hilarious_.

The nurse turned towards Edward. "Shouldn't you be getting back to class?" He recovered quickly, and sent his most charming smile. I was glad I was not on the end of that smile—I would have literally melted at his feet.

"Mrs. Sheaffer, it's Bella's first day. I can't just deposit her in the nurse's office, and expect her to fend for herself, and then get lost on the way to her next class." She blushed, and nodded. He could charm the spots from a leopard.

Edward hopped up on the examining table next to me, as Nurse Sheaffer went back to her desk. He sat a few inches away incase our mojo stopped working.

He ran one hand through his hair, making the strands that had begun to settle to stick up again. "So, other than Mike not knowing when to lay off, how's everything going."

I shrugged. "Not bad, I guess. Calc is gonna be a pain, but the rest of my classes so far are fine."

"Who do you have?" I couldn't remember so I fished my schedule out of my pocket and handed it to him. His eyebrows rose.

"Two APs and Med Bio. I'm impressed." I suppressed the desire to roll my eyes. Boys.

"What? Smarter than I look?"

"No!" Another hand brushed through his auburn locks. "Not many people risk that many weighted classes. It's a lot of work."

"I took all honors classes last year, and planned on doing AP through independent studies this year. I went to a really small school. They didn't offer much." I explained.

"Well, you're in luck. I took AP Calc last year." This time I raised my eyebrows. "If you need any help let me know."

My lips twitched, itching to smile. "I may have to take you up on that."

He handed me my schedule. "You should have told me you had gym next. We could have milked that faint for all it was worth."

"Don't worry. Next time we will." I gave a cheeky grin.

The bell rang, and Edward gingerly led me to the gym. It looked like most gyms except it had a giant Flamebird painted into the middle of the floor. A phoenix. _Original_.

He headed off to his own classes with a smile and a wave. I made my way over to the teacher, explaining that I was new. She told me I could sit on the bleachers and watch for today, but I would have to join in tomorrow.

I pushed my hair out of my face. "Um… about that. I have a medical condition. I didn't know that I would be expected to take PE until today. So I didn't come prepared with a doctor's excuse."

She didn't seem too excited about my statement. "What kind of condition are we talking about?"

Hmmmm… "Well, it's a condition that keeps me from being able to participate in extensive physical activity, where I might get injured." Yes, vague.

She narrowed her eyes at my evasiveness. "I will need a doctor's excuse by the end of the week. Until then you can sit out, but starting next week you'll be expected to participate. Is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I had a week. Good, I could find a free clinic and get an excuse without Charlie being the wiser.

The day ended without any more problems. I didn't run into that douche "my dad owns a store," Mike Newton. I was relieved. That guy really gave me the wiggins.

Emmett gave me a ride home; in fact he was my ride all week. His music preference didn't change much, but I found out that Alice secretly programmed his ring tones. That was hilarious. In one week his ring tone changed twice, each more outrageous than the next. Apparently there had been a silent war going on for a month. It was great to be a bystander. I had no hope if I ever tried to get involved.

On Wednesday Alice talked me into going shopping with her. She had ridden home with Emmett and me, invited herself in and went through my room. She was shocked at the clothes I brought with me—or the lack of clothes. She made plans to introduce me to the Phoenix mall after school on Thursday to rectify my embarrassing clothing situation.

School went fine all week. I had class with Edward everyday after lunch. He was polite, but distant. I couldn't get in his head. We had gotten along splendidly in the nurse's office. But other than general small talk and stuff about class he was a blank wall—I thought we were friends. I just wished I knew what was going on, so I could stop caring. Because I shouldn't be caring, I honestly didn't have the time.

The only time he showed anything other than politeness was on Thursday at the end of Med Bio. Mike had gotten up the courage to talk to me again, while Edward had taken the pass to the bathroom. When he got back I was cornered by Mike near the lab supplies in the back of the room. We were supposed to be working on identifying different cells, and I had gone to the back of the room to switch specimen samples.

He approached me from behind. "Bella." I could feel his breath on my neck.

I shrunk into myself. "Uh, hi Mike."

He leaned one hand on the table that held the samples, effectively blocking my escape with his body. I took several steps backwards.

"Have you thought about what I asked." He tried to sound sexy; it just made him look constipated.

"I already gave you my answer. No thanks." I placed my hands on the wall behind me. It felt similar—too similar. I was trapped.

He moved towards me, narrowing his eyes. "I don't think you understand who I am."

I closed my eyes, and tried not to whimper.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Edward yelled from the doorway of the classroom.

Mike turned around startled. I sighed with relief. The whole class looked at us.

"Leave her alone." He stepped in front of me, shoving Mike away from me. "She said no."

He glanced at me, waiting for an indication that I was alright. I nodded and sagged against the wall. I was fine. There would be no episode today.

The class continued to stare, until Edward gave them all a glare, and then they went back to work. Where the teacher was during all this I don't know. They don't make 'em like they used to.

We went back to our lab, but Edward only spoke when he had to, and never about anything of importance. It made me want to shake him.

Alice and I left for the mall directly after school. She made Edward get a ride with Emmett, so she could take his precious Volvo. I don't really understand cars, but he sure cared about his. Edward gave Ali a full ten minute lecture before he gave her the keys. And she informed me that he had lectured her the whole ride to school too.

He was right to lecture. She was a speed demon.

The mall was huge. It was at least five times the size of the mall in Port Angeles and twice the size of the one in Seattle. It had separate _floors_. Now, I've never been a big fan of shopping. I'm more of an in and out kind of girl. But I might learn to love shopping at _this_ mall. Plus, having my own personal shopper didn't hurt either.

I've never seen anyone more excited about shopping than Alice. She zipped through each store grabbing everything in my size. She had me try on outfits I would have never grabbed for myself. I tried veto a suggestion and she gave me a look that put pitiful puppies in shame. Whenever we found "the perfect ____" Alice would squeal and twirl in excitement demanding that I _had_ to get it.

Five skirts, four babydoll tops, two pairs of shorts, and one pair of wedges later we stopped for dinner in the food court. I splurged and got bourbon chicken and lo mein, and Ali grabbed a slice of Sbarro's pizza.

I swallowed my first bite. "Ali, do you know of any free clinics around here?"

She squinted one eye, looking at me curiously. "Yeah. Are you sick?"

I smiled to reassure her. "No. But I need a doctor's note to get out of PE. And I do have a condition that keeps me from that class."

She giggled. "I can take you. But you know it has to be real for a doctor to write a note."

I rolled my eyes. "It's real."

"Well, what is it."

I pushed my lo mein around on my plate. "It's kinda personal. Sorry."

She smiled softly and patted my hand. "That's alright Bella." She looked at me knowingly. I assumed she thought it had to do with the crazy-person fainting—she heard about the episode in bio from her brother. I wasn't going to correct her assumption.

She talked me into getting three sundresses before we left the mall. My budget had drastically shrunk from this little outing. But it was too much fun to regret.

We piled all the bags in the Volvo, filling the trunk. (Alice had purchased almost twice what I did. No wonder she has a clothes drive several times a year.)

"Okay, we're going to head to the free clinic where my dad volunteers." I scrunched my eyebrows at her. "Don't worry, he doesn't volunteer there very often. And they are really nice! I helped out this summer, and you'll get in right away because they know me." She smiled hugely, proud of her plan. I sat back and let her ramble about school, her favorite band, and of course Jasper.

I cut into her rant. "—Alice, don't take anything by this, but is Edward always so… distant?"

She pursed her lips. "You could say that. Why do you ask?"

"Well, he helped me out in bio on Monday, and now he's barely said two words to me since." I fiddled with my purse.

"That's Edward. He's a bit… focused?" She looked back and forth from me to the road.

"It's just weird, how he ignores me."

She sighed dramatically. "Let me tell you a little about my big brother." I turned towards her to give my full attention. "He feels a lot of pressure from the parental units. He feels the need to live up to dad the doctor. He's always pushed himself harder than they do, and doesn't know when to loosen up. He's never had a girlfriend, though that posse of wanna-be barbies throw themselves at him any chance they get." She smirked. "And to my knowledge he's never taken them up on it." I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't know why, but I was glad that those skanks never hooked their claws in him.

"The only time he relaxes is when he's running or playing music. And if you see him do either of those, it does not look relaxing." She looked thoughtful, and smirked before she continued. "He'll talk, if you talk to him."

I smiled at Alice. "Thanks. I'll try that." He was more complicated than I thought. But then again, isn't everybody?

Not a moment later, we pulled into to a parking lot next to a boring one story building. A sign read "Free Clinic" on the door. _Fancy_.

Alice pulled me inside, eager to show me where she volunteered all summer. As we walked into the waiting room, a nurse behind the glass screamed, "Alice!"

She had that effect on people.

Ali bounded up to the window, pulling me with her. "Marge! How's Chipper doing?"

Marge leaned forward into the glass. "He misses you! You need to stop by more often and visit us."

Alice nodded, and then brought me forward. "Marge, this is my friend Bella. She's new, and needs to see a doctor to get an excuse for gym."

She smiled sympathetically at me. No one likes gym.

"Could you squeeze her in now?" We glanced around the room. It was only a quarter full, and no one seemed antsy or in a hurry.

"Sure, honey. Anything for you." Marge immediately ushered us in to the office.

They situated me in one of the little examining rooms, and had me fill out paper work. Alice left with Marge to say hi to the rest of the nurse practitioners—and to give me privacy.

I filled out the form, and waited patiently for the doctor.

Swinging my legs off the side of the examining table I read the posters about swine flu on the walls. Fascinating.

The doctor opened the door, and greeted me with a smile. Only I recognized this doctor.

Carlisle Cullen. Alice's father.

_Crap_.

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**Reviews are better than buying a plethora of clothes with Alice!**


	6. Clearance

**A/N: Hey, sorry! (grovels at your surprisingly pleasant smelling feet) This past week as been a bit crazy, and I kinda had a bit of writers block, but all is good now!**

**I put up an Epov outtake, so if you haven't had a chance to read it there is a link in my profile. **

**Thanks to all my reviewers/alerters in no particular order: CallieC., ginnypooh24, Kaelen, twicrack83, MelsieGirl, Daywatcher, opheliatodd, MyaSarae, JustAThinker, twifan82, tex812, MarchHare5, jetstreamRose, leahlover1208!!!! If I forgot anyone I heart you too!**

**Thanks to MsWDarcy the best beta ever! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all (since when do fanfiction writers claim ownership anyway?!) I just play. **

**Warning: Potential for adult material and violence. If you have triggers etc. you have been warned. **

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Chapter Six: Clearance

_Crap_.

"Uh, Hi Dr. Cullen. I didn't expect to see you here." _Great, just flipping great_. I pushed my hair out of my face nervously.

Dr. Cullen was by far the hottest dad/doctor I'd ever met. Definitely a dilf. He had crazy blond hair reminiscent of his son's tussled bed head, but his smile was like his daughter's.

And he had the body of a twenty-two year old tri-althete, which I'm sure his wife greatly appreciated. _I am so checking out my friend's dad. Eww_.

He smiled gently at me and went to wash his hands in the examining room sink. "Dr. Matthew's got called away, and I was the only one available to cover. If you feel uncomfortable it would be fine if you came back at another time. But remember that anything you share is confidential."

I wish. "No, I have to bring a doctor's excuse by tomorrow, or I'll have to participate in gym on Monday."

His eyebrows rose. "Why do you need an excuse out of gym?"

I closed my eyes, scrunching up my face. I could do this. I would not puke, or pass out. I took a deep breath, pushing away the nausea and bracing myself—just like pulling off a band aid.

"I'm really clumsy—like fatally." I pushed out a gush of air. "And I'm pregnant."

He reached out to me like he would give me a hug. I pulled back, wrapping my arms around myself.

He must have remembered, because he pulled back too.

"My dear, I'm so sorry." I shook my head. Why was he apologizing it wasn't his fault. It was mine.

But it was almost a relief to tell someone, anyone.

"Do you know how far along you are?"

"A little over three months."

"I'd like to do a pregnancy test, just to check." I nodded. He needs proof to give me a note. And he probably just wants to make sure I'm not a pathological liar.

He waited while I peed on a test in the bathroom down the hall. There was no point hoping. I took every different variety of test at the end of June, right after I missed my period. Did you know there are ten different kinds of pregnancy tests in one Walgreens alone? I took all of them. And they all said the same thing.

While we waited on the test Dr. Cullen led me back to the examining room.

We sat awkwardly listening to the elevator music playing in the office—waiting for the test to be done is always the longest part.

Dr. Cullen continued to fill in his chart, but kept looking at me. He must think I'm a slut. Yep, he thinks I'm a slut.

"Bella, can you give me anymore information about your condition." I scrunched my nose at his word choice. He made it sound like I had a disease.

"You don't actually have traveling issues." He already thinks badly of me—I'm a liar—but I couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't leave me catatonic.

I shrugged. Still the memory tried to slip through. I shut my eyes, and covered my face with my hands, trying not to hyperventilate.

"It's okay Bella, you don't have to say anything." I could hear his pity.

I breathed slowly, in through my mouth, out through my nose. He waited while I calmed down. I looked at his face.

"The test is positive." I nodded. I knew.

"I assume you are keeping the fetus?" I nodded. _Baby—not a fetus_.

"I'll write the note. Are you taking care of yourself, Bella?" He began to scribble on his chart, but periodically looked up into my eyes. His eyes were much like his son's. Deep, caring, and knowing.

"I'm taking prenatal vitamins everyday." I pulled the ones I had with me out of my purse. He carefully took them from me, inspected them, and then handed them back.

"Those are fine." He wrote something else down, then set his chart on the counter near the sink

"Bella, does anyone else know about your pregnancy?" He sat in the chair across from me.

"My mom knows, and my doctor at home."

"What about you Dad?"

I shook my head. "Charlie doesn't know yet. I don't know how to tell him without him freaking out and shipping me back to my mom's."

He clasped his hands together. "Bella, you need to tell Charlie. He'd want to know. And you'll have to tell him eventually."

I held my breath, then let it out. "I'll tell Charlie, as soon as I know I can stay. I couldn't live with mom anymore, she doesn't get why I want to keep the baby. Charlie might not understand either…"

He went to clap a hand on my knee, but pulled back at the last moment. I still flinched. "Charlie will understand. And I wish you'd consider telling my daughter. Alice can be a real friend, and you're going to need one of those."

I nodded. I had made this decision, and I was going to stick by it. But I also wanted to be a normal teenage girl for a little while longer. I knew it couldn't be long.

He handed me a note that excused me from PE. I thanked him, and followed him out of the room to see Alice chatting with the nurses.

"Daddy!" She ran to him and gave him a huge hug. He grunted, and ruffled her hair.

"Rabbit, how was your shopping trip." He smiled knowingly.

"Oo! You know me!—I didn't know you'd be here today!" He laughed. She realized that he had been the doctor that saw me, and looked over at me catching my eyes.

I smiled, and waved my note.

"Everything's good with Bella?" she asked her dad.

His smile weakened a bit, but he didn't give me away. "Everything's fine."

* * *

I was dead asleep the next morning when I awoke to a squeal and someone bouncing on my bed. I have never woken so quickly in my entire life.

I rolled out of bed, toppling to the floor, arms braced in front of me preparing for an attack. I'm sure glad I didn't own a gun, or keep one with me while I slept—because there would have been bloodshed.

"Time to get up sleepy head!" Alice was jumping—_jumping_—on my bed, like it was a trampoline. I looked at my clock on my nightstand; it read 5:07 am—as in five o'clock in the freaking morning—_why on earth is Alice here?_

She went directly to my closet and began going through my new and old clothes. I headed to the bathroom letting Alice do her thing. It'd be a losing battle to stop her. And it was way too early to create coherent words.

I was in and out of the shower, and drying my hair in less than twelve minutes. _I'm a disgrace to my gender._

Reentering my bedroom Alice had set out one of my new sundresses, my new wedges, and some bangles she must have brought with her, because I left all my jewelry at home.

She was nowhere to be seen. It was like I had my very own magical elves, or a fairy godmother—except I'm sure Cinderella and the shoemaker were more grateful than I was. I wanted to wear my hoodie today, be comfortable. I let myself pout momentarily, and then put on the Alice-approved ensemble.

I exited my room once more only to find Alice, Emmett, and Charlie eating breakfast in the kitchen. _Once again—at FIVE am._ I stood in the doorway and stared.

"About time you were up!" Emmett boomed before he shoveled another bite of Cap'n Crunch in his mouth. I swear he was using a serving spoon.

Alice jumped up and bounced over to me. She grabbed my hand and made me twirl. "You look perfect." She said with a self satisfied smug smile.

I laughed. "You deserve all the credit. Left to my own devices I would wear jeans and a hoodie."

Emmett shook the cereal box at me, getting my attention. "Bellasaurous, Eat! We got to get going!"

I grabbed the box from his hand, and went to the cupboard to pull out another bowl. "What's the rush? School doesn't start for over _three hours_. Why are you here? And I'm still a bit fuzzy as to why I'm awake." I was still dealing with the fact that they had woken me up at the crack of dawn. No wonder Charlie was still here.

Alice giggled, and Emmett rolled his eyes. "You'll see!"

I had almost forgotten about Charlie, watching the whole exchange between me and my new friends. He got up quietly and rinsed his bowl out in the sink before placing it in the dishwasher. I watched him lean up against the counter, thoughtfully crossing his arms, while I ate my breakfast with the encouragement of Emmett. It is rather annoying to have this much attention this early in the morning.

Emmett finished what I could only imagine to be his fourth bowl of cereal. _Put that on the list_. And stood up to put it away. My dad leaned in quietly saying something too low for me to hear. They then walked out of the room, Emmett with a wink and Charlie with a tense smile, leaving Alice and me alone

I looked at Alice in confusion. "What's that all about?"

"I dunno. I was gonna ask you." She shrugged and finished her breakfast.

Turning back to my cereal, I asked. "So, what's the occasion?" Alice grinned like an evil pixie and shook her head no. "Aw, come on you gotta give me a hint at least!"

She crossed her arms over her chest, and scrunched her nose at me, refusing to speak. I took the last bite of the captain, and threw my bowl in the dishwasher. I wondered how long she could hold the silence. I watched her struggle internally.

"It's tradition!" _That didn't last long_. "And I'm not to say any more!" She emphasized her declaration with a stomp of her foot. I gave her a cheesy grin, glad that I got something out of her. Recognizing my victory, she rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the room.

We walked in on Charlie and Emmett's conversation. Their heads were bent together. I had never seen a more serious expression on Emmett's face. I knew that Dad wasn't revealing my secret—he didn't know anything! But it made me worried, that look on both of their faces. What made it worse, was when they noticed us, they both looked at me…with sympathy? Alice looked back and forth between the men and me, obviously confused. That made two of us.

Emmett nodded decisively at Charlie, then his face broke into a smile, shedding the seriousness like a skin. He rubbed his hands together. "You ready?"

I nodded, as Alice jumped up and down giddily, clapping in excitement. "Let me grab my backpack, and we can go."

Reentering the living room, Charlie still stood there slightly less tense, but still concerned.

"Dad?"

"Have good time Bells. But give me a call for any reason." He pursed his lips to insinuate his point. "Any reason." _Huh. What was up with him?_

I smiled. "Okay dad. Thanks." His business done, he turned to get ready for work.

We jumped into Emmett's jeep, Alice literally buzzing with excitement. Emmett was back to his usual fun-loving self, all seriousness put aside, but I hadn't forgotten. I wanted to know what they discussed.

"So, what were you and my dad talking about back there?" I raised my eyebrows.

He chuckled. "Nothing to worry your pretty little head over, Bella-bean. He's just making sure I look out for his little girl."

I shook my head in amusement. Alice harrumphed in the back seat. "Why didn't he talk to me? I look out for Bella too!"

"Of course you do squirt. I name you my second-in-command for the 'watch out for Bella' program." His dimple began to show.

Alice exhaled, "Yes!" complimenting it with a gallant fist shake.

I rolled my eyes, and talked to myself. "You guys are weird. And in league with my dad. Heaven forbid."

They laughed, and I couldn't help but join in. They didn't know I was secretly grateful—for the distraction.

We pulled into a parking lot at the base of the beautiful Camelback Mountain. Camelback Mountain is a rusty red mountain in the southern landscape of Phoenix. I had only seen it from a distance; up close it was even more beautiful. Many people expect mountains to be green or blue with snowy white tips; this organic russet rock was more appealing than the cold distance of northern peaks.

"It's beautiful." I sighed. "What are we doing here?" I checked my watch we still had over two hours before school began. I didn't want to be late, it was still only my first week. I'd have plenty of time later to ruin everyone's first impression of me.

Alice skipped giddily to the base of the trail. "We're hiking to the top!"

Emmett pulled out a pair of tennis shoes he must have got from my dad. "Here put these on, I can't believe Ali put you in those death traps knowing we were going to hike."

I quickly obeyed, but voiced my concern. "Are we going to be able to make it to the top, and back before school?"

He grinned. "Yea, it's no problem, we do it all the time."

I looked at him and Alice incredulously. I had to make friends with the only people who like to hike to the top of a mountain _before_ they go to school.

"Like I said it's tradition!"

"Pray tell, why is this tradition?" We began up the hill—mountain—I hoped it didn't get any steeper. No such luck.

Alice glanced over at Emmett, letting him continue. He smiled, caught in memory. "When we were little, before my mom died, she'd wake us up at five am on the first Friday of the first week of school. She'd get Alice and Edward up too, and later we added Rosalie and Jasper. We'd all hike up to the top of the mountain." He flashed me his signature grin. "You'll have to wait till the top to find out the rest."

I felt honored to be apart of their tradition. "Hey, this isn't the first Friday, of the first week of school!"

Alice giggled. "Yea, we already did this once, this year, but you missed out! We couldn't let that happen."

I tripped on a rock. No, we couldn't let that happen.

Emmett reached out to catch my fall, but pulled back at the last moment. I was glad, better a scraped hand than head. From then on he took the lead, and let Alice walk at my side.

About half way up the mountain I had to sit down and put my head between my knees. I felt like I was going to puke. Too early for this much physical exertion. Emmett and Alice—who weren't even breathing hard—laughed at me.

"Come on Bella! This isn't that bad!" Ugh. Says the energizer bunny and the incredible hulk.

Alice pulled me to my feet, and forced me onward. I had hoped they were going to give up, and let me walk back down, but whatever was at the top must be good.

It took us thirty-five minutes. It was worth it.

The view was magnificent. I'd never seen anything like it in all my seventeen years. The mountain sparkled ruby dirt, and the sun glinted off the city providing a sight worth painting.

At the top we found Jasper, Rosalie, and Edward reclining on an old blanket eating breakfast. They had a spread of fruit, bagels and cream cheese, and juice. Even though it seemed like we just ate cereal at my kitchen table, my nausea was gone and I was famished.

Rosalie picked at her perfectly manicured finger nails. "You finally made it. We thought we'd have to leave before you got here."

Ali rolled her eyes. "We had to convince Charlie." I raised my brows, this was news to me. "He went all super-dad protective on her."

Emmett chuckled. "Yea, he didn't want her overexerted." He used air quotes around 'overexerted.' My eyes widened in surprise.

"She did fine. Mostly."

"Thanks. You're so supportive." I replied sarcastically.

Charlie, Charlie… we were going to have to have a talk.

I bid everyone a good morning.

Jasper nodded his hello before throwing a grape in the air to catch in his mouth. He missed. Edward and I chuckled.

We caught each other eyes. The spark was still there—but it still surprised me.

"Hey."

"Hey." He offered me a place on the blanket next to him. I took it. He didn't have to offer twice.

"So tradition, huh?" He smiled a lopsided smirk. I turned my attention to the leader of our illustrious expedition. "Okay Emmett, give it up. What's the best part?"

Mischeviously, he smiled. "This." And then he yelled at the top of his lungs into the void between the mountain and the sky.

Alice joined him, followed by Jasper, Edward, and even Rosalie. I looked at them in shock and awe. Edward leaned over and nudged me with his elbow.

_What the heck_. I closed my eyes and gave in.

I yelled. And I let it go. All of it. All my pain, worries—Fear. The past, present, and future. I yelled, and released it all.

I was free.

I lifted my arms into the air, as an errant wind swept into my face silencing my sound. I could feel a smile threatening to break open my face. I opened my eyes to find Edward's searching mine. I couldn't place the look—I had never seen it before, but it was wonderful. It made me feel beautiful.

He smirked. "Feel good?"

"Yeah. Wow." I was speechless.

"I know such a rush. If you like this, I should take you to the plateaus near Sedona. It makes you feel like you're flying." He grinned like a little boy.

"That would be awesome."

We all sat down, passing around the fruit and bagels. They began bantering back and forth. I blocked it out enjoying a soak in the sun. This was so worth it.

"Hey sunshine, it's time to go." Edward's hand was hovering directly over my face, centimeters from touching. I smiled languidly.

"Aw, do I have to go?" I stretched my arms above my head.

He chuckled. "Come on sunshine, can't have you skipping—yet." He winked.

I winked back and stood up, finding that everything had been packed up by the pros. We headed down the mountain, where everyone found out just how clumsy I really am. Oh gosh, just think when I'm the size of a whale, I'll never walk straight. I rolled my eyes—this time at myself.

* * *

We made it to school on time. I slid into my AP Lit class just as the bell rang. Angela smiled brightly at me and passed me a note, as soon as I sat down.

_Bella! I have a date with Eric this weekend! He's this really sweet guy in my economics class. _

I shot her a huge smile. I was so glad for her. It was about time a nice boy recognized her worth, and she could get past this Ben jerk.

I didn't get time to write back because the teacher called the class to attention with a pop quiz. They were her favorite, but if you have them everyday they aren't so pop anymore.

At the end of class I finally got the dish about Eric while we walked to building four for math. Using her hands to elaborate, Angela explained. "So yesterday in econ, Eric came up and asked if I was going to the party on Saturday. I said I didn't know, then he finally asked if we could grab something to eat and go together!" She eeked out the end, barely understandable. She was having an Alice moment.

"I'm so happy for you! You have to tell me all about it." I quickly wrote down my number on her notebook. "Call me after the date and you can tell me everything that happens, kay?" _I'm so gonna live vicariously._

She beamed at me in her happiness. "Oh this is so exciting. He's so nice and sweet. He doesn't have jerk friends." Nodding towards the douche group that took up their usual spot between first and second periods. We had taken to walking far enough away to avoid any catcalling. Ang was beginning to pick up on my phobias too—or she just really hated them too.

We arrived at my calc class, and Angela was still gushing. I bid her goodbye, and she basically skipped off to her class. I couldn't keep the smile from my face—at least someone was getting a happy ending. They are so rare.

The rest of the morning went quickly—everyone was happy it was Friday. I made my daily vomit run to the bathroom during government. At least I was predictable. I dealt with the glares from the skank-brigade, who by now must think I'm a bulimic. I really wanted to tell them off, but I was in too good a mood from this morning.

At lunch Rose and Alice were a buzz with planning the Hale pool party (I had forgotten), and news of the other party on Saturday. I set my tray down. They were debating if the other party was crouching into their plans.

"Bella, are you going to come?" Ack.

I shook my head. "Parties aren't really my scene."

_The music loud and blaringly indecipherable. The flashing colors, of moving bodies. The groping, touching, grabbing of innumerable hands. _

I shook my head to clear the cobwebs.

"Aw come on Bella!" Alice turned on full puppy dog mode.

"Nah-uh, I'm not going. You have fun—how bout have enough for both of us."

_The sour taste of stale beer. The smell of puke and disinfectant. The swirl of smoke, hovering, never allowing anything to be clearly seen. _

"Bella, it's your first weekend here. You should come." Rosalie's voice chimed in, confident.

"No. I'm sorry guys but I said no." I pushed my chair back, scraping the metal against the floor. I looked into four sets of confused eyes.

I couldn't deal with this.

_A ceiling fan, whirling around, around, around, around. The wall sharp against my hands. The world, as if it were on a tilt-a-whirl. Some freaking merry-go-round for the insane. Hands. Pulling, tugging, everywhere. _

I rushed out of the cafeteria. Pushing past several, not noticing, unseeing.

I found my way down the hall and outside, breathing in the warm air. Trying to settle my breathing, I sank to the ground wrapping my arms around my tummy and placing my head between my knees for the second time today—only this time I was going to pass out.

In my hurry I didn't notice anyone following me

* * *

**Reviews are better than eating Cap'n Crunch with a serving spoon! **

**Recs: **

**_Witness Protection_ by twicrack83. So good, The Edward and Bella are absolutely delicious. Summary: Rebel Bella has been shipped around the U.S. for years to different foster homes after being placed in the Witness Protection Program. What will happen when she is placed with uptight Edward and his family? AU/AH/OOC/adult language and lemons ensue! In progress. **

**_Breaking the Silence_ by SparklingTwilight. This story kept me up to 3 am earlier this week. It's a year old and complete, but such a good read! Summary: Bella has suffered in silence for 5 years. What happens when EsmexCarlisle become her foster parents, and a perky pixie moves in next door & tries to break her out of her shell? AH ExB, Canon cpls. Rated M for future chapters. Please R&R**

**Please Review!  
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	7. Concession

**A/N: Many thanks to my beta MsWDarcy for kicking my butt, and making this chapter a whole lot more interesting... I do believe she requested 'actual' plot. hehehe :) You're request is my command! *waves my arm about as I awkwardly curtsy* Really--you rock my world. **

**Thanks to all my faithful readers/reviews/subscribers! I wish many sexy Edwards at your command. **

**Shout out to twicrack83, MarchHare5, twifan82, and jetstreamrose for review every chapter I've put up--hugs to you!**

**Ms. Jessica Cullen--thanks for checking out my little ditty here, and for rec'ing me on your own. Check out her fic _Breaking the Abusive Silence_, it's very interesting, and well done, especially accounting her age!**

**Now, I know there are several of you out there reading and not reviewing--Please review! It will so make my weekend. (Especially b/c I'm stuck on the couch with the flu... or strep throat) -- yea, not fun, so please review!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the creator and owner of all characters, anything Twilight. All plot lines, backgrounds, characterizations, and details belong to ElspethGordie.**

**Warning: This is rated M for a reason. Adult themes and content. Eventual violence. **

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Chapter Seven: Concession

_I rushed out of the cafeteria. Pushing past several people, not noticing, not seeing. _

_I found my way down the hall and outside, breathing in the warm air. Trying to settle my racing heart, I sank to the ground wrapping my arms around my belly and placing my head between my knees for the second time today—only this time I was going to pass out. _

_In my hurry I didn't notice anyone following me._

Then I felt a little hand, cool against my neck, a hand like a child's. I opened my eyes to find Alice's petite face hovering inches from mine. There were crinkles around her eyes, like she was trying to see not just what was in front of her, but beyond.

She squatted at my feet, balancing on the balls of her feet like a dancer ready to spring. I scrunched my eyes closed again. I was an idiot. I ran from the cafeteria. I couldn't handle a simple conversation about weekend plans and I ran! If I wasn't so humiliated, I would be fuming at myself.

Maybe if I ignored her she would disappear. Maybe if I pretended she wasn't there she would leave me alone to my misery. I had no right to drag her along with me. To soil her innocence with my mistakes.

"Bella?" Her voice was hesitant, laced with concern. "Please talk to me."

I let my eyes open. She took that as an invitation and unceremoniously plopped down on the ground, still in front of me, like we were going to hold hands and pour out our hearts. _Think again_.

It would be better for her if we weren't friends.

"Look Alice. You're great and all, but you don't want to be friends with me. You should just go." I looked up at the grapefruit tree in the courtyard. It would be better for her. I couldn't convince myself it would be better for me.

At once I had two tiny hands on my face, forcing me to look at her. Her eyes were narrowed, and jaw set. The fairy godmother had been replaced by a vicious amazon warrior.

"Isabella Swan. Were you just trying to get rid of me?" Her hands still held my face firmly, refusing to let me evade her question.

_Holy crap_. She is scary.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect her to not listen. I shrugged.

"Well hear me right now. I am you friend. You are stuck with me." With that she let go of my face, and leaned back into the grass on her elbows. The scary warrior had left, and was replaced by the more familiar mischievousness pixie.

She returned to her earlier question, the one I had failed to evade. "Talk."

I started pulling the grass out of the ground and shredding it like birthday confetti. Glancing up through my eye lashes, I saw that she sat still, with the patience of a saint.

I sighed. "I have a past."

She rolled her eyes. "And it's not pretty—"

"—Welcome to the human race."

"There was a guy. He used me." _Ugh. Poor baby_. I need to buck up and grow a pair.

I tried to evade them, but the memories were there. I had tried to lock them away, but for some damn reason they were persistent—always present behind the wall I failed to build. The holes and chinks were many, and the memory misted over me, like a smoke, enveloping my present.

"_Isabella!" I turned in the dilapidated hallway of Forks High to find my oldest friend skipping towards me. _

_I smiled at her, I couldn't help it. "Bree! What are you doing?"_

_She caught up to me, and wrapped her arm though mine. "I'm frolicking! What do you think I'm doing?"_

_I giggled. Bree was the quintessential girly-girl. She always had been. When we were five, she used to drag me into her basement and dress me up in all of her sisters old dance costumes and Halloween costumes. Then in all of our sequined glory she would proceed to drag me out to the playhouse for a tea party, set up by her mom and grandma. We would eat little peanut butter sandwiches cut out like stars, vanilla wafer cookies, and drink cold mint tea out of flower shaped cups. _

_I put my foot down when we were eight about the tea parties, but we still had fun, playing and dancing in her room. Her house was a nice escape from the craziness of my own. I never knew what time dinner was, and my mom never gave me a time to be home. My mom always had a cause to keep her busy, or a new 'friend.' _

_Bree tugged on my arm, pulling me back to the peeling walls of our ancient high school. _

"_Isabella, come on you have to frolick with me!" _

_My face flushed red, at the thought of the embarrassment if I tripped and face-planted. I would never live it down. _

"_Bree" I whined. "You know I'll just fall!" _

_She laughed, tossing her long light brown hair over her shoulder. "Well if you fall, maybe _he_'ll catch you." _

"_What are you talking about?" I asked her incredulous. She seemed to be living on another planet than me. Crazy girl. _

"_Oh you know who I'm talking about." Maybe Jupiter or Pluto. _

_I didn't deem her comment with an answer. I racked my brain for a possibility. _

_She tugged on my arm even harder in excitement. "Jimmy Crawford!"_

_I rolled my eyes. No, she lived on Boy Planet. Ever since we got to high school last fall all she's been able to focus on is boys. Who's the hottest. Who has the biggest muscles. Who has the coolest car. She was a walking cliché. _

"_Bree—once again, what the hell are you talking about?"_

_Her eyes glinted, or maybe that was the florescent lighting. "He's been watching you."_

"_Who?" I shook my head in confusion?_

_She rolled her eyes in disgust. "Jimmy Crawford!"_

Um, creepy.

_I released a big sigh, she was delusional. "Jimmy Crawford doesn't even know my name, let alone know I exist." _

_She giggled. It was getting a bit annoying. "Izzy!" I hated that nickname—and she knew it. _

_I glared at her. "Whatever. I'm not interested anyway, Bree, even if he knew who I am."_

"_The hottest guy in the freshman class, the son of the mayor has been checking you out! And that's all you have to say?" She pouted. _

_I sighed—again. I loved her, she had been my best friend for over ten years, but honestly she just didn't get me sometimes. _

"_Just you see Isabella Swan. He likes you. And you know he always gets what he wants." She turned in a huff, no longer skipping. She was such a drama queen. _

_It was weird, but she was right. _

_It took only a few weeks after that seemingly unimportant conversation before my life began to change. Jimmy had begun sitting next to me in the few classes we had together. And he was really sweet. Granted we'd gone to school together since kindergarten, and I always thought he was a bit stuck up, but time changes people. _

_He smiled at me, and included me in his conversations with friends. When I was sick he copied his notes for me. He bought me a dozen smiley face pencils after my favorite one broke in Geometry. He made me feel special. _

_He asked me to the winter formal. I was surprised. We were friends, but I never deluded myself to think it was more. He brought me flowers. I had never received flowers before. They were beautiful. _

_The night came quickly. My mom and I got a vintage dress at Goodwill. She was surprisingly handy and we were able to alter it to fit my small form. I had to wear a push up bra in order to fill out the bust—which for some reason made my mom giggle like a thirteen year old. _

_But then again, I was excited enough to giggle like a thirteen year old. _

_He picked me up the night of the dance in his father's red convertible BMW. He still only had his temps, but being the mayor's son definitely had some perks. His wheels squealed as we left the drive way._

_I nervously grabbed the passenger door handle, but gave him a quick smile when he glanced over at me. _

"_You look really beautiful, Isabella." I blushed. Its one thing having your mom tell you that, and it's another completely when it's a boy. _

"_Thank you." I replied quietly. _

_He grinned and reached over and grabbed my hand. I was a bit surprised, but I let him hold it. He began rubbing it vigorously with his thumb, and I was sure that he was going to rub the skin off of the back of my hand. _

_I didn't say anything. He was holding _my_ hand. Me! Plain, scrawny Isabella Swan. Bree was going to absolutely scream. _

_We arrived quickly at the dance, either time or the driving had gone fast. He opened my door for me, and held out his hand to help me out. I didn't really need his help, and honestly I didn't really want it, but it was Jimmy Crawford—so I took it. _

_The gym was decorated with streamers and balloons. It reminded me of a John Hughes movie. _

_He possessive gripped my waist as he led me into the gymnasium. When he smiled at me, I returned it. I got a churning feeling in my stomach, but I pushed off as butterflies. This was definitely the best night of my life. _

_He danced every dance with me. I had never had anyone be so attentive to me. Before I even thought of it he offered me a drink, and whenever he thought I was getting tired we took a break. _

_The night was amazing, but it was a bit odd that I didn't even talk to Bree. We waved hello when Jimmy and I arrived, but we never got to dance together, or gossip in the bathroom. I only saw her a few times across the room while I was dancing with Jimmy. _

_I was surprised that Bree didn't come and kidnap me. She was rather demanding and I'm sure that her date Riley must have been exhausted. It seemed that every time I mentioned her to Jimmy, he would start chuckling and tell some funny story that had happened to him, and I would completely forget about her. _

_I felt kinda guilty afterwards, but then again she was the one who pushed me towards Jimmy. It would only make sense that she would be ecstatic._

_On the ride home Jimmy held my hand again. He turned his head back and forth from the road to me. The obvious attention made me bashful. _

_He grabbed my hand again and began rubbing. "Isabella. I had an amazing time tonight." _

_I smiled. "I did too."_

"_I was wondering," he took a pause, "will you go out with me again this week?"_

_The butterflies started fluttering again, like a swarm of locus in my stomach. I used my free hand to brush a stray hair out of my face. I had had fun. I knew that I had been wary at one time, but he was so sweet. _

"_I'll have to ask my mom."_

_He smirked. "Oh, she won't have a problem with it." _

_I felt nervous. "In that case, okay."_

_I couldn't tell for sure, but his eyes glinted with my simple affirmative. He squeezed my hand, maybe a little too hard. "Just okay?"_

_Seeking to reassure him, I replied. "I would love to go out with you again."_

_His hand stopped squeezing, and he returned to rubbing, but gently this time. I sighed. I looked over at him; he was carefully focused on the road. It was odd, he was smiling brightly, but it didn't seem to reach his eyes. He must be tired; it _had_ been a long night. _

I blinked my eyes tightly. I hadn't thought of that night in the longest time. For a while I had ranked it in my top ten favorite days ever. I so was naïve.

I looked over at Alice; she had sat up and scooted over next to me.

I felt like I had zoned out for hours, not moments, but she seemed not to notice.

Alice in her white sundress and strappy heels was sitting on the ground, scooting around in the dirt for me. If she found me important enough to be this persistent, she deserved the truth—at least part of it.

"Everyone loved him. The whole town. He cheated. I dumped him. He didn't like being dumped, so he got back at me." My voice cracked at the end. I couldn't help it.

Alice leaned her head on my shoulder, sighing. "I'm sorry, Bella."

A tear sneaked past my defenses and slid silently down my cheek. "Me too."

"So that's why?"

"Why what?"

"Your medical condition. Why boys or men can't touch you."

She had it partly right. I guess it was _one_ of my 'conditions.'

Yet no one had said it so plainly before. Untouchable. I knew it. My mom knew it. The doctors at home figured it out when I started screaming.

The first time it had happened was after what I call "the incident." It hurt. It hurt so badly that just thinking about it brings back the pain, like a ghost that always haunts me.

* * *

I was in the emergency room that night. Someone had found me. I don't remember who.

Then an intern touch me. He checked my pulse and my breathing. Cognitively I knew that he was helping me, but what I felt was much different. Utter terror.

And then I was back in that room, like I had never left. Only it was happening again, and this time I knew what came next.

And I couldn't stop it.

_The room was spinning. I knew where I was, but I just couldn't get control. _

_That night I was trying to prove to myself, to everyone that Jimmy did not make me. I need to prove it to the town, to everyone who had used to be my friends._

_Mary Jackson was having an end of the year party. It was at the beginning of May, so perhaps a little preemptive, but no one was going to complain. We were all ready for the year to end. Especially me. _

_High school sucks. _

_I got to the party and couldn't help but feel the stares. It pissed me off. How dare they treat me like I was an outcast? I had been their friend for years, and just because I dump my boyfriend they discard me. He, the lying, cheating bastard, was better than me?_

_I grabbed a drink someone handed to me. I don't know who. I only took two sips before I threw it out. Beer is disgusting, and I knew something stronger was thrown in because my tongue started to feel numb. _

_My head began to throb. _I hate parties. I always had. I have no idea why I am here.

_I felt my way to an empty room. It had posters on the wall, and an old pool table in the center. The ceiling fan was on low, slowing going round and round. I found it hypnotizing. The room was spinning. _

I started screaming, coming out of the flashback, and threw myself off the gurney onto the floor only adding to my numerous injuries. The intern tried to reach for me, which only made me scream louder.

I learned to stop the screaming quickly. It didn't help. It never stopped anything.

* * *

I remembered that Alice as waiting for an answer. Why men can't touch me. And I guess this was why. Why I wasn't normal anymore. Why the memories would never go away.

"Yea."

"Did he hurt you?"

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut.

"Yea."

Alice lifted her head from my shoulder, and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly around the shoulders. She began to murmur quietly, about random things, her parents, Rose, her favorite TV shows, what shoes she was going to buy at Macy's.

I hadn't even noticed, and I don't know when I began crying in earnest, but the tears flowed down my face. I didn't make any noise. Just simple tears, mourning. And she understood.

We sat there rocking for I don't know how long.

Part of me had held out hope that she would leave, and save herself from the train wreck that is me and my life. But she stayed. It was in that moment that I realized I was stuck with her. And it made me smile.

* * *

**Review are better than Alice as an Amazon Queen--in her world you don't need to be tall to be an Amazon.**

**Recs:**

**Portrait of a Girl by Zors--SOooo good, I obsessively check to see if she has an update, and she has promised one soon, yay! Think Twelfth Night--but better. Summary: Edward, smartest student at St. Bart's School for Boys, always thought he was straight. That is, until he met new student Ben Cheney. But what happens when Edward discovers that Ben is actually a girl who goes by the name of Bella Swan?**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	8. Clamor

**A/N: Many thanks to MsWDarcy for editing this 3 times... thank you for not letting Bella be a weakling. :) And for also bringing Edward back!  
**

**Thank you for my faithful readers! Please leave me a review!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the creator and owner of all characters, anything Twilight. All plot lines, backgrounds, characterizations, and details belong to ElspethGordie.**

**Warning: This is rated M for a reason. Adult themes and content. Eventual violence. **

* * *

Chapter Eight: Clamor

The sunlight poured through my window, streaming sideways as the sun went down. The dust that had collected in my room swirled slightly in the beams of light. I had my curtains as wide open as possible. I couldn't let the light be wasted. If I couldn't sit and soak it in, I would take it anyway possible.

I stood in front of my floor length mirror. I knew what I would see, yet I was still surprised. I had changed. I'd avoided mirrors and pretty much any reflection for the past few months. Now that I finally had the courage to look, the mirror showed me a different Bella.

My hair was longer, past the middle of my back. I hadn't bothered with it in a while, and it had grown.

I skipped past my face. My eyes give me away. My mom had always told me that—and I don't want to see what they say, even now.

I stood in my bra and underwear inspecting my body. White, cute, with little bows. It's not like anyone but me will see them. My body had filled out, I was loosing my boyish figure. I've always been on the thin side, but even with all the puking I've done, I had still gained weight. And in some ways, I didn't mind. I had boobs! Real ones. My hips and thighs were rounder, and I think I might almost have curves.

But that's not what I was seeing. All I could see right now was my belly. I looked down at it every day, but looking in the mirror was different. Looking down from above I looked all flat and smooth, but from the side, I was definitely showing a little bump.

The bump was cute.

I liked my bump.

Then I panicked. _I have a bump! _

_Holy Crap_. I can play it off as just getting fat for a little while, but that won't last long. Honestly, I'm such a small person, I was surprised I didn't show more than this. I wondered what Alice would do if she were me. Not that she would ever be in my situation—she was smarter than that. But she always seems to know what to do.

I dismissed the thought. I was getting fat—That's all. If I pretended to believe it, so would others.

Speaking of Alice, she wanted me to wear a bathing suit under my dress to the party, and now looking at my bump…that was _so_ not happening.

I still couldn't believe I had agreed. Stupid friends. Stupid guilt.

When Emmett dropped me off earlier Alice had clearly instructed me to be ready at seven o'clock sharp, and to wear my new baby doll dress. I'll just "wear" my bathing suit underneath. Thank goodness baby doll tops are basically maternity shirts. They could hide anything if need be.

Giving myself one last inspection, I pulled on the pre-determined outfit. I even threw on some mascara and a little bit of green eyeliner, hoping to pull some kind of real color from my mud brown eyes.

The door bell rang. _Dang_.

* * *

I walked shakily up the driveway of the Hale's house. Alice must have blown through at least six lights turning from yellow to red claiming that they were "orange" and therefore completely legal. I was just thankful that the car could handle sixty mile-per-hour turns without rolling. It's a wonder she hasn't had a ticket, or mowed over a little old lady crossing the road.

The Hale's house was huge. Much bigger than Emmett's or the Cullen's. It had a courtyard with a fountain, and manicured grass—they must have a fleet of gardeners just caring for the front yard alone. There were tall palm trees out front, but best of all was the bougainvillea permeating the air. _I wonder if I can talk Charlie into one of those for our yard._

Alice opened the door, not even bothering to knock. If I thought the outside was amazing, the inside was even more so. It was open and airy—sophisticated. It made the house I grew up in look like a hippy dump—but then again, Mom is kinda a wanna-be hippy.

Rosalie breezed into the room. "Ali, you're late! We still haven't put out the hors d'oeuvres!" _Umm…_they're having hors d'oeuvres at a pool party? Had I just walked into an episode of _The_ _Hills_?

Ali flitted into the kitchen leaving me behind. Rosalie tilted her nose up in the air looking down at me and followed her. We're gonna be _best friends_. I didn't have anything else to do but follow as well, but I took my time observing all the pictures of Rosalie and Jasper growing up.

Rosalie was and is truly beautiful. The pictures chronicled her life, even more so than Jasper. The whole house was a shrine—a shrine to Rosalie Hale. No wonder she gave off a superior vibe. Anyone who was that worshipped wouldn't be able to help it.

The girls were placing little wieners wrapped in crescent rolls on a clear tray, perfectly spaced apart. They had tiki torches lying on the table ready to be set up, and a six bags of mini umbrellas. How many people were they expecting?

My heart beat began to race, and I could feel the flush grow in my cheeks. I searched the rest of the kitchen, only to find four _more_ trays of baby wienies, three platters of mini veggie pizza crackers, and a two giant bowls of watermelon. And that was just the beginning. There was food that I didn't even know the names for…a lot of food. That meant a lot of people.

Alright, I do realize I agreed to go to a party. _A Party_. But I had purposely forgotten that _people_ come to parties.

Memories hovered directly beneath the surface, memories I had been holding back for months.

"_Izzy! Are you coming to the party at the Myers tomorrow night?" I looked up to see Bree batting her eyes at me. She leaned her head on the side of my open locker door and stuck out her bottom lip for effect. _

I continued to breathe even faster.

"_It's the end of the year party, and we're invited!" Her voice rose an octave. "Freshman _rarely_ get invited!"_

_I smiled. It did sound like fun. "I don't know." I was supposed to be packing to go visit my dad for a week. The party was on the last day of school, and I was leaving that Saturday to spend all of June in Arizona with my dad. _

"_I have to pack, you know that." That only caused her to pull the puppy dog face out, and it was ridiculously endearing. _

"_Isabellaaaaaaa, you have to come! Jimmy's going to be there!" _

_I smiled. That was a good reason. _

"_All the older girls will be checking out Jimmy if you don't!" She began twirling her hair, rambling about what she was going to wear—wondering out loud if her older sister would take her to Port Angeles for a new outfit. _

_I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth. I wasn't completely convinced. I really did need to pack. _

_I pulled some lip gloss out of my purse, and used the mirror on my locker door to apply it smoothly. I'd never gotten the hang of not smearing it all over my face. _

_Two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around my middle, and I could feel a silent chuckle against my neck. I smiled and turned around. _

_My boyfriend—yes, that's right girls, Isabella Swan has a boyfriend—and not just any boy, but the hottest boy in the sophomore class. The flipping quarterback of the football team! — He was PDA-ing _me_ in the hallway. _

_I lifted my face to him for a quick kiss. I still felt so lucky that he chose me—would kiss me! Sometimes I was still shocked over. _

_He smirked at me, and deepened the kiss. I didn't really enjoy French kissing—it was a bit slobbery, and I felt like I had to swallow so much spit, but I wasn't going to complain. _

"_Hey Izz," he grabbed my waist a tighter, almost too tight, and I tried not to grimace at the nickname—damn Bree. "You going to the party on Friday?"_

_I scrunched my nose. "Jimmy, I have to pack for my dad's." I tried to turn back to my locker to grab my bag, but he didn't let me move. His hands gripped my waist even tighter, and I tried not to wince at the pressure. _

"_You can't leave me for a whole month!" His voice whined, raising in volume more than pitch. _

"_It's my dad."_

"_Izz, I can't go without you for a whole month. You need to stay." It sounded more like a command than a suggestion. _

_I sighed, actually considering it. If _he_ wanted me to stay…_

_I didn't really want to go to Arizona anyway. I'd barely seen my dad since the divorce. And of course, I didn't want to leave Jimmy. _

_I knew I sounded petty and untrusting, but part of me worried that if I left he would forget about me. There are tons of girls prettier than me. _

_Jimmy had changed my whole world. It felt like my life hadn't started before him. I hung out with the in-crowd at school, which made Bree ecstatic. But it was more than that, everyone—I mean everyone—knew who I was. I'd have kids at school, or adults I ran into in town, who I didn't even know, say hi to me. _

_I felt wanted. Appreciated. Noticed, for the first time_

_Jimmy grabbed my attention again, eyes glinting. "You have to stay." His smirk reappeared suddenly; I'd hardly noticed it was gone. "Think how much fun we are going to have this summer!" _

_He let go of my waist, throwing an arm over my shoulder. I grabbed my bag from my locker, and let him pull me down the hall. _

"_And it's gonna start with this party." He was sure, no room for argument. _

_I shrugged. "Okay, I'll talk to my mom." _

_Bree reappeared from nowhere, triumphant. "I knew he could convince you!" _

_I rolled my eyes, even though she was right. He could convince me to do anything. _

_It was surprisingly easier than I thought—talking to Mom. I told her that I want to stay home with her this summer, that I felt like things were going too quickly, and I wanted time at home. She called Charlie, and though he wasn't happy, he agreed. I kinda thought he would put up a fight. _Typical_._

_School ended quickly. Freshman year had flown by, and it was so much more than I expected. _

_Bree and I got ready for the party together Friday night. It was rare for us to hang out outside of school. Now that I was dating Jimmy, it felt like I barely saw her. _

_We laughed and primped, talking about boys. I got to hear more about Riley. It surprised me that their relationship had gotten so serious so fast. The three of us had been friends for a long time—before Jimmy that is. _

_She gushed. "Oh Isabella, he is such a good kisser! I swear we made out in my basement for three hours!" She giggled to herself. I cringed internally—that's like drinking a liter of saliva. Jimmy and I had made out before, but I always put an end to it before I felt like I was going to drown. _

_She looked over at me conspiratorially. "We're gonna do it."_

Do what?_ I repeated my question aloud to her. _

_She looked at me like I was crazy. "It!" I shook my head at her in confusion. _

_She let out a sigh in exasperation. "The dirty deed, the nasty, bouncing the pogo stick!"_

_My eyes widened in surprise. "Like sex?"_

_She rolled her eyes at me. "Of course!" _

"_When?" _

"_Tonight." She smirked sexily at me, and then looked back at the mirror to finish putting on her eye shadow. _

_I froze, literally shocked into stillness. Bree and Riley were going to have sex? But they were only fifteen! They—we were too young for sex!_

_We were, weren't we?_

_Does Jimmy think we are going to have sex too? We'd been going out longer than Bree and Riley. _

_I'm not ready for sex!_

_I cringed._

_Bree didn't notice my mental panic attack, which was probably good. I watched as she applied some va-va-voom lipstick making her look like a hooker, then she puckered and kissed the mirror. _

_She grinned at me. "So, how bout you?"_

Uh_. "Uh, what about me?" I tried to act nonchalant and went back to finishing my own makeup. _

_She nudged me in the arm. "You know! Sex! Are you and Jimmy gonna do it?"_

"_Uh, we haven't really talked about it." I tried to brush off her question._

"_Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't done it yet! He's the quarterback—tons of girls are dying to give him what you haven't." _Where did that come from?

"_Bree, what are you talking about." I turned towards her to give my full attention. I wasn't the most observant person in the world, and if she knew something—she was going to tell me. _

"_You know, just rumors. All the cheerleaders are just waiting for Jimmy to be free again."_

"_So what are you saying? That I have to put out to keep him?"_

_She shrugged._

_I shook my head. "He cares about me! He would wait for me."_

_She shrugged again. _

"_Whatever Bree. I'm not ready. And if he cares about me, he'll understand that." _

_She smiled at me like I was a little child. "Okay, if you say so." _

_I ground my teeth trying not to snap at her. Did she think he'd go somewhere else if I didn't put out? It pissed me off. I can't believe she isn't on my side about this. Jimmy would never do anything to betray me—never. _

_We spent the rest of the time getting ready in silence, awkward silence. Bree had been my best friend for a long time, but now it felt like we were miles apart. She had accepted the popularity so easily—I didn't. It just didn't feel like me. _

_Jimmy picked us up at eight. My mom had been bouncing around, probably more excited than I was over the party. She had put on "mood" music, and wore her Indian sarong in anticipation—she wasn't even going. _

_She opened the door and hugged Jimmy like he was her own. She hadn't been very subtle about what she hoped for our future. He smirked at me over her shoulder; it read very clearly, the I-can-do-whatever-I-want-because-I'm-Jimmy-Crawford look. _

_I rolled my eyes. He glared at me back. _

"_Now, Jimmy don't you just look handsome." She basically petted his arm. She was right, his simple t-shirt and low riding jeans did make him look hot. I heard her mutter none too quietly to herself. "If I was twenty years younger, I would so tap that." _Ugh, I wanted to gag_. _

_He sauntered towards me, and obviously gave me a once over. I blushed at his perusal. He narrowed his eyes, then whispered in my ear, "Go put on that red top with the sparkles."_

_I pulled in a breath surprised, possibly going even redder. _What's wrong with my outfit?_ I flashed a timid smile at my mom and darted up the stairs. _If that's what he wants, it's easy enough to change.

_I returned quickly, changed into the shimmery red top with the plunging neckline. He smiled at me, and wrapped his arm around my waist possessively. _

"_Baby, you look gorgeous." I tried to smile back, but it was more like a grimace. _

"_You look nice too." He flashed his killer smile at me and winked. I returned it, genuine this time, all awkwardness forgotten. _

_Bree came flying down the stairs. "You guys ready to go?" _

_We nodded, and headed out the door. Bree was lacking a bit of grace this evening, and literally galloped to the car. If I didn't know better, I would say she was already drunk. I was embarrassed by her ridiculous behavior._

_We arrived at the party and it was already loud and crowded. You could hear the music down the block. I was surprised that the neighbors hadn't called the cops. But if they hadn't yet, they wouldn't at all. Forks is lackadaisical about anything involving their 'star' children. _

_Jimmy gripped my hand tightly and I trailed behind him walking up to the house. He opened the door and I could feel the bass vibrating in my chest. I hated that feeling. _

_It reminded me that I really didn't like parties that much… but I would have fun as long as I was with Jimmy. _

_Everyone we passed clapped Jimmy on the back, giving exuberant hellos. Tracy Myers, the senior giving the party sauntered up to us perusing Jimmy with her eyes. When he let go of my hand to give her a hug, I couldn't help but notice he left his hand on her hip a moment too long. _

_I narrowed my eyes. He dropped his hand and grinned at me, like I was amusing. _

_He pulled me towards him, and wrapped his arms around me. His hands began to drop lower on my back than I expected and he palmed my butt. I squeaked when he squeezed, really hard. He chuckled again in my ear. _

"_Come on baby, don't be a prude."_

"Bella.—Bella!"

I snapped my head up and met Rosalie's crystal blue eyes. She handed me an empty tray and several bags of already chopped vegetables. "Arrange these." She ordered.

My eyes widened in surprised—_Yes, Sir_. I wanted to salute—but briskly attended to my task anyway. Distraction was good. I neatly created two veggie trays before I noticed that my job was complete. While I was lost in my job, the girls had busily finished up everything else.

Then I realized something. I was fine. The memory had come, and the memory had gone. And no one noticed.

I picked up the tray, and carefully balanced all my hard work while I brought it out through the sliding door out onto the patio. I was not going to dump this on the ground by tripping like a fumbling idiot.

I set the tray down and looked around at the patio finally, now that my hands were free. It was magnificent. "Wow."

There were Chinese lanterns hung at perfect intervals around the patio, and into the yard. Tiki torches stood by the pool, with little center pieces of red and white gerbera daisies were on every flat surface. Alice flitted from one end of the yard and back, dragging Emmett with her, as he fixed each streamer.

"Rosalie, this is beautiful."

She smiled. "The decorations are all Alice. I do the food."

I glanced again at the spread. Did they realize that they had invited _high schoolers_ over? I had never been to a party like this, and I've been to my fair share of parties.

I voiced my thoughts. "No, really. It's all amazing. You do realize you invited a bunch of teenagers, right?"

She laughed, "This is a tame party for us, you should have seen the end of the year bash we had in May."

She leaned over conspiratorially. "Alice and I had Emmett, Jasper, and Edward completely convinced it was a costume party."

Surprised by her willingness to share, I leaned in. "Really?"

She snickered. "Emmett came dressed as the Incredible Hulk— "

"Original." I laughed.

"—Jasper a cowboy." She rolled her eyes. "And Edward as Dracula. They lived it up like everyone else had got it wrong. Emmett even tried to leap the pool in one bound, proving his strength." She snorted. "It didn't work out."

I chuckled at the irony. I'm sure she had never had a party like the one I went to last May. Yes, I realize my sarcasm makes me a bit morbid, thank you for the concern.

I watched as she scurried back inside to take care of something else. I check my phone for the time. People would be arriving soon. I stakes out a place in a well protected corner. I had come, and darn it, I'm going to have fun. Even if that is protected fun—for the good of the party guests.

I grabbed a glass of punch. It hadn't been spiked—yet. All my experience lead to rather inebriated teenagers by the end any kind of gathering; I was very interested to see if they would live up the standard.

I waited and watched as people began to trickle in. I didn't recognize anyone, but I've only been here a week.

Emmett's booming laugh echoed across the yard, and I spotted him stalking towards Alice. She held a chair in her hands, trying to ward him off like he was a wild animal. I giggled to myself. They were so goofy.

I became wrapped up in the people watching—it was fascinating. Who knew people could be so interesting.

Even caught up in the people, their conversations, their flirting, I knew. I felt it the moment he arrived. Bizarre and perhaps rather creepy, I could feel that Edward, the oddly silent sometimes lab partner and brother of my new best friend was here. It was like he was the polar opposite magnet to my charge. Part of me felt pulled to him.

But I stayed strong. I stayed put. No need to cause a scene. _That should be my motto_.

I tried to distract myself by trying to figure out what the heck Emmett was explaining to the group that had surrounded him. He had done everything but stand on his head to act out the story. My interpretation was that last summer he became a pirate. But his purpose was for the seeking out of 'fair' maidens not plundering ships for gold. In the midst of his voyages he received the gift of flight which led him to become the president of the United States for one day only. In that day he released all captive goats everywhere, and made it national peewee football day. This position led him to meet a woman with "large tracks of land." And then he woke up. _I crack myself up_.

Nah, it was probably about some hot chick with boobs the size of melons. I bet a wind swooped by at just the right moment and he got a peek at a pantyless ass.

_Mine was better_. I snickered to myself.

"What's so funny over here?"

I jumped and looked up, surprised. Edward's eyes crinkled in amusement as he looked down at me.

Our eyes connected, and my internal compass needle righted itself—pointing directly at him. My skin felt translucent, like he could see past all my barriers even physical ones to my very core.

My breath hitched, but I couldn't break the connection. It was unnatural, and perfectly natural at the same time.

"Edward!" Alice squealed across the pool. Her distraction freed us, and I fumbled with the fabric of my dress on my lap, check to see if my 'fat' was noticeable. I glanced up and saw him wave awkwardly at his sister, then run his fingers through his hair.

I sighed.

I added a new item to my bucket list: touch Edward Cullen's sex hair.

"So, what were you laughing bout before?" He sat down in one of the pool chairs next to me.

I smiled. "Just Emmett." I pointed to him. He was still regaling his group with some tale. He was squatting, and making the point to look each person in the eye with utmost seriousness. Edward groaned.

I eyed him curiously. He shook his head. "You don't want to know."

I laughed to myself, it was probably much worse than anything I came up with.

He leaned back, and put his hands behind his head. "What do you think of the party?"

"It's great." He looked at me dubiously. "Really—this week has been more fun than my last three years combined."

He whistled. "High school so far must have sucked."

I muttered, mostly to myself. "You have no idea."

He looked at me confused, probably hoping that I would go on. I ignore it and changed the subject. "I thought this was a pool party." I waved my arm in front of me. "How come nobody's swimming?"

He let it go and smiled mischievously. "You wanna be the first."

My eyes widened, and I shook my head furiously, bracing my arms in front of me to ward away his advances. He laughed. _I love that laugh_.

"Don't worry, scaredy pants, I won't throw you in."

"Thanks." I regained my humor quickly. I hoped he noticed the sarcasm dripping off my insincere gratitude.

"Alice has actually forbidden swimming until ten o'clock." I knitted my eyebrows in confusion.

"She wants it to be _sophisticated_." He used his fingers to air quote 'sophisticated.'

I giggled. "That sounds like Alice. I had no choice over my attire for the evening. She even used the look to get me here tonight."

"Yea, she used it on me too."

"Really?" He nodded. I tried not to notice, but we had both been slyly making eye contact with each other. It was like a game. We'd get eye contact and spark—but then we'd chicken out and look away.

"This isn't really my scene."

"Oh yea, King of the nerdom, right?"

He laughed. "Not so much anymore. But this isn't me. I feel like I'm evading people more than socializing." His voice got a little harder, but I knew it wasn't directed at me. "What about you? Why are you hiding back here?"

"It's just safer for everyone if I'm over here."

He waited for me to explain, which made me want to give him the Bella death glare, but I refrained. I didn't think he deserved that yet.

"No need to make a _scene_." Nodding slowly, he finally got the idea.

I reached for my cup on the glass table, but noticed it was empty so I set it back down. There was no way I'd get through the crowd without bumping into someone. Edward must have noticed my actions, because he moved to get up and took my cup from the table.

"You want a refill? It's no problem." He smiled his lopsided smile that made my insides go to mush.

I grinned, and nodded. "Thanks." He brushed it off, and left to go refill my drink.

I let my mind wander after he left. I was glad I came.

Caught in my mind I didn't notice until too late that my corner had been invaded again, and this time it was not welcome. The girl from the first day of school, with too much make-up and fake boobs… Jackie, Jordan…Jessica?...and a fake blonde stalked into my corner. She stared haughtily at me, as if I had invaded her space.

Empty headed bimbos at a high school party? _Check_. I'm glad all my expectations were not being crushed around me.

The indiscreet looks that said I was not wanted continued, but I choose to ignore them, and gazed back out at the crowd. I hoped Edward would return soon.

"What are you doing here?" Jessica asked. It was a rhetorical question. I answered anyway—I'm ornery like that.

"Sitting." I gave her my best insincere smile just for emphasis. I prayed they would go away.

The other girl smirked. "Hiding out fatty?"

_I am _not_ fat_. I ignored it.

She laughed at her own snide. "Sneaking cakes and cookies, marshmellow?"

_Original_.

Jessica giggled—it sounded like a piglet squealing—not the cute kind.

"No wonder you're constantly puking."

_How did they know about the puking?_ I clenched my jaw and told myself that they were just a bunch of skanks trying to make themselves feel better. They didn't know anything about it.

The fake blonde snorted. "Yea, she's either bulimic or preggers."

They doubled over laughing; Jessica's boobs basically falling out of her top.

"Nah, definitely bulimic. Who'd touch that? I bet she's a prude."

_Bitch_. I saw red.

* * *

**Reviews are better than coming up with your own ideas of what Emmett could possibly be saying!**

**Recs:**

**For the Summer by camoozle **  
**Summary: Every year Bella waits for the 'Pay Checks' to roll into her sleepy river town and every year Edward's hers, just for the summer. AH, AU, OOC, B/E**  
**My rec: So sweet. This is full of innocence, awakenings, and first love. It makes me feel so nostalgic. It's in progress, so it won't take too much to catch up. A definite read.  
**

**Memories Left Behind by Ailisraevyn**  
**Summary:Edward doesn't remember anything about his life before thirteen. Bella's mom abandoned her and her father when she was five. Can these broken souls save each other, or will their past tear them apart? AH, Canon Couples, Language & Drug Use.**  
**My rec: I really like the Jasper in this fic, he has a horrible past, but is still resilient. I also like the family groupings with Alice and Emmett being siblings. The Bella has a great personality, with the usual insecurities. Most of all it has a beautiful darkward, who makes your heart ache for him as he's just trying to survive. **

**Please Review!**


	9. Clashing

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who have subscribed to _Untouchable_. Please leave a review! I would love to thank you personally for taking the time to read my story. Thank you to my faithful reviewers (the few of you)-I really appreciate you.  
**

**Thanks to MsWDarcy for editing the heck out of this chapter. And thank you for tenderly caring for it, and me as I second guess myself. **

**Thanks to Zors for being an awesome pre-reader!**

**Thanks to nowforruin, my twilighted validation beta. Yes, I am now on Twilighted(dot)net yay! A link will go in my profile soon, for those of you who rather read there, though I have to warn you that I'm not as far into the story as I am here. But hopefully soon we'll be directly aligned. **

**I have also created a blog to go along with my writing. More thoughts on this chapter are there. Explanations, comments, etc. Plus who really want to read uber long author's notes? The link is in my profile.  
**

**Warning: adult content and violence. You have been warned. **

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie. **

* * *

Chapter 9: Clashing

_The fake blonde snorted. "Yea, she's either bulimic or preggers." _

_They doubled over laughing; Jessica's boobs basically falling out of her top. _

"_Nah, definitely bulimic. Who'd touch that? I bet she's a prude."_

_Bitch. _I saw red_. _

I stood up, hands clenched at my side. I brought out the Bell-Swan-Death-Stare, and released it on these skanks full force.

They dared to presume they know me! Prude? Jimmy thought I was a prude, and look where it got me. I gave him everything but sex, and look at me now. Knocked-up and exiled.

I'd let people walk all over me before. But I was not that girl anymore. I wasn't going to just lie down and take their crap. I wasn't going to ignore them and hope they went away.

I cared.

I wasn't that Bella anymore, and I was not going to let whores treat me like that.

"Who do you think you are? You don't know me!" I took one step towards them menacingly.

The fake blond had a snotty expression on her face—probably permanent—but Jessica looked slightly uncomfortable.

The blond crossed her arms under her chest, and raised one eyebrow. "I'm Lauren Mallory. Who the hell are you?" Then she muttered blimp under her breath.

"Ohhhhhh… you're Lauren Mallory? I've heard the locker room rumors." I smirked.

Her face began to go slightly purple. "You don't know who you are messing with chunky! I can make your life a living hell."

_Join the club_. I laughed bitterly at her. "Oh, so that's how it is. The bitter harpy needs to put others down in order to make her fake tan and botched boob job self feel better. Poor baby."

Part of me understood her. She was the type I'd been friends with for years. She was the type that hung around Jimmy, and who Bree emulated whole heartedly. She used manipulation and insults to raise her standing. I had tolerated it once. I would never do that again.

They had made me the target of their insults the moment I broke up with Jimmy. And they made damn sure that nobody believed me.

Lauren's face changed as if she had a revelation; she giggled, and it sounded like nails on a chalk board. "I've heard about your pathetic attempts to catch Edward Cullen's attention. Don't even try. You are way out of his league." Jessica laughed at that, like it was an inside joke.

I clenched my hands at my side, desperately trying to think calming thoughts. Pummeling her looked way too good right now. I pointed at her face. "Aw honey, is that a cold sore? Because you know what they say about cold sores, it's from sucking an infected dick."

Her face froze and she dropped the smile, the sneer returning.

"I've seen you in the bathroom every day. Puking. You are disgusting." She wrinkled her nose at me. "It doesn't seem to be helping you lose weight."

They messed with me; they messed with my friend. They messed with my fat, and therefore my baby. This chick was going down.

Nobody messes with my baby.

"Bitch."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out some loose change. With my most insincere smile I said, "There you go, my contribution; I'm sure this little chat has cut into your nightly earnings. You know what they say about prostitutes."

Lauren took a step towards me, looking enraged—it did nothing for her.

"You sure look like one. Sorry if I was mistaken." I smiled tightly.

Lauren screeched and stomped her foot. I don't know whether she was trying to be intimidating, or it was an unconscious reaction. Still, it was pretty funny.

Trying not to laugh, I narrowed my eyes in assessment. "Please, I would love to give you _another_ bump in your nose."

Her hand flew up to her nose, and she pat it a few times, before her eyes widened and she caught herself dropping her arm. _Cha-ching, I hit a sore spot_.

Maybe I looked really intimidating—which I hope was the case—or at least my verbal flaying had worked, but they backed down. Jessica grabbed Lauren's arm and pulled her back to the party.

Lauren turned and pointed at me with her free hand. "Don't think this is over. You have no idea what you've messed with." _Yea, yea, living hell. Been there, done that. Whatever_.

No, she had no idea what she messed with. No more nice Bella. Part of me wished Jessica hadn't pulled her away. She definitely could benefit from a good pop in the nose. Charlie had taught that to me when I was little, before he left—and I had a good arm.

I wanted a good fight. One I could win.

I stood there fuming, clenching and unclenching my hands at my side. I glared out at the sea of people.

_Who am I kidding? Me? Fit in here? It's completely laughable._

I barely fit in now, and it was only because I cowered in the corner. Just wait a few months, when I can't hide behind babydoll tops and the excuse of an increased appetite.

Firetruck.

Yea, just take away the "iretr."

To say I was hopping mad would be an understatement. Those insatiable whores had finally riled up the ire within me over… everything. I could just spit.

My vision had gone blurry in the heated glance I gave the nameless crowd. I didn't notice him until he was almost upon me.

"Bella?" I looked up at Edward.

He raised his hands defensively, still holding the cups, one of which I presume was for me.

"Whoa, what's going on?"

"What do you care?"

He frowned at me. "Isabella. What happened?"

"Don't call me that!" My voice raised.

_Isabella… Izz… Izzy… Isabella_

I glared at him with more force. Stupid name. _I hate my name_. Who names their child after a Spanish monarch who financed the expedition to America? How can a kid live up to that?

"Alright, alright. Bella." He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "What happened while I was gone."

I was suddenly tired—exhausted. I had gotten angrier in those five minutes than I had for a long time. It felt good. But boy, was I tired.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

I slumped into my chair, and stared lazily over the crowd. Nothing had changed. Everyone was still having fun, talking, laughing, joking. And I was on the outside.

Edward waited. He hadn't moved except to put our drinks down. He looked hesitantly at me… like I was a crazy person.

Yea, I deserved that.

"It's nothing."

Edward shook his head. "It's obviously not nothing."

I sighed. "Mean girls doing mean things—the usual." His face darkened, and he immediately looked over to Jessica and Lauren. They were crowded together with several other girls giggling hysterically, occasionally looking over at me.

He muttered something under his breath. It was too quiet to hear, but by the inflection, I'm sure it wasn't very nice.

That made me smile. He was calling them dirty names for me. Or at least he was just calling them dirty names, even if it wasn't for me. They deserved it.

He had continued to stare at them with such malevolence that it made me giggle a little. Before I knew it I was bent over in my seat belly laughing. I was gaining a little attention, not much, but I did receive an impudent glare from Lauren. It only made me laugh harder.

That bitch thought she could ruin my life with a few nasty words? She was the minor leagues compared to what I was used to. I could wipe the floor with her if I really wanted.

Wow, part of me was rearing up for next time… golly, I hope she follows through on her promise. I felt giddy.

I realized Edward was staring at me. That was embarrassing. My mom always said my face was an open book… if so the reading had just been irrationally erratic.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

"I so do not want to mess with you, do I?"

I grinned. "You have no idea."

We leaned back, sitting in silence. I could almost hear the questions bursting from his head. But I didn't want to get him involved, I could handle myself. Even if a half hour ago I was wallowing in low self-esteem, I was confident now.

"So why were you basically ignoring me all week?"

He looked slightly awkward. "I wasn't ignoring you."

"Yea sure, so refusing to speak with someone unless you are forced to by a teacher isn't ignoring someone. I'll have to write that down."

He released a sigh. "I wasn't ignoring you. I was protecting you."

"Oh, I see." He was really convincing. I'm glad that my ego had taken it's quota of hits for the night.

He ran his fingers through his hair—yet again. It made me wonder if he was giving himself premature hair loss. "I'm not a good friend, Bella."

I raised my eyes to his and waited for him to continue. "I have a lot of issues and you'd be better off without me as a friend."

_Arg_. My emotions lit up again. The nerve to think he knows what's good for me. "You think you have issues? I'm sure your life looks like a piece of cake compared to mine! How dare you decide what's best for me? You don't even know me! And if you thought that, then what have you been doing over here talking to me all night?"

"Darn hormones." Making me ramble.

He looked shocked.

I blushed. "Sorry. The filter isn't working well tonight." I looked out at the crowd again, ignoring him, hoping that he'd walk away. That's what he wanted anyway. If he wanted to go, I'd let him.

A few people were swimming but most of the teens were dancing or milling around talking. It was probably one of the tamest parties I'd ever been to.

Suddenly two hands gently cupped my face, and drew my attention back to those emerald eyes. I soaked in every curve and line in his face, subconsciously memorizing it. Edward was knelt down in front of me, directly on eye level. His face only inches from mine.

"Bella." His eyes searched mine; I didn't know what they found. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know you. I have no idea what your life has been like. I had no right to presume anything, make any decisions for you. I'm sorry."

His thumbs gently caressed my cheek bones, and pulled away tucking my hair behind my ears. I almost whimpered at the loss of their touch—I never felt so safe as I did with him, touching me.

Then I realized that he had touched me yet again, and I had been fine. I was speechless.

He went back to his seat. I withdrew a breath, and ran my fingers shakily through my hair. "So where does that put us?"

He smiled, his crooked smile. "Friends?"

I might regret it later. Boys were dangerous. And I had learned the ultimate lesson. But for some unknowable reason I trusted him.

I smiled back. "Friends."

* * *

The hallway was hazy, I couldn't tell whether it was smoke or something else. It was playing tricks on me, I could hardly see my little girl in front of me. She ran ahead, her dark curly hair bouncing behind her.

She giggled, and occasionally turned to wait for me. I could never keep up with her. I frantically called out to her to slow down, or wait for me.

She rounded a corner, and then peeked out to wave me on. I slipped into a jog, nervous that I'd never catch up.

We rounded a corner, and were suddenly out of the hallway and under the oak tree. My little girl was nowhere in sight.

I yelled to her—terrified. "Baby! Baby, where are you?" I whipped my head from side to side, searching the yard for her, but nothing was in focus except for my tree. It was like I had prescription lenses, but they only worked in the small circle around the tree, everything else was a fog.

In the distance I heard her giggle again, like we were playing hide and seek.

"Baby, don't hide. Mama's scared. Please come out."

She giggled again and this time it was closer, but I couldn't pinpoint the direction.

I stopped suddenly in my tracks, because I could feel him. He was here. Terror began to flood my body, so much that I thought I was going to drown in it.

I needed to find her, and I needed to find her now.

"Baby! Come here! Baby!"

I spun around searching the fog, ready to run to her the moment I heard another sound. To my right I hear a screech, then a whimper that could only be my little girl.

What was happening? Where was she? Why was he here?

A dark figure began to walk out of the forest, toward me and my tree. In the figment's arms was my joyful little girl.

I couldn't hear her laughter anymore.

My breathing increased and I began to hyperventilate. He had found me. He had found her.

"Don't hurt her, please. Take me, take me instead, and leave her alone! Please!" I begged. I couldn't help it, I would always beg for her.

He had promised that he would come for me.

* * *

I shot straight up in my bed, soaked with sweat and breathing heavily. The room was dark, but something was out of place. This wasn't my room. This wasn't my bed.

I wasn't at home.

I looked frantically around the room, and found his eyes watching me wide and confused from a chair nearby. Edward was sitting in a small chair at the opposite end of the room; it looked like he had been reading, but the book had been abandoned long ago. His hair was in a higher than normal state of disarray. But his eyes told all.

He looked at me in concern, not pity, and confusion. Then I remembered my evening. I lay back against the pillows in a sigh of defeat. It had been a _blast_, to say the least.

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**Reviews are better than giving Lauren Mallory a black eye!**


	10. Close

**A/N: Special thanks to my awesome beta MsWDarcy, who beta'd this one over the phone b/c she's currently computer-less. I'm planning to write a long and very verbose poem of your beauty and general awesomeness.**

**Thanks to my lil sis who's been reading this since the beginning. xoxo  
**

**Thanks to nowforruin my Twilighted beta! (Yes, I'm on Twilighted. Yay!)**

**Check out my blog at http : / / elspethgordie . xanga . com / weblog Just take away the spaces. I post a new blog each time I post a chapter. **

**Warning: adult content and violence. Violent Flashback in this chapter! You have been warned.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Close

"Friends?"

I smiled back. "Friends."

I laughed. Tonight had been quite the night so far. I may have passed inspection with Rosalie. I actually came to Alice's party. I talked to my nonverbal lab partner, and became friends. And I got to tell off some whorrific ho-bags.

Edward grinned back at me. Yea, tonight was successful in the Bella-tries-to-have-fun-campaign.

I watched as he glanced back out at the party. The way he was looking at the crowd was interesting. It reminded me of myself. Like he thought that he didn't quite fit in. But I couldn't understand why he would feel that way. Look at him. He's gorgeous, funny, built, obviously popular. He should be the light of the party, but instead he was here, sitting in a corner hiding with me.

"So why did Alice have to wrangle you to come tonight?" I hoped for some answers, plus part of me want to just know him better.

"Ehh," he groaned. "I had some run ins with some people last year, that didn't end well. I just don't really have the desire to spend time with hypocrites and back-biters."

_Oh, interesting indeed. _

"What happened?" I turned my body towards him. Part of me hoped that his story was as bad as mine, just so I would know that I wasn't alone in my misery. Then again, I would wish that on anyone, not even an enemy.

He looked surprised at my question, like he didn't expect me to ask any details.

I stuttered. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…" I blushed pink, my ears felt like they were burning.

_Stupid Bella_. _Don't pry into other's lives. You don't want them prying into yours_.

He sighed and glanced into my eyes. He was hurt, and he didn't know if he could trust me.

I tried to reassure him. Maintaining eye contact, "You can trust me."

He looked down suddenly, and shuffled his feet a bit. "I got a lot of attention last year. I used to be this big geek, but I guess puberty finally caught up to me before junior year." He chuckled despairingly. The sound hurt my heart.

"Well, I got a lot of attention, from everyone, and even from those at the top."

He stopped for a second, thinking to himself. Then looked back into my eyes. "I dated this girl, Vickie. I thought she was really into me, but it turned out she was just using me."

"I'm sorry." I really was.

He shrugged it off. "No big deal." But his shoulders were slumped. It was a big deal. He was still hurting. I knew what it was like to hurt.

I felt this overwhelming desire to tell him something, anything about me. To… I don't know, even the score?

I smiled sardonically, "I moved here because of my manipulative bastard of an ex-boyfriend." I leaned over and carefully patted his hand. "I know what it feels like to be used."

He clenched his fists. "Some kid hurt you? And you moved?" His eyes darkened, and the crease in his forehead deepened. He muttered a few non-intelligible things under his breath. I wished I had heard them, anything bad said about Jimmy I want to be a part of.

"Well, now that we've shared some of our darkest secrets." I didn't want to talk about Jimmy.

He rolled his eyes. I get that a lot.

Now that our segue was sufficiently awkward, he stood up. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Sure." I looked around to find Alice, not so subltly flirting with an oblivious Jasper. "Alice won't miss me."

Edward followed my eyes, and smirked. "Yea, she seems pretty focused. Poor Jazz."

He lead the way out of our little corner. I followed close behind, keeping mind of all the males around me. Just what I needed was one to bump into me, or touch me. I shivered.

Unfortunately due to my hyperawareness of everything male, I tend to ignore the females. They weren't a threat to my mental stability, so I had no need to keep tabs on their positions. If one of them bumped into me or vise versa, we'd mumble our apologies and be on our way.

For some stupid reason I had dismissed Lauren and Jessica from my mind. I told them off, and they had left with their threats, at least Lauren had. I did not expect any retaliation for our little tiff to come so soon, maybe if they cornered me in the bathroom at school, but here? In front of so many witnesses, while I was standing directly next to Edward. That would just be stupid.

Lauren was certainly not known for her brains.

I was following Edward, closely, but not touching. And out of nowhere two sharply edged hands, darn acrylics, shoved me towards the pool.

The nails, cut into my side in the quick movement, and I knew that I would have little half moons etched into my ribs. And due to my exceeding lack of coordination, plus baby weight, the little shove sent me flying.

Now I couldn't just land in the pool, no that would be too easy, and my luck didn't allow for such simplicity. I was shoved towards the pool, and that was probably the intention. But on my way I banged against the rim of a small table, directly in my stomach. I continued to fall, bouncing off the table, hitting my head on the arm of an iron chair, and then twisted through someone's not so quick hands into the pool. And it hurt.

If it had been caught on video, I doubt that it could ever be replicated no matter how good the stuntmen were.

Part of my mind was stunned. I had just been shoved into a pool by a skinny fake slut. The nerve.

Then I realized what just happened. I had been pushed into a pool, but along the way I had landed on my stomach on the edge of a table. My baby! And hit my head on a chair.

Then everything went black.

OoOoOoOo

Commotion was everywhere around me. I could hear yelling, and shrieks. I could hear the sloshing of the water. I could hear the droning of the music, somehow far away.

Then I could feel this pumping on my chest. My lungs hurt, aching like they were going to explode. Then someone's mouth was on mine, forcing air into my burning lungs.

My eyes flew open, and I immediately began coughing. Water spurted out of my mouth, like I had swallowed the entire pool. I continued coughing, but set my head back down on the ground, it was throbbing. I could feel my pulse in my temples. _Thump thump, thump thump_.

Edward was leaning over me, sopping wet. His white button up was slick against his body, showing off all his muscles. I did not know an oxford shirt could do that. _Yum_.

Then I realized that I was sopping wet, too. And why. _Crap_.

"That stupid tramp!" I could feel my face flush in anger.

Edward's eyes searched my face. He pulled me towards him, cradling me in his arms. "Bella, are you okay?"

That's a stupid question.

Emmett was crouching to my left, and Alice was teetering back and forth at my feet. They both looked extremely nervous. Ali had one hand to her mouth, and guilt was blatantly displayed on her face. She'd promised everything would be okay.

A crowd had gathered, and Rose and Jasper were standing nearby just as concerned as their friends. My friends too.

"I'm fine." I tried to sit up, but my torso rejected the idea stabbing pain. My face contorted, reacting to the sudden pain lacing my insides. My eyes widened as panic set in; I had injured my stomach—that which is to be protected at all times.

_My baby, my baby, what if my baby is hurt?_

I grabbed Edward's arm, it was the closest, and the safest to grab. The other arm I wrapped around my middle, endeavoring to protect my child in what little ways I could. "Dr. Cullen. Get me Dr. Cullen." I said with such urgency, his eyes absorbed some of my panic.

Before Edward even had a chance to pull out what was most likely his worthless waterlogged cell phone. Alice had hers whipped out and dialed.

"Daddy? Bella got hurt. She was pushed into the pool. We need you to come over now." She flipped her phone shut, and announced. "He's coming right now."

I slightly relaxed into Edward's arms, resting my head against his chest. Dr. Cullen would help. He knew about the baby. He wouldn't tell.

Emmett, ever the big brother, looked at me in concern. His eyes darted between me and Edward, and me in Edward's arms. Yea, I was probably confusing the heck out of him.

Rosalie stepped closer to me, but turned her back. She placed her hands on her hips, and I watched as she faced the crowd of onlookers who were still gawking. Her stance resembled a mother lioness defending her cubs.

"Who pushed her?" Her voice was harsh and cold, but carried over the entire vicinity.

"Who did it? Who saw?" A lot of mumbling, nothing understandable. Most people said they didn't see anything until I landed in the pool.

Emmett stood up behind her, and added his size and intimidation to the threat in her voice.

Rosalie sneered at her party guests. I was so glad that I was not one of them. "If you don't know anything, get out." I didn't think she could get any scarier, but with her last two words, even I shivered.

I watched as the teens shuffled out. I assumed it was Lauren who pushed me, but I didn't see it. And since no one else spoke up, I couldn't accuse her without proof. I'm a child of the law, I know how it works. And even if you have proof sometimes it doesn't help matters. Exhibit A: Jimmy Crawford.

Before I even had a chance to wonder when Dr. Cullen would be here, he was hurrying through the back gate with his doctor's bag in tow.

Rosalie and Emmett pulled to one side; I couldn't help but notice that Emmett casually had his hand on her back.

Dr. Cullen pulled my attention to him, as he squatted down next to me.

Edward spoke before I had a chance. "Someone pushed her. She hit the table, then the chair, then she landed in the water. She must have hit her head because she blacked out."

He nodded his understanding, and smiled kindly at me. "How are you feeling Bella?"

He didn't reach to touch me, though I figured he'd have to eventually. "I hurt, everywhere."

"Where does it hurt most?"

"My head and," I paused unsure, how to clearly indicate what I was worried about without telling everyone else, "and my stomach." I gave him eye contact, hoping he would read my true meaning.

"Okay, where exactly does your stomach hurt?" He understood, and asked about that instead of my head first. Normally your head is more important.

I pointed to the area directly below my rib cage in the center of my torso.

I watched as he gave Edward, then Alice a silent message. Edward began to move out from under me. I grabbed his arm frantic.

"No! Don't go."

"Shh, I'm not going anywhere." He settled back down, and I rested my head against his chest again.

Dr. Cullen raised one eyebrow at his son, and I felt Edward shrug.

Alice gathered everyone else to her, and she began putting them to work cleaning up the party, and giving me a little bit of privacy.

"Bella." Dr. Cullen warned me with his voice. "I'm going to have to touch your stomach, to see if there are any injuries I need to take care of. Do you understand?"

I breathed slowly out through my mouth, and nodded. I then closed my eyes, hiding my face in Edward's chest.

Edward began to speak soothingly to me. Nonsensical little things in an effort to make me calm down. He made me feel safe, but no one else did.

Dr. Cullen lifted my top enough so that he could just see my stomach. Gently and deftly he prodded my middle.

"_Baby, you know you want it baby." His hands wandered all over my body, squeezing my sides too hard, pinching me. His hands groped upward, gripping my breasts so hard that it made me cry out. _

_The wall cuts into my back and I try to struggle. A hand shot out and clipped my face, and then my side. I didn't hear any ribs crack, but it made me double over in pain. I could already feel my face swelling, and a lump growing on my stomach. _

_His hands held me against the wall, and one reached up to grip my face. He forced his lips against mine, his breath tasted like ass, and alcohol. _

_I tried to turn my face away. _

_He laughed darkly. "Come on baby. Don't be such a prude. You know you want it." _

_He pulled at my top, ripping the top few buttons entirely off. I pushed against his chest, trying to use all my body weight. I kicked at his shins, and pulled my knee up to hit him in the balls. I missed, and pissed him off even more. He banged my head against the wall, and slapped me again. _

"_You little bitch."_

_My head spun, from the drugs that were slipped into my drink, and from the damage to my head. I probably had a concussion. _

_The terror rose up in my throat, but I couldn't eek out a scream. Instead I began blubbering. The fight almost gone from me. _

"_Stop. Please. Stop. You're hurting me. Don't hurt me." _

_He yanked at my shirt again, tearing the rest of the buttons off so that I'm exposed, my little blue bra bare to his hungry eyes. _

"_Stop fighting baby. You know you want it."_

"Bella! Bella!" Two hands were holding my face again, they were gentle and strong. "You're safe. I'm here. Nothing can hurt you." He pulled me tight into his arms, those strong arms, striving to keep any monsters at bay. Real or imaginary.

I began whimpering. I tried to keep the tears at bay, but a few escaped, streaking down my cheeks.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Dr. Cullen, several feet away, looked horrified that his simple examination had caused me so much turmoil.

I shook my head. It wasn't his fault. He was only trying to help me.

I remembered why I allowed him to touch me, to bring the memories. "Is my stomach okay?"

He sighed. "Yes, everything seems to be fine. You'll have a bruise just below your ribcage, but your fall missed anything important."

My body immediately relaxed in relief. Edward was still holding me. I was sitting between his legs and his head was on top of my own. His arms were wrapped around me. One hand was gently rubbing my arm.

"Now I need to check your head." Dr. Cullen pulled out a mini flashlight to look in my eyes. I braced myself for him to touch me again.

Instead he leaned close, but asked me to open my eyes wide. I did so, and he shone the light in my eyes peering closely but refraining from touching me again.

"Hmm. It looks like you have a slight concussion." _Great_. Like I haven't had enough of those.

Now that I felt out of the woods, my sarcasm returned. _Just in time. Yay_.

"I want someone to keep an eye on you. You need to be woken up every two hours."

Charlie was working late, and I didn't really want to worry him with everything. I was enough of a burden. I let Dr. Cullen know as much.

Alice piped up, she must have been listening in. "One sec." And she pulled out her cell phone, and pressed a number for speed dial.

"Charlie?" I looked at her frantic. Ali has my dad on speed dial?

"Hey, Bella fell and hit her head… yea, she's okay. My dad check her out… He wants to keep an eye on her. Would it be okay if she stays with us tonight…" She smiled big, and gave me the a-okay sign.

I nodded, exhausted. That would be easier.

Alice placed her hand over the phone. "Bells, Charlie wants to speak with you for a sec."

I held out my hand for the phone. "Hey dad."

"Bella, are you okay?" He sounded upset.

"I'm fine dad. I just hit my head, and kinda fell in the pool." Oops, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that part.

"Into the pool?" His voice raised a bit, I bet the vein in his forehead was pulsing.

"It's okay dad, I'm fine. Edward pulled me out and Dr. Cullen checked my head."

"Edward pulled you out? Are you okay?"

I sighed. "Its fine dad, don't worry."

"Okay, I'll come and get you tomorrow." I knew he had to work again. I shook my head, wincing.

"No, dad, Emmett or Alice will bring me home. I'm fine."

"If you say so, Bells." He sounded resigned.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Love you dad."

"You too." I handed the phone back to Alice.

"Everything okay?" I nodded, then bit my lip at the pain. I needed to stop that.

Without further ado, Edward placed one arm under my knees and the other behind my back, and lifted me up. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder, so sleepy.

"Edward?" I mumbled, most likely slurred, I was so tired.

"Mmhm."

"Don't leave me?" I hoped I didn't sound pathetic; I just didn't want to be alone.

"I won't leave. I promise." I nuzzled my head into his shoulder.

"Good." I feel asleep before we even arrived at his house.

* * *

**Detailed answers for Bella's past to come soon!**** Reviews are better than falling asleep in Edward's arms! **

**Recs:**

**_All My Strength_ by Rhi Aeffyll (on Twilighted(dot)net)**  
**Vampire Edward who is really old, way older than Carlisle. He is the head of the Cullen clan. He has been waiting centuries for the one he loves, and finally finds Bella, his student in AP Bio at Forks High. **  
**-Really Great. Amazing back story. Awesome research. I love this Edward. He is a bit smarter and wiser than SM's. It's still in progess, but I read right up to it's most recent post. Soooo good. **

**Question: Any good recs for me to read? I'm always looking for more!  
**


	11. Caveat

**A/N: So sorry that this is later than expected! My beta says I can blame her, but she's too wonderful. So I'll just blame it on the fact that I'm trying to catch up my posts in Twilighted to Fanfiction. **

**Thanks to MsWDarcy-you are da bomb. **

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo  
**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Caveat

_I shot straight up in my bed, soaked with sweat and breathing heavily. The room was dark, but something was out of place. This wasn't my room. This wasn't my bed. _

_I wasn't at home. _

_I looked frantically around the room, and found his eyes watching me wide and confused. Edward was sitting in a small chair at the opposite end of the room; it looked like he had been reading, but the book had been abandoned long ago. His hair was in a higher than normal state of disarray. But his eyes told all._

_He looked at me in concern, not pity, and confusion. Then I remembered my evening. I lay back against the pillows in a sigh of defeat. It had been a blast, to say the least._

Leaning back against the pillows, I took one hand to push the hair out of my face. _Crap_.

I dreamt about my little girl. Well, not _my_ little girl—I couldn't know that yet. He had come for her, for me. I remember being pushed into the pool, and Dr. Cullen checking for injuries. Flashbacks to that night. Falling asleep in Edward's arms. Asking him to stay with me.

_Why can't I have a nice, boring night? _

I vaguely remembered him waking me up several times during the night.

I sat up again, bringing up my other hand to keep my hair out of my face. I could feel him staring. I would be flattered that he couldn't keep his eyes off me if I didn't know better. I looked like a wreck…honestly it felt a bit creepy. Edward was a many faceted man. But the staring was getting on my nerves.

I pushed the covers off of me—I needed to get out of bed. If I didn't, I was going to fall asleep again. And I couldn't do that. I had definitely over stayed my welcome. I wanted to go home.

I turned to the side, and swung my legs off the bed. _Ow. Son of a bitch. Mother flipping ass magnets. That damn bitch has no idea what's coming to her._ I hurt all over.

Edward moved to help me, but I flinched away. He looked hurt, but moved back to his chair. It wasn't his fault. I did not want to be touched right now—for any reason. I leaned forward, placing my head in my hands, and took a few deep breaths to collect myself.

I looked up and he was staring at me the façade of reading completely given up; the book was propped open on the arm of the chair. His eyes glinted in the dim lighting. He had a small reading lamp on, but the rest of the room was dark.

Defensiveness is an effective way to put off explanations.

"What?"

"Good morning to you too." He wasn't sincere.

"I had a rough night. I need to get home." I pulled myself off the bed looking for my shoes. At least I still had my clothes on from the previous evening. Nakedness would be awkward.

"Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute." He snorted. "You had a rough night?" He leaned forward in his chair, his messy hair hanging into his eyes. He mumbled. "Damn talking all night, not one moment's peace."

I tried not to stare, really I did. And honestly its not that I'm blind, because I'm not—I've noticed it. Edward is hot. Even in his rumpled button down, and bare feet. Even with giant circles under his green eyes, and a long suffering look on his face.

Boys equal bad. No boys for Bella. I learned the hard way. But part of me wanted to touch. Just a little bit?

"What are you running from Bella?" He pulled my attention to his lips. _Mmmm lips. _

"Huh?"

"You talk in your sleep. What are you running from?" He scooted forward to the edge of the chair, but didn't get up and move towards me.

It took me a second to process his question. All thoughts of his possible tastiness flew out the window. Well, most of them.

"I'm standing right here. I'm not running." I began to look in earnest for my purse, or at least my shoes. He heard me talk in my sleep. _Shit_. I could have said anything.

He released a long breath, and his voice hardened. "You know what I mean Bella. What's going on?"

This is why I don't do friends.

"I already told you, Edward. Bad relationship. Bad breakup. Moved here. What more is there to say?" I found my shoes stuck in the corner, and grabbed them. I sat on the bed not looking him in the eye.

"You were begging, Bella. Pleading."

"So what? It was probably a nightmare." I yanked my hair out of my face fed up with it, and pulled it into a pony tail.

He sat still in the chair, not moving. He silently gazed at me, is jaw twitching from being clenched.

Crossing my arms I stared at him. "What?"

"I thought we were friends. I deserve some kind of explanation for last night." His voice grated.

"Strings, of course. My life it's not something that can be fixed with a wave of a magic wand." I was baiting him, but he thought he was entitled because we were 'friends.' _Who the hell does he think he is?_

He caught my eye, and raised one eyebrow in challenge.

I glared back. _Fine. The SOB wants information—he wants to know 'what's going on.' _

"The doctor at home, she says that I have post-traumatic stress disorder. But that's just the nice was of saying I have flashbacks, and nightmares, and anxiety like you wouldn't believe." I didn't think about what I was saying. I was spilling more to him than I wanted because I was going for shock value. The only reason Mom knew anything was because the doctor told her too.

His face softened.

"And that's just the textbook symptoms that I have." I stood up and began pacing the room. Back and forth, between the bed and a desk, but never near Edward. "I'm an unusual case. The whole touching shit that makes me relive the _trauma_." I laughed without feeling. "Trauma."

Edward stood up and walked towards me. I automatically flinched away and stopped when my back touched the wall. Trapped.

"Bella. I'm sorry."

I glared at him. "What do you have to be sorry about? It's not your fault I'm a royal screw-up."

He gingerly sat down on the bed. "Bella, come here."

I looked at him skeptically. He patted the bed. I looked around the room, I don't know, looking for an escape?

"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you."

Slowly I walked towards him, once I was close enough he reached out and grabbed my hand. I inwardly cringed. He waited a moment then pulled me the rest of the way to the bed. He dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist forcing me to sit next to him.

I sat, remaining as stiff and as stoic as possible. I had said too much. He had goaded me into telling him stuff I didn't want to share. Why did I tell him when experience told me not to?

He slowly wrapped both arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I rested my cheek against the firmness of his muscles. I listened to the steady thumping of his heart, and slowly relaxed into his embrace.

He rubbed slow circles into my back, and rested his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry, Bella, that you have had to suffer so much pain. You don't deserve any of it." I tried to respond, but he just shushed me.

The time he held me for, could have been minutes or hours. He didn't let me protest; instead he just comforted me without words. What he said was deafening.

A knock on the door broke us out of our reverie. I leaped away from him, feeling for something else solid to hold on to. I looked between him and the door. He sighed, closing his eyes, "And we were doing so well. Bella, sit and calm down, you're going to hyperventilate."

He was right. I was breathing really fast, but I didn't even notice it. I placed my hands on my stomach and breathed slowly, trying to think calming thoughts. But mostly I just thought about my baby.

He walked to the door and opened it. His father was standing in the doorway. I glanced at him, confused, because he looked royally pissed off. The few times that I've interacted with Dr. Cullen he was kind, and compassionate, and maybe made me drool a little, but right now he looked scary. I must have whimpered, because Edward stepped protectively between me and his father.

"I'll be right back." He stepped into the hall with his angry father. I tried not to listen, I tried to focus on my breathing. But I couldn't help it.

"What do you think you are doing with that girl, Edward?"

"Nothing, dad. I'm just trying to help her out." _Nothing?_

"She has way too much going on for you to be butting in and bothering her."

"I'm not bothering her! What the hell, dad? What do you think I'm doing?"

"You better not be messing with her. I don't want another Victoria on our hands."

"You don't know hell about that psycho bitch." I thought I heard him growl. "Mother f-"

"Watch your language young man." I heard a bang on the door, like a fist had tried to go through it.

"Edward." Dr. Cullen sounded tired. "You are just putting your life back together again. I just don't want to see you mess it up. You have enough to deal with; she has enough to deal with."

"What are you saying dad? You think I'm going to mess up Bella's life?"

"No, no, what I'm saying is that maybe you should back off, let your sister take care of Bella."

"I can't dad. I'm the only one she can touch, uh…other than girls. I think she might need me."

"She can touch you? Interesting." He paused for a moment mulling it over. I bet both of them had pulled extra hair out in the past twelve hours. "You just need to be careful with her. There is a lot you don't know."

I gasped. So much for doctor patient confidentiality.

"What do you know dad?"

"Enough, to tell you—be careful. She has problems. I don't want you…"

The rest was muffled. Their voices finally lowered enough that I couldn't hear them through the door, unless I wanted to go put my ear against the slit between the door and the door jam. I thought that might be a little obvious when I fell or got another concussion from being smacked in the head when Edward came back in.

I needed to go home. I wanted to curl up in my own bed.

OoOoOoOo

I stood up and straightened my rumpled clothes as well as I could. Purse. Check. Shoes. Check. Now I just have to slip out of the house, without coming in contact with anyone. Too bad I never went to that super spy summer camp when I was thirteen. Yeah, that would have helped right about now.

I made my way across his room, and listened carefully at the door. The voices were still there, but they sounded farther away. Like they finally realized that they could be overheard.

Slowly and carefully I twisted the door knob. Maybe if I got out of the house scot-free then I could scamper over to Emmett's and talk him into taking me home.

I peeked out the now opened door, and looked to see if the coast was clear. No one was in the hallway, but there was only one way out, to the front door. Unfortunately the voices, which were gradually getting louder, came from my only exit.

Before I could make a decision, such as finding an appropriate window and climbing out, I was caught.

"Bella! How is your head?" Alice basically floated towards me on her toes.

I froze in place. _Crap_. I turned, planting a smile on my face. "I'm fine. Nothing a little advil won't clear up." Not that I could take any. Damn pregnancy restrictions.

She cocked her head and squinted her eyes a little as she looked at me. "Okay." She grabbed my hand. "You wanna get cleaned up?"

Before I had a chance to answer, she was already pulling me down the hallway. Sitting me down on her bed, she turned to her closet and pulled out a comfy top and a swooshy skirt. She sent me back out of the room and to the bathroom to clean up and change. Part of me expected her to follow me in, but she actually allowed me to pee in private.

I took care of my business, and proceeded to change. I don't know how Ali had clothes that fit me, especially now. I washed my face, wincing at the slight bump on my temple. Searching the drawers quickly I found Alice's brush and a hair band to comb and fix my hair.

Mostly presentable I left the bathroom, to find Alice waiting for me. If she hadn't been there, I would have tried to sneak out. _Dammit_.

I smiled at her sheepishly. "Thanks for the clothes, Ali"

She smiled and winked. "Just wait to see what I have planned for you to wear this week!" She ushered me into her room, while I silently groaned, and proceeded to bounce on her bed. She beckoned me to join her, but the slight ache in my head held me back.

"I told Dad and Edward that we were going to have some girl time. Mom is making Dad grocery shop with her, and Edward went on a run, so we have the house to ourselves for a while." Good to know that Edward wouldn't be asking more questions.

Finally settling down, Alice sat and grabbed a pillow to hold in her lap. "Okay Bella." She patted the bed, a command not a request. "Spill."

I sat. I already learned better than to evade or ignore her. "About what?" There were too many things I was hiding.

"The walls are very thin here. I heard you talking to Edward this morning. Or perhaps I should say shouting."

I raised my eyebrows. I had not known that I was loud enough to over hear. "Uh… you first." She squinted one eye. I jogged her memory. "Last night, pool party, outrageous flirting with Jasper that even I noticed?"

Her face broke into the biggest beaming smile I had ever seen right before she let loose the highest pitch squeal I had ever heard. She bounced in her seat, and grabbed my hands to hold in her own.

Leaning forward conspiratorially, "Didn't he look sooooo cute last night! He had that dark blue t-shirt, raggedy jeans, and cowboy boots! And every time he smiled, that little dimple showed up in his left cheek." She sighed dramatically, then fell back on her bed.

I snickered. "So, what did he say?"

Her face screwed up in annoyance. "He's oblivious, that's what. We talked, and he mentioned school stuff, family stuff, and friend stuff. But I swear he must have the thickest head this side of the Mississippi! I don't think he had any idea that I was flirting! I pulled out the big guns!"

"Big guns?"

She growled at my lack of knowledge. "You know, I touched him a lot…gave him a peek at the cleavage…"

I squinted my eyes at her and cocked my head. She rolled her eyes. "I wore a push-up bra."

I laughed. "Well Alice, I guess that means your going to have to hit him over the head with it then."

She grunted in agreement.

I patted her leg sympathetically. "Don't worry. One day he'll notice, and he'll be the luckiest guy in the entire world. He'll have you."

Ali sat up, pursed her lips scheming. "You're right. Now how do we hit him over the head?"

"We?"

"Of course we. We're friends, right? That means you have to help me out." She looked down at her hands fiddling.

I froze for an instant, my mouth shaped like a little O. But before the instant was over, my face felt like it was going to break in half, my smile ripping across it. _Friend_.

"Of course." I agreed. "You tell me what to do, and he won't know what hit him."

She nodded her little head in agreement. I chuckled to myself. He'd never see it coming. Poor Jasper.

"Alright," She sat up crossing her legs Indian style. "Your turn."

I sighed. I had really hoped we wouldn't get to my turn.

"Bella. I know that we've only known each other a week, but I feel like I've known you forever." I nodded; I felt the same way too. "You told me that your ex hurt you, that that's why boys can't touch you." She picked at the comforter for a second, thinking. "I just want you to know that you can trust me. I'll be your friend no matter what."

How did she know that that was the main source of my insecurity, in telling anyone anything? My mom didn't stand by me. Bree didn't even believe me. I didn't know if I could take rejection like that from someone else.

But Dr. Cullen had said that Alice would be my friend, and he knew. Maybe I should trust her. I really wanted too.

"What did you hear earlier?"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder. And about the symptom of touch." I nodded. "But I kinda figured that out. What I want to know is why my brother can touch you?"

I shrugged. "No idea. I freak out when any other guy gets near." I brushed the loose hairs that had escaped my ponytail out of my face, and used my other hand to gently rub my stomach.

"What I do know, is that even when I'm annoyed with him, me makes me feel safe."

She nodded, but her eyes were distant, the wheels in her head were turning. I leaned back on the bed, both hands on my tummy. Her room was a testament of all things girl. There was a gentle evolution around the room. I could see the phases of ballerinas, horses, and fairies, to music, boys, and art. Her room showed life.

"What else?" She leaned back next to me so that we were side by side on her bed, our legs hanging off the side.

"Alice?"

"Yea?"

"I promise to tell you sometime. But not yet. Okay?"

She turned her head to look at me. I waited while she studied my face. She propped herself up on one arm. "Okay. But I'm going to hold you to that."

I nodded. I was glad that she wasn't going to push. I had only known her a week, but part of me knew that how long we knew each other really didn't matter. Alice was Alice, and she would be my friend. But I just needed time, to be normal, to be me.

"You know what we need?" I shook my head. "Pedicures." I smiled as she bounced across the room and began to collect her implements of torture.

It was nice to be normal.

OoOoOoOo

_Monday, September 1__st_ My cell glowed at me. I looked at the date rather than the little phone symbol that indicated I had a voicemail—I'd been avoiding listening to it all weekend.

I'd gotten the message on Friday night when I 'passed out.' And I hadn't taken the time yet to listen to it. It was probably from Mom, but she was the last person I wanted to talk to, or rather listen to.

The weekend had flown by, and another week had already begun.

Charlie came home early on Saturday, just in time for dinner. I made steak and potatoes.

"Bells, how are you feeling?" He asked, entering the house.

I watched as he took off his sport coat and loosened his tie. "I'm fine, Dad."

"Bella." His tone sounded very dad-ish, and it annoyed me. It was great of him to take me in, but he hadn't acted like my dad in a long time.

"I'm fine." I huffed. "Dr. Cullen thought I might have a slight concussion, but he said everything looks good now. I have a few bruised, but otherwise healthy." And the baby was fine too, but Charlie did not need to know that.

He looked at me skeptically. I rolled my eyes. "You can call him if you don't believe me."

That must have convinced him because he nodded, and moved into the other room to take off his shoulder holster for his gun. I had to admit, the shoulder holster—very cool, much better than the dopy donut hip holster for normal cops. It was kinda neat that Charlie was a detective.

Reentering the room, Charlie came up behind me while I was at the stove, and startled me. I leaped nearly a foot away. He gave me a weird look, and I tried to breeze past my reaction. I was glad he hadn't tried to touch me.

I was pretty sure that Mom kept Charlie in the dark over everything that happened in May. I didn't even know what reason she told him for my coming here. I was surprised he agreed so readily. He was never enthusiastic before.

"Smells good, Bells." He grinned at me. Yea, he was happy he wasn't eating take out anymore.

But it was nice to be appreciated. I smiled back.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks… for you know everything. My room is great. And you know…" I trailed off.

Charlie blushed and grunted in reply.

_That wasn't awkward at all. _

We spent the rest of the weekend reacquainting ourselves with each other. We talked about school, Alice's tenacity, and even baseball. I hadn't seen him in over three years. They last I spent time with Charlie was in junior high, before he was promoted to detective. It was an overall pleasant end to a uniquely begun weekend.

But unfortunately weekends always end, and here I was staring at my phone outside the girl's bathroom during lunch. Technically we weren't allowed to have our phones on at school, but honestly if a teacher didn't see or hear it they weren't going to look for it.

My mom had called a few times during the weekend, but I had ignored her calls. She didn't leave another voicemail.

Angela had seen me staring at my phone during lunch and finally convinced me to go and listen to it.

Ang had joined the rest of us at lunch today. I found out in English that her date did not go as planned. In fact it had crashed and burned. That's why she didn't call me all weekend. She didn't want to tell me what happened. It was like pulling teeth, but I finally got it out of her.

I widened my eyes, trying to look serious. "Angela, come on you have to tell me now."

She gritted her teeth. "You don't want to know, it was really that bad."

I batted my eyes at her.

"Fine." She pointed her finger at me. "But no one must know. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Eric, ugh, took me to this Mexican restaurant. But it wasn't just any Mexican restaurant, it was Latino karaoke night. Not only did he repeatedly serenade me off-key after off-key horny Spanish songs, but he also got terrible gas from his bean burrito. Then I found out he was secretly getting sloshed, by sneaking vodka into his ice tea. I had to drive him home in his car, that reeked of…. Oh my gosh, you don't want to know." She looked a little green. "The thought of it makes me throw up a little in my mouth."

I tried to keep it in, but poor Angela. That had got to be one of the worst dates ever. I snickered quietly to myself.

She looked at me annoyed. It only made me laugh harder. Soon enough she joined me, because off-key-wasted-mexican-eric was truly awful, and if you can't laugh at something like that, what was there to laugh at?

Ang came to our table at lunch to hide, because Eric promised to eat lunch with her, and she couldn't stand the thought of it.

I introduced her to everyone, and without an interrogation from Rosalie, she fit in easily. Alice and Emmett included her in their conversation about mountain goats, or something totally random like that when she noticed me staring at my phone.

Angela could be just as persuasive as Alice when she wanted to be.

Alone in the hall, I double checked for teachers, or heaven-forbid Mr. Banner, the assistant principal, and called my voicemail.

_Hey Izz, where have you been? I haven't seen you all summer, and I really miss you. Come on baby, you know that everything was just a misunderstanding. It was nothing that you didn't want. You know I love you. I'm heading out to college soon, and I really want to see you before I leave. You know you're the only girl for me. … Isabella, you better call me back. You hear? I love you, baby._

He had promised that he would come for me.

It was ironic that I was near the girl's restroom, because I wasn't close enough. Fortunately there was a trashcan not two feet away. I made it in time to completely lose my lunch.

_I'm never eating bananas again_.

* * *

**See that shiny review button? ... You know what to do.**


	12. Contention

**A/N: Thanks so much to MsWDarcy. You are the wind beneath my wings. (and I'm really excited to come visit you! yay!)**

**Thanks you nowforruin. (Completely amazing twilighted beta!)**

**Warning: adult content and violence. Violent Flashback! If you have triggers you may want to skip the italicized section.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Contention

I lost time. Between revisiting my lunch and returning to the cafeteria. I must have gone to the restroom and washed out my mouth, but I couldn't remember doing it.

He had told me that he wouldn't give me up, for any reason.

_Sharp, tearing pain, penetrating. My hands held over my head with one of his, the tingling from lack of circulation. The inevitability of bruises. His sweat, dripped onto my face, and mixed with my tears. Salt on salt. _

_Grunting, moaning. _

"_You are mine, Isabella. Don't you ever forget that." _

_I tried to disagree. You would have thought that I had learned my lesson by now. _

_Ramming me against the wall, he complimented it with another slap to my swollen face. _

_He laughed. "I will always find you."_

I walked up to the lunch table. Numb, or perhaps just terrified into numbness.

"Bella, what's wrong." Someone asked.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

"What did the message say?" That was Angela, she was the only one who knew. "What did your mom say, Bella? Is she okay?"

I looked up sightless. "It wasn't my mom."

Another voice, deeper this time. "Who was it, Bella?"

"Just someone from home."

Two hands on each side tried to help me up. I thought it was Alice and Angela. "Come on, lets get you to the nurse."

That broke me out of whatever funk I had slipped into.

"No, no, I'm fine." I tried to wave them away. "I'm just surprised."

"Bells, you are obviously not fine. Just let them take you to the nurse." Emmett, this time. He was worried. I looked up to find his brow scrunched in concern.

"No. I'm really okay. I don't want it getting back to Charlie." I pushed away their arms. "He's worried enough."

Alice and Angela gave each other disbelieving looks, but sat down next to me. Jasper and Rose looked concerned, but refrained from saying anything. They were probably thinking back to my fall on Friday night. The number of weird occurrences was growing—so much for being normal.

I took a few deep breaths steadying myself. I had avoided Edward's gaze. I could feel it like a hot brand against my skin. The burning made me shiver.

He was the one who spoke earlier. He was worried, just like everyone else, but there was something else to his concern. He was angry too.

Alice didn't have the patience of everyone else. "Bella, you're not fine. You still look like you are going to pass out."

I rolled my eyes. Looking up at Edward I beseeched him to save me from his sister. He narrowed his eyes, but still elbowed Jasper.

"Ow." Jasper rubbed his side. "What?" Edward nodded toward Alice and then me. My eyes pleaded with him to save me.

"Oh, uh, Alice, can I walk you to class?"

She was instantly distracted. Her face lit up like a firework, as she scrabbled to grab her things, completely forgetting me. "Sure! That'd be great! See ya later guys!"

Jasper joined her and they began to exit the cafeteria. At the last second she turned, "Nice try, Bella. We're talking later."

Edward grinned. "And you get all the credit."

The bell rang to end lunch, and I quickly gathered my bag and books, throwing away any remnants of lunch.

Edward sneaked up next to me and grabbed my books out of my hands. "So, what happened?" He tried to say it nonchalantly—he needed to work on that.

I shifted my bag on my shoulder. "I was just surprised."

He turned to face me, and continued to walk, backwards. "Was it your ex?" I nodded. "And he called you?" I could almost hear his teeth grinding.

"He probably just drunk dialed me. I thought the message was from my mom, so it was unexpected."

He raised his eyebrows, like he didn't believe me. His knuckles looked white against my books. But he let it go. I didn't bug him about his ex; he shouldn't bother me about mine. _Not that I care about him and his ex_.

We reached the classroom before he could question me further. With one arm he offered to let me enter the classroom first, and silently followed me. I could feel the heat from his hand, that hovered at the small of my back, close, almost touching.

Class began, and Mr. Molena assigned us the unit project for the quarter. We had to come up with a presentation about one of the elements we had studied so far in Med Bio. Sitting silent through the whole class I wanted to say something, or write a note—do anything to talk to him. But despite what I wanted I knew what Dr. Cullen said in the hall Saturday morning was right. I had issues, and it wasn't fair to make him deal with them. I would be his friend, as much as I could, or stay away from him.

Then Mr. Molena also announced our partner assignments for the project. My partner was Edward, of course. _I can't get a break._

OoOoOoOo

I dismissed the voicemail from my mind for the rest of the week. He didn't know where I was. It was obvious from the message that he assumed I was still holed up in Forks. He didn't know, and he could not get to me.

Edward and I made plans to begin hashing out our project over the weekend. It held the same point value as major test—it was going to be a lot of work. Taking so many honors courses was probably not a good idea. I had no idea how much school I'd miss when the baby came. I was seriously considering changing my schedule while I still could.

The week went smoothly, no touching, no episodes. That was probably because after Monday I had a squad of body guards where ever I went. I barely got a spare moment to myself. It was convenient that no one got close enough to me to brush against, or touch me. But it was annoying that my new found friends felt the need to smother me with protection.

The upside was that the skank brigade kept their distances. Or that could be because of Rosalie's not so subtle threats to those at her party. I wouldn't want to mess with her.

Surprisingly, my nausea also gave me a break. About time. I had been puking everyday since the middle of June. I was in my second trimester; the puking had to stop sometime. I still felt queasy at times, but not enough to hurl up my breakfast.

On Friday, during my last period study hall I got called into the guidance office. The messenger didn't know why, but I decided that it was a good opportunity to drop my AP Calc class. I was never going to catch up, let alone keep up.

The guidance counselor was different than the one I had spoken to last time when I dropped PE. She was in her mid-thirties, had her hair pulled up in a severe bun, and was very beautiful. She wore no makeup at all, but despite her beauty, the cold expression on her face said that the packaging did not match her personality.

"Hi, I got a message to come here. I'm Isabella Swan."

She looked at me dismissively, or perhaps it was disdain hidden by apathy. Then again, why did I care?

"Isabella—"

"Just Bella, please."

She raised one eye brow. "Isabella. I'm Ms. Siobhan Nickles. There seems to be a problem with your doctor's excuse from gym." She did not offer to shake my hand.

My forehead scrunched in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"It says that Dr. Carlisle Cullen advised that you are excused from gym for a medical condition, but it does not say what that condition is."

I shook my head, not understanding.

"In order for you to stay out of your physical education class we must have knowledge of your condition. The school will be liable if we do not have record of 'said medical condition.'" She looked down her nose at me, as if I had made it all up in order to get out of gym. _Honestly, I'm not that good_.

"You can call Dr. Cullen if you wish, but the condition is entirely legitimate."

She tapped her pen in impatience. "I have already called him young lady, and he said due to doctor-patient confidentiality that he could not reveal…. whatever you _have_." She used air quotes around have.

"I don't understand why you need to know. It is intensely personal." I wrapped my arms around my middle. Why the hell did she need to know?

She daintily licked a manicured finger, and rifled through a stake of papers on her desk. "I also spoke with your father, Charlie Swan? And he denies any knowledge of a medical condition."

I sucked in a breath. "I haven't lived with him since I was ten. He wouldn't know."

"But you got this excuse from a local doctor?"

"Yes."

She released a sigh, and gave me a pity smile. "Isabella, the bottom line is we do not believe you have any condition that debilitates you from participating in a physical education class. You either tell us what the condition is, or you return to the class."

I sat their stunned. I was getting blackmailed. By a flipping high school guidance counselor! I said as much in reply.

"This is not blackmail, Ms. Swan. This is merely making sure that our students here, at Sierra Valley, fulfill all the requirements in order to graduate. You do want to graduate, correct?"

The little prick. "Yes, I want to graduate."

"Then you need to reveal your mystery medical condition, or return to gym."

_Dammit_.

I was back into a corner. I kinda wanted to throw something. "How confidential are the student files? Because I assume you'll place this in my file?"

She looked a little surprised. She obviously thought she had caught me in a lie, and she reveled in it. But if I was actually going to tell her the condition, perhaps she realized that she could be wrong.

"They are confidential, Isabella."

I looked her directly in the eye. That was not an answer. "Who has access to them?"

"Well, me, the administration, and your teachers."

I sighed in defeat, placing my head in my hands. "That's too many people." I didn't need the adults to turn against me before the students did. I didn't need faculty room gossip. Me and my wanton ways. I would have to suffer through gym, and pray that I wouldn't get hurt.

"Isabella, if you talk to me, maybe we can work something out." This was no longer the guidance counselor out for blood. Maybe behind her pristine finish she still wanted to help students, not just catch them.

She folded her hands nicely on the desk. "You tell me whatever it is, and I'll try to keep it out of your file."

Looking around carefully, I leaned towards her. I whispered. "I'm pregnant."

Her eyes narrowed, "Isabella, you can't expect me to—"

I leaned back, and crossed my arms. Glaring at her, "Call Dr. Cullen. He can verify it."

She stared at me for a minute, before she flipped through her papers, and picked up the phone dialing a number.

"Dr. Cullen? Siobhan Nickles from Sierra Valley High School. I have Isabella Swan with me right now, and she says that you can verify me of her condition…. Yes, one moment." She handed the phone to me, with one eyebrow raised.

"Hello?"

"Bella, how are you?"

I sighed. "I guess as good as I'll ever be."

He chuckled. "I want you to know that I have not shared anything with . I have maintained your privacy."

"Yea, I know. Thanks, but it was either tell, or have to still take gym. Or not graduate."

"Bella, she can't do that?"

"That's what she said."

He made a noise, that showed his aggravation.

"It's okay Dr. Cullen. I already told her, so if you could as well—so she'd believe me." I glared at her. "That'd be great."

"Okay, but something isn't right."

"Thanks a bunch Dr. C." I passed the phone back to Ms. Nickles.

She took the phone from me, and nervously clicked her finger nails against the desk with her other hand. "Dr. Cullen…. Yes. Well…. Oh… I'm just doing my job… Yes. Thank you." She gritted her teeth, and attempted a smile. She didn't succeed.

"Everything seems to be in order, Isabella. Why don't you head back to study hall."

"So no gym?" She shook her head sharply. "Yea, that's what I thought." I mumbled.

I stood to leave, but then remembered my impossible Calc class. "You know what Ms. Nickles. While I'm here I need to drop my AP Calc class. With my condition." I smirked sardonically. "I'm not going to be able to keep up."

She looked down at her papers, and nervously began rustling through them. "Oh, okay. I'll look into it, and let you know on Monday."

She refused to look up at me again, so I guessed that I was dismissed. Dr. Cullen must have said something to her. And I kinda wanted to kiss him. You know, just as a thank you.

OoOoOoOo

A another week passed. And honestly I hadn't felt better in years. The nausea had completely dissipated to reveal a ravenous appetite. I had gained eight pounds since May. And with the right tops to hide the growing bump, I looked good.

No love handles yet, but I had filled out in the butt and boobs. It was great. I know I'm a bombshell. At least when I don't stand next to Rose.

Ms. Nickles got me out of AP Calc into Angela's Precalculus class. It was a breeze in comparison. Especially since I already took it last year. It was kind of funny watching Ms. Nickles bend over backwards for me, making sure I was happy with my schedule. Whatever happened between her and Dr. C, sure made her jumpy.

It was Friday again, and Mr. Molena gave us class time to work on our group projects instead of lecture. Edward and I had decided on Sarcomere, which is all about muscle fibers, and how muscles contract. It was pretty interesting, plus I'd gotten to touch Edward's bicep. Yea, that was nice.

"So, I'll create the powerpoint, and you'll make the muscle fiber example."

"Sounds good." He nodded, jotting down his part of the project in his notebook.

We still had five minutes left; I tried to look busy. We had talked these last few weeks, but nothing more than surface level stuff. Plus he was extremely moody. Half the time he'd come into class, guns blazing, ready for a fight. I never understood why, because he always seemed fine at lunch, but some how those few minutes before class riled him up. Ironically, it was normally on the days that he didn't walk me to class. Either Emmett, Alice, or Rose would accompany me from lunch to Bio. His anger was never aimed at me, but his fists constantly clenched made me nervous. I was pretty sure he'd never hit me, but I vividly remembered what it feels like to be sucker punched.

Today he had walked me to Bio, and he was completely normal. I wanted to ask him about those other days, but something held me back. I had to remind myself that I had enough to deal with just like him, and we didn't need to pile onto each other's loads.

Edward looked up, pushing some of his messy hair out of his face, and grinned at me. I had been staring, and I didn't even realize it. He winked at me.

"Like what you see."

I blushed. "Conceited, much?"

He waggled his eyebrows at me. "I wasn't the one who was staring."

I thought fast. "Well, you have a little bit of lunch right there." I pointed at the corner of his mouth.

His eyes widened and he quickly wiped his mouth, only to find nothing there. "Har, har, funny Bella."

"I thought so." I giggled.

"Think you're so smart, huh?"

"Yep, pretty much!"

He leaned over to tickle me, reaching right for my growing tummy. I flinched away. He pulled his hands back, his expression hooded.

"Sorry."

"No, my bad." He started putting his stuff away, extremely focused on his book bag.

"Edward."

"Mmmhmm."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal." He was still acted like whatever was in his bag was utterly consuming.

"Edward." He didn't react. "Look at me!"

His head snapped up, as if of its own accord. The moment our eyes met it happened. I thought I was getting used to it. We talked in class, hung out after school with Alice and Emmett, but sometimes it still surprised me.

He could see me. Not the happy mask I wore everyday, but me. It was like some how he could see the hurts, the hopes, the needs of everything me. And part of me felt like I could see that in him too.

I had been snooping around. Despite my promise to keep him at arms length, I still wanted to know him. So I asked around, investigated.

He dated a girl last year. Victoria Knapp. She graduated last spring. She was the all American cheerleader, and she was beautiful. The rest was just rumors though. Some said that she was crazy, some said that she threatened to kill herself…the one I sympathized with most, was the rumor that she had an abortion, but something went wrong. Anything said about Edward was even more difficult to find, but basically whatever happened to Victoria, he was involved. Some blamed him.

Whatever had happened, I knew that it wasn't his fault. When I looked into his eyes, I saw he was haunted. I saw loneliness. I saw anger. I saw desperation. But what scared me most, is that sometimes, I wasn't quite sure, but sometimes I thought I saw home.

He cleared his throat and looked away. "Um…What are you doing this weekend?"

I glanced down at my lap, then tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I blushed. "Uh, I kinda have plans with Charlie… my dad."

His mouth turned down slightly, but he tried to cover it up with a cough. "Oh okay. Well, then I guess I'll see you on Monday?"

I nodded.

The bell rang, and I watched him rush out of the class.

Unfortunately, I didn't leave quick enough, because Mike Newton thought it was an opportunity to talk to me. Edward hadn't really given him a chance to get near me since the last time I was cornered. _Just my luck_.

He sauntered over to me, while I kept dropping my stuff in an attempt to hurry out before he got to me. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi, Mike." I stuffed the last of it in my bag, and slung it over my shoulder and across my body. I tried to make a break for it, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my exit. Again. _FML_.

"So how do you like it here?" He gave me a once over. I felt like I needed a shower.

"It's fine."

He leaned against the table, crossing his ankles like he had all the time in the world. There was only six minutes between classes, and I was going to be late to mine.

"Have you gotten to see much of the city?"

"Enough, I guess." What the hell was he doing?

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Spending time with my dad." I had a bright idea. "He's a cop. He's very protective of me."

"Where do you live?" Not even one moment dissuaded. I looked at him incredulous.

The late bell rang.

"Mike, I have to go to class." I looked at him pointedly, nodding to show I need him to move.

He didn't move.

"Why don't you go out with me tonight?"

_Is he really that stupid? Did he hear nothing I said_?

"Because Mike, I've already told you. No. Give it up." I tried to use my bag as a shield from touching him, and push him out of my way. It didn't work.

He tried to grab my wrist, but I jumped back in time.

He chuckled, like we were playing some game. "Just say yes to dinner." He walked towards me. Blocking me in against the wall.

All I had to do was stay calm. No need to freak out. He wasn't Jimmy. We were in a public place. Someone would hear me scream.

"Come on, you know you want to."

This guy did not know how to take a hint.

Using my bag as a shield hadn't worked. But it was pretty dang heavy. I pulled the strap over my head, so that I could free my bag.

"No. Now get the hell out of my way." He didn't move. "Wrong choice, buddy." I took the bag and swung it as hard as I could towards his lower half. If I was lucky I would nail him in the balls.

For once in my life, things went as I planned. I swung my bag at him, and managed to hit him directly in his "special place," as Mom used to call it.

It was like slow motion, he reflexively went down on his knees cupping his "injury." I took the chance to heft myself over the lab table (not as easy as it sounds), and book it out of the room.

I didn't even glance back to see if he was okay. I would be okay if that douchebag had to have his balls surgically removed. No need to corrupt the world with his offspring.

Just as I made it out into the hallway, I found Edward running down the hall to me. I was still breathing hard from my adrenaline rush. He skidded to a stop in front of me, out of breath as well.

"Are you okay?"

I flashed him a brilliant smile. "I'm just peachy."

"Where have you been? Jazz said you never got to study hall."

I bit my lip. I didn't even know that Jasper was in my study hall. "I kinda got cornered… by Mike."

His eyes widened. "You okay?" He looked me up and down, searching for some injury.

"I took care of it." Beaming again, I indicated with my thumb the biology room.

He hurried over to the door, ready to deal out justice. I happy followed behind. Peeking in the door, we found Mike still groaning on the floor, holding himself.

Edward looked over at me surprised. "You did that?"

I shrugged. "He couldn't take no for an answer."

He smirked, that unbelievably sexy half smile. "Nice."

I smiled back. "I try."

"Come on, Xena. Let's get you to class." He casually draped his arm over my shoulders, smiling. I sunk into his embrace.

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**Reviews will get a preview of next chapter!**


	13. Curveball

**A/N: Thanks to MsWDarcy my fantastic beta. She beta'd this from vacation with her family. Send her some love. **

**Thanks to nowforruin my Twilighted validation beta.**

**Warning: adult content and violence.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo  
**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Curveball

"Happy Birthday!" Charlie crowed as he pushed my door open with his shoulder. His arms were busy holding a box with a big blue bow on it.

I pushed myself up in my bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Glancing at my clock, I noticed it was nine o'clock, and yes, indeed it was by birthday. _Yay_.

"Happy Birthday, Bells! The big one-eight. You are officially an adult now. Makes me feel ancient." I laughed as he set the box down on my legs, and stood back with a smug grin on his face.

"Come on, dad. You're not that old." I smiled up at him. "You know you didn't have to get me anything. Living here is enough of a present."

He blushed and shrugged. "Don't you want to see what it is?"

I grabbed the box, and lightly shook it. Squinting my eyes, I looked up at him, "Is it a pony?"

Laughing, I opened the lid of the brown box. Inside was a silver laptop computer. "Oh my gosh, Dad! This is awesome!" I lifted the computer out of the box. "You shouldn't have! This must have cost a fortune!"

"Naw. I got it used, and had a buddy clean it up for me and made it run fast. It should work a lot better than your old one." He bashfully pulled off his ball cap, and rubbed his head, before putting it back on.

I beamed up at him. "Thanks, Dad. It's really great."

"Oh, wait one more thing."

"Dad."

"It's not from me. Your mother sent something in the mail."

I watched as he hurried out of the room. He quickly reentered with another brown box, much smaller this time, with FedEx stickers all over it. My mom went over board a bit.

I tore off the tape, and opened to find a digital camera with a note.

_Isabella, _

_I'm sorry I'm not with you today on your birthday. I'm trying to understand why you left, even if I don't agree with your choices. You are always welcome back home. Here is a little something to help catalog the months. I wish you were older, but I know you'll wish you had taken pictures later on. I love you. Happy Birthday. _

_Your Mother_

We agreed to disagree.

My dad sat down in my desk chair. "So what'd you get Bells?"

I showed him the digital camera.

"That's great honey. What'd your mom say?"

"You know, happy birthday. She misses me. The usual."

He looked a little lost in thought for a moment, staring at his hands, before settling his eyes on me. "So, what's the plan for today? Party? Cake? Alice and crowd?"

I shook my head. "Nope, just me and you. Is that okay?"

He smiled—beamed. "Of course that is okay. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. You decide. You know the area better than me."

Giving Charlie the control was a good idea. We had a great day. He roped me into playing putt-putt with him, and he didn't even let me win. We drove around town, as he regaled me with stories about the area. If he wasn't a cop, I'm pretty sure that he'd sign up to be a tour guide. He went past all the huge houses telling me who lived there, how much it was worth, and what kind of domestic disputes had been called in. We stopped at a south western style restaurant, where I had a ginormous taco salad, and he had the servers come and sing to me. They sang 'happy birthday' in Spanish. It was more humiliating that usual. At least I got a double chocolate chip cupcake out of it. We ended the afternoon going to a movie. We saw the latest kiddy flick that was out, because Charlie was dying to see it, and said that going by himself was just creepy.

It was nice. It was the most time I had spent with him, in longer than I could remember. I felt guilty though. Despite how light-hearted everything was, I still felt this huge weight on my shoulders. My secret constantly reminded me that I was going to ruin his life. But he was my dad, he did have a right to know—I just couldn't tell him, not yet.

On the way home we stopped at the grocery store. Charlie made me wait in the car, while he ran in. He returned quickly with a small white box from the bakery.

"Dad. What's that?"

He grinned. "It's a birthday cake!"

"But I had that cupcake during lunch."

"I know, but you didn't get to blow out candles. And I didn't get to sing." I raised one eyebrow at him. "You know I can't cook. And these are really good; they had one at the department party for the fourth."

He tapped his hands on the steering wheel to the beat on the radio. "This is gonna be great, Bells."

"Dad, this has been the best birthday ever. You didn't have to trouble yourself."

"No trouble. It's not every year I get to spend this day with my favorite girl." He looked over his shoulder at me. He reached over to pat my knee; I quickly evaded by placing my bag on my lap. He touched the bag instead of me, not even noticing my quick maneuvering.

My phone rang, and I scrambled through my bag to find it. It was mom. I hadn't called her after her present, and note. I didn't want to talk with her, but I guess that wasn't fair. Today was the day she gave birth and went through excruciating pain for me. She deserved a phone call.

"Hey, Mom. Thanks for the camera." Just because I had to talk to her, didn't mean it had to be prolonged.

"Hey, Honey. How's your birthday?"

"It's been great. We've had a lot of fun today."

"You got my gift?"

"Yea, it's a great camera. I really appreciate it." I tucked my hair behind my ear, biting my lip. I hoped she wouldn't ask about the note.

"Make sure you use it, okay?"

I nodded. "Yea. I will."

"Oh, and Isabella," her voice raised an octave higher. "I have a surprise for you! A friend of yours has been bugging me to talk to you. He said that you didn't call him back."

My eyes widened, and my breath hitched. "W..w..what?"

"Jimmy's been dying to talk to you. He's sorry about last year."

"You're talking to him? That bastard, after what he did?" My voice trembled, and I could feel my dad's gaze from the seat next to me.

"He says he still loves you."

"What the hell, Mom? And you believe him?"

"Isabella."

"No, mom."

"Just hold on a second." I could hear shuffling on the other side of the line. My mom was whispering to someone nearby.

What the hell was she doing?

I waited patiently, hoping she hadn't completely lost her mind. Charlie raised his eyebrows at me. I shook my head, trying to deter him.

"Izz, baby? Is that you?" The voice was male and deep. It was the voice from my nightmares.

I gasped.

Immediately, I ended the call and dropped the phone into my lap like it was on fire. I stared at it, unable to believe what had just happened.

Not a second later it began ringing again. I froze. That ring tone would be the new soundtrack for my nightmares.

I let it ring, staring.

"Bells, are you going to get that?"

I shook my head, not taking my eyes from the phone. I ignored the call and dropped the phone back into my lap as if I was going to get burned. It was my mother's number again.

But I was sure that it was him.

The noise stopped and I began to breath steadily again.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

I could feel the car accelerate sharply. "Who was that?" His voice was hard.

"Mom."

"Why did you hang up then?"

I looked out at the landscape, suburban ranch after suburban ranch flying by. Charlie, cut a sharp right turn, pulling onto our street. Yanking the car into park, directly in front of the house, he turned sharply in his seat.

"Bella, what is going on?" He had his cop face on. "Why did you hang up on your mom?"

"Mom put my ex on the phone. He wanted to talk to me."

"And you don't want to talk to him." He pursed his lips, and a few wrinkles in his forehead bunched up. "You'd tell me if you were in trouble, right?"

I looked down at my hands. He was too insightful for his own good. I nodded. I would tell him—eventually.

"Alright then. Let's go eat some cake."

He was opening the door to the car, when my phone rang again. I shrieked, and flew out of the car.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!"

Charlie walked around the car looking like I had grown three horns. He leaned into the car, and picked my phone off the floor looking at it.

His eyebrows narrowed, as he stared at the number. Instead of turning it off, he answered it.

"Hello?... No, she is not available. Who exactly is this?... Let me speak with Renee." He looked up at me, and mouthed at me to breath. "Renee, what's going on?... Well, she obviously does not want to speak with him…. No, he may not…. Renee, don't push this…. I don't think that is wise… I'll ask her, but no promises. Bye." He ended the call, and promptly shut off the phone before handing it to me.

"You need me to get you a new number?"

I shrugged.

"Just let me know? Kay, Bells?"

I nodded, and watched as he began walking up to the house. "What'd she ask?" I called after him.

"She wants you to call her later." He sighed. "You don't have to if you don't want to." Rolling his eyes, he tried to make light of my mother's flighty behavior. "Enough interruptions! Cake time."

I smiled and followed him inside.

OoOoOoOo

I grabbed the plates from the cupboard in the kitchen, and forks from the drawer, while Charlie scrounged around looking for the birthday candles.

"Victory!" He exclaimed, pulling two candles out of the back of a junk drawer. _I need to clean that out_.

I watched as he placed the two candles on his store bought cake. Part of me wished he had told me that he wanted a cake. I would have made my own cake, and it would have been from scratch. _Mmmm no-fail chocolate cake with homemade chocolate frosting._

I sat down in front of the cake, while Charlie lit the candles, and proceeded to take too many pictures with my new camera. After picture ten, I was concerned that the wax would melt all over the cake. Even if it is store bought, a cake can never be wasted.

"Dad! Come on. Enough pictures." I hid my face in my hands.

Charlie laughed, then took a deep breath and winked. "Haaaappy—"

He was cut off by the sound of the house telephone. I jumped in my seat, surprised by the interruption.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "One sec, Bells."

Mom wouldn't call the house phone. Charlie told her to lay off. Would she give the number to Jimmy? _Dammit_. He had her wrapped around his little finger. He knew I was with my dad. He knew I wasn't at home anymore. He couldn't keep stalking me like this.

"Hello?" He leaned into the receiver, flashing me a big smile.

"No, Alice, I was just about to sing Bella 'happy birthday.'"

_Crap_.

I heard a shriek on the other side of the line—all the way across the kitchen. My dad winched, and pulled the phone away from his ear. He shot me a guilty look, promptly handing me the phone.

Alice was still ranting, as I brought it up to my ear. "…celebrate without me? Charlie, how could you do that to me!"

"Uh, hello? Alice?"

"Bella Swan! How could you?"

"Um, what?"

Alice growled into the phone. "How could you not tell me about your birthday! Your eighteenth birthday, for goodness sake!" I thought I heard her stamping her little feet. "I can't believe you did this to me!" She continued to wail. "I thought we were friends!"

"Alice! We are friends. It's just not that big a deal."

"What!" Her voice got even higher. "How can turning eighteen not be a big deal! You can vote! You can buy cigarettes! You can be tried as an adult and be sent to jail!"

I laughed at her reasons that eighteen is so great. In all honesty, nothing good really happens until you turn twenty-one anyway.

"You can get drafted!"

"Alice, I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"Damn right you should have!"

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

I swear I heard a sniffle. "Anything?"

I sighed. "Sure."

The sniffle came back again, in exaggerated form. "Promise?"

"Sure."

She began squealing and clapping on the other side. "Oh, I'll need streamers, and confetti, and a sound system. I'm going to have to talk to Rose about food."

"Whoa, whoa! What are you talking about?"

"Your birthday party silly."

"But my birthday's today!"

She growled again. "I know. Which is why I am going to throw you a party next weekend."

"Alice, I don't want a party. That's why I didn't tell you in the first place!"

"But you promised!"

"Do you remember what happened at the last party?"

She didn't respond. I was pretty sure she was pouting. "Alice, please!"

She sighed. "Okay, how bout this—just your friends, nothing big. But still a party."

I felt like this was the best compromise I was going to get. I would much rather have a small get together with my few friends, than a huge party debacle, that only asked for trouble, or injuries.

"Small get together."

"Super small!"

"Okay."

She squealed. "Yay!" I switched the phone to my other ear. I needed to give my right one a break. The high pitch noise was a bit too much.

"I'll call you tomorrow with all the details!"

"Okay. Thanks, Alice."

"My pleasure. And Bella?"

"Yea?"

"Happy Birthday!" She yelled into the phone. My eyes rolled back in my head, and Charlie started laughing. If he didn't hear the whole conversation sitting next to me, he sure heard that.

OoOoOoOo

Once again, I found myself standing in front of my full length mirror. I tugged on the empire waist dress that Alice put me in, wishing that it didn't show so much leg. I'll be honest… my legs looked really good—like worthy of random whistles and catcalls good—but I would have enough attention focused on me. There did not need to be another reason.

During school I tried to talk Alice out of any kind of party but she wouldn't have it. No one would help me out. Both Emmett and Edward said that they were not going to incur her wrath. Rose just rolled her eyes, and Jasper shrugged. Then again he is the oblivious one who didn't know what was happening when she basically flashed him as much as possible without being accused of indecency in public.

By the end of the week I gave up, and submitted myself to enduring it.

The party was planned for Saturday at the Cullen's. Rose took care of the cake and food, while Alice decked out her pool and living room like the happy birthday section of the party store puked all over.

Ironically, Alice made me help decorate for my own party. She declared it penance. I thought the party was penance. I told her so, and received another armful of streamers as revenge.

I heard Emmett pound on the front door, and hastily checked my hair once more. There was nothing I could do, it did what it wanted. Charlie got to the door before I did.

Emmett with a big goofy grin on his face yelled. "Happy Birthday Bellarina!"

He stepped into the house to reveal that Edward had joined him. "Hey birthday girl." His voice was gruff, but his eyes were bright. I blushed.

"Hey guys." I looked up at all three men pleadingly. "Can't we just skip this? I'll buy you ice cream."

Emmett snickered, and Edward stepped forward. "That's why he brought me. In case you decided to book it."

I rolled my eyes. "What are you gonna do? Carry me over your shoulder like a caveman?" _Hmm, that had possibilities._

He laughed. "I have to live with Alice. You have no idea the whirlwind she's been this week. If you don't show, she'll never forgive us."

I sighed dramatically and offered my wrists. "Fine. Take me away!"

Charlie just sat back and chortled. "Have fun kids!"

Emmett bounced through the doors first. "Hell yea!"

Edward laughed, and I waved goodbye to my dad. "Sure, sure. See ya, Dad!"

"Hey, Bells?"

I turned back to Charlie. "Yea?"

"If you get any more calls, let me know, kay?"

My smiled dropped immediately, and I nodded.

I had gotten several calls from my mom this week. I hadn't answered any of them. She left me a few voicemails, but I didn't bother listening before deleting them. There was no way to know if it was actually her. I texted her asking to leave me alone. Charlie even called once, to tell Renee to give me a little time. He didn't really see the whole picture, but he was on my side no matter what.

That meant the world to me.

Charlie kept bugging me to get a new number. I was mad at mom, but I didn't know if I could do that.

I quietly followed Edward out to the car, and let him open the passenger door. I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes.

He lightly touched my arm. "What was that?"

I sighed. "Someone back home keeps calling me."

"Your ex?"

I nodded, peeking up at him through my lashes. His jaw was tight and his eyes flashed. "You let me know if he bothers you anymore?"

I patted him on the shoulder, and used him as leverage to hop into the jeep. "It's not a big deal."

He rolled his eyes, and slammed the door, promptly jumping into the back seat.

Emmett cranked the music, smiling at me, completely oblivious to any tension between me and Edward. He began tapping his hands on the steering wheel and bobbing his head to the "Lollipop" song.

"Ready for birthday fun!"

I laughed. "As much as I'll ever be."

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**Reviews receive my eternal gratitude and a sneak peek of the next chapter!**

**Rec: The Silent Mind by ilovethehappybunny**

**Extremely unique take on Bella's mind shield as it adapts to her being deaf. This Bella travels to Forks completely knowledgeable of vampires. Her mother ends up becoming a newborn through a series of events, that forces Bella to Forks to live with her father during Renee's newborn year. Bella is surprised to find vampires already in Forks. She must keep her gift and knowledge a secret least all be forsaken. **


	14. Confession

**A/N: Thanks to all of my wonderful readers! And thank you to those of you who have reviewed! Reviews absolutely tickle me pink.**

**Sorry for the wait... my beta has been rather busy. If anyone is interested in being a part-time beta, could you send me a pm? I'd really appreciate it.  
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**Thanks to MsWDarcy for beta-ing this chapter! *muah* And many thanks and hugs to nowforruin! *double muah***

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

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Chapter Fourteen: Confession

"So, Bella. You having fun?"

I looked up at Jasper, and quirked my eyebrows. "I'm surviving."

The party had been better than expected. Rose bought this cream-cheese veggie pizza that I couldn't stop eating. The cake was good too, but not as good as Charlie's. Alice was true to her word and kept it small. In fact the only people that came were Rose, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, and Alice. Angela couldn't make it. She had to baby-sit her younger brothers while her parents were out.

Everything had been easy and comfortable, and surprisingly a lot of fun. I hadn't laughed this much in a long time.

I leaned into the couch, silently watching Edward across the room. He looked delectable. He glanced up, like he could feel my gaze. The instant out eyes connected my heart began to race. He smirked. I didn't know what to do with him.

Breaking me from the impromptu staring contest, Jasper shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. "Just so you know…you're good for Alice."

I was confused, jerking my eyes away from Edward. "What do you mean?"

He looked down at his cup, and swirled around the punch, before looking across the room at Alice and Emmett laughing over something, and Edward still gazing intently at me. I was taking a break from catch phrase, and had sat on the other end of the couch from Jasper.

"She doesn't have that many friends."

"What?"

"Well, she's friends with Rose, me, and Emmett. Edward, of course. But girls at school tend to shy away from her."

"But why? She's nicer than anyone I know."

"I think people misinterpret her enthusiasm, and she intimidates them."

I hadn't talked much to Jasper one on one. He was obviously good friends with Edward, and had been for a long while. Since he hadn't reacted to Alice's flirting, she had slowly let it dwindle, thinking that he didn't notice her.

Seemed he had noticed her.

"I didn't know you knew her so well."

He laughed, and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, his eyes darting quickly back to Alice. "She's kinda hard not to notice."

I grinned. "Maybe you should tell her that. I know she notices you."

His eyebrows flew up. I winked.

"Birthday-girl! Come over here!" Alice giggled.

Picking up my punch, I shrugged at Jasper, and answered her summons.

"Jasper, you too!"

She gathered everyone in a circle, boy-girl. I sat with Edward on one side and Jasper on the other. Next was Alice, then Emmett, Rose, and back to Edward again.

"Everyone got a glass?" We nodded. "Okay, never-have-I-ever? You know how to play."

Emmett laughed… yeah, we all knew how to play. I had played it at home. Everyone takes a sip of their drink if they have done whatever the person states they haven't. Bree tried to get me drunk the first time I played it. Unbeknownst to her, I switched my drink with ginger ale after one round. Not that I took a lot of sips. It was rarely something I had done.

We were obviously not drinking. I never liked it much, and I definitely didn't trust it—I didn't want to loose control. Not that I would drink anyway. Plus, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were in the other room. Even if my friends weren't straight-laced, they weren't stupid.

Alice fidgeted in her seat, raising her glass. "Never-have-I-ever gone skinny dipping."

Emmett and Rose took a drink. Rose blushed furiously. Jasper glared at Emmett. Rose gasped, "Not together!"

And surprisingly Edward took a drink too. He shrugged. "I wanted to know what it felt like."

Alice, disgusted, pointed at Edward. "Oh you are so cleaning out the pool before I use it again."

I laughed, but could still hear Edward mumble. "It was years ago."

Emmett went next. "Never-have-I-ever broken Mrs. Turnbill's front window with a rock."

"Uh! That's not fair." Alice took a drink. I giggled.

Rose's turn. "Never-have-I-ever streaked around Mrs. Turnbill's house."

Emmett guffawed, as both Jasper and Edward took a drink. Alice looked like her bottom lip was going to fall off from pouting. "Come on guys, the point is to find out stuff about each other—not show how much dirt you know."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Bella is learning new stuff."

My eyes were wide, and I nodded. I leaned closer to Edward. "Streaking, huh? Poor Mrs. Turnbill." _Wish I was Mrs. Turnbill._

He laughed. "She had it coming."

"You are so going to have to tell me that one."

"Later. My turn. Never-have-I-ever been asked out by Mike Newton."

We three girls scowled at Edward and took a drink. _I so had to get Alice and Rose's stories. That douche had to get the picture after so many rejections. Come on, he was more of an idiot than I thought._

Finally it was my turn. I had been trying to think up a good one, but my mind was still blank. Whenever I had played it at home, each round had to do with something sexual. "Uh, never-have-I-ever… um…"

"_Oh my gosh, Izz. We did it last night! Can you believe that?" I shifted the phone to hold it against my shoulder, as I poured myself a bowl of cereal._

"_He was way better than Riley. I know we've only been going out for a month, but I think I'm in love." This was the fifth time Bree had been in love since Riley. It hadn't ended well, and she had been serial dating. No one was good enough for her. The moment she dropped a boy she had a new one on her arm. She was the new queen bee. As a junior she ruled…perhaps because her best friend didn't want the crown. _

_Yea, I didn't want it. Being Jimmy's girlfriend automatically put me at the top. But I didn't like it. It was easier t bequeath my throne to Bree, who reveled in it. _

"_His arms are soo musclely! I could just lick them all day."_

_I groaned. "TMI, Bree. We discussed this—TMI."_

"_Uh, I thought you'd want to live vicariously. You and Jimmy are _waiting_." She said it like it was dirty and sighed dramatically. "I don't know why you want to wait. Orgasms are so worth the sweatiness."_

"_I'm just not ready. And Jimmy understands." _

"_I know. I know. You're in looooooove." _

_That's what I told her, but he'd been really pressuring me since last year. He told me that if I really loved him, I'd show him, because we were going to get married one day anyway. Once he even threatened to dump me. I told him fine. The next day he came to my door with a bouquet of roses and his cocky smile begging to take him back. Just last week, when we were making out, he tried to start taking off my clothes. When he wouldn't stop I pushed him away, and got out of the car to walk home. He said he was sorry. I knew he was. He was a teenage boy. He couldn't help it. _

_At least he wanted me. _

"_What are you doing for Homecoming?"_

"_Jimmy's getting a limo, and the usual."_

"_Oh the rest of us are going to Seattle for the weekend, after the dance! It'll be great. You have to come."_

_I poured milk into my waiting Cheerios, and took a bite. "I don't know Bree. I have to talk to my mom."_

_My mom walked into the room, and cocked her head at me. She must have heard the end of the conversation. I shook my head at her. I didn't want to go. I just hoped to use her as an excuse. _

"_Hey, I got to go."_

"_Okay. I'll give you the juicy details later!" I groaned again. _TMI.

"_Bye."_

_I hung up my cell, to find my mother's inquiring face directly across from mine. "So, what do you need to ask me?"_

"_Nothing. I don't want to go anyway."_

_She patted the table. "Well, if your not going you can still tell me." _

_I sighed, and got up to get her a bowl of cereal. If I didn't feed her, she would forget to eat altogether. _

"_A bunch of people are renting hotel rooms in Seattle for Homecoming weekend." She raised her eyebrows. I took a bite, and pointed at her with my spoon. "See, bad idea. Teenagers, hotel rooms, strange city. It's a mixture for temptation and debauchery."_

_Her face slowly lit up like it was her birthday. "You should so go."_

"_What?"_

"_It sounds like fun! You're only young once." She looked into her cereal and mumbled. "I should know."_

"_But mom, it's not like girls and boys are going to sleep separately!"_

"_So?"_

"_There'll be sex and drinking!"_

"_Are you being safe? Still on that birth control I got you last year?"_

_I hid my face in my hands. "Mom!"_

"_I don't see why you shouldn't go."_

_I swirled around my mushy Cheerios, appetite completely forgotten. "This is so mixed up. You're supposed to say no. I'm sure all the other kids are lying to their parents to let them go."_

"_I'm just progressive, Izzy."_

_I went to Seattle for Homecoming weekend. It was exactly as I predicted. _

_I couldn't say no once Jimmy found out my mom said it was okay. Not that I told him. She told him herself. I swear she was trying to kill me. _

_The weekend went exactly how I thought it would. Difficult and stressful and awkward. Well, parts were fun. We went out to dinner, and to the hotel pool. _

_The worst part was Saturday night. I told him no again, and he threw a fit. He stormed out of the room. _

_I spent the next few hours watching some movie on Lifetime, and trying to drown out the headboard banging and cries of ecstasy from Bree in the next room. _

_It's not that I thought sex was bad or gross. I just wasn't ready. I was only seventeen. Part of me didn't think I'd ever be ready. _

_Jimmy returned a little after midnight completely wasted. _

"_Hey Baby." He sloshed towards me. "Come here baby."_

_I tried to smile at him, but I hated when he got this way. When Jimmy was sober he didn't like it when he didn't get his way. When he was drunk, he really didn't like it. _

_He crawled up on the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. I tried to stay as still as possible. I hoped that he would fall asleep. _

_He reached up for my face, placing it between his hands before he gave me a slobbery kiss. I tried to pull away, but his hands held my face in place, as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I stayed still not kissing him back. _

_He chuckled. "You're such a cold fish, Isabella."_

_His mouth went to my neck as his hands moved lower. I tried to push him away, but he was too heavy. _

"_Come on, baby. You know you want it." He thrust his groin into my thigh. "You know _I _want it."_

"_Jimmy, you're drunk."_

_His hands started to tug my shirt up, exposing my stomach. I tried to wiggle out from under him. _

"_Yea, see I know you want it."_

"_Jimmy, don't. Stop. You're drunk."_

_He ignored me, focused on my shirt. I tried to hold it down, but he was too strong, and ripped it. _

"_Jimmy, stop!"I pushed his chest away from me as hard as I could. His face twisted up with anger. He raised his hand. In a last attempt to get away, I pulled my knee up as hard as I could and nailed him in the balls. _

"_Owww!" He groaned, and rolled away from me._

_I jumped up from the bed, grabbing my phone, and purse. I was getting the hell out of there. _

"Bella?" I looked up to see Edward's concerned emerald eyes pouring into mine.

_Never-have-I-ever had a boyfriend who treated me with respect. Had a mother who acted like one. Had friends who liked the real me. Never-have-I-ever wanted to have sex._

_Never-have-I-ever felt as safe as I do right now._

"Uh, uh, never-have-I-ever worn red, white, and blue on the Fourth of July."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, as everyone laughed and took a drink.

"It's the Fourth of July, Bella. How could you not wear red, white, and blue? It's like un-American." Emmett looked at me incredously. Rose smacked him upside the head.

"My mom is a little on the weird side. If you ever met her, you'd understand."

Jasper just shook his head. "It's a shame Bella. Next year you are going to be decked out in red, white, and blue. And we're gonna sing 'Proud to be an American' all day long."

Alice rubbed her hands together. "Shopping!"

"It's the end of September, Ali."

"You can never plan too early."

I got up to calm down, and refill my cup. I felt a fluttering in my belly like I had butterflies. The flashback had shaken me more than I expected. Then again, since the nausea had dissipated I'd been feeling this butterfly feeling. It had been two weeks since I ran to the toilet.

Ignoring the oddity, I rejoined the group as Jasper raised his glass. "Never-have-I-ever… kissed a girl."

Alice literally melted on sight, and stared at him longingly. Emmett and Edward both took a drink as expected and Rose too, but what surprised everyone was me.

Rose snorted. "Oh, Bella. Do tell."

"My friend was really drunk, and well…she was happy to see me."

Edward and Jasper had identical surprised looks on their faces, and Emmett let out a hoot.

Alice and Rose simultaneously rolled their eyes. "Boys."

We went for several more rounds. And despite the lack of alcohol it got funnier. I always had a hard time coming up with one, but surprisingly it was Rose who had the hardest. It seemed like the only thing she hadn't done was attend Comic con, or visited alien museums. Weird, I know.

But what was funnier, was that Edward had done both of those things. Yes, even the alien museum.

If felt like hours, but it couldn't have been that long when Alice finally said what everyone was dying to know.

"Never-have-I-ever done the dirty deed."

Everyone giggled as both Emmett and Rose took a drink. Edward scrunched up his face, obviously pissed, but took a drink too.

Technically I was no longer a virgin.

Technically I had had sex.

But did it count?

I raised my glass, but let it hover, not taking a sip. I could feel the blood drain from my face. A sweat broke out on my upper lip. My mouth suddenly dried, and I licked my lips trying to replace the moisture.

"_That's it, baby. You know you like it."_

I felt bile rise up in my throat.

All five sets of eyes looked at me in slight bewilderment and concern.

I stood up quickly, holding my hand to my mouth. Rushing to the bathroom, I threw up in their toilet, until I was dry heaving.

I deserved to be a virgin. I wanted to be a virgin. I wished I was a virgin.

He didn't have a right to take that away from me.

I shouldn't be able to drink to that stupid little game. I should be able to laugh, and snicker at Emmett and Rose's not so hidden blushes. I should be able to tease Alice and Jasper for the way they glowed.

I leaned my cheek against the cool porcelain seat.

"Bella?" A tiny hand lightly brushed my hair out of my face.

"You wanna talk now?"

I nodded. It was time.

OoOoOoOo

The party quickly ended once I returned from the bathroom. No one said anything. They were kinder than I deserved.

Edward offered to clean up, after Emmett, Jasper, and Rose left. He wanted to talk to me, but he was more perceptive than he knew, because he gave me a look that said we were going to talk later, but he would leave me alone with Alice for now.

She led me back to her bedroom, crawling up onto the bed. She grabbed a pillow to hold, and handed one to me. I placed it on the bed, and lay back on it with my legs hanging off the side.

For a moment I felt a sense of déjà vu. We had been just like this the last time she asked.

"What do you want to know?"

She grabbed my hand, and squeezed gently. "Everything."

"Well you know parts. I dated a boy named Jimmy for over two years. From the middle of my freshman year, to half way through second semester last year." I stared at the ceiling as I talked, subconsciously counting the glow-in-the-dark stars she had stuck there. She had forty-seven little stars, and thirteen big ones. "I thought he loved me like I loved him. But I guess there were warning signs that I didn't see, or couldn't see."

I was a stupid, naïve little girl who had no business dating. Why my mother encouraged it I'll never understand.

"He was really popular, and my friend Bree said he liked me. She always wanted to be popular, and once Jimmy and I started dating she got her wish.

"I thought we were going to wait, until we were older, maybe marriage. But because I wouldn't give him sex he got it elsewhere."

Alice gasped. "The little jerk. I outta rip his head off." That was the least of his transgressions.

"I found out last spring. He begged for forgiveness. He said he loved me. But how could he? The only reason I found out is because I walked in on him and his latest conquest.

"So, I dumped him."

Alice leaned on her side, propping her head up on one arm. "You go girl. Nobody treats my new best friend like that!"

I laughed. I'm glad I had her approval—no one else had agreed with me. At least no one at home. Even my mom thought I should forgive and forget. She said, and I quote "You can't deny true love."

Bull shit.

"So what happened next?" Ali's eyes were wide, and encouraging.

"He didn't give up. I would get notes in my locker, a barrage of text messages and voicemails. He came to my house, and followed me around town.

"If he couldn't have me, then no one could." I flipped on my side so I could face her.

"That's when he changed tactics. No one was really nice to when we broke up, but as soon as he said the word everyone was more than mean. He made my life a living hell.

"Boys would sneeze 'slut' as I walked past, or trip me on my way down the aisle between desks. Girls would corner me in the bathroom and ruin my clothes, or just harass me. There were rumors going around that were just awful.

"At the beginning of May there was this party at Mary Jackson's. We used to be friends before Jimmy and I broke up, at least I thought so. I went to the party. I wanted to prove that what they were doing didn't bother me."

I sat up, and Alice mirrored me so that we were sitting Indian style again across from each other.

She leaned forward on her knees and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry that they were so awful Bella. You didn't deserve any of that." I didn't let her hold me too long. I didn't want to cry yet. I didn't want to think. Thinking brought the flashbacks, and I couldn't deal with them right now.

I sighed, and sought her face. Her little mouth was in tight in a line, her jaw ridged. "Do you want to hear the rest?"

"Bella, if you don't want to tell me that's fine, but I'm here to listen."

We sat silent for a second. I knew whether I told her or not she would still be my friend.

"I think I want you to know." She squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile, eyes twinkling.

"Someone handed me a drink, I don't know who. It was laced with roofies." She squeezed my hands tightly, like she didn't know what she was doing. I squeezed back.

"I didn't drink enough to make the night blackout, but it was enough that I was out of it. I found my way to an empty room. It had a pool table, but no one was there.

"Somehow, Jimmy found me.

"He beat me up, then—he raped me."

Tears were streaking down Alice's face. Mine were dry. I felt dead inside.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes for a moment, biting her lips together. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I was stupid. I shouldn't have been there. They were awful at school, with adults around. I should have known that they would be worse."

Alice opened her eyes, jaw locking again. She gripped my hands tightly. "Bella, this was not your fault!"

I shook my head. I was stupid; of course it was my fault.

"How could you think it was your fault? Bella! You were drugged. You were raped. You are not responsible. He's responsible. Everyone at that party is responsible. You are not!"

I looked at her pleading, trying to make her understand. "I shouldn't have been there. I put myself in their hands. I let it happen! I was warned for goodness sake! Bree told me to watch my back that Jimmy wasn't going to let it go."

"Damn it, Bella." She jerked her hands out of mine, grabbing my face so that she could make me look her in the eye. "Nothing you say is going to make me think that it was your fault. It was his. And I should castrate him for ever making you think it was your fault, let alone what he did to you!"

I let a breath slowly leave my mouth. "That's not the end of it." She instantly clammed up, waiting for me to continue. But the tension in her body did not leave.

"Someone took me to the hospital. A male intern touched me. It took them forever to calm me down. When then did they got a female doctor to come and do a rape test on me. They let me take a shower, and my mom came to get me. The police came to our home to get a statement.

"It didn't go very well. The evidence at the hospital had mysteriously disappeared. It was my word against his. Our break up had been very public, and it was obvious that the law enforcement did not believe me.

"Jimmy is the mayor's son. And Mayor Crawford owns the police force. Jimmy fabricated an alibi and some other kids said that I was probably mugged on the way home, that's why I was brought into the hospital.

"My word against his. Everyone believed him."

The tears had started again, and I watched as Alice cried for me, the injustice of it all. "Bella, does Charlie know? Something has to be done. People were paid off, evidence was stolen. Maybe he could do something?"

I shook my head. "Once the evidence is gone there is nothing to _prove_ what I say."

She shook her head, not believing. "You should tell Charlie. I'm sure he'd do something. We can't let him get away with this! What if he does it to some other girl?"

I hadn't thought of that. I guess that's self-centered of me. But he was so obsessed with me for so long, that it never entered my mind that another girl could be at risk. I couldn't let what happened to me happen to someone else.

If Charlie could keep it from happening to another girl, I would have to trust him. I would have to eventually anyway.

"Alice, I haven't told you everything. There's more."

She looked at me confused. "More? Bella, how can there be more?—OH MY GOSH." The light bulb went on in her brain. "Bella, don't tell me that—Oh My Gosh."

I looked down at hands intertwined in friendship. "I'm pregnant."

Alice burst to her feet and began pacing the room. "That bastard! I'm going to castrate him! I'm going to rip off his balls with my bare hands and feed them to a dog! On top of everything else! How dare he go on breathing! If I ever see him, he'll be lucky if he gets away with this life! That son of a bitch! I hope who ever his mother is regrets the day she gave birth to him! I swear if I ever meet him I'm going to pull out his ribcage and wear it as a hat!"

It was a rather impressive rant, if I do say so myself. And creative.

"Alice! Calm down!" I waved my hands at her, trying to get her attention.

"How can you ask me to calm down? I ought to fly up there right now and cut off his penis while he sleeps!"

"Alice!"

"I'm okay, I'm okay." She let out a guttural groan of frustration. She came back to the bed, where I still sat, and plopped next to me. "Charlie needs to know."

"I know." She put an arm around me and I managed to lean my head on her smaller shoulder. "I just don't want to hurt him."

"It's going to hurt no matter what."

"I know."

"I'll come with you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

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**I guess that bribing is the way to get reviews. So, if you review I'll send you a present!**


	15. Crushing

**A/N: A big thanks to chy3 for rec-ing me on her lovely fic _In The Ruins_. You are too sweet. Thanks to all my lovely readers! Last chapter was record breaking in reviews! yay! Many people asked about/mentioned the "rib cage hat" and yes, it was recently used on True Blood, but my dear friends the credit should go to Buffy, where I borrowed it from. (woot! Buffy!) I also personally love all the hate that is being spewed at Jimmy and Renee, keep the creative death-sentences coming. ;)**

**Thanks to nowforruin my twilighted validation beta. **

**Forewarning: This is unbeta'd. Any and all mistakes are mine! (If anyone is interested in helping me out in the beta department, please let me know!)**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

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Chapter Fifteen: Crushing

Alice brought me home after our massive confessional girl time. She spent the night and hung out all day Sunday, messing around in my room, and doing a little homework, while Charlie worked. We decided that the sooner the better was the best route in telling Charlie.

My stomach had been fluttering all day, but I dismissed it as nerves.

That evening during dinner, I pushed my food around my plate while Charlie kept leaning over his shoulder to see the game that he left playing on the TV. I didn't know why he didn't just take his plate over to the couch instead of giving himself a crick in his neck. Alice stayed for dinner, and held most of the conversation. We discussed small inconsequential things about school, friends, and shopping. Charlie tried to ask about the party last night—I gave him the bare bones, minus the break down.

Alice kept trying to get me to tell Charlie. Her subtly faded throughout the evening. It started with nods and winks. It progressed to kicks to my shin, and lead-ins with really awkward pauses.

I felt so guilty. I knew that I should tell him. I should have already told him. I shouldn't have waited. He had the right to know. And now Alice was here. I could do this.

But no matter what I couldn't go back to Forks. I wanted to stay.

I pushed more cold mash potatoes around on my plate. Alice gave me an encouraging smile. I took a deep breath, and wished there was a shot for courage. No, not the liquid kind—pregnant, remember?

"Dad, what did Renee tell you happened last year, last May?" I had to know what he knew. I could feel myself cracking; I didn't know if I could hold it together with the short version.

He coughed uncomfortably, and I continued to stare at my plate. "Renee said that you broke up with your boyfriend, and had a rough time over it."

I snorted. "I broke up with Jimmy, yea. But that was nothing. That was _nothing_." My voice hardened, but somehow a tear slid silently down my cheek. I roughly brushed it away and chanced a look at Charlie.

He glanced aside, tears made Charlie uncomfortable.

"Bella, tell me what happened."

I crossed my arms over my stomach, a facade of strength but that somehow didn't stop the word vomit. "Dad, I don't want you to freak out, that's probably why Renee didn't tell you anything either. But I think you deserve to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I really want to stay. I can't live there anymore."

His eyes focused on my face clearly preparing himself for the worse. He didn't know that the worse was more horrible that he could imagine.

"Bella, you are always welcome here. This is your home now, for as long as you want."

I nodded, like it happened to someone else I recounted in monotone. "At a party after school at the beginning of May—I got roofied."

He breathed in sharply, face twisting in pain. He was a cop, a detective; he knew exactly what could happen to teenage girls—the purpose of Rohypnol.

"Someone handed me a drink. I didn't see who." I tried to remain separate; I tried not to think, but I couldn't hold it back any longer. My strength weakened.

_The sour taste of stale beer. The smell of puke and disinfectant. The swirl of smoke, hovering, never allowing anything to be clearly seen._

"Bella, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you mother tell me?" He was standing now, hands clenched on the table, his meal totally forgotten.

I ignored his question. If I stopped it would never come out. Tears silently coursed down my sheet-white face.

_The music loud and blaringly indecipherable. The flashing colors, of moving bodies. The groping, touching, grabbing of innumerable hands._

"I remember everything. I knew exactly what was happening, but I couldn't do anything to stop it." I met Charlie's pleading eyes. What he was pleading I couldn't tell. Did he want me to stop? Did he want me to go on?

I tried to control my breathing, I was beginning to hyperventilate. I hadn't even gotten to the worse part… I didn't know if I could. This was so much different than telling Alice, I was causing my daddy pain. I could barely stand it.

_A ceiling fan, whirling around, around, around, around. The wall sharp against my hands. The world, as if it were on a tilt-a-whirl. Some freaking merry-go-round for the insane. Hands. Pulling, tugging, everywhere._

He reached out for me, trying to comfort me, calm me down.

I jerked back violently. "Don't touch me." His face contorted in pain, confused with my reaction. "Just don't touch me." I whispered.

_Ripping, tearing, shredding of fabric. A blow against my face, whipping my head to the side smacking it on the floor. Grasping, shoving—penetrating. _

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push away the images. "I have flashbacks."

_The sharp pain—that never stopped. _

"I love you, dad, I do. But don't touch me." A dainty hand was silently rubbing my back.

He nodded, slowly sitting back down in his chair. I caught his eyes incredulous.

"Bells, did you go to the police?"

"Of course I did!" My jaw clenched, my emotions violently switching to rage. "They didn't believe me."

Dad lost it.

"What? How could they not believe you!" The vein in his forehead began to bulge and his face flushed like an overly ripe tomato. Part of me wondered if I should have eased him into this part of the story. I should have known that he would take the failure of the Forks police department personally.

He continued to rant incoherently, but I didn't hear any of it—I was trying too hard to keep the memories at bay.

"The physical proof disappeared from the hospital. It was my word against his."

_Scrubbing until it felt like my skin would fall off. Throwing the bottle of strawberry scented shampoo across the room. Lying in the tub under the daggers of water, wishing I could die. _

"Who?" He demanded.

"Dad, there's nothing you can do."

"Like hell there isn't. Was it him? Was it the mayor's son?"

"It doesn't matter."

"He ought to be hung for this! Just wait till I get my hands around his scrawny neck."

I sighed. I was exhausted. I hadn't even told him the worse.

_Dozens of pink lines set up too organized on my bathroom sink. The shame in my mother's eyes. _

I had promised Dr. Cullen that I would. I had promised Alice that I would. I would keep my promise. Charlie told me I could stay no matter what. I hoped I could hold him to that.

Alice had stayed silent through everything. We had forgotten she was present. I wasn't giving him the details that I gave her. But I didn't know if he could bear any more. She reached over and grabbed my hand, giving me support. I looked up at her, and saw the tear tracks that she shed for me.

"Is there more?" For a dad, he was perceptive, but sometimes I forgot he was a detective, at his best under pressure. If this wasn't pressure, I didn't know what was.

I shrunk into my seat.

"Whatever it is, we can work through it. Together." He had moved to the seat next to me close, but careful not to touch me.

"I'm pregnant."

And I cried. I cried for all the times that I had kept it inside. I cried for all the things I couldn't tell my dad, for all I couldn't face myself—even though I thought about it all the time. I cried, and mourned my innocence, stolen from me at what was supposed to be the best time of my life. And I cried for my baby. The precious life, who couldn't be blamed for the way it was conceived.

I hiccupped as I tried to breathe steadily, and I noticed I was not the only who cried. My dad sat in front of me broken. His own tears streaming down his face. He looked defeated, and I couldn't stand it.

"Daddy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Baby, it's me who should be sorry. I should have been there. I should have protected you. It is my job to keep you safe. And I failed." His voice cracked.

He sat next to me, head in his hands, crying—my daddy was crying.

_The violence, the rage, the victory in his eyes. He won. _

"Bella, I'm sorry." The tears that had never really left began to slide down my face again with strength. I didn't know if he was apologizing for, but he cared, and that's all that mattered.

He looked like he was going to throw-up. "I know you didn't say it, but I know that it happened without your consent."

I nodded. His face flushed again, even though he tried to maintain control. A few more tears slipped down his permanently etched face. I had placed those lines there, in seconds, and they would always remain.

"I'll take care of it, honey. That bastard will pay for what he's done to you."

I looked over at Alice, who had stayed with me through everything just like she promised. She gave me a slight nod.

"There's more." I breathed deeply. "I'm keeping the baby."

OoOoOoOo

Charlie took it better than I expected. I expected him to rage, to demand that I wouldn't ruin my life. To force me to look into abortion, or at least adoption. But he didn't. He nodded, and cried.

He took it much better than mom.

_I was sitting at home watching reruns of Top Model. I hadn't gone back to school. I had good grades, and my teachers sent home papers and projects to complete instead of exams. Even if they didn't believe me—didn't believed I was raped. They still thought that I was beaten up and mugged, so they were sympathetic. Enough to keep me from school and protect their precious all star quarterback from further "vindictive lies," as the assistant principle so kindly put. _

_I was glad that I didn't have to go back. They were dead to me. I would finish out high school, but I would no longer give them another second of my time or damn effort. I was never going to win any of my friends back, so why bother. _

_Mom wanted me to finish my last year of school in Phoenix with my dad, but I'd hadn't even gotten a "get well" card from him. _Typical.

_I hadn't been paying much attention to anything. I went through the motions and finished up my projects, but my fifth week sitting on the couch catching up with all possible seasons of Top Model made me think back. _

_I stared at the vapid skinny bitches on TV complain about the most insipid things. They had nothing to complain about. _Just look at them. If someone is that beautiful, they should just suck it up and deal. Live my life, then you can complain_._

_Getting up from the couch I wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water. As I stood by the sink I glance at the Hello, Kitty calendar my mom had their. It was June fourteenth. Only thirty-seven days since the incident. _

Incident—who am I kidding. Assault and rape. Say it like it is, Isabella_. _

_Thirty-seven days. _Oh crap_. _

_I was late._

_I grabbed a sweatshirt and my keys, and flew out the door. _

_I had to get to a pharmacy that would not recognize me. I could go to the drugstore downtown, but I knew that I would not be welcome there. I set my mind to drive to Port Angeles. They had a Walgreens not too far from the movie theater. _

_I turned the radio off the moment I jumped in my truck. I loved my truck. It was old, and red, and rusted. But it suited me just fine. Plus it had driven Jimmy crazy. He thought it was an eye sore and should be sold for scrapes. I loved it even more now that it was the one thing that I had held out over. He had controlled every other aspect of my life, but gosh dang it I put my foot down with my truck, and I was proud. _

_The truck, it was the last thing that Charlie did for me, before he left. He set it up with a friend of his on the Reservation. The day I turned sixteen was the day that Billy turned the keys over to me. I hadn't even known until my birthday. Billy Black told me that Charlie squared everything with him a while ago. I didn't even know what to say when I called to thank him. _

_I arrived in Port Angeles two hours later. I could get there faster; I just had nothing else to do, so why rush? I didn't really want to know yet. _

_I didn't have to look far in the store. The tests were extremely easy to find. The irony of it all was the fifty or so boxes of condoms located directly adjacent. It was like they were laughing at me. _

Hmm, wouldn't that have been a good idea. No one thinks their rapes through these days_. _

_Looking at them made me want to hurl. _

_I grabbed ten different boxes from the shelf. Pregnancy tests, not condoms. Lord knows I wouldn't need those any time soon. Pregnancy or no pregnancy. _

_Not that I'll ever want to be around men in any capacity ever again, and I was pretty sure you need one in order to use a condom. And that would never be happening. Now, I wasn't swinging for the other team. I'd quit playing all together. _

_I really tried to ignore the fact that I was buying pregnancy tests. But I bought them, threw in a few bottles of water for the drive home. I knew I would have to pee later, might as well prepare. _

_SunnyD just wasn't my style._

_The drive home was much quicker than the drive to the pharmacy. I swear I even drove at least ten under the speed limit, but those damn tests haunted me from the passenger's seat. I managed to arrive home in only an hour, somehow cutting my travel time in half. My subconscious must have been in more control that I thought. _

_Walking into the house my hands began to shake. _

"_Isabella? Is that you?" Mom called out as I entered. Who else was she expecting? Wait, don't answer that. _

"_It's me." My hands were trembling so badly that I hand to clench them to my sides._

"_Where were you? I was worried." She didn't sound that worried. _

"_I went for a drive, Mom. Clear my head."_

_I raced upstairs to my room before she could find me, and ask what was in the bag. I didn't want to bother her if I didn't have to. _

_Maybe I was just late. That happens to girls all the time. Bree habitually missed periods. I heard somewhere that stress can effect your cycle. Hopefully I just spent fifty dollars for no reason at all. _

_Then again ever since I was fourteen I had never missed a period. I didn't even get that two to three month grace period after your very first one. I've been every twenty eight days for four years. _

_I had drunk all three water bottles on the way home, and my bladder felt like it was going to burst. _

_I entered my bedroom, throwing my hoodie on my purple bedspread, and ripped open each box. I neatly set each stick on top of the box with the instructions opened next to each. I told my hands to stop shaking. There was no reason to be nervous or freak out until after the tests. _

_Without further ado, I moved everything into the bathroom. _

_Five minutes later I stood staring at dozens of pink lines lined up on my sink. They were too organized. But there they sat, in a row, all saying the same thing. _

_Positive. _

_I was pregnant. _

_My mom found me an hour later sobbing hysterically in a fetal position on my bathroom floor. _

"_Isabella? What's wrong? What is it now?" She stopped in the doorway, and stared jaw dropped at the little row of sticks lined up on my sink counter top. _

"_Izz, what did you do?" She looked at me, shock on her face. _

_I pulled myself off the floor, haphazardly wiping my face. "What did I do?" My voice raised an octave. "I was raped. I didn't do anything." _

"_Weren't you on birth control?"_

_I guffawed. "Why would I be? I didn't have a boyfriend. I wasn't planning on having sex. I was a flipping virgin for goodness sake." _

"_Watch your tone with me, young lady." She crossed her arms like she meant business. She'd never acted like a mother before; I didn't know why she tried to start now._

"_Watch my tone? I'm pregnant and you want me to watch my tone? What the f—"_

"_Isabella!" _

_I pushed past her into my room. _How is that important to her right now? Her seventeen year old daughter is pregnant by a rape_. I crawled onto my bed, and pulled the covers around me. I grabbed my teddy bear from when I was little, that was propped up at the foot of my bed, and hugged him to my chest. He was the only him that could touch me. _

_I sat there in silence for several minutes. My mom hadn't moved from the bathroom. In my peripheral vision she was checking and rechecking each test. I had seen them all. Finally satisfied, or probably dissatisfied, she came into the room, not saying a thing._

_I needed her. She's my mom. _

"_Mom. What am I going to do? How can I have a baby? I'm still in high school."_

_She moved towards me, slowly. "Baby, maybe you should talk to Jimmy." _

_My head snapped up. "No! I've never speaking to that bastard again." _How could she ask that? She did believe me, right? That he raped me? That was not consensual?

_She sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Isabella, we should think about an abortion then." _

"_What? Kill the baby?"_

"_It's not a baby yet, honey. And it would be better for you. Easier." _

"_Killing is okay because it's not a baby _yet_? Because it's easier?" _

"_Izz." _

"_Don't call me that! I hate that." I held the teddy bear tighter to my chest. "I'm not having an abortion."_

_She stood up, looking down on me. I don't know why but she looked ashamed of me. Disappointed somehow. _

_I couldn't understand why. _

"_Honey, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Why don't you get some rest." _

_She left the room, shutting the door quietly behind herself. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. I had a right to be upset. _

_The moment she left me they came—the tears. I was hurt and still hurting. I had bruises that were still fading. _

_I wanted my mom. I needed her to hold me and comfort me. I needed her to tell me everything was going to be alright. I needed to be my mother's baby for a little bit. _

_Alone, I cried myself to sleep for the first of many nights. _

OoOoOoOo_  
_

Charlie took it much better than expect. Much better than mom. He accepted my decision. I said I was keeping the baby, and he never once offered the alternative.

He cried for a while, longer than I expected. But then again, I'd cried for three months before I came to Phoenix. He learned that his little girl wasn't a little girl any more, and hadn't been for a while.

Alice's mom came and picked her up not to long after dinner. She patted my hand and said she'd see me at school tomorrow.

"Ali?"

She turned to face me from the kitchen doorway.

"Thanks for… everything." She smiled softly. "You've been a real friend."

"You would do the same for me." She said quietly, and left to meet her mother outside.

I turned to face Charlie, distraught with my news. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Bells, you have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one apologizing."

I stood up to begin cleaning up our hardly touched dinner. I pack away the leftovers in the fridge, and rinsed off the dishes before placing them in the dishwasher. I moved quickly and deftly through the kitchen. I couldn't help but feel Charlie's eyes on me. His tears had dried, but he had a haunted quality about him, like he was waiting to wake up from a nightmare.

I turned bracing myself for my next apology. The guilt was becoming unbearable. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Dad. I planned on telling you as soon as I got here, but then everything was going so well, and I just wanted to feel normal for a little while longer."

He nodded, but kept his eyes on me—no, on my stomach. I protectively placed my hands on my middle, gently rubbing the bump that had grown over the last few weeks.

My flowy tops hid my pregnancy rather nicely. Fortunately the current style was favorable to hidden pregnancies. In a month there would be no hiding.

"What's the plan, Bells?" Charlie leaned forward in his chair, resting his clasped hands on top of his thighs.

I sighed. I knew what I wanted to do, but as for a plan? I had no idea. "I don't know, Dad." I wiped my hands once more on a dish towel and made my way back to the table. "I hadn't thought further than coming here."

His eyebrows scrunched up. "Don't misunderstand this honey, but why are you here? It seems that you would need your mom?"

That had obviously been my first choice—to be with mom. But in that town, under that scrutiny, with her disapproval, it wasn't going to happen.

Then again, look how Charlie responded. He trusted me, he believed me, he _wanted_ me. Mom didn't give me any of those things. Yea, I wanted to be with my mom while I was having a baby, but Charlie was the more steadfast of the two, ironically.

I always thought that the hero was the one who stayed. Mom stayed when Charlie left. I understood why he left. But he still did—even if my mom had been the one who cheated. He left me too.

But here he was opening his house, and heart to his wayward daughter. He wanted to champion for me. He wanted what I wanted. He never once had said something against keeping the child that was thrust upon me unwillingly.

"Because mom wants me to get an abortion. She doesn't believe my version of the events—she believes his."

Charlie's face went red again, and I could see his pulse in his forehead. He muttered a few expletives under his breath. Quietly, strained, he replied. "I believe you, Bella." He took a deep breath. "We'll figure things out."

OoOoOoOo

For the first time in my life, Charlie hovered. He took everything harder than I foresaw. He followed me around for the rest of the night, and even tucked me into bed. He insisted on taking me to school on Monday.

I understood his protectiveness. If it was even a tenth of what I felt for my tummy… I was going to be obscenely protective. Poor kid.

On the way to school on Monday, I awkwardly fidgeted in the passenger seat.

"Dad, you don't have to do this. Emmett could have taken me to school."

He harrumphed.

I stared out the window. The ranch houses went by, and we turned on to a larger thoroughfare, passing the flat top businesses surrounded by palm trees, and tropical fruit trees. I still found it nifty that there were grapefruit and orange trees around—because honestly how is that not cool?

Ironically, I felt lighter than I had in weeks. There was so much to deal with. I was pregnant. My future was uncertain, but I was no longer alone. I had Alice and Charlie on my side.

I breathed deeply, hoping he'd see the reason in my argument. "Dad, I really appreciate you taking me to school, but you have work, and we both know you can't do this everyday. Emmett can take me. I'll be fine."

He turned and raised one eyebrow. I didn't even know he could do that. I was impressed.

"Come on, Dad. You know that Emmett would probably be the first to punch someone who bothered me."

He grunted.

"He gets the whole no touching thing. He basically acts like a barrier between me and everyone else at school anyway."

He grunted again, but this time without as much force.

"My friends are really great, dad. They don't know anything, but they look out for me. You have nothing to worry about."

He did the eyebrow thing again. I just rolled my eyes. He worried, now more than ever.

My cell phone buzzed, indicating I had received a text. I looked at it surreptitiously.

It was from Alice.

_Where r u? Em said he didn't pick u up. Is everything ok? –A _

I replied quickly.

_Yea my dad wanted to take me. Ill b there soon. –B _

I didn't know what I had done to deserve such great friends. I felt the need to pinch myself sometimes to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

Speaking with Alice reminded me of our conversation last night. I couldn't sleep so I got on facebook. Alice was waiting. She told me her dad cornered her the moment she got home, asking about me. But she didn't tell him anything—she wanted to talk to me first.

I was blown away.

I explained that I told him I was pregnant. She told me to hold on. I looked through her picture albums while I waited, surprised to find a few from my birthday party—before the break down—up already. _When does she find the time_?

When she got back, she said Dr. Cullen wants me to go see an OB/GYN. Alice volunteered to go with me.

I hadn't even thought of it. I felt ashamed because it was only responsible to go to a doctor. I needed to care for my baby better.

Alice said that Dr. Cullen had a doctor in mind for me—a female. She gave me the number, and made me promise to call.

The only thing about doctors was that they cost money. I needed to talk to Charlie about it.

"Uh, dad. Alice got a number of a female OB/GYN from her dad that he thinks I should see." I tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

Charlie's eyes got wide. "Of course, I hadn't even thought of it."

I fiddled my fingers, trying to think of a way to bring up money or insurance. "Mom doesn't want me to use her insurance."

"What?"

"I have some money saved up, but not enough for doctor's visits, as well as everything else."

"Whoa, wait, Bells. You're on my insurance, always have been." He glanced over at me. "I never really trusted your mom's. It should cover everything."

I sighed in relief. I hated taking money from him, but it was a weight off my chest nonetheless.

We pulled up to the curb of the school, and Ali and Edward were waiting out front.

"Bella?" I turned towards him. "Call me. Any reason, okay?"

I nodded. "I love you, dad."

"Love you too, Bells."

I got out of the car, to meet Alice's beaming face. Alice quickly grabbed my bag from me handing it to Edward. His mouth twitched as Ali told him to carry it. She swiftly laced her arm through mine, and pulled me into the building.

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**A/N: A forum for _Untouchable_ has been started at Twilighted! Go and check it out! A link is in my profile page!**

**My blog is also pretty cool too: http : / / elspethgordie . xanga . com /**

**Reviews are better than beating Renee over the head with an iron-skillet! I bribe too. Review = crazy. awesome. teaser.**

**Rec's **

**_New Beginnings_ by jmeb: A phone call late one night turns Bella's world upside-down. She finds herself thrust into the role of single mom while trying to navigate her way through a new city, and dealing with the death of her best friend. With the help of a few new friends, Bella just might come to see that from tragic endings come new beginnings. Canon Pairings.**

**_Beyond Time_ by tkegl: After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's her second chance... a chance to build a life with a human Edward. But when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected... and Bella has some hurdles to overcome to create the future she's hoping for.**


	16. Content

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful new betas! MarchHare3, twicrack83, and tbhames. Thank you for giving your time and thoughts to helping me make my writing better. And boy, did they have to fix my obsession with commas. *bangs head against wall***

**Thanks to MsWDarcy who continues to be my encouragement and support! Thanks to my sister (yes, you Hayley) who has been reading this since the beginning. love you.  
**

**Thanks to nowforruin! I appreciate all you have done to make my story better!**

**General warning: School is starting for me on Monday (crazy early-I know). I'm planning on sticking to my one chapter a week update schedule, but life sometimes gets in the way. I have to work with an entirely new curriculum again (third year in a row starting from scratch... yay). So, I'm apologizing a head of time if things get away from me. I love you guys!**

**Warning: adult content and violence  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo  
**

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Chapter Sixteen: Content

_**Thump. **_

I awkwardly twisted in my seat. Edward was dutifully working on our muscle fiber project that was due in a week and a half. We had the whole month to work on it, but somehow we had put off most of the work. Edward was more diligent than I, and already created the muscle fiber example out of rubber bands and two dowel rods.

I sucked as a partner.

I had an excuse for not keeping up with my work. Not that I was ready to tell him. I just had a gut feeling he wouldn't handle it well. It may have been the whiteness around his knuckles, or the glares he kept sending to Mike Newton that tipped me off to Edward's short fuse.

I was probably imagining things. We were just friends, but with a freaky I-can-see-your-soul connection. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

_**Thump. **_

I rolled my shoulders, trying to shake off the weird feeling.

Edward was willing to help me out on my half of the project. I'd planned on putting together the PowerPoint presentation, and then we were going to split it in half to present to the class.

I hadn't even started.

I was busy with keeping secrets about a crazy mom, psycho ex-boyfriend rapist, and massive confessions. But I'd always been a good student, even amidst the "Jimmy years," so my lack of preparation was frustrating.

Edward was being more than gracious. For the life of me I couldn't read him.

_**Thump. **_

I hunched over my belly, not understanding the anxiousness I had all period.

"You okay?" Edward glanced up at me from his notes, brushing his wayward hair out of his eyes.

"Yeah, I just have a stomachache." I rolled my eyes. _I officially think I'm going crazy._

He grinned and pushed his notes towards me to point out what he'd gathered. "I've created a list of all the different areas we need to explain in the presentation. Do you want to get together sometime to work on it? We can throw in diagrams and charts. We can even use animations."

"Sure." I giggled. His geeky side was showing more than it normally did.

"After school today? Tomorrow?" He looked down at his hands as he traced patterns into the black lab table.

"Tomorrow? I have to talk Charlie today." I needed to set up that doctor's appointment.

"Everything okay?"

I smiled. "Yeah, better than okay." I wasn't alone anymore.

"I've been meaning to ask you about Saturday."

"Sorry about that," I apologized. "I…overreacted."

He raised his eyebrows, interest piqued. "Overreacted?"_ Darn it, I should have said the food didn't agree with me or something._

"Uh, some old memories kinda got dredged up."

"Did you have a flashback? I thought you had to be touched?"

I rolled my head back and forth trying to decide what to tell him. "Well, I did have a flashback, but it was something else from my past. And that was before I got upset."

His face lit up in understanding. "When you dazed off for a second."

I nodded.

"Is this about your Ex bothering you?" His eyes flashed and mumbled an expletive I couldn't make out.

I shook my head not wanting to talk about the phone calls, voice mails, and texts that had started since my birthday. I deleted them all anyway.

"Bella, I know you've been burned, but you can trust me."

"I know."

I looked down at his notes, so neat and precise. Not a line out of place, not a doodle in the margin. My own notes looked like a child had written them.

"I really appreciate your friendship, Edward."

He went silent for a second, looking at my face and reading my eyes until I looked away. I couldn't tell what he was trying to find, but I could see that I had hurt him. And I didn't know why.

The bell rang signaling the end of class. Edward quickly packed up his things and waited for me. "My place or yours tomorrow? Alice might be a distraction."

Initially my heart seized up at the though of being alone with a male in my house, but it was silly. I was safe with Edward.

"Mine then?"

"Sure," Edward agreed.

We didn't say anything else as he walked me to study hall. He hadn't left me in the classroom alone since the day I introduced Mike's balls to pain. As we walked, Edward seemed solemn and distant. I didn't know how to make it better.

He waited at the door of the library watching me take my seat at the table I shared with Jasper. After I sat down, he gave me a weak wave and ran off to his last class of the day.

_**Thump. **_

_What is that?_ I'd been feeling butterflies for the last two weeks, but I thought it was left over morning sickness. This banging was a new development.

_**Thump. **_

There it was again. It was like a little tap on the side of my belly.

I gasped.

_Gosh, I'm a doofus_. Jasper leaned over the table, giving me a rare half-smile that showed his dimple.

"You okay, Bells?"

I looked up at him eyes wide as I felt a smile spread on my face. My face felt like it was splitting apart. I nodded quickly.

My baby moved! And I felt it.

I placed my hands discreetly on my tummy under the library study table. Quietly I waited for the next nudge to tap my hand.

_**Thump.**_

The lightest movement against my hand, but I could feel it. It wasn't just a weird phantom feeling inside.

I couldn't wait to tell Alice.

OoOoOoOo

Alice had a meeting after school, so I wasn't able to share the new development. I couldn't keep the smile off my face for the rest of the day. It felt more real than it had in weeks. No matter how much I lied to myself, I wasn't just getting fat. I was having a baby: a real, live, crying, pooping baby.

I was terrified.

I had finished off some homework in the library while I waited for the halls to clear. Surprisingly, Jasper waited with me giving no indication that he'd heard the last bell. As I began to pack up, so did he. He walked me to my locker where Emmett was already waiting. He fisted bumped Em and left for his own locker without a word.

Not a very verbal guy.

"So Bella-bean, I'm back on chauffeur duty?" He snickered to himself. "Duty."

I rolled my eyes. "If you don't mind?"

He fist pumped. "Alice owes me five bucks! She said that you wouldn't be able to convince Charlie until at least Thursday."

I laughed. Ironically I would have bet on Thursday too, but I got a text at lunch saying that he got a lead on a case and asked if Emmett could take me home.

"What's up with ol' Charlie anyway?" asked Emmett.

"He's just being protective."

He smiled at me and wiggled his eyebrows. "Did ya tell him that I would pop anyone who bothered you in the gut?" He mimicked the motion, pretending to give an imaginary bad guy a sucker punch.

"It was one of my first arguments," I said.

"Excellent."

I shut my locker, and he offered his hand for my book bag.

"What's that for?" I spied at his hand, warily.

His hand remained out, obviously motioning for my bag. "Alice told me to."

I raised one eyebrow. He shrugged. "She told me that you'd feed me."

I laughed, and handed him my bag. That midget and I needed to have a talk. _Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm an invalid._ I needed to save up favors.

The only reason I let Emmett carry it now was because he thought he was being bribed with food… and my back hurt, a lot. It wasn't cool adding weight to mainly one part of my body. I wasn't that big yet, but it was finally beginning to take a toll on my back. Maybe because I'd finally begun to gain weight since the months of puking stopped.

The drive home was uneventful. At least it was normal… for Emmett. I had truly gotten used to the off-key belting to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, though if I heard "I Kissed a Girl" one more time I would pull my hair out.

Emmett carried my bag into the house, fully prepared to take me up on my food bribe immediately.

I set out some chips and dip while I pulled out some veggies to cut up and make a tray. The veggies were for me, but it didn't matter because Emmett would eat anything. He set our school stuff down, lounged on a chair and propped his feet up.

Emmett rambled on about the football season and how well the team was doing. He didn't need me to add much to the conversation except the occasional, half-hearted "uh huh" to keep him going. He was like Ali in that way.

Charlie walked in a few minutes after us, and I was surprised. I thought he had to work late. He gave me a tight-lipped smile before walking into his messy "office" and shutting the door.

I set out the veggie tray then pulled out the fish fillets to defrost for dinner.

We couldn't help but overhear Charlie on the phone. Emmett trailed off and seemed extremely focused on choosing the best green pepper piece.

"What do you mean you don't have the file?" We heard Charlie growl from the other room.

I pulled out my bio textbook, hoping to get a little of the PowerPoint done before tomorrow's study session.

"She gave a statement. Something like that doesn't disappear unless on purpose."

Emmett stood up and walked to the fridge, helping himself. "Bella, you want a drink? Milk, soda, juice, water?"

"Juice?" I replied. He nodded.

"I want everything you have… You owe me Sam. You wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for me. This is me calling in a favor." I heard some rustling and eventually a thump as something hit the floor.

Charlie's voice cracked, but still carried into the kitchen. "Do you know what happened to her? My baby girl?... Sam, please…I need that file."

My eyes widened and Emmett's head snapped to mine. I froze. I didn't want Emmett to know. He'd find out about the pregnancy eventually, but knowing whether I was knocked-up or raped? I'd choose knocked-up. I didn't need anyone to look at me with more pity.

We barely moved, Emmett waiting for more, and me hoping for less. Charlie just mumbled something that sounded like "thank you."

Emmett set down my juice in front of me and cocked his head in question. I shied away from him, suddenly fascinated with my bio book.

Charlie walked out of the office into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. I sighed. Emmett raised his eyebrows hoping once more for me to answer his unasked question. What had happened to me? Why was there a police report? Why was it missing?

I refused to meet his eyes.

Grabbing a few mouthfuls of veggies and chips, Emmett picked up his backpack. "Pick you up tomorrow?"

I nodded, still avoiding his eyes. He gave me one succinct nod in return.

He waved at Dad. "See ya later Charlie."

"Let your dad know I'll talk to him in the morning," responded Charlie.

Emmett nodded and let himself out.

I leaned my head on my hands and stared down at my bio book. Without looking up, I asked, "What are you doing, Dad?"

He didn't answer. Instead he placed a cell phone on the table in front of me. "It's for you. It's a new number and everything."

"Dad, you didn't have to do this."

"Bella, he was trying to contact you." He tried to hide his fury beneath his hands as he rubbed his eyes again. "I don't want you to give Renee your number. She can call you here at the house."

I nodded mutely. "Thank you, Daddy." I wished I could hug him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bells."

He completely distracted me from the conversation Emmett and I overheard. I didn't even think of it for the rest of the night.

OoOoOoOo

I called the OB/GYN before the office closed and set up an appointment for Saturday. I made sure that I would be seeing a female doctor, and if one wasn't available to please call me back to reschedule. There was no need to subject everyone to a flashback. There was no need to subject _myself_ to a flashback. I'd lived it too many times.

After dinner Charlie showed me how to use back-up assistance to load my contacts. I texted Alice, Emmett, and Edward, letting them know I had a new number. Charlie said we could let Renee know tomorrow.

Charlie turned on the latest game while I went to my room to finish my homework. I was just starting the presentation for bio when my new phone buzzed with a text.

_He,y you wanna go on a walk? –E_

_Sure. Now? –B _

_Yeah, I'm right outside –E _

I jumped up from my desk and headed to the front door. I opened it to find a very sweaty Edward, breathing deeply and drinking from a water bottle. He was wearing a cut-off shirt with running shorts and sneakers.

He used the front of his shirt to wipe off his face, and I stood frozen staring at his six-pack. It was taut from the exertion and damp with sweat.

_Mmmm… lick-able… what? _

He caught me staring and I could feel my cheeks and ears flush hot. He chuckled, "It's adorable when you do that."

I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

He reached up and gently pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. My face felt even hotter.

"That."

He leaned against the door jam, smiling his cocky lopsided grin. "So you gonna invite me in?"

I smiled back, unable to hold it in. "What are you, a vampire?"

He rolled his eyes. "Are all girls obsessed with vampires? I don't get it."

I smirked. "It's the sex appeal."

His eyebrows rose. "So wanna go on a walk? I was in the neighborhood." He trailed off, running a hand threw his hair.

I waved him into the foyer. "Let me ask my dad. Do you want a drink?"

"If I can just refill this, it'd be great." He raised his empty water bottle, and I pointed to the kitchen as I walked up to Charlie.

"Dad, I'm going to go on a walk, okay?"

I broke him from his intense focus on whatever sport was currently on the TV. It was either football or golf. There was lots of green grass. I don't know how anyone could watch golf. Honestly, snooze-fest.

Charlie looked surprised to find me standing there. "By yourself?"

I shook my head. "Edward stopped by and asked me."

"Edward Cullen? Alice's brother?"

"Yeah, that's the one." The faucet in the kitchen turned off, and Charlie looked up to find Edward reentering the room. He smiled at me and nodded politely at Charlie.

"Detective Swan."

"Edward. Bella, do you think you should be going out?" He not so subtly looked at my tummy.

I protectively placed a hand on my belly. "Exercise is good, Dad. And I'll be perfectly safe. It's just a walk."

Charlie harrumphed, but nodded. "Take your phone."

I agreed and slipped my new phone into the pocket of my shorts. I slipped on my Converse and followed Edward outside.

We walked quietly down the driveway and turned right, continuing down my street. It was dusk outside, just after eight in the evening, but the sun had definitely set. The air had cooled from earlier in the day. Still warm, but not overbearing.

"What are you doing this far from home?" I broke the silence.

"Running."

"In Phoenix?"

"It helps me clear my head."

I smiled and kicked a rock in the road. "I know what it's like to need clarity."

"How was your talk with Charlie?" I looked at him confused. "You said you needed to talk to Charlie after school?"

"Oh, it was fine. I set up a doctor's appointment for Saturday."

He looked at me concerned, and carefully looked me over. "You sick?"

I shook my head. "No."

"For the… shitty flashbacks?" His forehead wrinkled.

"No. I haven't really talked to him about them much yet." Edward gave me a funny look. "I know. I will." I answered before he could even pose the question. "We just had to talk about other stuff. And it kinda got skipped over."

Incredulously he asked, "What could be more important than that?"

I pursed my lips, but didn't answer.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. We kept walking for a few more minutes eventually turning onto a weaving neighborhood street not to far from my house.

"I started running last spring," Edward interjected.

I didn't know what prompted this information, but I was glad to get it. Edward intrigued me, and I wanted to know more. I knew it wasn't fair to want to know about him while refusing to tell him about me. Alice dealt with it better than I assumed, but for some reason I didn't want it hanging around Edward and me. I wanted him to think of me as just a girl.

I asked the obvious question. "Why did you start running?"

"Because I was effing pissed off all the time."

I nodded. That was a legitimate excuse as any to be habitually running in the worst possible weather ever. How did he not overheat and pass out? I had to remember that not everyone has my tendency to faint.

"You know what I said earlier today?" I couldn't pinpoint a specific thread he was referring to.

"About what?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, before reaching down and taking my hand gently in his own, lacing his fingers through mine. He lifted it, inspecting our hands. Mine was so tiny compared to his. It felt huge next to my own. Rough and strong.

I blushed, but couldn't keep my eyes away from his watching our hands.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

I nodded. It was better than okay. I'd never had butterflies… crazy, fluttering, spastic butterflies in my stomach over hand holding.

He was different from anything I'd ever known.

I was wrong. It was unfair. To me, to him. I was leading him on, leading myself on in a… relationship, that would never last. _How can I do this with the secrets that I have?_

My face must have visibly fell because Edward halted, stopping me in my tracks. He reached his free hand to my chin, lifting it so he could see my eyes. His doorway to see the real me.

"What's wrong?" Edward mused.

"This isn't fair. I have too many secrets," I whispered.

"You remember what I said earlier? About trust?" I nodded. He'd asked me to trust him.

I did trust him. More than he knew. His hand in mine proved that. But I didn't want his view of me to change. I felt beautiful when he looked at me.

"I realized the only way for me to expect you to trust me is for me to trust you."

I sighed. It made sense. "Why… Why would you trust me?"

He released a breath and stepped away, pulling me with him. His other hand swung at his side as we continued down the street. He apparently thought better while moving.

"Because I can."

I stayed quiet. Ready to hear anything he said, content in walking with him, holding his hand.

As we walked in silence, I tried to feel for my little nudger moving. I hadn't felt the baby move since school, but that was the first time I realized what I was feeling. I hoped for the feeling again.

"I thought I was in love." He said quietly. "I was wrong. She didn't turn out to be who I thought she was."

I squeezed his hand. I knew what that was like.

"She was using me to placate her family, but kept going out with her old boyfriend behind everyone's back, including mine."

"I'm sorry, Edward. And not out of obligation or pity, but because I know what it's like."

I watched him as we walked. His eyes tightened at my comment and his breathing quickened.

I sucked in a breath of air. He trusted me to share his girlfriend's infidelity; it was only fair to share mine. "He slept with almost every girl in the school during our two years of dating because I told him 'no.' The one I caught him with was only one of many."

It was his turn to squeeze my hand this time.

"Though she was a senior and I was a junior, we still had a lot of the same classes." He grinned, proud of his academic achievement. "She somehow managed to cheat off of most my homework and quizzes. She even managed to cheat off of a test. I didn't find out till later, when the school placed me on probation.

"Part of me was impressed. I still can't figure out how she got my answers. I didn't willingly give them to her. I worked hard for my grades."

I watched as he got lost in thought, or memory. I couldn't tell the difference.

We walked on, turning again when I saw my house down the road. Somehow Edward had managed to lead us around and back without my even knowing it. I would probably get lost on my own.

When we reached the house, we sat down on the stoop, never letting go of each other's hand. I leaned my head on his shoulder. He was so much taller than me, it made me feel smaller than my five-foot-four-inches.

"I broke up with Victoria in April, but it didn't really end until graduation when she left."

I knew what he meant. "I broke up with Jimmy in March, but it still follows me." He leaned his head on top of mine.

I don't know how long we sat there before he turned his head and kissed my hair. I closed my eyes and quietly sighed.

It didn't hurt to tell things to him. He understood better than anyone else so far.

My sigh turned into a yawn, which made him chuckle. "Time for you to go to bed, sleepy head."

I stood up and brushed off my shorts. "Thanks for the walk."

He picked up his water bottle from the ground where he'd left it before our walk. "My pleasure."

"Do you need a ride home? I can ask Charlie."

"I'm good."

I turned to open the door, but his voice stopped me. "Are you doing anything on Friday night?"

I smiled. "Not yet."

"I want to show you something."

"Okay." I smirked. "Is that a question?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, smartass. You want to come with me?"

I took a second to look like I was really thinking it over. I even threw in a few hmmm's. He laughed. "Sure."

His smile lit up his face, and my legs felt like they had turned to jello. No wonder he only used his half-smile most of the time. If he used the whole thing, no females within a fifty foot radius would have control of their limbs.

This boy was going to be the death of me. _Oh, what a way to go._

Trotting down the few steps he asked, "We still on for tomorrow?"

"Of course." I smiled.

He winked and took off across the yard and down the street. I watched his athletic form move swiftly and silently across the pavement. I admit I even stared at his rear… I couldn't help it. I felt no guilt whatsoever. Something that perfect had to be admired.

I quietly closed the front door and said goodnight to Charlie. He dutifully came and tucked me in once I was ready for bed, ever concerned. He even sweetly said goodnight to my baby. I fell asleep, hoping for dreams of Edward, because that would be a perfect ending to a perfect evening.

* * *

**You know the drill... ;) Feed the monkey.**

**Recs: **

**_The Wedding Party_ by spanglemaker9**  
**Summary: The perfect person appears at the worst possible moment, and one unforgettable encounter changes everything. AH**

**_The Blizzard_ by sheviking**  
**Summary: Bella is walking home during a blizzard and stumbles on a homeless man on the ground. Despite her better judgment she decides to save him from the cold, and the night turns into something she never expected. Rated M for language and lemony stuff.**

**_Running for Home_ by ooza**  
**Summary: Edward discovers his entire past was a fabrication. On his journey to uncover the truth he meets Bella, a young woman neglecting all responsibility for the first time in her life. Road trip! ExBxVolvo BPOV/EPOV AH AU OOC M for language and future lemons.**


	17. Candor

**A/N: Thanks to twicrack83 and MarchHare3! My lovely betas. I send Edward lovin' your way. Mmmmmm...  
**

**Thanks to MsWDarcy! xoxo **

**Thanks to nowforruin! She's absolutely amazing, woot!**

**School is crazy in case anyone was wondering, but so far I'm on schedule despite everything. I will endeavor to continue on time. Especially after this chapter, hehehe.**

**I'm sorry I haven't answered any reviews! I love all of them! But I just got back from a retreat and I thought, do they want me to respond or do they want the next chapter? I decided you wanted the chapter. I know, you love me.  
**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** You may want to skip the italics.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Candor

_I grabbed a drink someone handed me. I didn't know who. I only took two sips before I threw it out. The beer was disgusting, but I knew something stronger was thrown in because my tongue started to feel numb. _

_My head began to throb. _I hate parties. I always do. I have no idea why I'm here.

_I felt my way to an empty room. It had posters on the wall and an old pool table in the center. The ceiling fan was on low, slowly going round and round. I found it hypnotizing. The room started spinning._

_I stumbled awkwardly to the farthest corner of the room. My hands helped me stay upright as I moved as quickly as my body would let me without falling over. _

Just what I need, more difficulty standing.

_I reached the corner and turned so I could watch the door. There was a window nearby and it was open. I hoped the cool air would help my dizziness. _

_I only had two sips. _What happened?Why do I feel so weird?

_I slunk down to the floor and placed my head between my knees. Maybe I was having an allergic reaction. I sluggishly reached for my cell phone in my pocket, tugging it from the tight jeans. My hands fumbled and I watched it roll a few feet away. _

_I reached out for it but it was just out of grasp. The tips of my fingers touched it, but every movement pushed it farther away. I pulled my hand back and leaned my head on my knees, watching my phone, wishing it was closer. _

_The door to the room opened a crack, and a person I didn't recognize peeked in. Whoever it was saw me and closed the door again. _

_He or she was probably going for help. I'd be fine. I just had to wait._

_I tilted my head back, breathing in the damp air that wafted in through the window. It wasn't raining when I arrived at the Jackson's, but it's Forks. It's always wet. _

_I breathed slowly in through my nose and out through my mouth. I ignored the sharp texture on the wall biting into my back. Even when I closed my eyes I could see __the ceiling fan, whirling around, around, around, around. The dizziness only got worse. The room spun as if it was on a tilt-a-whirl._

_I heard the door open, and the music, loud and blaringly indecipherable, cut into the seclusion of my room. The music faded as the door clicked shut. _

_I opened my eyes, squinting and trying to focus. "Jimmy! Help me. I need to go home." My words slurred._

_He sauntered slowly towards me. I watched as he dragged his fingers along the edge of the pool table, his eyes always on me. _

"_I don't feel good. Please, take me home." A tear crept down my cheek._

_Jimmy squatted down in front of me and gently moved my hair out of my face, holding his hands to my head. He forced me to look up at him, tugging my hair in the process._

"_I've been looking for you everywhere, Isabella." He smiled. "I always find you."_

I sat up in bed, awakened by terror and my own scream.

My first thought was of Edward. I needed Edward.

After a few seconds, Charlie flew into my room, gripping his gun tightly, searching my room for an intruder. It would have been comical if I weren't huddled against my headboard, shaking, covered in sweat, wishing that the only boy in the world who could touch me was here comforting me.

"Bella! Are you okay?"

I tried to nod, but couldn't tell if I was just shaking.

He must have seen the effort because he proceeded to secure my room. He checked the closet, under the bed, under the desk, and behind the door before he came over to me.

"Honey, what's wrong? This is the fourth time this week." He checked the safety on his gun before tucking it into the back of his sweats. He grabbed my desk chair, pulled it close to the bed and sat down.

Every night this week I'd had this dream. It was really cramping my beauty sleep, not to mention my stress levels and nerves.

I thought the dream would have started Saturday night after I told Alice, or Sunday night after I told Charlie, but no, not until after my walk with Edward on Monday night did the dreams start.

Dreams—more like memories. Such unbelievably real recreations that I felt like it was happening again, and I couldn't do anything to make them stop.

I thought I'd overcome this. I'd had dreams, hazy figments of that night for two months after the assault.

Nothing this real.

Nothing this life-like.

"Bella, you have to talk to me." Charlie gripped my blue bedspread as if he wanted to hold my hand.

"It was just a dream, Dad. I'm okay."

"Maybe you should talk to someone."

I tried not to groan in frustration and held my long hair out of my face. "I've already tried that. It didn't work."

"Maybe you should try again."

I didn't know what to say to placate him. Been there, done that. It didn't help. The other dreams went away with time. But I didn't know if I could wait two months for these to go. The stress couldn't be healthy, for me or the baby.

I'd been jumpy all week. I flinched whenever a male came within two feet. It wasn't good for a classroom atmosphere.

The only time I ever felt calm during the day was when Edward was nearby.

_So much for being an independent woman. _

I was only slightly jumpy on Tuesday. I hadn't relived _that night_ in a while, especially in such detail. Alice and Edward gave me weird looks, and by the end of the day Emmett was growling at people who got too close to me.

Our study session went well, and we finished the presentation part of our project. Edward didn't hold my hand again, but I kept watching his fingers get closer to mine like he wanted to.

Wednesday was worse. Charlie tried to comfort me the night before. He accidentally sent me back under, and I got to relive it twice. He was horrified when I finally woke, screaming. He had backed up into a wall, his hands covering his face, muttering apologies.

He knew better now.

After reliving it twice, all day Wednesday I felt like _he_ was watching me. That _he_ knew where I was. Edward had to sit me down in an empty classroom during lunch to calm me down.

I expected the dream by that night and barely got any sleep. Edward took one look at me on Thursday morning and stalled me in front of my locker.

"Bella, Bella. Come here." I let him fold me into his arms. They were so strong, and I felt safe as he wrapped them around my shoulders and pulled me tightly against him. I barely even thought about the fact I was leaning up against his rock hard abs. Only a little bit.

I sighed contently in his arms, completely forgetting that we were in the middle of a high school hallway.

"What's wrong? You look exhausted and you've been nervous all week."

I shook my head against his chest. "Nightmares."

His hold tightened on me, and his hands began rubbing circles into my back. "You're safe now. Nothing's going to hurt you."

I breathed deeply, taking in his scent. _Why do boys always smell yummy like spices in the hot summer air? _

I gently pulled away. "I know. They're just hard to shake."

He waited while I rifled through my locker for my books. I slammed my locker shut and tried not to flinch at the sound it made.

His eyes were soft and he took my hand in his. "This okay?"

I blushed and bit my lip. "Yeah."

"Let's get you to class."

Our public hand holding didn't go over well with the Skank Brigade. I got dirty looks from plastic Barbie doll look-alikes all day, even from girls I'd never seen before. I avoided going to the bathroom alone. Rose and Alice accompanied me at lunch, and I held it in after that. I learned my lesson in Forks. You don't go to the bathroom alone when there were enemies likely to corner you there.

And yet here I was again, cowering in my bed over what a boy did to me months ago. My mind wouldn't let me forget or move on.

"I don't know, Dad. I'll think about." I really didn't see what help a new therapist would do.

He patted the bed as he got up and moved the chair back to my desk. "Try to get some sleep?"

"I'll try."

OoOoOoOo

I slept fitfully until it was time to get ready for school. I got up and made sure I had everything I needed. Edward was taking me somewhere after school and wouldn't tell me where. I told him I hated surprises, but he said I needed to relax and trust him.

A honk in the driveway made me leap out of my skin. I mentally berated myself. _It's only Emmett. Calm down, Bella. Jimmy isn't coming to get you._

The day felt longer than normal. Like every second became a minute, and every minute became an hour. The time flux was ridiculous.

Emmett waved a hand in front of my face. I jerked my head back, almost snapping my neck.

"Hey, Bells." He rubbed the back of his head. "Lunch time."

"Oh, right. Thanks." I blushed. Poor Emmett, he was only being helpful, and here I was treating him like he tried to attack me.

I followed him meekly to the cafeteria, making one stop at my locker to grab my packed lunch. The school's lunch menu was not enough to feed a ravenous pregnant girl. Not if I didn't want to spend ten dollars a day on just lunch. Plus my home cooked meals were healthier.

Alice was waiting alone at our table. After walking me to the table, Emmett joined the line to get lunch.

_**Thump.**_

"Oof!" I grunted. My face lit up and I reached for Ali's closest hand.

"Oh my gosh, you have to feel this!" I giggled.

"What?" Her eyebrows scrunched together. I pressed her hand up against my growing stomach.

_**Thump. **_

I watched as Alice's eyes popped open wide and gasped.

"Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh." She spoke so rapidly I could hardly understand her.

_**Thump.**_

Alice eeked out a surprised yelp. I laughed. _That one was hard!_

Edward sat down next to me. "Whatcha guys up to?"

Alice yanked her hand away. I beamed up at him. "Nothing." I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. My baby was a bruiser. He or she was ready to be on the move.

I wished I could grab his hand and let him feel what Alice just felt. There was nothing like it. I wished he knew, just like Alice, and I could share this with him. I knew he could see it in my eyes—the boundless joy. I wished I could show him why.

"Yeah, sure." He rolled his eyes, but kept peering curiously into mine.

Jasper and Emmett sat down and Alice began to chatter along about her latest art project. She was rather good.

_**Thump.**_

"Oh," I squeaked, surprised again by the kicks. Alice grinned at me, catching my reaction out of the corner of her eye.

"You okay?" Edward angled his chair toward me.

I looked up at him, surprised. That boy was way too observant. "Uh, yeah… just tired you know."

His eyes softened. "How are the nightmares?"

I scrunched my nose. "The same."

He took a bite of his meatball sub, squinting in thought. "Have you tried sleeping pills?"

I looked away. I didn't like lying. "Eh… I don't really like to take medication."

He shrugged. "Well, you should sleep well tonight." He tried to hide his smile behind his sandwich.

Smart alec. "What are we going to do anyway?"

Edward just smirked, refusing to answer. I moaned, probably louder than needed, but I had to show my frustration.

Emmett leaned towards us from across the table. "Aw, what's wrong, Bella-bean?"

I glared at Edward. "He won't tell me where we're going after school!"

Emmett's grinned widened. "Edward's taking you out tonight?"

I stopped for a second, surprised by his question… then I realized what Emmett was implying. "Um, well…" I looked at Edward to find him in a similar tongue-tied stance. "Uh, kinda… um, yes."

My eyes darted to Edward's to see if he would contradict me. Was he taking me out? I knew that we held hands, and he held me, but I didn't want to presume when nothing had been defined.

Defined?

_Bella! You can't expect this unwitting boy to date you! You're having a baby for goodness sake! His sister knows, his father knows, your father knows! _

I wanted to whine and argue with myself. _He likes me. Me! He held my hand. He trusts me. He wants me to trust him. He sees past my shields._

Emmett interrupted my internal anguish. "So, is it a date?" He snickered, and I was sure that both of us had the deer-in-the-headlights look.

Edward looked over at me for the first time since this awkward conversation began. His surprised face eased away to serious concentration.

"Yes."

I couldn't help but feel absolutely giddy inside. I was going on a date with Edward Cullen.

I smiled at Edward and bit my lip. He knew I had secrets. He knew I had baggage. And he still said yes.

I could feel my cheeks tinge pink. Edward chuckled.

"So what are your intentions towards her?" Emmett's eyes were narrow.

"Emmett!" I exclaimed.

He looked all pouty at me and said, "Aw, come on, Bella!" before turning to Edward and giving him a death-glare.

"Emmett, you are not my father. And Edward is your friend. Be nice." I gave him "the look," which silenced him immediately.

I turned to find Edward silently laughing. The conversation at the table had quieted down while Emmett attempted to interrogate Edward. Both Rose and Alice joined in laughing, while Jasper sat back and shook his head.

I rolled my eyes.

Alice grinned. "Bella, your'e going to make one great mom."

I froze. "What?" _What?_

Her eyes widened at her mistake, immediately repentant.

Jasper joined in, unwittingly saving her. "The way you just looked at Emmett, it's enough to put anyone in their place."

Rose gently patted Emmett's shoulder in sympathy. It only made him look more ridiculous. Alice snorted, which made everyone's laughter start again, this time forcing Emmett and me to join in.

_**Thump. Thump.**_

"Oye!" I groaned. A kicking baby and uncontrollable laughter was not a good combination. I rose, setting my book bag on my chair.

"Ladies, restroom?" I looked expectantly at both Rose and Alice. They shook their heads indicating they didn't need to go.

_Darn. _

I couldn't wait so I made my way out of the cafeteria to the girl's bathroom.

I did my business and left the stall to wash my hands. _So far, so good_. I reached for the brown paper towels they have in every high school bathroom. The cheap ones that they sit on top of the paper towel dispenser, instead of placing them inside.

Suddenly, I was flanked by two girls I couldn't name. I'd seen them around, giving me snide looks, but had never had the pleasure of being introduced.

I turned around slowly, still drying my hands. I found none other than my favorite skanks, Lauren and Jessica.

I smiled, baring my teeth. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Lauren tried to smile at me like she was being kind. Jessica just crossed her arms and glared, answering, "We came to warn you."

"Really, thanks ever so much." I rolled my eyes.

Lauren used one of her bony manicured fingers to point in my face. "Stay away from Edward."

"Are you kidding?" My face scrunched in confusion over the audacious command.

Jessica took a menacing step towards me. "Stay. Away. From. Edward."

"What is he to you?"

Lauren turned her nose up, and picked imaginary lint of her shirt. "He's out of your league, that's what he is, Fatty." She smirked as the girls giggled.

"Creative. Too bad he asked me out, and not you." I smiled mockingly and threw my used paper towel at her face, hitting it square in her botched up nose.

"Why, you little bitch." Lauren stomped right up into my face.

"What's going on here?" Rose stalked into the restroom with Alice trailing behind her.

"None of your business," Lauren whined.

Alice placed one hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. "It's entirely our business."

"We were just having a friendly chat. No harm." Lauren tried to laugh like everything was a big joke, smiling at Rose and Alice, like she was trying to impress them, not intimidate their friend.

I snorted. _Friendly, yeah._

Lauren nodded her head, and the other girls followed her to the door. "Bella, remember my advice. We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt."

The three of us stood still for a moment making sure the skanks were gone. I began to shake my head.

"Was she dropped on her head one too many times as a child?"

Rose harrumphed. "Either that or brain cell loss from hairspray inhalation."

Alice giggled. "Oh, oh! Or helium she inhaled at her thirteenth birthday left permanent damage."

We all bent over laughing. Dumb Lauren jokes were way better than dumb blond jokes. Once we calmed down, Rose asked. "What was her advice anyway?"

"She warned me to stay away from Edward."

"Ugh," Alice groaned. "He's never even looked twice at her. Honestly, she needs a hobby or something."

"Or something is right. How'd you guys know I was stuck in here?"

Alice bounced over to me with a smile on her face. "Edward noticed how long you were gone, and sent us to check it out. He's probably waiting in the hall right now, worried to death."

Rose rolled her eyes. I smiled. "Well, we mustn't keep him waiting."

We exited the bathroom to find a very worried or perhaps frustrated Edward. He was pacing a ten-foot area, taking four steps back and forth. He had both hands in his hair making it even more unruly. When we stepped out, he stopped in place and came right up to me, placing his hands on both sides of my face.

"Are you okay?" His eyes searched mine, finding the answer before I even spoke, because as soon as he touched me I relaxed infinitesimally.

I nodded.

He pulled me into his chest and held me close, kissing the top of my head. I pulled away. "Edward, really I'm fine. It was just Lauren and her clones. Nothing I can't handle."

He chuckled, like he knew something that I didn't.

I quirked my brows, but he ignored the unspoken question. _Huh, maybe she isn't all bark and no bite._ It was enough to make Edward almost crawl up the walls. I guessed I would have to be more careful. No need to make Edward prematurely gray. I was already doing that to my father.

I noticed that Edward had my bag. "Ready for class?"

I let him hold my hand all the way there.

OoOoOoOo

"Are we there yet?" I whined with a smile on my face.

He laughed and squeezed my hand. "Patience, woman."

I giggled. We'd been in the car for almost two hours. We headed North on the 17 and finally veered off onto route 179. I guessed a little while back that we were headed to Sedona, but I didn't say it out loud. I didn't want to ruin Edward's surprise.

I was surprised that he remembered how much I loved that first Friday's hike to see the sunrise. It was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen. Plus the yelling at the top of my lungs had been liberating.

The view along the drive was beautiful. I'd never seen the desert like this. The first few summers I actually visited my dad we never did much. Seeing the red sandstone formations was new to me and it was breathtaking.

We spent the ride talking and playing twenty questions. I'd ask a question about him, and then he'd reciprocate. Neither of us ventured into the questions we really wanted answered. The questions about our pasts. But all the horrible things about us weren't necessarily the most important. One piece does not define a puzzle. You have to see all the pieces together to see the whole picture.

The more pieces I saw and learned of Edward, the more I liked him.

And he was unbelievably nerdy. Underneath that sculpted exterior there was a comic book, scifi, gaming, bookish, computer nerd. He confessed that every year he attended San Diego Comic Con and even met Joss Whedon. Edward proclaimed that Whedon was a genius in all senses of the word. I'd never heard of _Firefly. _After he learned that, he said we would have an all-day marathon that would be followed by some movie based off of the show.

I was actually kinda excited.

I told him all about living in a small town. Knowing everyone, everyone knowing you. The security that it can bring. I told him about my mom and her crazy antics. There was a rift between us since… since… that night. But she was still my mom, and I loved her. She saw what she wanted to see, and unfortunately it wasn't the truth.

Edward's face was careful as I talked, like he was cataloging every detail I told him. I was careful not to give stuff away, but he wasn't stupid. His nerdiness showed that much. Also the fact that despite the trouble he had last year he was still first in our senior class. He was trying to put things together. The little parts make the whole, and he was slowly building that whole.

We finally made a left turn off 179 to Cathedral Rock Road. I looked with wonder out the window at the giant red rocks. They were beautiful. They were like ready globs of clay waiting for God to come and form majestic mountains. It was like they didn't know they were majestic already.

"This is amazing, Edward."

He shrugged. "I thought you'd like it. Just wait till we get to the top."

_Great, hiking. Yay_.

He pulled the Volvo into a parking space. Directly ahead was a little wooden sign that read, "Templeton Trail to the left and Cathedral Rock Trail to the left." I couldn't believe we were going to walk up these big-ass rocks.

"We're going to the top?"

"It's not far, only three-quarters of a mile." My eyebrows flew up. At least I wore my newest pair of sneakers; they had _some_ tread left.

"My family used to come up here all the time before everyone got so busy Mom would pack dinner or lunch and we'd drive up here for the day, choose a trail at random and hike to the top. For a while, I really wanted to be a geologist. I would go to the library for hours after school and read up on every kind of rock, but the red sandstone was my favorite."

I smiled, eager to know more about Edward and his childhood. He took my elbow as we walked over a dry creek bed. Just ahead was a large slickrock area that had a small group of people doing yoga. Each person had a little mat, and they were bent into a position I would never be able to achieve, even before the baby weight.

Edward continued his story while we walked, turning right passing the Templeton Trail. "Did you know that sandstone acts as a kind of filter for water?" I shook my head. "It's porous and it filters out pollutants as water travels through it. It's better than any other kind of natural filter."

We finally reached the base of the trail, and it was steep. This wasn't a hike, this was a climb.

"Uh, Edward, are we going the right way?"

He chuckled and climbed up in front of me, offering his hand to pull me up. I was not as light as I tried to look.

"Come on. You'll be fine. I'll take care of you." He winked.

_Holy crap. I have to climb the rocks._ I was too surprised to roll my eyes. There was no way out of it, so I gave him my hand and used the other one to find a hold as I pulled myself up onto the first of many giant boulders.

I began huffing as he pulled me up the "trail." He chose to ignore my silent complaints and continued his lesson. "These formations are made by layers upon layers of sand. Sedimentation occurs when the sand stops moving around and settles. Once it's accumulated the sand becomes sandstone when it's compacted by pressure. That's how we get these beautiful peaks and plateaus."

"Wow." I didn't know what else to say, plus I was kinda out of breath. I found it interesting because he obviously did, but I'd never before wanted to learn about rocks.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I just gave myself away, didn't I?"

"Huh?"

"How much of a nerd I really am."

I laughed, breathily. "Naw, you did that when you confessed your love of all things sci-fi."

We smiled at each other, and I blushed. He kept helping me up the rock face as it got steeper.

"Are you sure we don't need harnesses for this?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. We're almost there."

"You know, I wanted to be an archeologist for a while. That was after I learned I was never going to become a dancer. Terrible experiment. I escaped dance with a sprained wrist and some colorful bruises. The idea of discovering something new about something so old was fascinating to me."

"Why did you give it up?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I found other things I was interested in."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, just stuff I guess."

"You should do what you love."

I stopped for a moment, catching my breath, leaning against the cliff to our right. "What about you? Do you still want to be a geologist?"

"No, not really." He gazed out at the landscape, reds and browns and greens mixed in a swirl of living paint. "I wanted to be a doctor or a teacher, but I don't know anymore." He glanced back to my face. "Life gets in the way, right?"

I nodded. I understood. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life.

He grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently once. "We're almost there, just a little bit more."

I let him help me the rest of the way up the trail. He had to wrap his arm around my waist a few times as I tripped over the unevenness of the ground.

We finally reached the top, and he was right. The dangerous trek was worth it—dangerous for me anyway. The view was spectacular.

Edward pulled off his backpack and set out a blanket he brought. He also brought out bottles of water, sandwiches, grapes, cheese and bread dips, and dessert. I had no idea he'd put this effort into our outing. Nobody had ever made this much effort for me.

Not once in our entire two-year relationship had Jimmy ever been as thoughtful as Edward was being right now.

"Edward, wow, thank you."

"My pleasure."

We lounged on the blanket, eating our picnic and talking about our childhoods, school, and families.

I didn't realize what we were waiting for until the sun began to set. I thought the sunrise in Phoenix was amazing, but it didn't even compare to this sunset. As the sun dipped in the sky behind the red guardians of the desert, the world swirled with color. I gazed in wonder as the yellow and orange framed the crimson peaks and the ground below looked blue-green in darkness.

"Beautiful." Edward whispered. I hadn't even realized I was standing or that he'd joined me. It was like standing made me closer to the beauty of the sunset.

I turned to see Edward staring not out at the landscape, but at me instead. His hand tentatively reached up and brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face.

He was only a hand span from my face, and I looked into his eyes, blushing.

I'd been told before I was hot or sexy, but his simple statement of my beauty meant more than anything I'd heard before.

Edward's eyes flickered quickly from my eyes to my lips, and I knew he wanted to kiss me. I couldn't help it. I wanted him to kiss me too.

He sucked in a quiet breath and licked his lips. My eyes in return flickered to them. I slowly leaned forward, closing my eyes, hoping, praying that he would.

I felt a sharp sting on my right ankle and I shrieked, "Ow! Crap. Ow!" I jumped away from the slicing pain. I shook my foot, and Edward stomped on the scurrying creature.

"Shit! What the hell was that?" I bit my lip, waiting in vain for the pain to subside. Tears pricked my eyes, and I held my breath hoping to keep them back.

"Shit!" Edward exclaimed. He had bent down over the creature that he just smashed. "We have to go now."

"Edward." My voice squeaked out his name, the pain was growing exponentially.

"It was a Bark scorpion. Poisonous. We have to get to the hospital."

_My baby. _

"Edward!" My leg had gone stiff and was slightly shaking. I didn't know if it was due to the sting or if I was going into shock.

_My baby. _

"You'll be fine. They are extremely common in Arizona. We just need to go to the hospital just in case. We have plenty of time." He swore under his breath.

I couldn't move. I was frozen in terror. After everything. I still couldn't move.

Edward threw everything into his bag, and I still couldn't move. He took my face in his hands, and wiped away the tears I didn't know I'd shed.

"It's okay. I'll take care of you."

_My baby. _

He tried to pull me towards the trail. I just wrapped my arms protectively around my center, the shooting pain lost in my fear.

"Edward, I'm pregnant."

"What?"

* * *

**I know... you hate me. Send the hate my way ;)**

**I know this is really late, but nominations for Twilight All Human Awards are ending on Sunday, August 22. If you feel that _Untouchable_ should be nominated please run over there and submit my little story. I would feel guilty if I submitted it myself. **http : / / twilightallhumanawards . webs . com / nominate . htm

Research 

Cathedral Rock Trail (pictures): http : / / www . greatsedonahikes . com / cathedralrock / cathedralrock . html

Sandstone: http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Sandstone

Scorpions: http : / / ag . arizona . edu / pubs / insects / az1223 /


	18. Comprehension

**A/N: Thanks to all the amazing reviews! I apologize for not getting to all of them! I love each and everyone of them! Especially the ones bursting with hate. No really, my favorite ones were the insults. They were awesome. Anyway, I had this dilemma: answer all the reviews OR write the chapter that everyone was clamoring for. I chose writing. I hope you forgive me! **

**Major thanks to twicrack83 and MarchHare3. They are amazing betas. Really, they stepped up when I really needed them. These lovely ladies are doing an excellent job making this mush presentable for you. And they don't even know how well they work in tandem. *special presents from Edward* **

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** You may want to skip the italics.  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Comprehension

"_Edward, I'm pregnant." _

"_What?"_

My mind finally cleared, and I was ready for action. I was stung by a poisonous scorpion. I had to get to the hospital immediately. Even if I would be okay, it could harm the baby. I had to get there now.

"I'm pregnant."

"What the hell?"

"I'm preg—nant." Rolling my eyes, I moved as quickly as I possibly could, the pain flaring up now that my sudden breakdown was over. "We need to get to the hospital now."

I limped to the trail, using my hands to hold on tight as I rushed down the rock face. My calf muscles began to seize like I was having a charlie-horse.

My face scrunched up in anguish. "Edward, do you have something to use as a tourniquet on my leg?"

Edward stood silent, and frozen behind me. "Edward!"

He shook his head, but his eyes stayed wide like he was still locked inside his mind. He gave me a bandana from his bag. I tied it as tight as I could directly below my knee. I didn't know if this was the best thing to do, but you're supposed to keep snake venom from spreading, so it couldn't hurt.

I flew down the trail, motivated but wincing from the pain. We made much better time down than on the way up.

Edward didn't say a word the entire way down, and I wasn't up for making polite conversation.

This probably wasn't the best way to tell him of my predicament.

I began to feel woozy after we passed back over the dry creek bed. Fortunately the yoga-ists were gone. I stumbled but Edward caught me in time. Instead of letting me keep walking, he swept me up in his arms and began jogging to the car.

"It's okay. We're almost there. You're going to be fine." I tucked my head underneath his chin, trying not to cry, barely containing a whimper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella."

He set me down in the passenger seat of the car and buckled me in. The pain grew, my entire leg throbbing like I was having an allergic reaction. Darkness began encroaching on my vision.

The driver's door slammed and Edward revved the engine, peeling out of the parking lot.

The darkness was beginning to win. "Edward, my baby. Please take care of my baby."

Just before it all went dark, I heard, "I'm going to take care of you. You're both going to be okay."

I may have been mistaken but it sounded like his voice broke a little at the end.

OoOoOoOo

I drifted in and out of consciousness. I'd wake up only to be dragged back under by the pain. Before I knew it, my door was being opened and Edward was lifting me effortlessly into his arms. I leaned my head weakly against his shoulder, utterly exhausted.

"I need help here!" Edward hollered. "She's pregnant and was stung by a bark scorpion."

The scurrying of ER staff came bustling to his shout, and I was set down on a gurney. Our separation woke me up enough to be cognizant of the situation.

"Don't let them touch me!" I said desperately.

I looked around frantically, blinded by the bright ceiling lights. I couldn't find Edward anywhere and I began to panic, the anxiety taking over my body. I was going to bring on a flashback without anyone else's help.

"Edward! Don't let them touch me!"

A nurse with a condescending scowl leaned over me. "Lie back and be a good girl. We need to touch you to make you all better."

"Please, don't," I whimpered.

She ushered a male doctor to my side and gestured to my leg. I tried to get up, but the nurse gripped my shoulders, holding me down. Shocked by her aggression, I didn't have time to react before the doctor snapped on some gloves and grabbed my leg.

_Jimmy squatted down in front of me and gently moved my hair out of my face, holding his hands to my head. He forced me to look up at him, tugging my hair in the process._

"_I've been looking for you everywhere, Isabella." He smiled. "I always find you."_

_My adrenaline peaked and despite the drugs I was able to smack Jimmy's hands away from my face. _

_I wasn't just terrified. I was angry. _

_I struggled to pull myself to my feet, focusing on the steadiness of the floor. Floor was down and ceiling was up. Even if my body forgot, my mind still remembered. _

_Jimmy leaned back against the pool table seemingly amused with my effort. He crossed his arms over his chest and crossed his ankles like he was relaxing on a yacht, not watching his ex-girlfriend struggle to stand. _

"_Isabella, you know better than to fight back. Come now. You know I always get what I want." He didn't reach for me, which boosted my confidence. _

"_Except me." I glared. "You won't ever get me."_

"_That's where you're wrong, Isabella. I get everything that I want. Everything." _

_I looked around the room, as much as I could without losing my focus, but there was nothing within reach that could use as a weapon. Across the room pool sticks hung on the wall, but I would have to get past Jimmy first. _

_I tried to call his bluff. He said that he loved me; he wouldn't hurt me. "Whatever, Jimmy. Just take me home." _

_He walked towards me taking slow deliberate steps, forcing me back against the wall. Without warning, Jimmy slammed both of his hands on the wall on either side of my head. I jumped, fear flowing through my veins. _

_He leaned his face close to mine so I was breathing his air. I could smell alcohol on his breath, strong and rank. His eyes flickered from mine to my lips, before he licked his own. _

_I turned my head away from him before he could kiss me. _

_My obvious rejection caused him to slam his hands down again. This second shock forced me into action. I placed my hands on his chest and tried to push him away. _

_It didn't work. _

_Jimmy grabbed my shoulders and forcefully banged my body against the wall. _

"_You. Will. Be. Mine," he growled, then he forced his lips on mine, crushing my mouth. _

"Bella! Bella! You're okay. I'm here. Everything's going to be fine," Edward mumbled into my ear as he rocked me in his arms.

Somehow Edward was on the gurney and I was in his lap. I looked around to find several nurses and doctors standing paces away, staring in a mixture of concern, fear, and consternation.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. They wouldn't let me stay." Edward was still rocking me. I moved to show that I had come out of my flashback, that I was here and present.

"Edward?" I asked.

"I'm here." He moved so that he could see my face. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I should have told them, but everything was so flipping insane."

"I'm okay."

"Miss Swan?" one of the doctors asked. He held up a syringe.

"Uh…" I faltered.

"Can a female nurse or doctor administer it?" Edward interjected for me.

The snotty nurse from earlier stepped forward and took the syringe from the doctor. Edward hopped off the gurney and held my hand as she injected the antivenin directly into my leg. I winced at the pain, which reminded me why we were here in the first place.

"My baby! Is my baby okay?" I looked frantically around.

The doctor who had tried to help me earlier answered me, "Our obstetrician was paged as soon as you arrived. She should arrive at any moment to do a thorough checkup as a precaution, but the antivenin should not adversely affect the baby. Your regular doctor will need to keep a close eye on you in the next week."

"I have an appointment tomorrow with my OB/GYN."

He nodded. "That will do."

Edward held my hand while the nurse cleaned the wound and bandaged the area. Every few moments he looked like he wanted to say something, but it seemed like the nurse's presence held him back.

When the obstetrician arrived she introduced herself as Dr. Maggie Sullivan and kindly asked Edward to wait outside. His face got hard, but before he could open his mouth, I squeezed his hand.

"It's okay. I'll be fine," I said.

"You sure?" I nodded. "Holler if you need me." He left the room with one glance back at me, studying me with a kind of sadness. I didn't want to think about what I saw in his face. I did and didn't want to know what he thought about my secret… which wasn't so much a secret anymore.

I turned my attention to the doctor who was calmly setting up the ultrasound machine. She was petite, my height or smaller. She had a well proportioned body, not too skinny or too fat. Her hair was dark and curly, frizzing around her face. She smiled at me when she caught me observing her.

She pulled up a rolling stool and sat next to me. "Hi Bella, I'm Dr. Sullivan," she reminded me. "And what I am going to do is put a little gel on your stomach and we are going to take a look at your baby. Let's get started, okay?"

I nodded.

She lifted up my shirt, exposing my bump, and squirted some warm, clear gel on it. It made a squelching noise that made me want to giggle, but I held it back. I needed to maintain some dignity.

Dr. Sullivan hummed quietly while she moved the ultrasound stick on my tummy, watching the screen and checking off things on her chart.

I sat quietly, not wanting to disturb her.

"I heard there was quite a scene in the emergency room," she broke the silence.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry about that." I wished I had something to distract me; it was awkward enough without talking about it.

"No, they should have gotten your history before treating you. But I heard that your young man was quite adamant about getting to you."

"He's the only one who can touch me."

She cocked her head. "The only one?"

I tried to explain, using my hands. "Well, the only man."

"What happens when a man touches you?"

Closing my eyes, I studied the back of my lids before answering. "What happened earlier, I have flashbacks," I said, disheartened.

She switched subjects, like she knew I was uncomfortable. "So, is he the father?"

"Who?" My eyes flew open like I expected Jimmy to be in the room with us.

"Your young man." She smiled. "The one who threatened poor Dr. Garcia's life."

My eyes widened, I would have to ask what happened while I was out. "Oh."

"Is he the father?"

"Oh, no. He's not the father," I murmured.

"He's quite protective of you." I nodded. Though now that he knew, I didn't know why.

"All right, Bella, everything seems to be fine. Do you want to see your baby?" she asked kindly.

"Yes," I agreed as I felt myself get excited.

She turned the monitor around and moved the ultrasound stick on my belly, searching for the right angle.

I gasped as I looked at the little black and white figure. The picture was fuzzy, but as she moved the ultrasound stick I could see the head, torso, and little legs. Unintentionally, I reached my hand toward the screen to touch the picture, like I needed more proof that it was real.

It was my baby.

"Is this your first ultrasound, Bella?" Her forehead wrinkled up.

"I have one scheduled for tomorrow, but yeah, this is my first."

"By the development of the baby, I would say you are around 20 weeks. Why have you waited? Don't you know that it's dangerous, especially with a high risk pregnancy like yours?" I couldn't tell if she was upset or concerned.

"My mom didn't take me because she was hoping I would get an abortion. And I just recently moved to Phoenix to live with my dad. It took me a little while to tell him about the baby." I avoided her eyes as I gave my excuse.

Because that's what it was, an excuse.

"You need to take better care of yourself and your baby." I nodded meekly. "I'm also going to give you the card of a friend of mine in Phoenix. She's a psychologist, and I think she can help you with some of your other problems." She raised her eyebrows to make her point.

"Uh, thanks. I'll think about it."

"Bella, I'm going to be straight with you. You're going to need to do more than think. You have a baby on the way and that will be enough to deal with," she said sharply.

I shut my mouth, knowing better than to retort back. She didn't know that I'd tried and nothing helped. I wanted to scream.

"Now, do you want to know the sex of your baby?" she asked, returning her voice to its pleasant tone.

I gaped at her. "You know that? You can tell?"

She smiled. "Yes, I can. At this stage of development, although the genitals are still growing, we can tell through the ultrasound the gender of the baby."

I hadn't even thought of the possibility yet. I'd wondered whether I was going to have a little girl or boy, but I didn't think anyone would be able to tell so soon.

I guess it wasn't that soon. It had been four months. Time had really gotten away from me.

"Um, so do you know?" I bit my lip.

"Yes, would you like to?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

OoOoOoOo

Before I exited the examining room I gave Dr. Sullivan an impulsive hug, thankful for her kindness and advice. Though we didn't know each other she set me straight. She told me to get help, if not for myself for the baby. And I think I might have heard her.

Dr. Sullivan rolled me out in a wheelchair, and we found Edward waiting impatiently on the floor outside the room. He never went back to the waiting room. The scowl he was giving every staff member that went by probably was what allowed him to stay.

"Hey," I said softly.

His head snapped up like he was surprised I was there. He jumped up onto his feet, brushing off his pant legs.

"Are you okay?" He looked me clear in the face, before letting his eyes drift to my middle.

"Yeah," I replied and placed my hands protectively on my child.

Amid all the chaos of the evening, I hadn't once thought of Charlie. I guessed I couldn't be faulted. He hadn't been part of my life until recently. But the guilt started coming at me in waves.

"Does Charlie know?"

Edward ran his fingers through his overly tousled auburn hair. "I kinda called him from the car on the way here. He's in the waiting room."

"Shit." My nose scrunched up in disgust. This wasn't going to go well.

"Sorry."

I shook my head. "Not your fault. I'm the one who got stung by that damn scorpion." I let out a disparaging noise. "Well, might as well get this over with. Wheel me out."

Edward pushed me away when I heard my name being called. Dr. Sullivan was hurrying toward us. "I almost forgot to give this to you." She handed me a card. "Please give her a call." She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you, Dr. Sullivan. I really appreciate it."

"My pleasure, Bella," she replied. "Take care of yourself and that little one, okay?"

"I promise."

She looked up at Edward. "You take care of them too."

"Yes ma'am, I will." He nodded curtly.

We watched as she marched back down the hall, heels clicking. Edward turned my chair and began pushing me towards the waiting room.

"Edward?" I asked, hoping he would stop. He'd been so quiet, and I didn't know what to do. I'd thrown so much at him.

"Hmm?" he grunted.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've thrown all this at you. I would completely understand if… you know, you didn't want to be friends anymore," I almost whispered.

He stopped the wheelchair and came around to the front, squatting down in front of me so his eyes were at my level.

"Is that all we were? Friends?" His eyes were calm, a muted green.

"But I'm pregnant!"

His eyes hardened. "Obviously."

"But Edward…"

"Tell me one thing." He reached up and placed his hand on the side of my face. I couldn't help but sigh quietly. "Do you like me?"

I blushed. "Uh, of course I do."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I fucking mean."

My cheeks heated up even more, burning at the curse and the implication, but I didn't answer, shyly looking down at my hands.

His hand drifted away from my face, down my shoulder, stopping at my hand. He gently squeezed it.

"Yeah," I whispered, barely audible.

"That's all I need to know for right now." He got up and began pushing me down the hall.

I didn't understand him. But I reveled in it just the same.

OoOoOoOo

We found a haggard Charlie pacing the waiting room. The poor guy looked like he was going to blow a gasket. I didn't think that the purply vein in his forehead could pulse any bigger.

The moment he saw me he rushed forward, ready to swoop me up in his arms in what I imagined would be the best daddy-daughter hug this side of the universe. I flinched back into the wheelchair.

Ever aware, Edward held out a hand keeping Charlie from touching me only inches away.

Charlie's face ashened and he backed up a few steps. "Bella, honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Dad." I tried to reassure him. "Just a little insect sting. The doctors patched me up and checked me out. Everything is fine."

"I'm sorry Charlie. I've been up Cathedral Trail dozens of times. I never expected something like this." Edward's face dropped, etched in guilt.

I reached out and grabbed his hand. "It's not your fault. It was beautiful. I'm just a disaster zone. Anything bad in a ten-mile radius is bound to find me."

Edward glared at me, not appreciating my attempt at humor. "I really am sorry, Charlie. If I had know about Bella's…" he sighed, and I noticed the skin around his cheekbone whiten as he clenched his teeth. "If I had known, I would have never..."

I huffed, annoyed at his male machoism. "I'm not an invalid! I made it up and down that trail just fine. If it wasn't for that damn scorpion it would have been perfect."

"It was a scorpion!" Charlie yelped.

I winced at his volume.

"Was it poisonous?" He looked to Edward for his answer.

"Bark," Edward replied.

Charlie groaned.

"Guys! I'm fine. I got the antivenin. I got an ultrasound. Everything is all good. The baby's fine! If you want to double check with Dr. Sullivan you can." I proceeded to roll my chair to the checkout counter. "As for me, I'm going home. It's been a long day."

It took only a second until both men followed me.

"Bella, everything is already taken care of. I gave them my insurance as soon as I arrived. As long as you're discharged we can go." Charlie stopped me and pushed me towards the discharge counter.

We had to wait for the crutches that the ER doctor ordered me to use for a week. I had to stay off my leg and use crutches… while being pregnant.

Lovely. That made my night even better.

Edward handed me the crutches. "Come on, Xena. Let's get you out of here."

"Har har," I replied. I stood awkwardly, favoring my right leg. I leaned onto the crutches almost immediately falling over. Edward moved like lightning, catching me before I face planted.

Charlie winced as he watched me try to maneuver forward at a snail's pace. "I'll pull the car around and take you home."

"Dad? Can I ride with Edward? We kinda need to talk."

He looked from my tense face to Edward's serious one, like he was debating whether he would let me go, or try to protect me from myself.

I pleaded with him silently and he finally agreed.

"I'll see you at home, Bells. Edward, you take care of her."

Edward replied, "Yes, sir, I'll try."

OoOoOoOo

The drive was awkward. Actually, it was more than awkward, it was excruciating. Every time I tried to start a conversation he shot me down. The only replies I got were a series of grunts. It was like he devolved back to a Neanderthal.

An hour into the drive, I began fiddling with the radio. I was exhausted. It was after midnight, but I didn't want to fall asleep.

Each time I stopped on a pop song Edward's face twisted up and he glared more dedicatedly at the road. I knew I should be sympathetic. I just dumped all this shit on him. He already had enough of his own to deal with, but honestly, it made me a teensy-weensy bit happy that every song I chose ticked him off.

Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" came over the radio, and I couldn't help but turn it up. It was ironic. That was exactly how Edward was acting. He held me and took care of me in the hospital, but now that I was in the clear, he was silent and taciturn.

He had the right to be pissed. I knew he did. But it still didn't make the song any less ironic.

I sang quietly along, trying not to snicker as Edward's fingers got whiter on the steering wheel. I even bobbed my head a bit to the music. Every few seconds he would sneak a glance at me. His face got progressively tenser as the song went on. I didn't know what I wanted to do… force him to say something, or hope he stayed quiet.

"What the hell, Bella?"

My head snapped up, finding him gritting his teeth as he kept his eyes on the road.

"Uh?" I grimaced. "You're gonna have to be more specific."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did," I replied, annoyed.

"Were you going to keep me in the dark forever? String me along like I didn't matter?" He took both hands off the wheel, tangling them in his hair as he groaned in frustration. A second later he slammed them back down on the wheel.

"Am I completely untrustworthy?" He grabbed my hand gently and held up our laced fingers. "Is this all I am to you?"

I didn't know what to say. I extricated my hand from his and tucked it into my lap.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He exhaled.

"I planned on telling you. I just didn't want to mess things up." I stared down at my hands, letting my hair become a wall between us.

"Ahh!" I moaned. "I'm already so messed up. I know this isn't fair for you! But no one has ever been so kind or gentle, and I didn't want to give it up until I had to."

"Bella! You don't have to give anything up."

"But I do! Do you want to help me raise this baby? At eighteen? You should go to college and parties and do something with your life."

I stared out at the darkness, the stars barely poking through, like the sky was a mirror of the obstacles in my life. "I've made my choice. My mom wanted an abortion, did you know that? She wanted me to go to the father. But he doesn't know and I plan on keeping it that way.

"I really didn't mean to keep it from you, but I just told my dad." I snorted. "Only after Alice forced me, and she had to pull teeth to find out herself.

"I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't found out like you did. I wish I had told you earlier. But I didn't, and I understand if you need space…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He had been quiet through my entire ramble. I felt on edge for what he would say.

He sighed. "Bella, you are the bravest person I know."

I turned in my seat, surprised. He looked at me through the corner of his eye, and I shook my head at him in confusion.

"I have this terrible feeling. This ripping feeling in my gut that everything is tied together," his voice cracked. "The flashes, how you flinch even when you don't realize it. How you skirt around everyone, and bite your lip. Whatever happened to you…" his voice broke again.

"You don't have to tell me and I won't be mad…" He left it at that, leaving the air wide open for what ever I wanted to tell him.

I didn't know what I should say. _Should I tell him everything? Or should I tell him the bare bones? _ Charlie couldn't handle what I barely told him. Would Edward be able to handle any of it? I wrestled with myself for the remainder of the drive, and I was sure he thought I wasn't going to say anything, but I finally decided.

He deserved to know.

Part of me felt, for some reason, he deserved the truth more than anyone. I'd only known him for a couple of months, yet I felt like I knew him better than myself. I didn't know if it was the soul mate feeling, if such a thing even existed, but he deserved to know.

When we arrived at home he helped me out of the car.

I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Can you come inside?"

He looked at me through his lashes, surprised. "You sure?"

I nodded.

I hobbled to the front door, and Edward helped me inside. He let me lead him to the kitchen. I chose it because I felt most comfortable here. I was my domain, where I thrived.

I offered him a glass of water and directed him to the glasses. After as much stalling as possible we were both sitting at the kitchen table sipping our water.

I took a deep breath and dove in head first. I told him about Jimmy, the entire relationship, more than I'd told Alice, or my mom, or even Bree. He took it as well as he could, but I was concerned. His hands were so tight.

I paused to take a drink and give us a break. Then I told him about Homecoming and the trip to Seattle. I told him how everyone talked me into forgiving Jimmy. I told him about finding him with that girl, and how I broke up with him. I told him how Jimmy didn't accept our break-up and the abuse I received at school.

Not thinking, I charged ahead, explaining why I went to that party. I could tell he was holding his breath as he watched my face in horror. Once I told him what Jimmy did, he flew into a fury.

Before I knew it, he'd gotten up from his chair and threw his fist through the closest wall.

After he removed his arm from the giant hole in the wall, Charlie ran into the kitchen ready with his gun in hand.

"What the hell is going on? Bella? Edward?" He frantically looked back and forth between us.

I twisted my fingers in my lap. "I just told Edward."

* * *

**So, what do you think? Did he respond the way you imagined? Feed the machine. **

**Rec's **

**_Hit by Destiny_ by ocdmess**  
**I've been following this one avidly since it was begun. Amazing. I love Birdward and Sparrow. ****And Renee is evil. She and I should get together and have a "die-Renee-die-party."**  
**Summary: Bella wants to die, and almost gets her wish fulfilled when she gets hit by a shiny Volvo. She is left with serious injuries, and the only thing keeping her from dying is the person who hit her. AH, OOC, rated M for dark themes and lemons.**

**_Beyond Repair_ by GreatEscape**  
**I love this vampire Bella. She is so broken and yet so drawn to Edward. **  
**Summary:When the Volturi arrived in Texas to put a stop to the warring vampire armies, Bella was only able to escape with her life by the skin of her teeth. Her search for a better life was not successful. When the Cullens find her many years later alone and seemingly unconscious can they help her to find the peace she once sought or is she damaged beyond repair?**


	19. Confounded

**A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews, they are what keep me writing sometimes. If you would like the recipe mentioned in this chapter please PM me and I'll send it to you. It really is good!**

**Yay for passing 200 reviews on Twilighted and 100 reviews on FF! woot! Keep 'em comin'  
**

**Many thanks to my lovely betas MarchHare5 and twicrack83. If you haven't checked out their fics, please do so. They are pretty much all that is awesome ;)**

**Thanks to nowforruin! and MsWDarcy! xoxo  
**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: Confounded

_Before I knew it, he'd gotten up from his chair and threw his fist through the closest wall. _

_After he removed his arm from the giant hole in the wall, Charlie ran into the kitchen ready with his gun in hand. _

"_What the hell is going on? Bella? Edward?" He frantically looked back and forth between us. _

_I twisted my fingers in my lap. "I just told Edward." _

Edward leaned his head on the wall just above the fist shaped hole, his back to me. His shoulders rose and fell erratically.

Charlie lowered his gun, his face immediately stark white. "Oh."

All in all, it went much better than planned. Edward put only one hole in the wall, not two. And he hadn't said much other than strings of unintelligible swear words. I think any sailor would have been proud.

I watched as Edward's shoulders rose and fell, too quickly at first and then more slowly. He kept his hands braced against the wall with his forehead resting between, like he was too tired to move.

I was exhausted.

I jumped in my seat, my adrenaline spiking, as Edward punched another hole in the wall, directly adjacent to the first. It was like two hollow eyes staring back at me. Nothing was behind them, only darkness.

So much for only one hole.

_I wonder if Emmett knows how to fix drywall?_

Charlie walked forward placing himself between Edward and I, like he thought anything more than the wall was in danger. I was kinda jealous of Edward. I should have thought of damaging a few household items, or structures… it would have probably helped. Now it was too late. Breaking something would only steal his thunder. Darn.

"Dad, sit down. He's not going to hurt me."

Charlie gave me a skeptical look and appeased me by sitting in the chair next to me, but still between us.

I rested my head in my hand, tired. Too many problems, too much emotion, too many times I had to spill my guts about my screwed up life. I had to live it. Wasn't that enough?

Edward turned around haltingly. I couldn't help but notice the tear tracks down his cheeks. He sniffled and roughly wiped his face.

"What are you going to do?" he whispered.

I waited until he sat down next to me, opposite of Charlie, and gently took my hand in his. "I don't know." I shrugged. "Have a baby? Do my best?"

He tried to smile but didn't succeed. "Yeah."

Charlie cleared his throat, calling our attention to him. Awkwardly rubbing his neck, he said, "Everything okay now?"

I glanced covertly at Edward. He nodded succinctly, closing his eyes. I quietly smiled at Charlie to show my assent.

"Then I'm going to head back to bed. You need to as well, Bells. Long day today and you have that appointment in the morning."

"I will, in a second."

He stood up, scraping his chair across the linoleum floor, but stopped at the doorway. "Uh, Bells? Do you need me to take you?" He looked like he didn't know whether he should ask or not.

I shook my head. "Alice said she'd take me."

"Okay then," he replied. "Goodnight."

We mumbled out goodnights and waited until we heard Charlie's door click shut.

I turned and watched as Edward played with my fingers, so focused. Amidst my story I'd forgotten that I wanted to know what happened when I was out of it earlier. I hesitantly asked Edward to share.

He released my fingers to run both hands through his hair. Leaving them tangled in his auburn locks, he leaned forward on his elbows, resting his head on his arms.

"It was awful, Bella." He shook his head. His eyes were dull and his face slack. "I don't think I've ever driven that fast. You wouldn't wake up in the car. I kept calling your name, but you were out cold. I was so worried that you were dying." His voice cracked.

I reached forward and pulled his right hand out of his hair and took it in my own, gently stroking it back and forth.

"You were still breathing, but I've heard stories from my dad about allergic reactions to scorpion venom. There was a guy who was brought into the ER who went into cardiac arrest from a sting. Dad barely revived him.

"I called Charlie, but I didn't know what to say. All I told him was that we were going to the hospital in Sedona. And he needed to come." He looked up into my eyes. "His first question was if the baby was okay."

I quickly inhaled surprised at Charlie's devotion. Biting my lip I urged him to go on.

Then something dawned on me. If I hadn't told Edward, he would have found out from Charlie anyway.

_Holy crap._ _That would have been bad. _

"I parked at the emergency entrance and carried you into the waiting room. They ushered me in immediately. I told them that you were stung and pregnant. A nurse immediately called for the OB/GYN." He shook his head. "They kept asking me questions. How far along you are? What happened? I was barely able to answer. I didn't know what to say. But as soon as they knew I wasn't the father, they pulled me away and stuck me in the waiting room.

"I should have stayed with you." His eyes were tight and they were begging me.

I reached up with my spare hand and placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes, shutting out the piercing green and sighed.

"It's not your fault. You did the best anyone could do. You saved me… us," I replied.

"When I heard you start screaming I couldn't stay away. They obviously didn't know what they were doing. An asshole doctor tried to stop me, but that didn't go so well for him."

My eyes widened. "Dr. Sullivan said something about you threatening a doctor."

He had the decency to look sheepish. "He didn't listen to me at first. That idiot doctor wouldn't take his hands off of you." Edward's face lit up in anger, no longer guilty. "I kept yelling that he was causing it, but it wasn't until I got in his stupid face that he let go."

I squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

"I may or may not have called him a flaming dick head."

I couldn't help but chuckle.

He gritted his teeth like he was grinding them. "I should have done more. This shouldn't have happened to you in the first place."

I rolled my eyes. "It was a scorpion, Edward. You can hardly be held accountable for that."

He dismissed my response. "No, I mean everything. This shouldn't have happened! Where was your mom? Where was Charlie?"

"Don't blame Charlie. He didn't know anything," I said sharply.

"But your mom! Did she do anything?" he continued, still adamant.

"She let me come here." I felt defeated. "It was probably the best thing she could have done for me. I don't know why she didn't do more. She thought I was unreasonable."

"Unreasonable!" his voice rose in volume and octave.

"He had her fooled. He had everyone fooled."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "How could this guy have gotten away with this!

It was my turn to sigh. "I don't know. I don't know, Edward."

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. It read 3:02 am. _Holy crow_. I had an official doctor's appointment in less than seven hours. This could not be good for my health, or the baby's.

"Hey, I need to go to bed." He looked up at the clock, and the shock on his face showed his surprise at the time.

He nodded vigorously. "You definitely do. Especially after today."

I stood up, wobbling slightly until Edward grabbed my elbow. I smiled at him, but he returned it with a look.

I tried to put weight on my leg but it wouldn't hold. The pain didn't help much either. Edward handed me my crutches, and I glared at the dang things. Noticing my distain for them, Edward looked at me guiltily.

_Argg_, I thought. _It really wasn't his fault_.

"Do you want to crash on the couch? Or can you make it home?" I asked as he yawned widely.

"Would Charlie mind?" He nodded towards the couch.

I was surprised he wanted to. After tonight, I thought he would want to get as far away from me as possible, no matter how accepting or nice. Because really, what eighteen-year-old boy wants to get involved with a pregnant rape survivor?

I shook my head speechless.

I really just asked to be polite.

He walked me to my room, like I was incapable of walking myself. Okay, I kinda was. With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he told me he'd crash on the couch for a little while, at least until he felt up to driving.

I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

OoOoOoOo

_Ripping, tearing, shredding of fabric. A blow against my face, whipping my head to the side smacking it on the floor. Grasping, shoving—penetrating_

It was just as vivid as before. And today's episode made it ever more so because I could remember more clearly what was happening next.

I couldn't escape. I couldn't wake up because in the midst of that room, I knew I was dreaming. I knew this had happened before. But my mind kept telling me it was real, that I would never get away.

_The violence, the rage, the victory in his eyes. He won._

I woke up screaming.

"Bella! Bella!" Edward came flying into my room with Charlie right behind him.

"Are you all right? What's going on?" Edward said frantically.

I scooted up against the headboard and tucked up my knees, wrapping my arms around them. I shook my head, trying to tell them I was okay. I leaned my head against my knees and closed my eyes. My heart was pounding, but I tried to regulate it by breathing slowly.

I think that Edward kept talking, but I couldn't focus on him. I had to calm down. If I didn't it could throw me back under.

I reentered at the end of Charlie's explanation. "… every night this week." I looked up to see Charlie shaking his head. "It's only getting worse, Edward."

Edward was white as a ghost. His mouth hung slightly open like he didn't know what to say.

"I'm okay," I finally forced out.

_This is just dandy. It's_—I looked at the clock—_flipping five twenty-seven in the morning_. I'd had two hours of sleep, and… _Holy crap on a stick_!

Edward didn't sleep with a shirt on.

Or pants.

He was in is boxers.

In my room.

_Sweet niblets, I could die a happy woman. _

I tried to nonchalantly wipe the possible drool off my chin. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I was pretty sure my face was tomato red, but hopefully they thought it was from before, not lusty embarrassment.

Edward turned to me, more composed than before. "Bella, are you okay?"

_Uh…._

My eyes widened. Did he know what I was thinking? Was he a mind reader on top of everything else?

I let out my most articulate grunt, "Uh."

I couldn't help but run my eyes up and down his body.

_Golly, I wish I could touch it. _

_With my tongue. _

_Bad Bella! Pregnant teenagers do not think this way!_

My mind stopped for a second. Or do they? Most girls pregnant in high school didn't get impregnated like I did. It happened because they willingly sexed up the boys that grabbed their asses too tight. In fact, they probably liked it.

I definitely had to adapt my thinking. An overtly horny mind was most likely the norm for pregnant teenagers.

_I could get used to that. _

"Bella?" He turned to Charlie, waving his hands. "Is she having a psychotic breakdown? Did I do this?"

Poor Charlie was frozen, but I snapped back into action.

"I'm good." _More than good._

"But your nightmare?" he asked incredulously.

_Nightmare?_

_Oh, _that_ nightmare. Right. Yeah. Okay. _

"Sorry if I scared you. It's kinda commonplace for me now." I shrugged trying to make it seem less important. Because honestly, in light of Edward's current state of undress, it was definitely less important.

He had no idea what I was thinking. Edward ran his fingers carelessly through his hair. "It shouldn't be commonplace."

"I know." He pulled me down from my ogling high.

Okay, I got in one more good ogle before he really deflated it.

"You need to get some help."

"I know, I know." I repeated. "I promise I'll do something." My voice grated annoyed with the pressure from Edward on top of what I had been heaping on myself. Didn't I know that I needed to get better? What kind of life could I give my baby if I had flashbacks, nightmares, and remained untouchable for the rest of my life? I might as well live in a bubble. I knew I was a freak, but I didn't like Edward pointing out my obvious faults too.

"You know what, Edward? I need to get some sleep." I curled over on my side, effectively shutting him out by giving him my back.

I didn't need this now.

I shut my eyes tight, like it was going to keep him away. Edward stood there silently for what had to be five minutes, but I refused to open my eyes to check the clock. A few seconds later, he exhaled and quietly let himself out. He had no idea what I'd been through. He had no right to give me advice. Just because I told him what happened did not make him my boyfriend, or anything else to me.

I'd done the boyfriend thing once and look where it got me.

I opened my eyes once he was gone and rolled over onto my back. I lay there for a long time before I finally fell back to sleep.

OoOoOoOo

"Good mornin', good mooorrrnin', good mornin', good mornin' to you!"

I woke to Alice singing an overtly cheerful Broadway tune in my ear. Well, it only felt like it was in my ear because she was singing it at the top of her lungs.

I groaned.

"Up and at 'em, Sunshine! It's a beautiful day!" She giggled as she pulled the comforter off my feet. I tucked them up closer to my body as I held tight to the top of the blanket.

"I made you breakfast!" she said in a singsong voice. I smiled. She knew just how to get me. I rolled over with a moan, hopefully signaling my general displeasure, but I couldn't turn down the prospect of food.

I literally ate as much as a hippo every day.

Time seemed to be governed by my eating schedule. I ate… a lot, all day, but I'd been waking up ravenous.

I didn't even bother changing, but followed Alice to the kitchen.

She had a spread that would've shamed my mother on Christmas morning. There were fruit and eggs, muffins and sausages.

"Oh my goodness, is that a French toast casserole?" My mouth watered at the sight of baked bread that had been soaked in eggs, vanilla, cinnamon, and so many other decadent things.

Alice smirked. "Yes, would you like some?"

Speechless, I nodded.

After I loaded up a plate, I was surprised to find Edward eating at the table. I'd been so absorbed by the food that I didn't even realize he was still here.

I blushed at the thought of my actions last night. First the lust, then the bratty-ness.

I ducked my head, peeking up at him through my lashes. He watched me with unabashed curiosity.

I guess it was my turn to give his head a spin… not that I hadn't been doing that all along.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey to you too. How're you feeling today?" He squinted one eye, looking me over.

I didn't know, so I did a general inventory before I answered. "Fine, I guess. Tired. My leg's a little sore. My back hurts, but that's pretty normal. But fine over all."

He nodded once before returning to his breakfast.

Alice flitted over. "Okay, so we have an hour before we have to be at the doctor's. Just enough time for you to get ready."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "Ready?"

Edward tried to muffle a laugh into his plate. I glared at him.

Ali just rolled her eyes, not even deigning to answer my question.

Without further ado, I dug into what had to be one of the best breakfasts in the history of mankind. Literally. I kid you not. I even sprinkled walnuts and syrup over my French toast. I definitely learned to appreciate the small things in life.

"Mmmm," I moaned.

Edward smiled halfway. "Good?"

"Yes, you have no idea."

He laughed as he raised one eyebrow and pointed to his own plate of French toast.

I shrugged. "Well, maybe you do. But get back to me when you're pregnant and always starving."

Alice snorted, obviously enjoying our playful banter. I was surprised by her quietness. I kinda expected her to be always bouncing off the walls, but she seemed content to sit with us as we ate.

It didn't last for long. Alice was planning her latest clothing drive. She must have run out of room in her closet. I had a feeling that she was going to clean out my closet too. Not that any of it would fit soon. In fact, it was already beginning to feel tight. I was getting what my mom called a "ghetto booty." She always griped and complained that hers was too flat, and all the boys wanted a girl with a JLO butt.

I guess I finally got one.

After I finished eating, having helped myself to a second serving, Alice ushered me off to the bathroom. I barely got to tell Edward goodbye and thanks for everything.

For some reason, I didn't think it would be long until the next time I saw him. He'd seen me in some of my worst moments, and yet I hadn't run him off yet. Either he was vying for sucker of the year or hero of the year. I couldn't decide which one.

OoOoOoOo

I shifted awkwardly in my seat, waiting for my name to be called in the doctor's office. Part of me felt like this was unnecessary due to my ultrasound last night at the hospital, but I knew this would be important as a check up after my eventful night.

_Damn scorpions. _

Alice sat next to me flipping through the latest L_ucky_ magazine. Whenever she found something particularly great, she'd give me a list of the pros and cons, then told me how she could attain it for half the listed price in the magazine. Who knew she was a bargain hunter?

Honestly, I only listened to her with one ear; I was too caught up in my head. I squirmed again in my seat.

I hated doctors' offices. There was a reason I avoided this for so long. I just didn't want to think about it.

I sighed. Just one more thing I didn't want to think about. Pretty soon the box that held all the things I didn't want to think about would out weight the box of things I did. It made me feel like Scarlet O'Hara. "I'll think about it tomorrow" was her catch phrase. Ugh, I hated that book and her. She was an awful vile character.

Great. All I needed was for Edward to become Rhett Butler and tell me he didn't give a damn.

I nervously twitched each time the door opened. It was like I didn't have control over my body.

Alice kept giving me weird looks, but refrained from asking. After I told her what happened Friday night, she'd soundly smacked me with a pillow, and then proceeded to demand my promise that I would call her immediately from then on, no matter the circumstance.

I tried to explain that I was unconscious and Edward didn't know to call her, because he didn't really know much at that point.

"Isabella Swan," the nurse called my name.

Once again my mind took control and a memory forced me back the last time I had heard my name called. Without forewarning I was in a different doctor's office, but even more uncomfortable than I felt today.

_I squirmed in my seat, sneaking glances at my mom every few minutes. She sat stiller than I'd ever seen her. She didn't bother to pick up a magazine and pretend to be interested. She never looked at me once, but sat with her back wrought iron straight, and her hands clasped in her lap. _

_I'd never seen her so… conformed to society. She was always the embarrassment, the life of the party, the match ready to be ignited. _

_Mom wasn't wearing one bright color. I didn't even know she owned earth tones. Her traditional clothing was neon tops and flimsy skirts. She was perpetually stuck in the eighties. But today she wore a light brown skirt suit and tan heels. _

_I didn't know why she'd dressed up. It wasn't like she had to go anywhere other than this waiting room. I was the one waiting for my name to be called. _

_I looked around the room. I wasn't the only young girl. There was a girl not much older than I who was holding her friend's hand. She had long dark hair, stick straight, but it offset her skin tone making her look slightly green. She was further along than I was. And she was wringing her hands. _

_I wished I could comfort her… Then again, I needed that comfort too. _

_On the other side of the waiting room was a woman at least ten years my senior. She was with her boyfriend or fiancé or husband. Her face was determined, hiding all outside emotions. The boyfriend on the other hand had sad eyes. He would periodically pat his girlfriend's hand, but he didn't look like he wanted to. She ignored him as if he wasn't even there. I watched as she was called and she didn't look back when she left the waiting room. The boyfriend put his head in his hands seemingly defeated. _

_I twisted my hands again. I'd been doing it so much they were tinged red. _

"_Mom, I don't think I can do this." _

_She sighed. "Isabella, we talked about this. It's the best possible choice." _

"_How can adding wrong on top of a wrong create a right? The logic doesn't make sense," I whispered, trying not to call attention to ourselves. _

"_There is nothing wrong with this. You deserve the right to control what is happening to your body." _

"_That's right, Mom. It's my body."_

"_Isabella." Her voice hardened. "Do you want to ruin your life? Do you want to end up like me, with someone, yet always alone?"_

_I got angry. How could she compare herself to me? We were nothing alike. "I'm not you, Mom. And I didn't choose this in the first place, remember?" My voice rose. I couldn't help it. She never listened. Her version of the events was much easier for her to handle. _

_I wanted to use her logic against her, she was such a hypocrite. "So why am I here, mom? If your life is such a mess. You had control over your body."_

"_No, I didn't. Charlie wouldn't hear of it." She snapped. _

_I froze, my mouth suspended in a little "o." _

"_Oh, Isabella, I didn't mean it that way!" she continued, immediately contrite over her heartless comment. "You are the best thing in my life. That is why I want you to have the choices I didn't." _

_I turned to her, trying to get her to see my way. "But I do have choices. I just choose different than you." _

_She clenched her teeth. "Don't expect my help if you want to ruin everything, Isabella. I'm not going to help you destroy your life." _

"_Isabella Swan?" the nurse called out. _

_I grabbed my purse and held it protectively against my chest. But instead of following the nurse back to the doctor's office, I exited through the front door. _

_I made my way silently to my truck, ignoring my mother's calls behind me. My glorious red truck roared to life. I needed to call Charlie, I couldn't do this anymore. _

_I turned out of the parking lot not giving a second glance behind me. If I had, I would have seen my mother standing alone in front of the abortion clinic. _

_This baby is mine. I've made my choice. _

* * *

**You keep me chugging forward. **

**If anyone wants to set up a 'die-Renee-die' party I'm pretty sure there would be high attendance. Also, check out the Twilighted forum to speculate over the sex of Bella's baby! A link can be found in my profile ;)**

**Recs:_  
Ugly_ by silver sniper of night**  
**Summary: "They say beauty is only skin deep. Well, I'm not sure about that." A woman who sees the world in perfection and imperfection, and the man who cannot see either, find they have more in common than they could have believed.**

**_Dead on my Feet_ by Cesca Marie**  
**Summary: Recovering from a serious illness, Edward knows what it is to be invisible but obvious to everyone around him. Bella, who has watched a loved one die of protracted illness, understands the tightrope-act of life on the edge.**


	20. Counsel

**A/N: Many thanks to all who have reviewed! Thank you! Each and everyone one brings a smile to my face. I originally promised to be the author who always responded to all my reviews... but life has gotten in the way. Teaching, lesson plans, working with a brand new curriculum, and writing have bogged me down. I had to choose writing over reviews. I will still endeavor to answer as many as I can! I adore you all. **

**Thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83. Eskimo kisses to both of you-from Edward, of course. **

**Thanks to nowforruin! Thanks to MsWDarcy (because I still heart you)! And thanks to Haz, my lil' sis. **

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Counsel

"_Isabella Swan?" the nurse called. _

Shaking the cobwebs from my brain, I tried to ignore the feeling my memory had thrust upon me.

Alice smiled at me eager to get on with the appointment. This time I literally shook my head pushing away the thoughts of hopeless women and my flight from the clinic.

Before I got home that day I'd received no less than twenty messages from my mother begging, cajoling, and threatening me to come back. She even managed to hold my appointment for another two hours, but I never showed.

She barely spoke to me for the next week while I tried to figure out how to come and live with Charlie. I didn't know what to do with her, and she didn't know what to do with me.

"Isabella Swan?" the nurse called again.

I hoisted myself up as Alice tried to help. That midget didn't do much. She propped up my crutches and I hobbled over to the entrance to the doctor's examining rooms.

Crutches were one of the worst things in the world to have to endure. They make your hands and armpits sore. You can easily rub your hands to ease some of the tension out, but have you ever tried rubbing your armpits? It doesn't work.

I grimaced as I made my way down the hall. Alice kept chirping encouraging sentiments, but it just kinda made me want to bite her head off. A whole lot.

"Oh, Bella, this is so exciting!" she rambled on at my side, no longer making any attempt to help me.

The nurse looked at me with concern,\ which didn't really help the situation. She beamed at Alice like she was a goddess. I had to admit, she is one of a kind. How many pregnant teenagers can say they have a friend willing to attend doctors' appointments with them? Other than on overly cheerful, product riddled primetime television?

"Isabella, why don't you set your things in this room and we'll take your weight and height before we start." The nurse pointed towards the room then scale in the hallway.

I set down my bag and took off my shoes, hoping to eliminate as much extraneous weight as possible. I knew I was pregnant, but what woman wants to see their weight increase exponentially?

That's right, no one.

While I followed the nurse's instructions, Alice began to subtly ask about the previous evening. Well, subtle for Ali.

"So, how'd you like Sedona?"

I shrugged, trying to not show the enthusiasm I could feel bursting from me.

"Edward's been really nervous. Not that he told me or anything." She frowned. "He doesn't include me much anymore. But I could tell! He kept replaying some obnoxious song in his room all week, and he got up extra early every morning to run. He almost went to school all sweaty on Thursday, but I told him we weren't leaving for school with him that disgusting."

I blushed, thinking of sweaty Edward. Ducking my head, I tried to hide the burn.

"Bella, I can see that! You have to tell me what happened!" She gave me a semblance of help when the nurse asked me to change into one of those awful hospital gowns. Honestly, they are undignified.

"We had a picnic." I smiled.

"And?"

"We watched the sunset."

"And?" She tapped her foot impatiently as she gave me an oomph onto the examining table.

I looked at her disdainfully. "I got stung by a scorpion."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. But right before that?"

My eye widened. How on earth did she know? Everything had been so crazy even I had forgotten that we almost kissed.

I almost kissed Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen almost kissed me!

A smile grew quickly on my face and Alice giggled uncontrollably.

"Oh! I know what that is! Bella got kissed!" she sang in a sing-song voice.

I shook my head, not hiding the blush. "No…"

"But?" She physically leaned in for my answer.

"Almost."

She jumped back and clapped her hands. "Oh this is so perfect! He's been such a pain in the ass since last year. Do you know he actually talked to me? He talked to Mom! You are the reason he has been on cloud nine most of the week!"

I leaned back on the table, happy. I knew what he did for me. He calmed me. He made me feel safe. He touched me. But the idea that I could do something for him? It was mind boggling.

Then everything went sour. How could this work out? It was impossible. It would be better to stay away from him. I didn't want to ruin his life.

"Alice?" She stopped talking instantly at the sound of my voice. "He knows. Everything."

Her eyes popped open. "I figured he knew about the baby from the hospital visit, but everything?"

I nodded. "And more."

"There's more?" Her eyebrows twisted up.

I sighed. "He got all the details."

"Oh." Her little lips stayed frozen in place. "How'd he take it?"

"Did you see the two huge holes in the kitchen wall?"

She nodded. I cocked one eyebrow in response.

Ali tilted her head back and forth, thinking over the two giant holes in my perfect kitchen. "Well, it could have been worse."

I looked at her incredulously. "How so?"

"He hasn't driven up to Washington and murdered anyone in their sleep."

I chuckled darkly. "Yeah, that's a relief."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I already offered. Ribcage hats are very fashionable these days."

We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Me, contemplating Edward and the paradigm that he is, and Alice… who knew what she was thinking about.

I looked at the clock. We'd been waiting in the examining room for over ten minutes. It was just like doctors to demand that we be on time, but then force us to sit in cold examining rooms in humiliating backless gowns for ages.

Not wanting to be left to my thoughts, because we know how dangerous that can be, I changed the topic.

"So Alice… Jasper?" Her head shot up like she'd been hit with a stun gun. Just saying his name woke her up, gave her life.

"He notices me."

I rolled my eyes. "No, duh."

She stared directly into my eyes, no hesitation. "He's it."

"It?" I shook my head at her, confused. "_It_ it?"

Alice's gaze drifted off like she could see something I couldn't, and a ghostly smile floated onto her face. "I've known it for a while. But when he talked to me more than as Edward's sister, it clinched it."

She reached forward unable to control herself, like we were on one of those sitcoms that has the "moral of the story" at the end of every episode.

"I can see our entire future together."

"Wow… Alice, that's uh, great…" I drifted off.

She rolled her eyes. "I know, I sound crazy, but that's just how I feel."

"Have you even gone on a date yet?" I tried to bring her back to reality. Jasper was great. I even thought he was great for Alice. But, gosh, she had gone even further than I expected.

"No. But we will. He's just working up the nerve." She flounced her dark hair over a shoulder. "My dad says I'm intimidating."

I stifled a chuckle. Don't all dads tell their daughters if they can't get a date that the boys are just scared of them and don't know what they are missing?

Then again, Dr. Cullen might be right about Alice. She was a force to be reckoned with.

Alice used her hand to brush the air. "Don't worry, its not like I'm going to ever tell Jasper all this! He would run screaming!" She laughed at herself.

I nodded, an amused smile teasing my face.

She shook one finger at me. "And you better not tell him either!"

I held up three fingers, and no, I was not telling her to read between the lines, "Scout's honor."

Alice proceeded to spit on her right hand and offer it to me in a handshake. I looked between her and her hand.

_She has got to be kidding. _

She glared at me, reaching her hand forcefully towards me, challenging me. I looked up at the ceiling. Returning her glare with one of my own I spit in my own hand and grabbed hers firmly, tighter than a handshake really required, but I just wanted to make her hand as slobbery as possible.

It was gross.

Alice's face scrunched up as she tried to pull her slimey hand back; just before I let go, the doctor swept into the room.

"Ew gross, Bella!" Alice whined at the same time the doctor introduced herself.

"I'm Dr. Carmen Randall." She offered a hand to shake.

We both sheepishly wiped our hands on our clothes as nonchalantly as possible. My tomato-colored skin and Alice's hiccup laughs gave us away. Maturity? What's that?

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan, and this is Alice." My embarrassment meter went up a few points. Her hand was still dangling in the air. "You don't really want to shake my hand right now."

She laughed, her voice was a full alto, rich and deep. "That's okay, I recognize a girl pact when I see it."

Dr. Randall went over to the sink to wash her hands. She lathered them up and dried them before she sat down with a small laptop she brought.

"Okay, Bella, how are we feeling today?" She looked directly into my eyes. Her demeanor changed so quickly, one moment she was smiling at our antics and the next she was down to business.

"Uh, fine under the circumstances," I said skirting the question. Her shift in behavior threw me off balance.

She pursed her lips, typing a few things into the computer. "Could you tell me what circumstances you imply?"

I looked over at Alice, unsure what I should say, what exactly she needed to know.

Getting no clear answer from Ali, I stared silently at my hands.

"Let me tell you what I know, okay?" she urged. I nodded. "You are eighteen years old. You are still in school. You are around twenty weeks pregnant. Due to your age and situation you are what we consider a high risk pregnancy. Do you know why?"

I shook my head.

"Your body is still growing. You are still changing and developing. It means your body isn't helping your baby grow one hundred percent.

"This is also your first prenatal appointment. You have greatly risked yourself and your baby by not getting the care that you both need before now. Because you have not taken better care of yourself this is again increasing risk to you and your baby on top of the high risk a young pregnancy can provide.

"This is why I need to know as much as possible. I want to help you and your baby. But the only way I can do that is if we work together."

I looked at Alice once more. She nodded, encouraging me to say what was needed.

"What do you need to know?"

OoOoOoOo

I left the doctor's with so much information I felt like my brain was going to explode. Dr. Randall reminded me over and over again that stress was not good for the baby, especially the strain my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, was putting on both of us. What I needed to do was calm down.

And breathe.

I took in a few soothing breaths, just like she had me practice in the examining room.

This was after I had a flashback. Of course.

At least I didn't pass out. But there weren't any men to bring on a really good one, so that was a blessing at least.

I told her about the rape and everything after it. Well, everything that pertained to the baby. I doubt she really cared about my issues with Renee or Forks.

She ordered several tests to check on my hormone levels and the baby, but after the ultrasound, despite everything my pregnancy seemed to be progressing normally.

My baby woke up during the ultrasound. It made Alice laugh to see movement on the monitor.

Dr. Randall said that it was a good sign that the baby was so active. She would be worried if I hadn't had any noticeable movement before now.

The scorpion sting made her concerned, but she planned to contact the doctor for my chart from my hospital visit. I didn't know she could do that, but I guess she knew Dr. Sullivan who would help her out. Dr. Randall instructed me to follow the physician's orders for me to stay off my leg and added her own prescription of rest and healthy eating.

The only thing she was pleased with was my diet and consistency in prenatal vitamins. I'd been taking them ever since I decided to keep the baby and fortunately always had a penchant for health foods, much to Charlie's recent pleasure.

The best part of the visit was the pictures. I got to take pictures home of my baby.

My baby was beautiful.

We ended our extended appointment with more information about a social worker, government benefits, and helpful organizations that could assist me as I completed my pregnancy and began my child's life.

Most of it went in one ear and out the other. Ironically, Alice brought a notebook and pen and took notes on most of what Dr. Randall told me. She also collected all the brochures, pamphlets, and business cards for me.

It was like one moment she was this silly lovesick girl and the next, she was take charge woman of the year. I had a feeling that Alice would sort the information into what I needed and could use and what I didn't.

She was officially my hero.

We rode home in silence. Some pop radio station was on in the background. I was lost in thought… or information until Alice broke my reverie.

"When are you going to tell Emmett?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"Emmett, when are you going to tell him? He's technically known you the longest."

My face scrunched up at the thought. Another person to tell? It was tormenting enough to tell the few people I had.

"I hadn't thought of it," I replied honestly.

"I know you just told me, Charlie, and Edward, but… you are showing more and more every day. I'm surprised Rose hasn't said anything yet. I don't know if Emmett or Jazz would have noticed, they are guys, but other girls might. Who do you want to tell them? You or Lauren Mallory?" Her eyes were fixated on the road, because she knew how hard this was for me… would be for anyone.

I scrunched up my face. Lauren Mallory… if I didn't need to keep my stress levels down…

"What should I do, Ali?" I folded my arms, once again frustrated at life. "Do I sit them down and just tell them I'm pregnant? Do I need to tell them more?"

"Hmm," she hummed. "Why don't you tell them that you're pregnant and take it from there. Answer any questions they have?"

I sighed. There was going to be no right way to do this.

I needed to talk to Edward. If he wanted to talk to me.

OoOoOoOo

We arrived home in the early afternoon, back later than we expected, and I was starving. After failing in all things crutches, but finally reaching the house, we bee-lined it to the kitchen.

What I found was more delectable than a turkey sandwich or chicken salad on a croissant or a fruit salad or anything else my pregnant mind was momentarily craving.

I found a shirtless Edward covered in dry wall dust and spackle.

_Yummy. _

Alice groaned. "Edward! Put a shirt on! Bella is going to drool all over the kitchen floor!"

Edward whipped around, pulling ear buds out of his ears. My face immediately heated. The front was even better than the back… okay, it was an even tie, but his face was the icing on the cake. He cracked his lopsided smile and I could feel tingles in my core.

Tingles! Me! Who knew?

Edward leaned confidently on the edge of the counter top, observing my inability to stop sexing him up with my eyes.

"Hey," his voice rumbled, deeper than usual.

"Hey," I squeaked back.

Alice huffed, mumbling to herself, "Get a room," as she opened the fridge searching for our lunch.

Edward arched one brow at the request. If my face could have gotten hotter, it would have. I felt the need to splash it with cold water because I didn't think it would ever go away.

Because, dammit, that request sounded good.

Alice continued to mumble into the fridge, while we took our time staring at each other. Part of me couldn't figure out how he could look at me like he was doing now. I did see how much I weighed. And no, I am not sharing.

For some reason, I figured that his face didn't look much different than mine. We took our time, but we eventually caught each other's eyes.

It was like I was speeding one hundred miles an hour towards him. I could see his wants, desires, hopes, and fears. I knew that he could see mine too. He probably knew what I was even thinking.

Our connection was broken when Edward's meddling little sister waved her hand in front of my face and asked, "Food?"

I was understandably distracted.

"How was the appointment?" Edward asked, still leaning against the counter.

"Good, Dr. Randall said everything is a-okay," I mumbled through a mouthful of chicken salad.

"And the sting?"

"They did a lot of tests. They'll get back to me in a few days, but from the ultrasound she said the baby and I are fine."

He looked visibly relieved, despite the small winch at the word "baby."

Running a hand through is hair, he nodded towards the wall, "What do you think?"

I looked at the wall and realized that there were no longer two giant holes. Instead the dry wall had been neatly cut and a new piece had been secured in place and spackled. I could barely tell that just this morning my kitchen had been part crater.

"All I need to do is paint." He smiled, seemingly nervous.

"Wow, I could hardly tell. How'd you get this all done?" I stuffed some more food in my mouth. I really hoped that I didn't look like the creepy lord of Gondor from _Lord of the Rings_.

He looked proud. "I talked Emmett into helping me. He walked me through most of it. He went to get the paint while I finished the spackle."

"You did a good job."

He laughed. "I'm just glad Charlie didn't kill me."

It made me snort. "Yeah, me too."

Alice butted in, "I'm surprised Mom and Dad didn't kill you." She raised an eyebrow saying more than just words.

Edward scowled. "They understood."

I looked back and forth between them, confused about the subtext I wasn't picking up.

"Besides, Charlie told me he wished he'd put a hole in the wall first."

I giggled, unable to hold it back. Just last night I was wishing I'd put a hole in the wall. Who knew we all held grudges against dry wall?

Alice joined in first, soon to be followed by Edward. Laughing probably wasn't the best reaction to the whole situation. But, you gotta admit, it's better than crying.

We were all hunched over our bellies laughing ridiculously when Emmett thundered into the house, bellowing about the horrible service at Home Depot.

Entering the kitchen, he stopped and waited, a picture of confusion. His facial expression made the three of us start laughing all over again. It probably wasn't that funny, but our emotional capacity had reached its peak, therefore everything was funny.

I wiped tears of laughter off my face. It was nice to cry over something funny.

Emmett rolled his eyes. Directing his comment at Alice, he said, "Just arrived from the funny farm and brought the crazy back with you?"

"Yeah, I was reserving your spot."

Emmett held his hand to his heart, "You wound me."

"Really, they are expecting you on Tuesday. Your roommate is a shriveled guy named Aro. He can't wait to tell you all about your inmost secrets." Alice flipped her hair over her shoulder in mock triumph.

Emmett guffawed at her retort, not insulted in the least. Actually he looked a little bit proud. Edward looked like his eyes were permanently fixed to the ceiling. I wondered if they were like that a lot around these two.

I snorted, as ladylike as possible.

Emmett set a can of paint down in front of Edward and handed him a brush. "Get to work, Leonardo."

"Thanks." Edward smacked Emmett, then dodged his returning whack.

"So Bellasaurus, I hear you've been causing trouble all over the place." Emmett sat down and began munching on bits and pieces of my lunch that dropped onto my plate. It was like being around a wild animal.

"I have crutches and I'm not afraid to use them." I tried to lift them menacingly, but my hands slipped and they crashed to the floor.

Ali, Edward, and Emmett laughed while I cracked a smile. Not one of my most graceful moments… then again, I didn't think I'd ever had one of those moments.

Emmett leaned back in his chair, reaching his arms behind his head and airing his smelling armpits for the rest of us. Alice began to flit around the kitchen cleaning up the mess she made pulling together lunch. I thought she was also mumbling a list to herself. I heard "alphabet letters" and "pink elephants." Ironically, I thought I knew what she was talking about.

I unconsciously began rubbing my stomach in response to the miniature gymnastics taking place inside.

"All right, homeboys, here's the dealio." Emmett smacked his palms on the table making it shake. I hoped it would hold together. "I asked out Rose."

Alice swiveled so fast I thought she was going to fall over.

We simultaneously tried to speak over each other.

"Homeboys?"

"Rose?"

"Dealio?"

"Rose?"

Edward didn't even bother to more than pause momentarily in his painting. He looked over his shoulder and perceptibly shrugged.

"We've got to work on your slang!" Alice exclaimed. "And finally! I was going to ask her out for you if you didn't work up the courage." She swore under her breath about terrified guys and intimidating girls.

I held up my hands in confusion. "Wait a minute! You haven't asked out Rose until now?"

Emmett blushed. "I had to make sure."

"Well, you took your good ol' time. No wonder I can never tell if she's happy or pissed off!" I said, shaking my head.

Edward exhaled, barely concealing a laugh. "That's just Rose. You probably won't be able to tell much of a difference now either."

Smirking, I patted the table near Emmett's hand. "Good for you. I'm happy for you."

He rubbed his neck awkwardly, looking between me and Alice. "Thanks. But I have a problem. You see, the date's tonight and I have no idea what to do."

"Tonight?" Alice screeched.

He nodded bashfully.

"You gave me barely anytime to work with!" she lamented.

Alice began rambling over the numerous options he had. I was glad she was bursting with ideas because I hadn't a spec of advice to give him. I'd gone on my first date in months yesterday and I ended up in the hospital.

I pushed myself up out of my chair, bending over to pick up my crutches. My bladder was beginning to bother me, and I didn't think that I would be missed.

Taking care of business, I hobbled back to the kitchen where Alice was speaking faster than humanly understandable. I could see Emmett through the doorway all the way into the living room nodding vigorously at whatever she was saying.

Before I had a chance of getting halfway across the living room the doorbell rang. Groaning, I changed directions and limped to the front door, forgetting to look through the peep hole.

Opening the door, I stepped back, shocked.

"Isabella!" my mother cried.

My body was frozen as she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight to her chest.

"Oh, my, you are getting so big! I've decided to come and help with the baby. You can't have a baby without your mother!" She beamed as she placed her hands on my growing tummy.

"Baby?" I heard Emmett gasp a few yards behind me.

I turned to find Emmett standing stock still, his eyes wide and mouth fixed. His eyes flickered between me, my mother, and my belly.

Alice stood a few feet behind him with intense concern etched on her face. She seemed lost as to what to do or what to say.

But worst of all was Edward standing in the door frame of the kitchen with a murderous look directed at Renee.

* * *

**You know how this works ;) Make the monkey dance. **

**Recs: **

**_Legacy_ by AutumnDreamer** - love this one, my jaw was literally on the floor at her major plot twist. Yes, it was that good.  
**Summary: Edward is used to living life as a solitary teenager until he moves to Washington & reluctantly makes friends. When everything seems to be going right, his world is torn apart by a long-kept secret that leaves him questioning everything he's ever known.**

**_The Hostage_ by ebalways** - really well written, regular updates, on Twilighted. Honestly, I look at her angst and I hope that mine can minutely compare.  
**Summary: Trapped by the realities of her life, Bella Swan lives in solitude until the day everything changes. SWAT officer Edward Cullen wants to help, but getting too close to the courageous older woman may be more than either one can handle. B/E, AH, Lang/Lemons.**


	21. Confidence

**A/N: Many thanks for the lovely reviews! The monkey was dancing. Literally. I am seriously considering keeping a list of your creative ways for Renee to die. You guys are amazing. She has no idea the animosity you hold for her. And I love it. muahahah. **

**Thanks to Sl33pyBrows3r for reviewing every flippin' chapter.  
**

**MarchHare5 and twicrack83 deserve more topless Edwards covered in drywall dust. I send Edward love. What would be even better if you go and read their awesome stories! woot!**

**Thanks to nowforruin! MsWDarcy! Hazel! *nuzzles from a certain Cullen***

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-one: Confidence

_Opening the door, I stepped back, shocked. _

"_Isabella!" my mother cried._

_My body was frozen as she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight to her chest. _

"_Oh, my, you are getting so big! I've decided to come and help with the baby. You can't have a baby without your mother!" She beamed as she placed her hands on my growing tummy. _

"_Baby?" I heard Emmett gasp a few yards behind me. _

_I turned to find Emmett standing stock still, his eyes wide and mouth fixed. His eyes flickered between me, my mother, and my belly. _

_Alice stood a few feet behind him with intense concern etched on her face. She seemed lost as to what to do or what to say. _

_But worst of all was Edward standing in the doorframe of the kitchen with a murderous look directed at Renee. _

Firetruck.

That's right. Double Firetruck.

I took another step back, almost tripping over my crutches. Fortunately, Emmett was still frozen in shock and didn't try to catch me.

I waved my arms in the air like wings, catching my balance.

My mother laughed. "Well, you haven't gotten any more graceful." She set down her purse on the atrium table and casually brushed at her clothing, smoothing out the wrinkles.

Finally, my brain caught up and I said, "Mom, what are you doing here?"

She smiled condescendingly at me. But before she got a chance to respond, Edward was standing in front of me glaring menacingly at my mother.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he growled.

Renee blanched for a moment, but nothing fazed her. She placed her hand on her hip, asking, "Excuse me?"

"How dare you come here? After what you've put Bella through?"

Renee laughed insincerely. "I'm _Isabella_'s mother and I'm here because she needs me." She gestured to me with her hand. "Just look at her."

Edward stared at her, obviously frustrated with his lack of intimidation. She took the time to close the door behind her and looked around like she owned the place.

"Not bad. I'm surprised that Charlie has done so well with himself." She leaned conspiratorially towards us. "He never really did have a knack for anything but police work."

I heard a growl rumble out of Edward's throat. His back was rigid, and I could barely see over his shoulder to Renee. He kept positioning himself between us every time she moved.

"You ditched her!" His voice was sharp. "She trusted you, and you didn't stand by her!"

Renee's head snapped to Edward's face. I could see her inner bitch emerge. "Who do you think you are questioning me about my own daughter? I was doing what was right for her!" She looked at me pointedly over his shoulder. "And if she is not going to follow my good advice then I'll have to go along with whatever disaster she brings on herself."

Her eyes returned to his face, and they had what I could only imagine to be an intense staring competition. Neither was moving, barely breathing.

The room was eerily silent like the stillness before a storm. Like the quiet after a screeching crow falls. Like the emptiness of a deserted house.

"A baby?" Emmett broke the silence.

I turned to find figurative steam blowing from Emmett's ears. Alice was ineffectively trying to pull him out of the room and into the kitchen. She also looked to be mumbling something into her cell phone or maybe she was just trying to calm Emmett down.

"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses. Bella? A baby?" he said, as he waved his arms at us to keep our attention. Alice gave up trying to move him, moving alone into the kitchen and talking frantically.

I nodded at Emmett but quickly remembered my mother and turned to find her watching us in unabashed amusement.

"Ho-ly shit. What the hell?" Emmett exclaimed to himself more than anyone else. His head snapped up, asking Edward, "Did you know about this, man?"

I looked to find Edward closer than he was before, protectively inches away. His jaw was tight. His dentist was not going to be pleased with all the recent teeth grinding.

Stiffly, Edward answered, "I just found out, Em. Yesterday."

My mother began to cackle, sounding more and more like the wicked witch of the west. She tried to cover her mouth, but eventually gave up, leaning backwards and laughing towards the ceiling.

"Oh, this is rich. You boys didn't know that Isabella got herself knocked up?"

_What a fraking bitch._

I stepped out from behind Edward and crossed my arms. "What are you doing here, Renee?"

Her eyes narrowed at the use of her name. "Just as I said, to help."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm only twenty weeks. If I wanted your help it wouldn't be needed for a long while. And you had your chance. You made yourself very clear before I left."

She sighed dramatically, "I was upset. You know I didn't mean it."

I snorted. _Yeah, sure._

"And actually, I was hoping to bring you home. Your baby is going to need his father."

"What!" Edward exploded.

I held a hand out, placing it on his chest. Immediately, he placed his own hand on top of it. I looked deep into his eyes, watching the anger, frustration, and rage swirl like a mist.

"Let me, please," I asked quietly.

He nodded, but kept my hand in his own, holding it down at our sides, a united front. He was with me.

"First of all, _Mother_, Jimmy is not a father. He is a rapist," I spat. "And over my dead body will he ever come near us again."

Renee raised her hands in mock frustration. "You still insist on keeping up with that dramatic charade? I know you had a traumatic event, but there is no reason to blame poor Jimmy. You don't know how worried he's been for you."

She took a seat in the nearest chair, not concerned with the confrontational nature of our discussion. "He wanted to come and get you himself, but I talked him out of it."

He knew where I was?

I gasped. Couldn't he get the picture? Was he so dense to think that I might actually take him back? What did he want? Hadn't he taken enough?

Edward reached his arms around my sides, gently resting on my middle. He spoke quietly into my ear as we both watched Renee warily. I felt as if Jimmy was going to jump out from behind her chair or suitcase any minute.

"Bella, if you don't want him to he'll never come near you again. I will make sure you're safe, and your baby is safe."

I leaned back into him, accepting his comfort and protection.

I slowly inhaled, taking in Edward's sweet scent, resting in his presence, his support. I levelly looked at Renee.

"I am not coming back to Washington."

She looked up at me, almost shocked at my unwavering confidence. I'd never been one to stand up for myself. I was a follower. I was flexible. I did what was needed of me. I always placed her first. Her needs, her wants, her desires.

My loyalties had changed.

"Isabella—" she began again.

Before she could continue, the door flew open a second time in a half hour, and we all looked to see who was there.

Part of me felt like she had lied, and Jimmy was waiting. Waiting to pounce and take me away.

To my relief Charlie stood in the doorway, with Emmett's father behind him. I winced as I looked at his face, because it gave Edward's murderous look a run for its money.

"Renee," Charlie growled.

She stood, brushing imaginary lint off her skirt. For the first time I took in what she was wearing. She had on her typical eighties throwback skirt, a neon pink torn t-shirt, and a leather tassel vest, topped off with cowboy boots. It was as if she had tried to fit in with her idea of southwestern attire.

It was atrocious.

"Charlie, it's nice to see you." She nodded politely.

Charlie didn't even blink over her ensemble, but neither had I when it mattered, nor did he acknowledge her pleasantries.

"Renee, can I speak with you outside?"

She crossed, "Or what? You gonna arrest me?"

He smirked, "I could always charge you with child abuse or negligence."

Renee glared at him, but flounced through the doorway to the front lawn, past Charlie and Detective McCarty.

Charlie glanced at me, seemingly apologetic, and shut the door behind him.

I turned to survey the room, and my friends. I found I was still in Edward's arms and had to extricate myself to look for Emmett and Alice.

I leaned into Edward, smiling, and he quietly kissed the top of my head before I pulled away to find Emmett sitting on the floor against the lazy boy chair. Alice was propped behind him, gently patting his shoulder.

"Well, that was exciting. Anyone want a glass of water?" I offered flippantly.

Both Alice and Emmett looked at me with chagrin. I meekly smiled, shrugging my shoulders. I asked Edward to pick up my crutches that I somehow dropped.

He handed them to me, following me into the kitchen. As he watched me get a glass of water, he asked, "What was that?"

I loved the impersonal pronoun.

"That was Renee. As for everything else, your guess is as good as mine. I told you everything." I shook my head. "She had a revelation or vision or whatever, and now wants to help."

He gripped the counter top, still dusty from the unfinished construction in the room. "How can you say that? After what you told me?"

I sighed and took a sip of my water. "You have to understand Renee. She's a very passionate person and will act the way she feels is right… whether it is or not."

Edward looked like he was going to burst or at least ruin his recent dry wall work when Emmett and Alice trailed into the kitchen. Emmett flopped into a kitchen chair, staring blankly at the ground. I felt bad. Poor guy looked like I'd just trampled his new toy, then again I guess I had.

Trying to lighten the mood, I said, "Anyone wanna listen to Katy Perry?"

Edward looked disapprovingly at me, while Alice tried not to laugh. Emmett just asked, "Really, Bella?"

I winced. "Sorry."

His teddy bear face was still blank in shock. I set a glass of water in front on him, hoping it would help. "Can I ask a question?" he almost whispered.

I agreed.

"Baby?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Rape?"

I winced, but nodded. I hated that word. It was so raw, embarrassing, and fresh, like the wound was open and still bleeding. I could use it myself, but hearing it in reference to me, accepting that word for an identification of who I was, broke my heart a little.

"You see things, don't you? If I touch you? If anyone but Edward?"

He was much more perceptive than I thought. He figured it all out without anyone's help. He didn't need me to walk through the dirty story, pass by pass, but somehow knew.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

He cocked one eyebrow. "Bellarina, I see things. More than anyone realizes. I guess that the whole baby thing isn't that much of a surprise, but I'd talked myself out of it as an option. I've been thinking about this for a while."

My face stretched in surprise. "Oh."

He smiled, his goofy Emmett smile. "I've got an eye on you, Bells." He clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "So, what's the plan? How are we gonna make this bastard pay?"

Edward took this moment to chime in. "I call dibs on castration."

"I have a list of gruesome ideas that I've been coming up with." Alice smiled evilly, bouncing from foot to foot. "You can take your pick."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys, I want nothing to do with him for the rest of my life."

Emmett gave Edward and Alice a scheming look and used some weird hand signal, that looked military, but could have just been stolen from a movie. I interpreted it as _later_.

I shivered at the thought of them going up against him. They had no idea of what he was capable. I wasn't even sure what he – would do if given the chance. His treatment of me was more than that of an abusive boyfriend. It was more than possessiveness and attempted ownership. His continual stalking as well as his desire to still have me, after everything, was delusional.

He tried to see me only once after the incident.

It didn't go well.

_I stared at the computer, tired and worn out over the possibilities ahead of me. I'd spent all day searching the internet for options for me, for my baby. Mom was pushing me to have an abortion, but it had only been a week since I found out. I wasn't ready to make that kind of decision yet. _

_Any kind of information I ran across told me what was growing inside me wasn't a baby yet, that it was my choice. But I couldn't help but think they were wrong. Despite the conception, despite my circumstances, should my whims and desires dictate the eradication of a possible life? If I did agree with the research, this growth would become a baby; it wouldn't become anything else. So, if I let it go its natural course a baby would come to be. _

_Part of me felt that if this baby wasn't meant to be, something would happen that would stop everything. I was glad to be alive; who was to say seventeen years from now a boy or girl wouldn't say the same thing. _

_I shook my head confused. I didn't know what to think or what to do. I felt pushed and pulled in so many directions, but I couldn't shake this feeling that I was having a baby and I should give him or her a chance. _

_I leaned my head back against my desk chair and stared at my bedroom ceiling. I'd stared at this ceiling more than I cared to admit. There were exactly forty-seven cracks and twenty-one stains. _

_Pushing the chair away from my worn wooden desk, I stood up, wincing at the lingering aches. My ribs were finally healing. They didn't hurt when I breathed or laughed, but once in a while when I moved too sharply the telltale pain was triggered. I wondered if my body would one day tell me when it was about to rain. _

_Just what I needed, prophetic bones. _

_I walked over to my bookshelf and pulled off _Wuthering Heights_. It was depressing, confusing, and held no answers. Right up my alley. _

_Reclining on my bed, flipping to the best parts I had dog-eared, I settled into soaking up someone else's pain for once. It was nice to escape my own. _

_I was barely a few pages in when Mom knocked on the door. _

"_Come in," I called. _

"_Isabella, I have a visitor for you." She cracked the door and peeked her head in. "Are you decent?" _

_I sat up on my bed, scooting to the edge and swinging my legs over. "Yeah, who is it?"_

_She bit her lip and looked at me apologetically. "It's someone who I think you need to make up with." She held up hands to ward off a future attack. "I know you were hurt, but in light of recent events I think this drama has gone on far too long." _

"_What did you do?" My voice was low, almost gravelly. _

"_He's downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table. He wants to apologize for letting you get mugged that night. I keep telling him that he couldn't have known that you'd get attacked, but he's adamant."_

_My breathing increased. He was here. He was in this house. He was only downstairs. He could reach me. He could hurt me again. _

_Tears began pooling in my eyes, the terror too close to push away. _

_Renee, I couldn't call her Mom anymore, breeched the threshold of my room. "Isabella, I didn't tell him about your problem, but I think you should. It's his responsibility too. He should at least pay to get it fixed." _

_The water spilled over onto my face; I could taste the salt. _

"_You let him come here? You invited him?"_

"_Izz, please be grown up about this," she whined. _

"_Grown up? How could you believe them? Him? Over your own daughter?" _

_I scrambled back across my bed using it as a barrier between us. My hands were shaking. In fact, my entire body was shaking. I couldn't make it stop. I tried to breathe in slowly through my nose and out through my mouth like that effing stupid shrink told me to. _

_That was the only helpful advice he told me. He was all about "giving up my fantastical delusions and dealing with my life." _

_Firetruck him. _

"_Isabella!" Renee moved further into the room, reaching her arms out for me in comfort or entrapment I couldn't tell. "There were witnesses! The mugger was arrested. The poor bum confessed. He's in prison for goodness sake, not that you helped! You can't keep blaming Jimmy. Everyone's first time is awful, but it is not rape!" _

_She looked at me in rage, over her hurt pride or sensibilities. She turned on her heel and left the room, only turning back to say, "I'm not telling him to leave. You are going to have to face him sooner or later. And I've decided it's now." _

_Renee slammed the door behind her. _

_I leaped over the bed, using dexterity I didn't even know I had to lock the door as soon as it was shut. I also grabbed my desk chair and stuck it under the doorknob. I'd seen it done on movies or TV shows. I hoped it worked. _

_I propped my back against the furthest wall from the door, hugging my legs. I stared at the door. Waiting, it was the only thing I could do. _

_I didn't have to wait long. It only took ten minutes for Jimmy to make it up the stairs and knock on my door. _

_I didn't respond. _

"_Izz? Come on, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of it to happen." _

_I could hear him sigh. _

_I remained silent. Fraking douchebag. Who did he think he was? I had seen him at frustrating, bad, and worst. There was no way I was ever letting him near me again. If I could have gotten a restraining order, I would have. _

"_Isabella, baby, you know I didn't mean any of it. I just want to talk to you, face to face. I deserve at least that much with all the crap you spread about me." His voice got hard. I could tell he was angry. "Do you know what my dad had to do to make it go away? You could've ruined us! I love you too much, baby, to let you do that. We are forever." _

_His fist pounded on the door. "You cannot leave me. Not after all we've been through." _

_I heard his angry footsteps go down the stairs and out the door. _

_I'd been biting my lip. I licked my lips, finding blood. I gagged at the taste and ran for the bathroom attached to my room, heaving into the toilet. _

_When I was finished, I wiped my mouth and face, cleaning the tear streaks from it. _

_I promised myself in that moment that no matter what I wanted nothing to do with Jimmy Crawford for the rest of my life. _

Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face. I'd dazed off. I smiled, embarrassed.

Before she could repeat what I missed, we heard the front door open and slam behind someone. I flinched into my chair, remembering Jimmy's fist on my bedroom door. Edward moved to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I instantly felt grounded.

Jimmy wasn't here. Edward wouldn't let anything happen to me.

Alice, Charlie, and Emmett wouldn't let anything happen either. I had to trust them. There was nothing else I could do.

Charlie entered the kitchen, looking frustrated and defeated. That didn't sit well with me.

Renee was right behind him.

I was shocked. I'd thought that Charlie was on my side, that he would take care of her. I felt betrayed.

I glared at him first then her.

I promised myself that I would never let anything like this happen to my baby. My child was more important than my pride, position, friends, or even my life. I would lay it all down.

"Isabella, your attitude needs to shape up." Renee tried to sound motherly and failed entirely. She sounded petty and self-absorbed, just like she was.

Edward was already standing behind me. Alice and Emmett took this moment to flank me on both sides, just like they had the first day I'd arrived and I'd tried to explain myself to the Cullen's. They were just as unwavering in their loyalty today as they had been that day when they didn't know anything at all.

Confident in their support, I continued to glare, protectively placing a hand on my stomach, enclosing my most precious possession.

Renee rolled her eyes. "Relax, tell your posse to stand down. I'm leaving in the morning." She snidely indicated my father. "Charlie has kindly allowed me to sleep on the couch."

I narrowed my eyes at Charlie.

He didn't back down. He looked directly back into my stare answering my challenge.

"Bella, why don't you stay with Alice tonight?"

Alice placed her hand on my arm. "Yeah, Bells, why don't you stay with me tonight? We can have a fun girls' night!" Her enthusiasm sounded forced.

Renee didn't like this idea. I was pretty sure she thought she'd won when Charlie agreed to let her stay till the following day. He was one step ahead of her.

I shouldn't have doubted him.

"Whoa, wait. I thought Isabella," she looked pointedly at Charlie, "and I would have time to catch up! We haven't talked in ages."

Edward snorted. "I wonder why that is?"

Renee placed a hand on her hip, cocking it. "Excuse me?"

Charlie held up two hands, holding them off. I was glad. Renee always enjoyed a dirty fight. He nodded at Alice, who then proceeded to pull me out of the room.

Renee stepped out of the doorway, and I tried not to look at her as I passed, failing. I knew that she wasn't actually trying to be mean-spirited. She really believed the police and the doctors and everyone else.

She believed them over me.

Renee looked truly hurt over my rejection of her "bonding" time. I knew her too well. There would be less bonding and catching up, and more trying to convince me to do things her way.

I was not taking the bite.

Alice pulled me mostly into the living room when I had to stop and catch myself from falling. Damn scorpion.

I turned to see Edward standing perilously close to Renee. Fortunately his voice was loud enough to hear, probably louder than he intended.

"You call yourself a mother? How do you live with yourself? Stay away from Bella. Don't call, don't visit unless she initiates contact." He leaned closer. "Do you understand?"

She had an unusual expression on her face. She looked scared.

"Understand?" his voice rose.

Charlie warned, "Edward."

Edward didn't give Charlie a glance, instead staring at my mother with disgust before stomping away. His face stayed stony, but gently took my hand in his.

Alice emerged from the hallway with an overnight bag already ready. I was taken aback with her speed. It was like I'd only turned away for a moment.

She skipped to us. "You ready?"

I nodded.

Emmett was at the front door and held it open for us. He smiled encouragingly.

I squeezed Edward's hand before letting go to take my crutches. I followed Emmett and Alice out of the house, never once looking back at my mother.

* * *

**You know how it goes... ;)**

**Recs:**

**_FoxFire_ by WoodLily** - Who needs Midnight Sun when we have this beautiful rendition of Twilight from Epov. Honestly, it's that good.  
**Summary: "Bella Swan was beautiful to me. The realization of that moment stung me worse than venom ever could." Edward's Twilight, but it's not Midnight Sun. Will journey into AU. Rated M for language & sexual content. The action begins with the flight to Alaska.**

**_Angel in the Attic_ by closettwilighter** - I really like her take on vampire mating, how it is just as immediate and permanent as wolves imprinting.  
**Summary: What if Alice saw Bella coming? What if Edward was waiting for her knowing she belonged to him? What he is, isn't the only thing Edward is hiding. "The repeat button in my head was stuck. As my siblings and I walked to the cafeteria my mind would not be distracted from this one overriding thought: Would she know it was me?"**

**BTW - Be sure to check out my blog! elspethgordie(.)xanga(.)com  
**


	22. Courage

**A/N: **

**Dear Fantastic Readers,**  
**I humbly apologize for the erroneous delay in this chapter. I had a nasty case of writer's block. The doctors assured me that the only way to have it entirely cleared was massive doses of reviews. I concur with this diagnoses. Your reviews have healing powers. *Poof* magic. Once you finished this little piece of Bella's topsy-turvy life click that little button and give me the magic. **  
**Sincerely yours, **  
**Elspeth**

**PS: Many thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83 for their amazing doses of sanity in my insane world. *muah***

**PPS: Thanks to nowforruin who rocks twilighted validation-ship. woot.**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-two: Courage

Praise the Lord for the Cullens. When we arrived Saturday evening Esme had dinner on the table for us and an extra plate already set out for me.

She rushed for me as soon as we entered the house.

"Bella! How are you darling?" She gave me a tight hug, patting my back. My belly pressed firmly into her.

Pulling away, Esme gave me a knowing smile before she gently touched my stomach. I raised my eyebrows at her, which made her smile only blossom.

"I'm okay, under the circumstances." I alluded to, but didn't confirm her obvious suspicions. I didn't think that anyone would have broken my confidence, but for some reason I think she just figured it out.

"Oh yes, Charlie called! You poor thing, you've had quite the weekend." She led me into the dining room, patiently waiting as I hobbled after her. Edward followed us close behind.

"I'll put your bag in my room! Ooo and I need to prep the hot wax!" Alice said behind us. I looked over my shoulder and watched her skip off to her room.

I didn't choose to hold in the groan.

"Come right back. Dinner is ready, Ali!" Esme called. "Edward, can you set out drinks for everyone?"

He was standing close to me. Esme reached over and put her arm over his shoulder. She leaned in and motherly pecked him on the cheek. He rolled his eyes, but went about the task.

Esme angled towards me, "How are you really doing?"

I looked up to see Edward keeping his eye on me, but he was obviously out of earshot. He squinted one eye and cocked his head waiting for me. I nodded, and he continued filling glasses with water.

"I'm okay. I understand Renee, but I don't get her."

"I don't mean to pry, but why is she here?" She took my hand in her own, placing her other on top.

I looked away, anywhere but in her inquisitive eyes. "She wants me to live my life by her rules, and I couldn't do it anymore."

She patted my hand. "I can't be sure without knowing the details, but as a mom, we're not perfect. We make mistakes."

I nodded. "I know. She wants what's best for me. But sometimes what she thinks is best for me isn't what I think is best for…me."

She smiled, rubbing her top hand over mine. "You?"

I extricated my hand from hers and placed both protectively on my middle. "Not just me anymore."

"Then, my dear, it is up to you. Take counsel, but in the end it's your decision." She stood up, brushing her hand along my arm, heading into the kitchen.

I sighed. I knew this. It was why I left.

OoOoOoOoO

I found myself sitting in the dark in the living room late that night. I'd fallen asleep on her bed in the middle of Alice's beauty treatments. I was sure I'd get an earful tomorrow for not letting her adequately finish.

My nails looked great, actually. I was surprised I didn't have black or hot pink or crazy smiley faces or flowers. Ali must have picked the color and polished them after I konked out because I really didn't remember choosing one.

I'd woken to another nightmare. Somehow I'd kept myself from screaming. It was a plus—you have to accept the simple blessings. I couldn't fall back asleep, the memories haunting me. I'd moved restlessly to the living room hoping action would lull me back to sleep.

I had been in that room again. The one with the spackled walls that felt like knives and the peeling posters. One was a vintage poster of the Beatles. It had John, Paul, George, and Ringo, each with their own headshot in a group of four squares. The famous title "Let It Be" was posted in bold above their heads. The edges were curling.

I had no idea that Mary Jackson had good taste in music. Or maybe it was someone in her family.

It's funny the things you focus on when you can't deal with the immediate situation. The whirl of a fan haunted my dreams. A thousand knives always cut into my back when I felt terrified.

I hate the Beatles.

I'd woken up in a start, sweaty and nasty. I tossed and turned for a little while trying to get back to sleep, but it didn't work.

Ali slept like the dead. She was sprawled over an air mattress on the ground, while she let me have her bed. It was amazing how much space such a small person could take up.

The baby woke up when I did, ready to do gymnastics in my womb. _Goody_. I couldn't wait till I was bigger and the room in there was tighter. I was never going to sleep.

I leaned my head back against the couch, sighing dramatically. I was tired. I wanted to sleep; I just couldn't.

My stupid mind wouldn't shut off. I had so much to do. I needed to contact that therapist. I needed to talk to Renee. Okay, not in person, but at least on the phone. We didn't see eye to eye but she did care and flew all the way to Phoenix.

I needed to figure out how to get in contact with the social worker and maneuver my way around all those options I had to help me in the next few months.

I needed a nursery. Though I had a feeling that Alice would take that burden from me.

"Hey."

A deep voice broke me out of my internal pity party. I looked up to find a sleepy Edward standing in a T-shirt and pajama pants in the dark.

Well, I was sitting in the dark, so that wasn't really new.

"Hi."

He clodded over sitting on the couch next to me. "Hi."

He wasn't very coherent when he was tired. I had to admit it was adorable.

I smiled. "You already said that."

Edward rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Yeah."

"Can't sleep?"

My familiar friend "non-verbal" Edward nodded.

"I hope I didn't wake you up."

He shook his head. "No, it wasn't you. Alice started snoring again. It's like sleeping with a bull horn going off in the next room."

I giggled. "She wasn't snoring earlier."

He shrugged. "She must have turned onto her back. I used to have to go and turn her to her stomach every night when we were kids." Yawning, he continued, "She normally wears some weird nose thing now."

"Ah, she must have forgotten. She let me sleep in her bed."

He nodded slightly, like it was expected.

Edward rubbed his hands on his pajama pants, like they were covered in sweat. He smiled shyly at me. "We haven't really had a chance to talk."

I bit my lip. I should have known this was coming. "Yeah, it's been a bit hectic."

"With the trip to the emergency room, our talk, and then your mom showing up," he said quietly, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair.

"How are you doing?" I asked. This was a lot to take in; I knew that more than anyone.

"Eh." He shrugged his shoulders. "I've pinched myself to make sure I haven't gone crazy."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, been there, done that."

His eyes widened, suddenly unsure with himself. "Bella, I don't mean to belittle it all, but the past few days have been a rollercoaster. You know?"

I nodded, reassuring him. "I get it. Edward, if you need time, a break, whatever. I wouldn't think less of you for it."

He glared at me. "That's not what I meant. You're stuck with me. Like I'm sure you're stuck with my overly peppy sister. And Emmett now—you know, he's been texting me all night, asking questions."

"Oh, I didn't." I paused a moment. Emmett asking questions, that should be interesting.

"Then what did you mean?"

He threw up his hands in exasperation. "Nothing, I dunno, thought you'd want to know what I'm thinking."

"O-kay. Gotcha." I pursed my lips and tried not to laugh. Poor guy.

"Anyway," he rolled his eyes, "what really happened with your mom? Why doesn't she believe you? All you told me last night was that the evidence disappeared," his voice hardened, ominous, "and no one believed your claims."

Mom. Renee. Mom.

I logically knew why she didn't believe me.

"Well, I didn't deal well… afterwards." I sneaked a look at his face, lightened by the moon and street lights pouring in the window. The shadows moved as his face changed. "I was having nightmares and flashbacks."

I shook my head and impulsively grabbed his hand to ward away the memories.

"I refused to talk about it for weeks. The only information that she had was from the so-called witnesses and from the mugger's confession." I used my fingers to quote "mugger."

I then ran my fingers through my long hair pushing the loose strands out of my eyes. "I thought he would hurt me if I told."

Edward growled, squeezing my hand, "That little fucker."

I squeezed back. "Once I finally told her, she thought I was, I don't know, causing a scene?"

"How can someone not believe their own child? Even though you did wait, why didn't she see it for what it was? An elaborate ruse to get you to keep quiet!" His voice was rising with each word.

"Shh... we don't want to wake anyone up," I reminded.

"I just don't get it…" He moved closer, releasing our hands to place his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"Me neither."

I inhaled deeply. I could've stayed there forever.

"So how are you doing? With her showing up and everything?" he mumbled, his breath hot on my forehead. Edward's thumb methodically began rubbing my arm in slow even circles.

I snorted. "I'm great." My face scrunched up remembering. "Except for the dang crutches. I'm probably going to fall over and break something because of them!"

His brow furrowed. "Bella."

I pulled away from him so I could look him in the face, as much as the semi-darkness would allow me to see.

"I'm doing really good actually." I smiled. I set both hands on my belly. "In the midst of all this psycho craziness, I received some good news. Dr. Sullivan told me last night, but it was confirmed this morning."

"News?" he asked.

I smiled secretively at him. "Yeah. Only Alice knows, and I'm sure she's bursting at the seams." I leaned forward. "I found out…" I quickly looked around the dark room, then pointed at my baby bump. "There is a little girl in here."

My smile threatened to rip open my face.

Edward's eyebrows rose almost up to his hairline. "Wow, really? Congratulations!" He hugged me tightly to his chest, and I breathed deeply of his manly musk.

We stayed that way, his arms tight around me. "It's all so wild. It feels so real. Not just a bunch of nightmares and an uncertain future."

"I'm really happy for you, Bella."

Silently we sat. I contemplated all we discussed and the impending future. It was all changing, and more change was on the way. Nothing would ever be the same, but I had the best consolation prize.

"For what it's worth, I think you're gonna be a great mom," he whispered before he kissed my head.

He was so comfortable. He was warm. I felt safe. I couldn't help it but my eyes refused to stay open and I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

OoOoOoOo

We woke up the next morning with the sun in our eyes. Fortunately, we woke up before the rest of the house. The Cullens were great, but I was pretty sure no matter how much they liked me, they wouldn't really like their teenage son with a bright prospective future sleeping with the pregnant girl on the couch, even if it was just sleeping.

_Just sleeping means something, right?_ I hoped that just sleeping meant something. And really prolonged hugging, and kisses on the head.

Because my lady parts just buzzed at the thought of more than just forehead kissing. Like real kissing… it gave me tingles all over.

Surprisingly, waking up in each others arms wasn't awkward. It felt normal, right. Though we had only slept for a few hours before the sun woke us, I slept better than I had in a week, ever since the nightmares returned.

While I was going through my morning routine I got a text from Charlie asking for my presence at breakfast. He'd promised Renee that we would talk before she left. She already had a flight at noon to return to Washington.

I groaned the moment I read it. I had no desire to talk to her, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I texted him back hoping I could just talk to her on the phone, but it was a no-go. We had to do it face-to-face.

Alice popped her head into the bathroom, "What's up?"

I balefully looked at her reflection in the mirror and held up my phone. "I have to go home for breakfast. Renee wants to talk to me." I returned to brushing my teeth.

Alice's face clouded over. "That bitch. Can I have my chance?"

Confused, I asked her through a mouthful of toothpaste, "Chance for what?"

She walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her and sat on the toilet seat. "To tell her off," she said like it was obvious. "Edward got his turn yesterday. It's only fair, as your best friend, that I get a chance too!"

That was great yesterday. I wished I had a picture or video of Edward giving Renee a piece of his mind. I didn't even care that he was being all overprotective and macho. In fact, thinking about it really turned me on. But if anyone was going to let Renee have it, it was definitely my turn. I was the one who suffered when she refused to believe me. I should have spoken sooner, but I was her daughter. She owed it to me.

I spit my toothpaste into the sink. "If it's anyone's chance, it's mine. You can have next time."

Alice held her pinky finger out at me as fierce as she could in Hello, Kitty pj's. "I'm holding you to that."

I hooked my pinky with hers, solemnly promising the most sacred pinky-swear vow. I'd love to see Renee's face when the munchkin took her down. I kinda hoped that Alice literally tackled her.

OoOoOoOo

"_Izzy!" Bree screeched across the Forks High hallway. "Oh, my gosh. We so have to talk!" _

_I hid my face in my locker wishing that everyone would stop staring. Her yelling had called everyone's attention to her… and me. I had enough attention to last a lifetime. _

_The whispers and snickers followed me everywhere I went. I was surprised that Bree was actually speaking to me. I never knew what day she'd treat me like a pariah and when she'd be friendly. Either she wanted something or she'd been sent by Jimmy. _

_I'd had enough of that creep. I'd wasted enough time in the last two years with him. _

_Every time I'd seen him, a vision of that redhead moaning and his banging into her in the janitor's closet blasted into my sight. Who knew high schoolers used the janitor's closet for sex? I'd thought it was an urban myth._

"_Izzy! Are you coming to Mary Jackson's?" Bree said loudly enough for the entire student body to hear. She looked around, tossing her hair over each shoulder. _

"_Uh," I mumbled so only she could hear. "I don't think that's such a good idea." _

"_But it's going to be so much fun!" Bree announced to the whole hall again. I was getting truly annoyed with her need to be the center of attention. Why couldn't she go be the center of attention somewhere else?_

"_Yeah, but you know that isn't my kind of fun," I rushed, trying to quiet her down. _

"_But Izzy!" she whined. _

_I grabbed her arm, slamming my locker shut and pulled her into the closest classroom. Fortunately, it was empty. _

_I dropped her arm, furious. "What the hell are you doing, Bree? Do you think going to a party is going to make things better? Do you even know what it's like for me now?"_

_Bree's face fell and she twisted her hands nervously. "You can't go, Iz."_

"_What?" I asked incredulously. _

_She turned around peeking through the little window in the classroom door making sure no one was eavesdropping. "Jimmy's more pissed than normal." _

_She came over to me, looking up into my face with her dark hazel eyes. "You haven't been returning his calls, and he's been going on and on to everyone. It's probably why they've been worse to you than normal."_

"_Yeah, thanks for that." I rolled my eyes. The heads up would have been better a week ago when Jackie Patrisch decided to dump her entire lunch on my new jeans. _

"_I'm not planning on going anyway, Bree. I have no desire to be around Jimmy more than I have to. He can have his red-haired bimbo and bang her all he wants." _

_I pushed past her, tired with the drama. She grabbed my arm stopping me. "You can't go, Iz. Promise me you won't."_

_Pissed, I yanked back my hand. "Why do you care? You've made it clear where your loyalties lie."_

_Bree scowled. "Fine. I was just trying to help." _

"_Well, don't. I don't need anyone's help," I said angrily before opening the door and slamming it behind me. The kids in the hall all looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head. _

Great, just what I need.

_I turned to go to class, but not before some freshman bumped into me making me drop everything. By then Bree had exited the classroom, she looked down at me picking my stuff off the ground, daintily stepped over, and walked away without a second glance. _

So much for best friends forever.

OoOoOoOo

The talk was not going well. I really hoped that Renee's genes would not be passed down to my daughter. In fact I hoped that none of Jimmy's genes would be passed down either. I sighed. It wasn't her fault who her father was. Just like it wasn't my fault who my mother was.

Renee glared at me. My sigh must have been much louder than I thought.

I couldn't yell at her. I couldn't make myself hurt her like she hurt me. I wanted to, but I just couldn't do it.

"Mom, for the last time, I am not going back to Forks with you. I have a home here. I have friends, a support system. I don't have any of that in Forks."

"But you have me!" she whined.

"You don't believe me. You've been manipulated by that bastard like everyone else. I will not bring a child into that world. I got out, and I don't ever plan to come back."

"Isabella, how could you do this to me? I am your mother."

I rolled my eyes looking to Charlie for help. We'd been going back and forth explaining to her that I wasn't coming home.

I'd even gone as far as trying to explain to her one more time what happened that night, showing her how wrong everything was, and why I couldn't come back. Poor Charlie had to excuse himself to get collected.

I was past begging her. I only had one last request.

"I'm sorry, Mom. But no matter what you say it isn't going to happen." I reached for her hands, hoping to force some kind of connection. "Please don't tell Jimmy anything. Stay away from him. He isn't safe."

Renee pouted, refusing to agree to anything when she wasn't getting her way. I could only hope that she would follow this one request and rest in the fact that Charlie would keep me safe.

OoOoOoOo

After Renee left, life went on as normal. Well, as normal as possible for a pregnant girl and her overbearing friends. Edward was protective enough. But it was just funny how Emmett felt the need to coddle me in everything I did.

I couldn't carry my books to class or my empty lunch tray to the trash. I barely had to avoid the male population because Emmett forced them to give me a wide berth. I literally had a three-foot wide diameter on my way to class. The only time I felt normal was walking with Angela to Pre-Calc.

I hadn't told her anything. We would shrug off the idiot boys in the courtyard and carry on our merry way just like we did that first day. I did get a few inquisitive looks over Edward's and Emmett's attentive behavior, but more than anything she thought it was funny.

I still had homework and grocery shopping. I still had to avoid the skank brigade in the bathroom. Edward wouldn't let me go pee without Alice. Ironically, Ali was surprisingly chill about it all. She looked out for me but didn't feel the need to do everything for me. Now that she wasn't the only one who knew, I could tell that a lot of the pressure to make sure I was okay was off her shoulders.

I wasn't a complete invalid. It was nice of her to let me act normal.

On Thursday, Edward took me to my very first therapy appointment. Dr. Young was very professional if rather brusque. I couldn't tell if she liked me or not. Dr. Sullivan from the Sedona hospital recommended her so I knew I should make an effort. Plus I'd promised my new OB/GYN to get help for my baby if not for myself. I would have enough hardships as a single teenage mother without the PTSD.

Edward dropped me off promising to pick me up in an hour when my session was over. He gave me his lopsided smile and squeezed my hand before I hobbled out of the car. I was still on those damn crutches.

I expected a chaise lounge like the doctor in Port Angeles. I thought she would want me to pour out my story yet again so that she would have the details that no real file could give her.

Instead she asked about school, Charlie, and my friends. She asked about my plans for the baby.

I couldn't help but talk with my hands as I explained the shopping trip that Ali and I had planned for this weekend. We were going to go looking at Ikea for the furniture we'd need. Charlie had promised to clear out his "office" that collected clutter more than provided a space for him to work. If he ever worked at home he spread it over the dining room table. Emmett and Jazz were going to help him clean out the room.

She arched her left eyebrow. "It sounds like you have plans."

I nodded, suddenly shy.

"How does the father figure into your plans?"

"The father? You mean the rapist?"

She smiled sardonically, "It sounds like you have no illusions about the truth."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, not a problem. I get to relive it every night."

"So you're not sleeping well."

I scoffed, "That's an understatement. I've woken up Charlie every night with the screaming. Which sucks because he can't even shake me awake."

"Your aversion to touch even applies to your father? Why do you think that is?" She jotted a few notes down on a pad of paper she had written on occasionally in our time together. I wondered if she was actually taking notes or just doodling.

"The only time he touched me, I was sent back under."

"Under? Interesting word choice."

I cocked my head. I felt like we were all over the place.

Dr. Young set her notebook on the side table, taking off her oval glasses and lying them on top. "All right, we've gotten off to a good start. You know that you have some PTSD to cope with and you have a raise a baby. What I'd like you to do for next time is come up with a plan for the next time you meet Jimmy, because whether you like it or not you will be seeing him eventually."

I looked at her with honest shock. "What?"

Dr. Young clasped her hands together seriously. "Since you plan to keep the child you will eventually have to see him for custody proceedings and child support hearings. Since the rape charges haven't stuck and the father is a prominent member of his community there could be a very fierce fight if he wants the child."

_Well, firetruck._

Getting into Edward's waiting Volvo, I was still struck silent in shock. He leaned over, gently taking my hand in his. I stared forward at the road moving past us, the brown ground and intermittent fruit trees flying past.

"How'd it go?"

"I don't know."

"Hmm," he grunted.

"Yeah."

"She's kinda manly," I continued. "If she wants to make me butch… stop me."

He laughed. "You haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Uh…" I snorted, "I guess not."

Edward's fingers tapped on the steering wheel. "I've been wanting to ask you…"

"Yeah?" I turned to him, squinting my eyes. Inside, I was squealing. _Oh my gosh. Is he? He is, isn't he? Bad Bella, don't wish that! You'll only get your hopes up. He's your friend… who holds you, lets you sleep in his arms, and kisses your head. And O, almost kisses you during the sunset on a Sedona plateau. _

Mumbling from Edward's direction didn't make it as words to my ears.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" he repeated.

My cheeks heated, "Yeah, I am."

"You wanna hang out? Ali might have told you but we're hanging at Emmett's"

_Dang it. _

"Sure, that sound's great." I forced more enthusiasm into my voice than I felt.

I sat back in the seat and let my eyes glaze over as the outside world rushed by. My life was becoming a pop song or one of those really long and drawn out country songs. I was a mess but it was high time to put it to rights.

Edward would be here for me. I wasn't sure if it would be in the capacity I wanted but we'd cross that bridge when we got to it.

Ali, Emmett, and even my Dad were on my side. They couldn't be manipulated by Renee or Jimmy or anyone else. Like Edward said, I was stuck with them.

As for Jimmy, over my dead body would he come near my baby girl. She was mine.

* * *

**Now is the time...**

**Rec's**

**Let Love in by KekahJ **Really great flip-flop. Twilighted.  
**Summary: Edward and his parents move to Forks from Chicago. Bella is the elusive girl in Edward's biology class that he can't seem to get close to. She's beautiful, but there's something about her that he can't put his finger on.**

**The Unexpected Lady by JosieSwan** I've always been E/B all the way, but this unique Austen-esque Fic of Bella/Carlisle has me dying to see how they change the future. Twilighted.  
**Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, a wish sends Bella to Jane Austen's England, where she meets a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen, whose control is not what it was in 2010. Knowing his secret, will she be the end to his loneliness?**


	23. Choosing

**A/N: I have the best readers in the entire world. Your reviews always bring a smile to my face. That said... don't hate me too much. I had a very specific plan for this chapter... and then it didn't happen. Just remember to breathe, and that I adore you. **

**Thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83! They deserve all the credit for anything that is readable. *loves***

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** There is language in this chapter! Sorry, it couldn't be helped!  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-three: Choosing

"_Hey." _

"_Hey back," I sighed. I glanced up through my lashes, feeling the blush spread across my face and down my chest. Trying to hide, I let my hair fall forward into my face. Edward tucked it behind my ear and palmed my face, forcing me to look in his eyes. _

_The magnetism I felt around him flared. It was like the burning of a fire that was always there, but when you threw on new kindling it brightened, blinding all eyes looking. His gaze blinded me. He gave me tunnel vision; I couldn't focus on anything other than his penetrating emerald eyes. _

_I'd asked him once if they were fake. He rolled his eyes and told me that yeah, they were glass, and that he actually had superhuman hearing and smell to make up for the lack of sight. That was the end of our conversation. Dingbat. _

_It seemed so unreal that he could undo me with a single glance. Talk about timing, if only I had met him when I was whole. I could feel deserving of that look he gave me, that told the world I was the only thing existed. I was pretty sure that I looked at him the same way. _

_He rubbed his thumb against my cheek bone. My eyes moved away from his taking in his entire face. There were crinkles around his eyes, telltale signs of his amusement. I hoped I hadn't been drooling. Edward's lips were curved up into a half smile, his cheek raised sardonically. _

_He moved his hand back into my hair. "Don't hide from me," he whispered. _

_I shook my head. "I can't. I've tried, and I can't." _

_He chuckled. "I don't know what it is about you." _

"_My sparkling personality." I flirted. "Oh, and my unbeatable charm." I leaned a little closer to him so that our mouths were only inches apart. _

_He smiled, teeth peeking out from behind his lips. "I thought charm was what drew you to me." His eyes flickered between mine and my lips, which hovered so close I could taste the tic-tac he'd eaten a few minutes ago. _

_I minutely shook my head, forcing my hair back over my shoulders. "Nah, it was your body." I raised my eyebrows. "Glistening sweat." I moaned lightly, watching him closely through hooded eyes._

_Edward's pupils dilated, and he perceptibly licked his lips. Now it was my turn to frantically decide whether to stare at his green glass eyes darkened in desire or his moistened lips. _

_He didn't make me choose. _

_Edward wrapped his hands in my hair closing those inches between our mouths. My eyes immediately closed, overwhelmed with the stimuli. His lips were soft yet firm. They moved against mine instinctively, pulling my bottom lip between his and chewing on it gently. _

_I gasped for breath, only to grip his shirt and pull him in for more. This time I slipped my tongue through to teasingly touch his bottom lip, flicking it once, twice. _

_Deep within Edward's chest a growl murmured across our locked lips, making them vibrate, and me moan. _

_I'd never been kissed like this before. I'd never enjoyed kissing like this before. The idea of saliva from his mouth pouring into mine always grossed me out, and made me feel like I was drowning. But not with Edward. He kissed me again, gently seeking entrance, and I eagerly allowed him to explore. _

_I could have kissed him forever. _

"_Iz," a voice from my nightmares interrupted what had to be the best moment of my life. I cut our kiss short, but instead of turning around to find the source of the voice I gripped Edward's shirt harder and silently pleaded with him. _

_Edward's arms did not tighten around me as I expected, but slackened, falling loosely to his sides. His face went blank, eyes dull, flush dissipated from his face. _

"_Edward?" My voiced raised in pitch. I shook him, trying to wake him up; it was like he wasn't even there. "Edward, please, Edward! I need you. Please." I trailed off, broken. _

"_Iz, don't worry, I'm here." He tried to sound gentle, but I could hear the steel behind his comforting words. _

_I shakily let go of Edward's shirt, but not before smoothing out the wrinkles I had created. I brushed away tears I didn't even know had fallen and slowly turned. _

_I found him standing there. His broad shoulders were hunched over a little bundle he held in his arms. He looked up at me, condescendingly smiling. Every strand of his stupid, perfect hair was in place, and his eyes blazed maniacally blue. The very look of him turned my stomach. He tilted his arms so I could see what he was holding. _

_Wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket was a sleeping baby girl. She had dark curls framing her face, hair too long for such a small baby. One fist was scrunched against her face and she gave a delightful sigh. _

_Confused, I looked back and forth between him and the baby. How was it possible?_

_I placed my hands on my middle, only to find it flat and smooth, like it had always been. I started to breathe quickly, realizing who he was holding in his arms. _

"_What's going on?"_

_He cocked his head. "Don't you know?"_

_I shook my head, trying to connect the dots. "But you don't even know. How could you? Did Renee tell you? Did your father bribe the doctors?"_

"_Isabella, I always know." He winked. _

_I forced back the nausea. "Give her to me. Now!" I reached for my daughter, desperate to hold her myself, to keep her safe in my arms. _

_He smiled softly, shaking his head. "Silly Isabella, don't you know that you have to choose?"_

"_What? Choose what? Give me my baby." _

"_Between her and Edward, of course. You didn't think you could actually have both, right?" He laughed, deep and long. As if anything good in my life was just as ridiculous as my past had been. As if I could make anything last. _

_Tears coursed down my face. I watched as my baby began to get restless in his arms. He began to bounce, but it only made her cry. Behind me Edward had woken up. _

"_Bella? Bella? What's going on? What is he doing here?" Edward reached for me. _

_My baby continued to cry as her captor stopped trying to comfort her, and stood still, maliciously smiling at my predicament. _

"_You can't have both, Iz." He laughed. _

I shot up straight in bed, a scream dying on my lips. I wrapped my arms around my body, happy to find my round belly and a shifting baby inside. I swung my legs over the bed, resting my elbows on my knees as well as I could. A sob shuddered in my chest, and I breathed quickly, trying to keep it away. It didn't help. My body shook with the contained sobs until I couldn't hold them in any longer.

Fortunately, Charlie didn't come running to the rescue; he must have been at work. I wiped my face on the edge of my raggedy sweatshirt and used a tissue from my nightstand to blow my nose. With a pathetic sigh I stood up, wobbling. I hopped on one foot to my crutches resting against my desk.

I hobbled to the kitchen and got a glass of water. I lifted the cool glass against my forehead and considered the dream.

_What the hell was that? _

It started off like the previous evening. Edward had driven me home from the therapist's office. As he helped me out of the vehicle he said the same things in the dream, same actions too… except the mind blowing kiss.

I had wanted to, but I was too chicken. We needed to talk about… the implications of being with me. I didn't even know what it would mean. So I had no idea what he would think it meant.

But I wanted to. So, badly. And I think he did too. But he was just as chicken shit as me.

Instead he took me up to the door and hugged me goodnight.

The dream was way better… until it wasn't. Why would I need to choose? Edward had told me that he would stick through it all with me. He knew that I wanted to keep the baby. He was supportive. Or maybe that was why he didn't kiss me. I was going to be a mother. I had baggage, literally, that would come with me everywhere I went.

Maybe I did have to choose. If I chose her, I would lose him. If I chose him, I would lose her.

I shook my head, disgusted with myself. I dumped my water into the sink and let the glass clatter sharply. I crossed the kitchen and began to pull ingredients out of the pantry and fridge.

There was no choice. It would always be her. If I had to make a choice, she would be it.

I spent the rest of the wee hours of the morning making muffins. It took my mind away from the nightmare and the other possibilities it had risen. The therapist was right. I had to figure out how to deal with Jimmy. I would see him eventually. And I didn't know how he'd react.

I had no idea what to do. So I avoided it. _You should try it, it works._ By the time I needed to get ready for school I had batches of blueberry, cinnamon, cranberry nut, and applesauce muffins. I hoped that the boys were hungry. Who was I kidding? They were always hungry.

OoOoOoOo

Walking down the hallway I jumped at every inconsequential thing. Any time I heard a male voice aimed in my direction I looked frantically for its owner.

I took a deep breath as my head was leaning into my locker. Emmett looked worried, and my jumpiness was making Edward tense. Well, tenser than usual.

Emmett was waiting patiently to escort me to our next class. Government had been more boring than usual; I couldn't find it in me to focus. Normally I was so studious. Maybe it was the baby hormones. I heard it makes women go crazy.

Emmett tapped impatiently against the locker. "Bells, what's going on?"

"What'd ya mean?" I handed him my books, keeping my hands out of touching range.

He raised an eyebrow. "You know what I mean, Baby Bell. I'm worried that Edward's going to go prematurely bald."

I snickered. "I've been worrying about that for a while."

Someone a few lockers down laughed deeply and slammed his locker. I flinched, pulling back so much that I almost tripped over my crutches. Emmett tried to put his hands out to balance me, which just made me pull back further.

Two arms came from behind, setting me back on my feet. I turned, surprised to find Rose smirking. "You're welcome," she said.

"Thanks."

She waved me off. "No problem, B. Plus it's not like Em's much of a help anyway." Rose smiled at Emmett and winked. I giggled as the tips of Emmett's ears went red.

From what I learned from Ali, despite the craziness of last Saturday, Emmett's and Rose's date went off without a hitch, thanks to Alice, of course. He had taken her for dinner, then a walk through the Phoenix Zoo. Supposedly Emmett started doing his best impressions of all the animals. I wasn't surprised.

They walked behind me as I gimped to class. I looked over my shoulder a few times to see them giving googly-eyes at each other. I was glad Rose saved me from falling and from explaining my fidgetiness. Plus it was exceedingly amusing to watch them in their mating dance. It was better than watching _Nature_ on PBS.

Edward picked me up after Spanish, letting Emmett dash off down the hall to carry Rose's books instead of mine. Edward gently put his hand on my back, whispering in my ear, "Hey, beautiful."

I smiled. "Hey, yourself." My eyes dropped to his lips remembering the good part of my dream.

"You ready for lunch?" His eyes twinkled.

"Goodness, yes. I could eat a whole horse."

"Well, we must not keep a ravenous Bella waiting."

"Heck yes." I laughed. A familiar feeling settled in my gut. "But we must make a pit stop first."

Edward's eyes tightened. "Can you wait for Alice?"

I rolled my eyes. His protectiveness, especially during my bathroom breaks was getting a little over the top. "Edward, this bladder waits for no one."

"Fine," he replied as if he was giving me permission to pee on my own.

"Oh thanks," I remarked sarcastically.

I took care of my business quickly, because no matter how much bravado I put on for Edward, getting cornered in the bathroom really did make me nervous. And nervous made me stressed which was not good for the baby. I hadn't been stopped by the skanks since the beginning of last week. It had gotten too quiet, in fact.

As I was washing my hands, a nasally voice squeaked behind me, "Bella, Bella Swan? How is our resident marshmallow?"

Repeat insults? _Come on._

"I don't know, how is the resident ho bag?" I looked up in the mirror to find Jessica Stanley with a furious look on her face.

"Look here, you… you…"

"Yes?" I asked.

"Argg!" she whined.

I laughed. "That's right." I took my time drying my hands. It was only fair to give her a little time; she obviously needed it. Thinking was a bit harder for some people, plus she didn't have Lauren here to give her cues.

Finally, Jess raised one bony "Jersey Shore" style manicured nail and threatened, "Just you wait. You think you can come in here and act better than us. Steal Edward? I hope you get knocked up like she did, and then have him force you to _take care_ of it yourself! You think he's all perfect." She cackled.

"Why do you want him then?" I was honestly curious, not taking her bashing of Edward seriously.

"Because he was ours next! Victoria gave him to us. You have no right to take what's ours!"

I shook my head, trying to follow her logic. "You don't own him."

She huffed and flipped her hair over one shoulder. My comment didn't even seem to register with her.

I tried again. "Jessica, you and Lauren don't own Edward. Another girl can't just pass him to you like a…" I searched for a relatable term, "a designer purse!"

She scoffed, "As if we'd ever take a used purse!"

I rolled my eyes. She was truly an imbecile. How she ever made it to the twelfth grade was a wonder. What, teachers didn't want to have her in their class again so passed her to save themselves? It was a mar on humanity that she would be loose in the world in less than a year.

"You think you're so smart. I bet you don't know what Edward did! He'll drop you eventually. He always does."

She laughed as she left me standing in the bathroom.

I'd been dreaming, fantasizing about this boy. We needed to talk. I couldn't keep getting more hints from skanks like Jessica. She was just trying to ruin what we had.

I exited the bathroom to find a very worried Edward waiting impatiently. His leg was bouncing a mile a minute.

"I saw Jessica leave. I was a second from coming in and checking on you."

I smiled wanly. "I'm fine. She's all bark and no bite."

His eyebrows creased. "What'd she say?" He put his arm around my shoulder and anxiously rubbed circles into my back.

"Just some stuff about you." I shrugged. "And that Lauren has 'plans.'"

"What about me?" He looked more upset than I expected.

"About last year." His eyes darkened. "But let's not talk about this now, 'kay? Too many other ears."

He looked like he was going to argue but finally nodded in agreement. His voice was still hard, but he was trying. "Let's go get you some food."

OoOoOoOo

"Hey," a deep voice croaked next to my ear. I immediately flinched away, bumping my stomach into the edge of the lab table.

I cringed and rubbed the ache away.

"How's it been, Bella?"

I turned to find Mike Newton leering at me. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin; I'd never realized just how much he sounded like Jimmy. It was like all dickheads had the same intonation when they were trying to act seductively.

I took a calming breath and steadied myself with the memory of our last encounter. You'd think he'd be more cautious.

"Really, Mike?" I asked, seemingly nonchalant.

I returned to the experiment Edward and I had started. The only reason Mike had gotten even close to me was because Edward had been called down to the office. He couldn't tell me why before he left… or wouldn't.

"Aw, you know, honey. It never hurts to try."

I snorted. "As I recall it hurt a lot last time."

He winced and lifted his hands in surrender. "I just thought I'd warn you."

I shook my head in confusion. He'd barely talked to me since I wailed on his junk, but now that I was bodyguard-free he was "warning" me? _What the heck?_

"I know you're new here," he started, leaning his back on the table and turning just his head to look at me, "so you probably don't know what you're getting into."

"Getting into? Just spit it out, Mike," I snapped. Class or no class I was this close to taking him down again with my crutches just to spite him.

"I couldn't help but notice how much attention Cullen gives you."

"Yeah, so what?" I replied.

"He's just not who you think he is," he smirked. "You're too good for him."

"Mike, you don't even know me." I stopped listening to him. He was just a bunch of bull. Baby girl took this opportunity to aim a swift kick at my ribs; I softly let out a breath and then reached back for my chair to sit down.

Mike took this as a chance to get closer to me, grabbing Edward's chair and swiveling it around to sit on it backwards. "Last year there was a lot of stuff going around… about Edward, Victoria, and Diego. There was something kinky going on." He raised his hands. "I'm no hater, but there was something not right. Now Vicki was a great girl." He chuckled to himself. "She had this rack… but it was just weird how Cullen was with her. It was like he owned her or something."

I crossed my arms, unwilling to let the million questions I suddenly had slide out of my mouth. This was the second time today that someone had said something about Edward. I couldn't imagine Edward acting like he owned another person, not like Jimmy had acted like he owned me…

He had been acting extremely protective ever since I told him about the baby. But that was because of the baby and the flashbacks. He would never treat me like that.

Mike was just being a tool, as per usual.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Edward growled at Mike as he reentered the room. Mike straightened up, glaring at Edward. "Get the hell away from her, Newton." He sounded dangerous.

My eyes widened as I watched Mike straighten up and glare at Edward. Mike replied, "Or what, Cullen?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest like Edward wasn't a threat and there would be no reason to keep his hands free.

Edward took it as a challenge and barged forward, shoving Mike away from our table.

"What the—" Mike cursed. He instantly gripped Edward's shoulders, trying to shove him.

Mr. Molina, our Med Bio teacher, finally noticed what was going on. "Boys! That's enough! Stop this nonsense right now!" He hollered over the commotion that had risen.

Edward pulled Mike into a head lock. "You keep your fucking hands away from her. Do you hear me, you motherfucker?" Edward began to tighten his hold on Mike's head.

"Edward!" I finally found my voice. "Let go of him!"

He didn't hear me, too focused on holding onto Mike.

"Gentlemen, I said that's enough!" the teacher yelled again. "To the principal's office, right now!"

His threats didn't have any effect on Edward who was still holding an ashen Mike down. Edward roughly shook him. "You keep your fucking eyes off her! If I ever hear of you going near her again—"

"Edward!" I yelled over the din of chaos. "Stop it right now!"

He was deaf to my pleas. Mike was beginning to look a little blue. I couldn't think of what to do. So I didn't think. I limped through the crowd of students who had gathered and socked Edward in the jaw as hard as I could.

Edward dropped Mike to the floor, who lay wheezing. "Shit!" He palmed his face rubbing it, and then looked up at me with shocked eyes.

I shook my hand, which had gone numb on impact; I hope that meant I hit him hard. I turned hard eyes to his. "What the hell, Edward!"

"Bella, I'm so sorry." He looked frantically from Mike still lying on the floor to the dozens of students standing around gawking, to the teacher hysterical on the phone. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"Didn't know what you were doing! Didn't know what you were doing?" I screeched. I could see his jaw beginning to swell. _Good, serves him right!_ I hoped the bruise was colorful. "He was just talking to me! He wasn't even coming on to me!"

"I was just trying to protect you." Both hands had gone to his hair, and he was tugging on it harder than normal.

"I don't need you or anyone else to protect me! I'm capable of taking care of myself." I glared.

He snorted. "Yeah, sure. When you flinch at every sound and whimper when a boy comes near."

I pointed my finger at him, jabbing him in the chest. "You have no right. You have no idea what I've been through."

He growled at me and my dismissal of his protection. "You need me. Your baby needs me. How do you expect to protect her? You're beyond screwed up! You're never going to be able to do this!"

I gasped.

There was an echo.

I looked around to find the entire class no longer staring at Edward or Mike, the pansy who was still on the floor. All eyes flickered between my face and my belly. I watched the pity form on some faces and disgust on others. Two wannabe skank brigade girls looked gleeful. They didn't bother to hide their beaming faces.

I turned back to Edward. I could only imagine the look on my face. I felt utterly betrayed—by the one person who I thought always had my back. He looked repentant over his slip. His eyes tried to plead; I could see his remorse. I knew he didn't mean it, but it was too late. I had been warned.

I mustered an ounce of anger. I couldn't walk out of here crushed and defeated. I had to stand on my own.

I slowly annunciated each word, "I. Don't. Need. You."

He reached for me, "But Bella..."

"Don't touch me!" I snapped.

His hand pulled back as if I had burned him. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean it…" His voice cracked.

He was sorry. _Good_.

I looked around at the silent yet judging eyes of my classmates. I stared them down, daring them to say something. Even the skanks knew better than to start something. I reached out, "Crutches, please."

A girl whose name I didn't know scurried over to my lab table and returned with my crutches. I could only see sympathy in her eyes. Her gaze dropped to the floor when she reached me. I took my crutches, and she stepped back unwilling to be associated with the crazy pregnant girl.

Suddenly everyone's eyes were looking everywhere but at me. I groaned internally. They weren't a very liberated bunch. Didn't anyone see _Juno_?

I began to hobble through the crowd, ignoring the emerging throb in my hand. Edward called to me. "Bella, please, I'm so sorry."

I didn't look back. "Fuck you, Edward."

OoOoOoOo

I was petulant for the rest of the day. I refused to meet the questioning stares that had already started. A good rumor is like wildfire. It spreads far and wide in the blink of an eye.

Jasper was good company. He didn't ask about the less than subtle whispers and stares. He grunted his normal hello, passed me an extra contraband juice box and continued with his latest historical journal.

I sat and stewed. _How could Edward act so rashly? What didn't I know about him? What did I know about him?_ He told me that he had a girlfriend last year who used him and continued to date her old boyfriend behind her family's and his back. She also used him to cheat. There was so much I didn't know. And I'd placed so much trust in him—all because of some stupid "soul mate" connection. What a laugh! I was a fool.

I placed my right hand on the table stretching and fisting it repeatedly. I hoped I hadn't broken something. My pointer and middle fingers were swollen twice their size and a dark bruise had already emerged on my top knuckles. I had to give my dad credit; I knew how to throw a punch… when I was sober at least.

I didn't even notice when Jasper left and returned with a bag of crushed ice from the athletic office. They were the only ones who could make such perfect crushed ice. I murmured my thanks.

Unfortunately I didn't have to stay long in study hall before I was summoned to the office. Jasper carried my books and ice as I careened even worse than usual down the hallway. My hand felt like it was split open and hot lava was being poured on it. _I'm pregnant. I have the right to be dramatic._ And now that everyone knew, I didn't have to hide it.

I found Mike and Edward sitting in the uncomfortable chairs in the office. I chose the vacant one furthest from both of them. Jasper was an angel from heaven and insisted on staying. There wasn't actually a conversation, but he gave me one look and I knew not to argue.

Edward looked broken. His head was in his hands. He kept trying to sneak peeks at me, but I refused to look at him.

Mr. Banner exited his office wearing an expression that was probably supposed to put the fear of God in naughty students. I had to hold in a snicker. For some reason it seemed to work on Mike because he shrank down in his chair, trying to look invisible. I did actually snicker when I saw that.

At my laugh Edward caught my eyes, hopeful. I looked away, unable to bear the guilt I saw staring back at me. He could look guilty all he wanted. He was the idiot who started a fight because Mike was talking to me. He was the traitor who betrayed me.

"Isabella." Mr. Banner turned his naughty child look on me. "Could I please speak with you first?"

"Fine." I gritted my teeth. The sooner this was over the sooner I could escape Edward and his sorry eyes.

Mr. Banner ushered me into his office. I sat in the chair closest to the door. I didn't want to be closer to the perv anymore than I needed to, but then again it wasn't like I could remove myself at a reliable speed. I laughed internally. I could just yell and Edward would probably beat up the vice principal too.

I watched as Mr. Banner carefully arranged himself, folding his hands neatly on the desk and staring down his nose at me, like it was intimidating. I bet he practiced in the mirror.

"Isabella, we've called your father. I'll be speaking with him when he picks you up."

I opened my mouth, "What?"

"We don't appreciate fighting at Sierra Valley."

I shook my head incredulously. "I wasn't fighting! It was those two rejects!" I thumbed the door behind me.

"I have several eyewitnesses that you are the reason for the bruise on Mr. Cullen's jaw."

"But—" I interjected.

"We have a no tolerance policy. There will be serious consequences."

I threw up my hands in frustration. "Great. Just what I need."

"I don't need any attitude from you, young lady." He narrowed his eyes at me.

I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw. _Fan-fricking-tastic_. I waited silently for whatever else he wanted to say. I knew he wanted to say more; he liked the sound of his own voice and he probably wanted some quality time to leer.

He looked down at a piece of paper on his desk like he was reading from a script. "You'll be serving detention for the next month every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with Mr. Molina. From what he tells me this entire debacle is due to you. We don't appreciate encouraging fights, let alone any fighting over another student." He checked off a few items on his paper, then looked up, giving me a creepy smile. Major creeper.

"Fine. Am I free to go?" I replied evenly, betraying no emotions.

"Please wait in the office until your father arrives. I would like to speak with him before you leave."

I returned to the holding area, the disgust evident in my expression. Edward looked at me expectantly. I refused to meet his gaze. It was all his fucking fault. All I was trying to do was keep him from killing Mike. Mike was a tool, but he didn't deserve that.

"Bella, please—" Edward begged.

"Shut up, Edward."

Mr. Banner cut in before Edward could say anything more. "Mr. Cullen, Mr. Newton, my office now, please."

Edward got up, his shoulders hunched and followed Mike into the den of ill repute—not really, Banner just really pissed me off.

The final bell of the day rang as Jasper and I sat in the office. We watched as the entire student body walked by like we… no, I was a fish in a tank. A few of them even tapped on the glass hoping to make me move. Remember the scene from _Finding Nemo_ where the demon child with the braces tapped on the glass of the dentist's fish tank and all the fish ran for cover? That's what I wanted to do. Instead I sat like nothing was happening, like no one was staring or making obnoxious pregnant belly motions.

I was a beast.

Alice came crashing into the office. "Oh, Bella! I heard all about it! I'm so sorry!" She wrapped me into a hug. She almost made me break down.

She pulled back. "That asshat! How could he! I thought he was getting better." Her face hardened. "I could just pulverize him!"

"Thanks, Ali. What do you mean by 'getting better'?"

She looked stunned for a second and faltered over her words, "Well, things got really bad last year and he didn't deal with it so well."

I cocked my head. "Like beating people up 'bad'?"

She bit her lip and looked around, finally nodding.

I accepted her answer with a corresponding nod. She didn't feel comfortable telling her brother's secrets. I could respect her, even if I didn't respect him much right now. I looked out at the hallway again. "How's it out there?"

Alice's nose wrinkled. "Not good."

"I thought so."

"Can you leave?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I have to wait for my dad." I rolled my eyes. "I got detention for the next month for 'fighting.'"

"That bastard," Alice whispered, so as to not be overheard by Ms. Cope.

"Tell me about it," I whispered back.

We sat in silence, Alice on one side and Jasper on the other, waiting for my father. I was surprised that Emmett and Rose hadn't shown up to flank us yet.

At that moment, Mike and Edward exited Banner's office with him still lecturing them about appropriate behavior. "Fighting is not tolerated, no matter the reason." His speech didn't seem to be much different from the one he gave me. I wondered if it was the only one he knew. "I expect to see you in detention Mike." He paused for a moment to pat Mike on the back. "You're free to go, son."

Edward stood sullenly to the side. "As for you, I don't want to see you move from that chair until your parents arrive."

The moment Banner returned to his office, Alice descended on her brother. "What the hell, Edward? What'd you get now?"

He glared at her, but answered, "Week's suspension."

"Oh, Dad's going to flip."

He grunted in response. "At least I wasn't expelled."

"Expelled?" I repeated.

Edward looked up, a flicker of hope still lingering behind his desperation. I glared at him. He was an idiot. My eyebrows raised in a silent question. He nodded in response.

"Great, Edward. Just great." I crossed my arms, huffing back into my seat. I winced as my arm closed over my hand. "Shoot, shoot, shoot."

"Here." Jasper offered the mostly melted ice. I let him settle it over my hand. Edward looked guilty over my pain. I hoped that the list of things he should feel guilty for weighed on him. Jackass.

Alice took Edward's distraction and neatly flicked him directly on the spot I'd hit him earlier. Edward swore and covered up the surfacing bruise with his hand. "Not cool, Alice."

"You deserve worse," she snipped and skipped back to her seat and took my hand in hers. I squeezed it in thanks.

We waited until Charlie arrived in a whirlwind a half hour after school ended. Emmett checked on us before going home. It was obvious that all of us didn't need to wait.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie looked me over frantically.

"I'm fine, Dad." He pointed to the ice on my hand. "Oh, that. Collateral damage. It was the only way I could figure out to keep Edward from killing Mike Newton."

He glanced over at Edward, giving him a combination of the cop and the dad look. Edward had the decency to look ashamed. "Did you throw your weight into it?" Dad asked.

"Of course. I used everything you taught me."

He nodded. "That's my girl."

I snorted. "Tell that to Banner. He gave me a month's worth of detentions for stopping a fight."

Charlie smiled tightly. "I'll have a little talk with him." He walked right up to Banner's door and entered without knocking. He winked at me before he shut the door behind him.

A rumbling started to grow behind the door. I couldn't pick out distinct words, but Charlie was clearly not happy. We all sat stone still, hoping to pick out a word or two. Five minutes later Charlie stormed out of the office, glaring murderously at Edward.

He gestured roughly for me to get up and pointed at Edward. "You stay the hell away from my daughter."

"Charlie—" Edward protested, but stopped abruptly on seeing Charlie's face. "Detective Swan, I was just trying to protect her. He was going to touch her."

Charlie looked at me for confirmation. I shrugged, because despite it all I didn't want to be forbidden from seeing him.

"This isn't over," he said to Edward then turned to me. "I need to head back to work. Can Alice take you home?"

Alice nodded.

We turned to go. "Bella, please. Can we just talk?" Edward implored.

I shook my head. "Not now, Edward."

He stood, walking up to me, only inches away. I could feel the magnetism rolling off him. "Please." He lifted his hand, touching my face gently. My eyes closed of their own volition and I sighed.

I slowly pulled away. "Not now," I whispered. "I'm sorry, Edward."

I moved out of his reach and left the office. I looked back for a fraction of a second to find him standing desolate in the center of the office, entirely alone. A hand went to his face covering his eyes.

_He_ was right… I had to choose.

* * *

**Now would be the time to breathe. You know how to share your delight/anger/frustration/anguish... ;)**

**Recs**

**_Girl with a Red Umbrella_ by juskaskalice and spanglemaker9 - **Completed, and soo good. I read this while it was still in progress, and it was one of the fics I always dropped everything for**.  
Summary: Paris, 1950. Rosalie Hale went to Paris to study, then vanished without a trace. Her friend Bella has come to find her. Following a trail of clues left behind by Rose's letters, Bella searches for Rose and might find herself.**

**_High Anxiety_ by EdwardsBloodType **- Another fan favorite. It's not done yet, but it's pretty long and completely worth reading. The number of times my jaw dropped at plot twists... plus it's unbelievably sexy  
**Summary: Cute, trendy Bella returns home to escape the heartache of her past. She immediately befriends neighbors Jasper and Edward, bonding with them in the treehouse out back. Bella and Edward discover they have more in common than they ever dreamed of. AH A/U**

**_Elemental_ by TallulahBelle - **Another one I drop everything for... literally. One of my top favs  
**Summary:AU/AH: When the Swans return to their birthplace, Bella learns she is no ordinary teenager, and Forks is no ordinary town. Can she fulfill her destiny with the powerful Edward Cullen, or will the dark forces that threaten their families destroy them all?**

**_Bella Swan: Zombie Killer_ by Kristen Nicole -** Flippin' Hi-lar-i-ous. No really. I swear the next shovel I buy, I'm naming Rosalie.**  
Summary: Zombies have taken over the continental United States. Thus sets the backdrop for an epic love story involving a boy, a girl, and her trusty shovel. AU. **


	24. Controversial

**A/N: Please see A/N at the finish ;) **

**Many thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83 :hugs: **

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** Language **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xoxo  
**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-four: Controversial

"Leave me alone, Edward," I repeated for the fifth time. He'd been trying to talk to me all through lunch and now Biology class, and I was having none of it. I'd thought it through and I was done. He'd been trying to talk to me for the last week, but I'd been dodging his calls and emails. I didn't know how he even got a hold of a phone because he'd been eternally grounded. That fortunately kept him from trying to see me at home.

"Bella, please just let me explain," Edward pleaded.

I refused to look at him. "There's nothing to explain. You said it all before. I'm a royal screw-up. But if you don't mind I'll be a screw-up all on my own."

I could hear him ravaging his hair in frustration. "I didn't mean it. You know I didn't. It was an accident. You punched me for goodness sake. I overreacted."

"You were choking Mike! What else was I supposed to do?" I snorted. "Overreacted, yeah."

Mr. Molina called the class to order looking warily over at our table. I didn't know whether he was scared of Edward or me. I'd been giving him the death-glare for a week for blaming the fight on me. He'd been skirting around me, but so had everyone else.

"Please, Bella. Please, forgive me. I promise, I'll make it up to you," Edward whispered.

I spoke out of the corner of my mouth, "Make it up to me? Can you make the last week of torture up to me? I'm the psycho pregnant chick who witches people into fighting over her, and that's just the nicest of the rumors." I turned to look at him. "Did you know some people think I was discharged from a mental institution because I seduced one of my doctors, and my mother refused to take me in, which is why I moved here?"

Edward let out a small groan, "I'm so sorry."

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Mr. Molina interjected.

"Nothing, sir," Edward replied swiftly. I shook my head.

He raised an eyebrow at us, trying unconvincingly to intimidate. "Then if I can continue?" He began to explain the inner workings of the colon, his eyes still on us. I pulled out my notes and began writing copiously. Edward kept twitching at my side like he was dying to say something more. At this point he could die of it.

This last week had been a living hell. Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Rose could only shield me from so much of it.

Edward had spent the entire week at home due to his out of school suspension. I'd found out from Alice that because of some stuff last year he was on behavioral watch. He'd almost been expelled at the end of the year, but due to some major groveling from both Edward and his parents he was allowed to continue.

This incident could have been worse than it was, but surprisingly Mike had covered for him, taking some of the blame. I didn't know why Mike was that afraid of him, but he took the beating surprisingly well. He'd even come up and apologized to me, with Emmett's permission of course.

But Edward didn't get off as scot-free as I'd thought before. He'd been suspended from school for a week and he had two months of community service. Alice implied that the community service was an agreement between the school and his parents to prevent him from being possibly expelled again.

Alice was the one who filled me in on his probationary past. Supposedly he'd spent the summer in anger management classes as a condition to his return to school. I wasn't convinced that it worked.

But I guessed that he deserved a break. Alice hinted that something had happened in the office that day, and when he saw Mike harassing me yet again he couldn't take it anymore. When I asked Alice for more, she had this torn expression on her face. I backed down quickly because I didn't want to make her choose between me and her brother.

I looked over at Edward through the corner of my eye. I was frustrated and worried at the same time; my mind couldn't decide what I wanted to do with him. He was writing furiously on a page in his notebook. I looked up at the board, and I hadn't missed any notes. I couldn't tell what he was writing, and my curiosity almost got the better of me, but I held my tongue and stayed focused on the lesson for the rest of class.

When the bell rang Edward waited as I packed up my stuff. "You don't have to wait for me," I said.

He just raised one eyebrow at me and waited silently. Once I had everything in my book bag Edward took it from me with out a word. I only had a few more days on these dang crutches.

Edward walked quietly beside me to the library where I had study hall with Jasper. He stayed close and never tried to touch me. The look on his face was rigid and focused. Walking through the halls was difficult, even more so with Edward at my side. I was almost getting used to it all… but I didn't think to warn Edward.

"Hey, Juno," some football-esque guy yelled down the hall, "was it the orange tic-tacs?"

A group of his friends started laughing and clapping him on the back.

I really wanted to yell, _Was that what your mom thought?_ back down the hall, but I didn't think it'd help my position at school. Baiting boys who could cause me to flashback at a single touch wouldn't be helpful to my stress levels.

Edward stopped in his tracks, rigid. I was going to break our invisible barrier and touch him on the arm to hopefully calm whatever rage was storming when he yelled over the buzz of the hallway, "Go get fucked in the ass, Tyler."

_Well, that was a much better insult_.

The kid, Tyler, looked like he was going to roll up his sleeves when a few of his buddies pulled him away. I couldn't see Edward's face, but I had no desire to watch him pulverize another high school jock at my expense. Okay, I had a small desire, but I had enough detentions.

Taking a deep breath, I gently slipped my hand into Edward's and tugged him towards the library wing. His head snapped, shocked at my touch. I didn't look at his eyes knowing that it would be too much. I was still pissed. But I couldn't help but smile when he perceptibly squeezed my hand.

The seas parted for us as we walked down the hall; his crude words had been inappropriate yet effective. We definitely had to talk about cleaning up our language before the baby came. I would not be happy if her first words were _shit_ or _damn_ or heaven forbid, _fuck_.

Jasper was waiting when we arrived. He gave me the typical head nod and a small smile, barely there. We had an understanding.

Edward stood awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while I sat down and pulled out my books.

"You're going to be late," I said.

He shrugged.

"You're in enough trouble as it is. Please don't make it worse," I tried to reason. I did want to talk, but until his parents decided to relieve his grounding there probably wouldn't be a chance outside of school. And I didn't want to talk in school.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Please, will you read this? Just give me a chance?" Edward set a piece of notebook paper folded in quarters on the table in front of me, sought my eyes once, and jogged out of the library to his next class.

I watched him leave, surprised. "His class is right across the hall. He'll make it," Jasper interjected.

I stared down at the piece of paper. What did it mean? Was it just another apology? Did he think that "I'm sorry" was a heal-all band-aid that made mistakes disappear? Sometimes we just have to deal with the consequences.

"It's not gonna bite, darlin'," Jasper whispered. I looked up to see him smirking at me. "You might as well read it."

Darn logic.

I slowly unfolded the letter, and his messy scrawl stared back at me.

_Bella, _

_It probably doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry. I was an ass and an idiot. I feel like you need an explanation for my behavior. It was totally out of line. Part of me didn't even realize what I was doing or what I was saying, but that's no excuse. You deserve better. After what that bastard did to you, you deserve better, better than any of this. _

_I'm pretty messed up. I cover it well, at least from most people. I can't hide as much as I'd like from you. I don't want to add to your burdens, but I realize that doesn't mean I can lie. _

_You know some of it. I dated this girl, Vicki, for most of last year. She was head cheerleader, she was a senior. I though I was so lucky to have the chance to go out with her. I started as her tutor. I was so amazed that she saw anything in a nerd like me. She got me into all the best parties. She introduced me to what it was like to live that kind of life. I was fucking naïve. _

_She had been real serious with this older guy, Diego. He had graduated the year before and was working and going to school. Her parents didn't really like him. He wasn't serious about his future and got her into a bunch of bad situations. She was dating me as a cover for her relationship with Diego. And though I thought I'd found a person who cared about me, she was fucking me and him on the side. _

_There were a few times when I found text messages from him and saw him around. I got crazy jealous. I threatened to kill him if he ever went near her again. But I didn't know that they were still screwing around. _

_In April, I walked in on Vicki and Diego. Ironically, just like you walked in on your ex. Except I was furious. I beat the living shit out of that kid. It didn't matter than he was two years older and had twenty pounds on me. He got in a few good hits, but I'd never been so angry before. Honestly, I scared myself. _

_Needless to say we broke up. Vicki wasn't that upset. I think she was relieved that she didn't have to keep up the lie anymore. _

_I found out a few weeks later that Vicki was pregnant. We had no idea who the father was. It could have been me or Diego. She had been screwing both of us. I offered to get back together with her. I offered to help her raise the baby. But she was eighteen. She hadn't even graduated high school. I wasn't going to force anything on her. I let her make the decision. _

_I still don't know whose baby it was. But the moment I heard she had an abortion I broke. I didn't know how to deal. I had no control over the situation. I wasn't with Vicki anymore. She had no desire to be with me. But part of me had prepared to take that step, to own up to my responsibility. _

_When I found out she 'took care of it' the burden didn't go away, it only got heavier. I started drinking a lot. My grades dropped and I started picking fights. I blamed Diego. I was irrational. I beat him up again, this time breaking his jaw. Both he and Vicki put out restraining orders on me. After a particularly nasty encounter at school they threatened to expel me. I was forced to complete the last two weeks of school at home, and the only reason they let me come back this fall was if I got counseling. _

_I've been on probation since the beginning of the year. They told me I would be taken off if things improved. When I was called to the office, that jackass informed me that because the restraining orders hadn't yet been rescinded they couldn't remove the probation, and they would also have to inform all the colleges I was applying to of my indiscretions. I was fine with the now, but they were ruining my future over one mistake. I couldn't deal. _

_When I saw Mike breathing down your neck, and how scared you looked I couldn't take it. My life was already fucked, there was nothing else to ruin. _

_I was wrong. I'm sorry I broke your trust. There is no excuse for my actions or my words. I will forever regret what I did. _

_I've spent a lot of the last week thinking. And I want to make it up to you. This has nothing to do with Vicki or her abortion, but everything to do with you. I want to be there for you, and your baby. That baby girl deserves the best, just like you deserve the best. I'm not sure if I can give that to you, but I would really like to try. Please give me a chance. _

_Edward. _

I sat back slowly. I'd been hunched over the letter while I read it twice through trying to process it all. He'd been through so much. He really did understand. I didn't know how we could be so perfectly matched. It was like all this terrible stuff happened to him just so we would be able to relate to each other. So I wouldn't feel alone.

I knew I wasn't truly alone. But ironically, now that I knew about all the shit Edward waded through in the last year, I didn't _feel_ alone. He was just as messed up as I was.

I looked up blindly at Jasper, as he came into focus I could see his brows furrow in concern. He pointed silently to his cheeks; I reached up and brushed away tears I didn't know had fallen.

"He told me about Vicki," I whispered, trying to explain my emotional reaction.

Jasper's mouth made a little "oh," then nodded.

"I didn't know he had dealt with a teenage pregnancy before."

Jasper cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah. He doesn't talk about it much."

I placed a hand on the little nudge I felt behind my belly button, centering myself. "I can understand that." I paused for a moment, thinking. The guilt he felt must be weighty. I couldn't imagine giving up my girl and he didn't have any choice. A thought dawned on me. "Am I just a replacement? Is he trying to atone for his mistakes last year by helping me?"

Jasper shook his head. "That's not it, Bella. Don't you see how he looks at you? He was there for you before he knew about this."

He was right. Edward had been there for me; he'd almost kissed me before he knew about the pregnancy. I groaned. How hard it must have been on him, this glaring comparison. No wonder he freaked out. He had reason to, without all the extras, his future crumbling before his eyes.

"I need to talk to him—now." I wobbled to my feet, pushing my chair back.

"Whoa, Bells, darlin', he's in class right now. You can talk to him after school." Jasper tried to reason with me.

"No." I reached for my crutches. "I need to apologize. I've been giving him the silent treatment. I need to talk to him."

Jasper stood, coming around to my side of the table. "School is over in twenty-five minutes. He'll be right over as soon as the bell rings. Rushing into his class is not going to help."

I sighed. He was right. There would just be another rumor flying around school about me if I burst into Edward's English class.

I leaned back to sit in my chair, but I'd pushed it too far back when I stood up. It could've been one of those comical moments where I fell on my butt because I missed my seat. I would have laughed a little bit and rubbed my rump from the jarring. But things were never simple with me.

Jasper reached out to help me, and I actually threw out my hand to let him catch me. I didn't even think of jerking away.

The moment I grasped his forearm and his latched onto mine, I was gone.

_I stared at myself in the mirror. Yep, I looked hot. That'd show those bitches. It didn't matter what they said, I could show them that I was better than it all. _

_Bree had warned me not to come. Honestly, before she warned me I had no desire to go either. What was the point? I hated parties. I hated that crowd. They'd ruined my life. But I couldn't let what they were saying go on any longer. _

_I was a strong, independent woman. I had dumped Jimmy. I knew that I was better than him. And they still trashed me behind my back. They should be praising my bravery; it was more than they'd ever be able to do._

_One day I was going to get out of this small town. I was going to make something of myself, and they'd still be here trying to show up each other. Well, it was my turn to show them up. _

_I flipped my lightly curled hair over my shoulder and rubbed my lips together, puckering their sparkly glossiness at my reflection. They were all going to wish they had sided with me tonight, instead of him. _

Edward

_I smiled brightly as Mary Jackson opened the door. Her eyes widened when she saw me standing on her door step. "Isabella, what a surprise to see you." _

_She haltingly looked over her shoulder into the sea of bodies and booming bass. Once her eyes were back on me, I raised an eyebrow. "Well, are you going to let me in?" _

"_Sure." She smirked. "Come on in, Jimmy's just dying to see you." _

_I rolled my eyes. "I bet."_

_Mary opened the door, taking my coat. "Wipe your shoes. Drinks are in the kitchen." She gestured to the furthest point through the grinding teenagers. She winked. "Have fun!"_

_I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, "Thanks." _What just happened? Wasn't she the one who tried to steal my clothes in gym?_ I shook my head, and began to maneuver through the bodies._

Edward

_I leaned against the counter watching the dancers. It was mesmerizing the movement, the flow of the waves that rode them to the beat. It was like the sea choreographed the tide to a raunchy hip-hop song. _

_I closed my eyes for a second letting the vibrations overtake me. This moment meshing with the music had been the most enjoyable part of the night. Everyone avoided me. It wasn't like they outwardly snubbed me. They just stared._

_I opened my eyes to find a generic plastic cup of beer in my hand. I looked at all of the faces near me, but no one took credit. _

_I took a little sip, coughing at the bitter taste. I wiped the back of my hand against my mouth. I crinkled my nose and tried to take another sip, but ended up coughing again. I set the cup back down on the counter top. _

_My tongue felt heavy, and all of a sudden my vision was off. I pushed away from the crowd, looking for the bathroom. Hopefully some water would clear my head. _

Edward

_His hands held me against the wall, and one reached up to grip my face. He forced his lips against mine, his breath tasted like ass, and alcohol. _

_I tried to turn my face away. _

_He laughed darkly. "Come on baby. Don't be such a prude. You know you want it."_

Edward

_The terror rose up in my throat, but I couldn't eek out a scream. Instead I began blubbering, the fight almost gone from me. _

"_Stop. Please. Stop. You're hurting me. Don't hurt me." _

_He yanked at my shirt again, tearing the rest of the buttons off so that I was exposed, my little blue bra bare to his hungry eyes._

Edward

"_You are mine, Isabella. Don't you ever forget that." _

_I tried to disagree. You would have thought that I had learned my lesson by now. _

_Ramming me against the wall, he complimented it with another slap to my swollen face. _

_He laughed. "I will always find you."_

Edward

_My hands were limp at my sides, arms bruised and weak. I tried to lift one to push him off, but I could barely lift it two inches from the floor. _

_One eye was swollen almost completely shut, I was sure that I had a black eye. The other eye leaked never ending tears. I wasn't even consciously crying anymore. The pain everywhere else was insubstantial compared to the searing fire in my core. _

_Jimmy moaned, "That's it, baby. I'm your man." _

_I wished I was dead. _

Edward

"Bella, I'm here. It's okay. I've got you now. Nothing is going to happen to you. He'll never touch you again. You're safe. I promise I'll take care of you." His voice was all around me. That room was gone. The cold was gone. The pain disappeared.

"Edward?" I asked.

I realized that his arms were around me. He was cradling me in his lap on the library floor. His body rocked slightly back and forth like the movement was the only thing he could do.

"I'm here. I got you."

I looked around to find a small crowd of students and the librarian around me. Jasper was the furthest away, placing a table between me and him.

Jasper's face was contorted in pain. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't even think. I mean, Emmett told me, but I had no idea."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault. I forgot, too. I didn't even try to move away. You couldn't have known."

The librarian interjected, "Are you okay, dear? Do we need to get the nurse?"

"I'm fine, just give me a sec," I replied. She looked concerned but let it go. She hushed everyone and sent them back to their seats. I smiled at her in thanks.

Sinking back into Edward's embrace, I asked, "How did you get here? I thought you were in class?"

He smiled lightly. "I was. Jasper sent Ben to get me." I looked over to find Angela's ex Ben give me a head nod. Edward continued, "Jasper said that you kept calling out for me." I gave Jasper a smile of thanks, but he only grimaced.

I moved so I could see Edward's face. Searching, I found his eyes. "You were there." His brows creased. "Not physically, I couldn't see you, but I could feel you. You were there."

He squeezed me tighter not responding. I was baffled; thinking back to the flashback, it was like every other time. I relived it, piece by piece only this time I wasn't lost. It wasn't as real because I knew that Edward was here.

"Can we get out of here?" I asked.

"Sure, let's get your stuff."

I looked over at Jasper. "Can you let Alice know what happened, and that we're leaving?"

He nodded, devastation still written on all his features.

"It's not your fault, Jazz." I reached to pat him on the shoulder, but stopped at the last second.

Edward backed me up, "You did what you could. Don't beat yourself up about it."

He nodded again, but this time he held himself upright, not curving into the table.

In a hushed phone call to his dad, Edward got permission to take me home. He was still on restriction, but when you're the only person who can touch the crazy pregnant girl, you get a few breaks. I guessed that if we weren't so screwed up then he wouldn't have been able to take me home. Then again, if we weren't so screwed up we wouldn't be here in the first place. Oh, the paradox.

Edward carried my stuff into the house while I hobbled. I only had a week more on the crutches, but I fudged it when I was home alone. Who was going to tell on me anyway?

I watched as Edward set my book bag down in the atrium. He shifted from foot to foot, his eyes darting to mine. I gestured him into the living room. I sensed that this was the only time we'd have to talk, and we'd better take advantage of it.

"Sit with me, please?" I asked as I sat on the sofa. I curled my good leg underneath me and place one arm around my belly.

I watched Edward hesitate. He ran his hands through his hair several times before he sat sideways on the other end of the couch facing me. I bit my lip waiting for him to say something. My fingers twiddled with the edge of the cushion as I gauged Edward's mood.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I can't believe what I did, what I said to you." He sighed, his face dropping, unable to look at me. "Even if we had been alone, those words should have never left my mouth."

"Edward…" I began.

He looked up at me, his face coloring. "And you know what's fucking amazing? I don't even believe anything I said. It was like I didn't even have control! Things were just happening around me and I wasn't even a part of it."

"No control?" I asked.

"None."

I cocked my head. "Have you told anyone that?"

He shook his head. "I just can't believe it happened. It's just not me. And I never know how to deal once I gain control." He snorted. "It's like I'm my own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

"I'm not an expert, but maybe you should tell your dad. Maybe it's something more, you know?"

He groaned, "Great, another problem."

I shrugged. "Maybe it's something that can be fixed?"

He stuck a hand in his hair and left it there, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch. "Yeah, maybe."

"Edward," I ventured, "can I ask you a question?"

He dropped his hand immediately and faced me with a serious expression. I watched the swirls of green in his eyes, and I breathed in the safety that surrounded me like when I woke up on the floor of the library.

"Did you love her? Vicki?"

He thought for a second, looking off to my right, before he answered, "I thought I did. I was excited to see her. I missed her when she was away. We had fun together. But, no. We were so different. Even if everything hadn't turned out the way it did we would have never stayed together. I was ready to move on. Her secret getting out just made it happen that much quicker."

I pressed my lips together, trying to hide my smile. He didn't love her that was good.

"Why did you volunteer to get back together with her when you found out she was pregnant? You didn't know if it was yours or Diego's. Wasn't he there for her?"

He sighed, closing his eyes. "He was there. But we didn't know, and," Edward groaned, "I just felt like it was the right thing to do. If the baby was mine I wanted to do the right thing _before_ we found out and not after."

"It was the right thing to do, Edward. I'm proud of you."

He smiled. "Ali wasn't. She was so hopping mad she didn't speak to me for a week."

"That's just her being protective of you. She's much more protective of you than you would think." I paused for a minute, letting the new information roll around in my brain, assimilating it with what I already knew, and incorporating it into what I wanted to know.

"In your note you said you 'broke' when you found out about the abortion. What did you mean?" I was unbelievably curious to know why he felt that way. I knew my viewpoint was illogically pro-life. I'd been raped. Any woman in my place would have refused to live with the memory of that kind of attack. This child was not created out of love or passion, but possession, rage, and cruelty. Why would I not 'fix' it and get on with my life?

I really couldn't answer that question. I just couldn't bear to do it. Especially after I found out that my mother didn't want me. Only Charlie kept her from having an abortion. I was glad to be alive, no matter what I'd been through. Who was I to say different about my daughter?

But why would a teenage boy feel anything? It wasn't his body. It might not have even been his baby.

It took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts. I waited patiently, eager for his answer.

"It was her choice. I know that. There wasn't anything I could do, and honestly, I don't know if I would have done anything different. But I had been ready to change my life. I was ready to devote it completely to that potential. And when it was gone, I felt this emptiness. This hole that hadn't been there before."

I reached my arm straight in front of me offering my hand. He took it, our hands the only things holding us together.

"I couldn't do it," I said. "My mom had made the appointment. I was sitting in the waiting room, and I watched this couple. The girl was cold, and the guy was devastated. I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't let myself become either of them."

He squeezed my hand. "I'm glad you didn't."

We sat and talked for a while. Some of the topics were deep, delving into the stuff he mentioned in the letter. And some was light, things that we liked, things that were on our minds. In the midst of our talk we knit ourselves back together, like we had never been apart. Together we were stronger. United we could face anything.

We finally got up and started dinner when Alice arrived. Emmett dropped her off before he went over to Rosalie's.

"Mom and Dad want you to come home," Alice remarked. "But since we only have one car, you'll just have to wait until I'm ready to go."

I giggled and Edward laughed. "Thanks Ali," he replied.

"Just remember, you owe me." She winked at both of us. I think she was counting on getting double favors.

"All right, kids, I have color swatches here. Bella, you need to decide what we're going to paint the nursery so we can do that after we finish cleaning it out." She laid a pile of paint swatches on the kitchen table.

"Ali, there have to be thirty different colors there." I pointed.

She shook her head, eyes wide. "Well, get eliminating then!" I saluted her then rolled my eyes. Edward unsuccessfully held in a laugh.

Ignoring us, she mumbled something else about curtains and decals when the front door opened. Charlie was talking animatedly on his cell.

"Yes, Liam, it's all right here. There was an eyewitness that was hidden. The test results and everything… No, I haven't decided yet… I will, I will. She has enough to deal with… No, I promise." He laughed. "That bastard didn't bury it as well as he thought. If there's a paper trail it can always be dug up…. Thanks again, Liam, I'll let you know when I know more." I heard him snap the phone closed, then whistle cheerfully as he headed to his room.

I looked at both Edward and Alice. "He found something."

* * *

**Quick Note: I've had a few interesting reviews about my obvious pro-life stance. To clear the air, yes, I am pro-life. And from canon we know that Bella is too. I'm not a soapbox-y person, so I have no desire to preach, but what I believe will obviously come through in my writing. I don't apologize for my views. I believe that life is precious, and should be treated thus. **

**Anyway, I did say I wasn't going to drag out the E/B craziness! Promise fulfilled. So hopefully there will be some smooches soon (twicrack83 is rooting for the smoochies)**

**Leave some love or hate if you like ;) I enjoy both!**

**Recs**

**Tie Me Down to this World by Struck Upon a Star** One of my all time favorites. Incomplete & on hiatus, but I've read it three times because it's just that good. Best J/A.  
**Summary: AH/AU. Alice and Jasper awake in the same hospital, scarred, broken, and searching for meaning. She gives him peace; he gives her joy. They are each other's hope.**

**Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain** Complete. Beyond funny. This is a definite giggle-snort fic.  
**Summary: Um. Hi. I don't really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.**

**Empire State of Mind by belladonna1472** Really good. I love E/A with powers, and Bella has a secret of her own!  
**Summary: A psychic. A telepath. And a witch or two. When Alice's talent for precognition begins to manifest itself more strongly, Edward's telepathic ability also begins to emerge. What secrets do they uncover? ExB. Set in NYC. AU/AH.**


	25. Continued

**A/N: I'm Alive! Thanks for all of your reviews from the last chapter. You make me squeal with all your lovely comments! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. Life just seemed to get away from me! But not to fear, I have the rest of the chapters carefully mapped out. There will be around five left, including the epilogue. Don't worry. These next few chapters will rock ;)**

**Thanks to MarchHare5 queen of hypens. And thanks to twicrack83 supreme ruler of all contractions. Really, you guys have no idea what this would look like without them. ::MUAH::**

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** Language **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 25: Continued

"So, uh, how's your food?" Edward inquired. His eyes were light and carefree; it was the most unburdened I'd seen him in weeks.

"It's great. Thanks," I replied.

He'd decided to take me out on our official second date. It'd taken him a while; he'd been "rebuilding my trust" for almost a month now. It was kinda like a dream. I didn't know whether to scream with frustration over his slow thoroughness or sigh in delight over it all. We'd done all the typical "friend" things. We hung out doing homework, once Edward's grounding had been lifted, not that it ever applied to us anyway. Dr. Cullen would just grumble a little about consequences and Esme would roll her eyes saying it wasn't for Edward but for me. I love Esme.

I looked carefully around the restaurant taking in the atmosphere I'd missed when we came in. It was a little hole in the wall place, eclectic. None of furniture matched, each of the tables had a different vase with a single flower, Christmas lights wrapped around the wooden beams in the ceiling... It was magical.

Pushing my ravioli around my plate, I asked Edward a question I'd been wondering all week. "How'd the therapy session go?"

He scrunched his nose in distaste. "Eh, it was okay. You know?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I know. Some of the stuff is okay, but the other half of the time I think the shrink is crazy. Like imagining a peaceful meadow of wildflowers is going to help me stop having flashbacks?" I waved my fork while I was talking, ending in a big bite.

"The doc is having me do these breathing exercises, which I guess could help, but I feel ridiculous."

I smiled in sympathy. If anyone would understand it was be me. Ironic how that was for us. "But if it helps, it helps. Right?"

He tried to suppress a smile and nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

"How's your dad been dealing?" I watched him out of the corner of my eye and watched the emotions trail across his face.

The week after my flashback in the library I finally talked Edward into going to his dad with his own "blackouts." They weren't real blackouts; he remembered what happened. But his lack of control made both of us nervous. He felt like he didn't know who he was anymore, and I could relate. After two heated arguments he agreed to talk to Dr. Cullen. I still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but if things worked out, it would be. That's how things are sometimes, you have to make a choice and hope for the best.

Dr. Cullen didn't respond as I'd hoped, but he loved his son and made every effort to get him help. I think he felt at a loss, or a failure for missing this in Edward's life.

"Is the meadow, whatever, helping you at all?" he whispered. Edward leaned forward in his seat, his body hunched halfway over the table.

I shook my head. "I don't know. I don't really want to test it." I reached my hand across the table and took his in my own. "I don't really want to push anything."

He nodded his assent and looked down at our hands. His thumb gently rubbed the top of my fingers.

We finished dinner. Actually I finished both our dinners. When I was done with my ravioli I took the liberty to eat the rest of his French fries.

He chuckled. "Do you want to get something else?"

I smiled ruefully. "I'm okay for now, but I can't promise anything an hour or two from now." I winked.

I was at the tail end of my second trimester. My baby was growing rapidly and you could definitely tell on my petite frame. All those pictures online showing how big I should look was a lie, and I still had eleven weeks till my due date. Shoot me now.

I must have been scowling because Edward squeezed my hand and flashed me his jello-inducing half-smile. "You look beautiful."

I couldn't help but blush.

"How bout we get out of here and find some ice cream? Sound good?"

"You are too good to me."

I watched as he rose from his chair, moving around our small table. He bent down to whisper in my ear. "No, Bella. You are too good to me. I don't deserve you."

My already pink cheeks flooded again, but I looked up at him, beaming. Part of me still didn't know what we were doing, but I wasn't going to fight it. Edward was it. No one would ever compare to him. And this wasn't my pregnancy hormones talking. I could feel it in the marrow of my bones.

I took his offered hand and let him help me out of my chair. I wasn't big enough to need the help but I couldn't refuse his sweet gesture.

Alice had given me some invaluable advice. She said that Edward had always been a protector. It made him feel like he was doing the right thing when he was able to take care of me, so even if I didn't need it, let him because it wasn't for me, it was for him.

Afterward we ate our fill in ice cream, well, I ate my weight. But he said that he wanted to show me something. I was reasonably wary.

We arrived at an empty park. You know, the ones with an outdated jungle gym, squeaky swings, and one of those death-trap merry-go-rounds. I hoped that was not what we were doing. I hadn't thrown up in a while, and I really liked my ice cream and ravioli the first time. I rarely enjoyed it a second. Darkness encroached on our evening, and the shadows made the playground look like a scene in a B horror movie. Internal me was yelling not to get out of car because zombies or vampires were bound to eat us.

Edward jumped out of the Volvo and walked around to my door. He opened it with a mysterious smile. I wasn't sure if I liked it. He helped me down, and I cautiously looked around.

"So what do you want to show me?" I raised an eyebrow.

He returned my skeptical look. "Do you trust me?"

"Yeah."

He placed his hands over my eyes. "Yeah?"

"Uh... yeah." I said not as strong.

He chuckled and I could hear the reverberation from his chest as he pulled me tighter to him. He slowly led me in a straight path toward the play ground. I didn't know why he was having me close my eyes because I already saw it when we pulled in.

Suddenly, a bright light filtered through the cracks on his fingers and made the inside of my eyelids look pink. I hoped it wasn't a giant flood-light and the cops were coming to bust up a couple of kids necking in the park. I would be really disappointed because we had so not gotten to the making out part—and gosh darn it, I deserved to be kissed if I was going to be hauled off by the cops.

"Are you ready?" Edward whispered in my ear, breaking me from my overactive imagination.

I bit my lip and nodded.

Edward lifted his hands from my eyes and I opened them to find the playground lit up with white lights and candles. A blanket was set up under the monkey bars and a song was playing in the background.

The lights danced off the metal and made everything sparkle. I spun slowly in a circle, taking in everything. Lights were wrapped around poles and draped across the jungle gym and swings. It was like we had walked into this alcove of light and magic.

"Edward..." I trailed off, unable to come up with any words.

He was standing to the side with his hands in his pockets, trying to decide whether to stare at the ground or me.

"This is... amazing. Thank you." I took a step closer to him. "It's more than anyone has ever done for me." I took another step, ending up only a foot away from him. "How did you?" I gestured with my hand, trying to express all I felt.

"Ali helped."

"Of course." I smiled. I peeked at him through my lashes. "What's it for?"

"Um." Edward nervously ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I just wanted to show you... what you mean to me."

My eyes widened.

He continued, "I don't know about you but that day at my house... You entered through that glass door to the pool and I felt like my whole world collided. Your eyes thrust me into this void and I've been drowning ever since. I want to be worthy of you. You are strong and beautiful and smart. You never give up, even when everyone else would have. You make me want to be a better person, a better man.

You light up my life, Bella." He ran another hand through his hair. "I wanted to light up yours too."

I was overwhelmed. He didn't realize that he had changed me too. He had lit up my life. He brought light where there had only been dark for such a long time.

"Edward..." I didn't know what to say.

I decided not to say anything at all. I took one more step forward, closing the small space between us, and standing on my tippy-toes, I kissed him.

His arms went immediately around me, holding me tight to his torso. My hands finally did what they'd been aching to do for months. I wrapped my arms around his neck, entangling my hands in his hair.

The moment my hands gripped his hair, he deepened the kiss, and I felt it down to my toes. It was a back-scratching, toe-curling, the-war-just-ended, Times-Square kind of kiss.

We broke apart too soon. It would have been too soon if we ever broke apart.

"Wow," I said.

OoOoOoOoOo

I shook my head. I could feel the heat coming off my face. "I said, 'Wow.' How dorky is that?" I groaned.

Alice and Rose just cackled. I glared at them.

"Aw, it's kinda sweet. I bet he loved it." Rose smirked. "You know how much boys like to be told how good they are."

My second glare cut off another giggle from Alice. "Bella, he cares about you. I might even say he loves you. So he probably loves that you said wow."

My fading blush peaked when she mentioned love.

Rose sighed. "You gotta admit, that boy's got style."

I echoed her sigh. It was all I had been doing since last night. "It was amazing."

Ali bounced in her seat. "Okay, okay. Tell us what happened next."

"Well, he asked me to dance." The squealing erupted again, and to my surprise not just from Ali. "And he can actually dance! I've never done anything like that, and you know it's quite a work out on the hips to follow him."

Ali snorted. "Oh, I know." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Don't you dare tell him I said this, but when we were kids Mom went on this old films kick, like with ones with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Edward begged to get ballroom dancing lessons."

Rose and I looked at each other with round eyes and burst into another fit of giggles. The other Jamba Juice patrons were glaring at our uncontrollable laughter. The girls had whisked me away after school, leaving the boys to their own devices.

Waving my hand at Rose and Alice, I finally caught my breath. "All right, enough about me. Spill."

Rose looked smug. "I didn't say wow." I smacked her lightly in the arm. "But things are going well. Emmett hasn't decorated a playground and expressed his undying affection for me, but things are good. He's fun, and he doesn't put up with my crap."

I was happy for her and Emmett. He was head over heels with her and whether she knew it or not would willingly jump in front of a bus for her let alone decorate a playground. Emmett had used Alice and me as go-to idea buffers. When ever he came up with something he'd bounce it off us. Now, we had to veto the wilderness date, but other than that he'd been really thoughtful. I was almost jealous of their date to the arcade. I may be small, but I am mighty. I showed that plastic arm wrestling machine every time.

Turning to Ali, Rose said, "Your turn."

We watched as Alice Cullen turned bright red. My eyebrows rose as I looked between her and Rose. Rosalie just snickered. "What have you been doing with my twin brother?"

If it were possible Alice turned one shade darker. "Come on, you know you're going to tell us," I teased.

"Well, we've been talking."

"Ooh, talking." "Talking's good." We interjected.

She glared at us but continued. "And he mentioned maybe going out sometime."

"That's all?" Rose asked indignant. "I'm going to have to talk to him about getting some balls."

Alice shook her head. "No, that's not all."

I raised my eyebrows, "Well?"

"We kinda made out behind the library stacks at school." She bit her lip, trying to hold back a beaming smile.

"What?" we screeched, getting a few more glares from the smoothie customers.

"Okay." She waved her hands and sat on the edge of her chair, tipping it forward. "I went to get a book in the library, and you know how Jasper hangs out there." We both nodded. "Anyway, he must have noticed me struggling to get this book off the top shelf. And I might have been wearing a miniskirt that day... and thigh highs." Rose snorted.

"So, he came over and helped me get my book, and once he saw the title he said that he knew of another book that would be helpful. He probably really wanted to get me another book, but once we reached the back of the library... I jumped him."

I leaned my head back laughing. Poor Jasper, he probably didn't know what had hit him. I thought for a second, _Maybe he did know._ Sneaky bastard.

The ding on the front door chimed, and we all noticed Lauren and Jessica enter the shop. I turned my seat, ignoring them, but Rose and Ali spewed looks of hate their way.

We'd had a run-in a few weeks ago, and Rose and Ali were still holding a grudge. Lauren and Jess hadn't tried anything since then, so I just let it go. In the scheme of things it wasn't a big deal. Petty girls doing petty things.

_Ali had decided that we needed some quality girl time and that I needed to get to know Rosalie better. Rose and I were friendly but neither were we really friends. She had stood up for me and helped me out, but we'd never spent any time together. _

_Ali thought we could kill two birds with one stone today. My normal clothes were going to start getting tight on me. We could shop for maternity clothes and get to know Rose at the same time. _

_I wasn't as psyched as shopping with Alice as on our last trip. Everything had been new, and I had been trying to be a new Bella, a different Bella. Now, I was different. I didn't need to try, and as much as I loved my baby I did not rejoice in the need to shop for maternity clothes. It was bad enough that my innie belly button was now an outie. _

_Ali had to drag me into the mall. She was meticulously checking her list of possible stores to visit. There were three maternity stores in this giant mall, plus department stores. I didn't know why we couldn't just go into one grab a few tops and one of those belly bands. I could wear that and sweat pants. _

_Rose snorted and helped Alice drag me. "Being pregnant is not a reason not to look your best," Rosalie said with a confident voice. _

Just wait till you're pregnant one day. Then say that. I_ tried to hide my annoyed look, but they definitely saw it. _

_We stopped at the Starbucks in the middle of the mall. Rose treated us to drinks. I got a tea, envying them and their caffienated beverages. I never cared for coffee before, but now that I couldn't have it, part of me really wanted it. _

_It could have also been because I felt rather irrationally pissed off. _

_"__So, Bella, you and Edward?" Rose asked with a smile on her face. _

_I blushed. Ali giggled. "Come on, Rose, you know I don't want to hear that about my own brother!" _

_I sent a look saying thank you, and she winked. She knew all the drama Edward and I were sifting through. _

_"__Alice, speaking of brothers... has mine finally made his move?" Rose flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder, and smiled lightly at the looks she was getting. She was gorgeous, it was obvious. I think it made me feel even fatter. _

_Unwitting to my inner pregnant torment, Alice answered with a groan. "Ugh. No. He is so oblivious! I have pulled out all the stops, but don't worry I have one more in my back pocket."_

_They continued to rant back and forth about Jasper, which kinda weirded me out that Rose had such a say, but I guess before I came to town Rose was all Ali had. _

_Finally arriving in the maternity store Motherhood, Alice picked out three maternity dresses, two blouses, and a few skirts. I really hoped that she didn't think we were getting this much at each of her stops. _

_We decided to stop in Claire's for some bangle bracelets. The cashier kept giving me suspicious looks. I guess she thought I would be trouble because I was pregnant. It made me roll my eyes. I wanted to leave, but I got caught in the back oohing over all the little girl princess crowns and purses. _

_"__Oh, look that this one!" Rose said, pulling down a Tinkerbell purse with sequins and a feather handle._

_I had this ridiculous urge to buy both the purse and the matching Tinkerbell crown when we heard a nasally laugh at the front of the store. _

_I groaned, recognizing the sound. I had no desire to be cornered by Lauren and her cronies today. _

_"__What's wrong?" Rose's eyebrows pursed together. _

_I shrugged my shoulders. "The skank brigade has arrived." _

_Rose looked like she had smelled something unsavory and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry about them." _

_I put the crown and purse back, a tinge of regret at not indulging. "Let's find Ali and get out of here."_

_"__Sure." _

_"__Bella Swan and Rosalie Hale, what a surprise to see you here!" Lauren looked down her nose at us, while Jess looked giddy behind her. "Rosalie, we had no idea that you had such low standards." _

_"__If my standards were lower I'd be hanging out with you, Lauren," Rose said prettily. _

_Jessica coughed a laugh, immediately repentant when she got a death look from Lauren. _

_"__Bella, I'm surprised to find you without Edward. According to him, you're so screwed up you can't do anything on your own." Lauren smirked as she looked between me and my growing tummy. _

_I crossed my arms and tried not to show that her low blow repeated how Edward's words hurt me. "Well, at least I have him. As I remember, he's never given you the time of day. In fact, he doesn't even remember your name, does he?" _

_He did remember her name, but he found it funny to call her other names. He didn't appreciate her treatment of me, so because she was a girl and he couldn't hit her, he found other ways to strike. _

_Her face colored and she changed tactics. "Is it true that you slept with the whole baseball team at your old school and you don't even know who your baby's daddy is?" _

_"__Shut the hell up about me and my baby! You have no idea what I've been through!" I yelled. Rose grabbed me before I could tackle her. I really wanted to yank a chunk of that fake blond hair out. _

_Lauren cackled at my outburst; she found my nerve. Jessica looked a little scared and took a step back. Lauren piped up again, on a roll, "You poor knocked-up little girl, even your mama doesn't want you." _

_I struggled in Rosalie's arms. "Don't give her the satisfaction!" she whispered. _

_I shrugged out of her arms. "Fine. Let's go." _

_Glaring at Lauren and Jessica, I brushed past them, leaving Rose to follow me. My face was stone and my mood even stormier. I thought we were through, but as we exited the store that obnoxious security alarm went off. _

_I groaned. One of my earlier purchases must have set it off. I walked back into the store to check my bags. The suspicious cashier walked up to me. _

_"__Miss, can you hand over your bags?"_

_"__Sure, I'm sorry. One of these must have set it off." I handed her the two bags I was carrying. _

_"__And your purse please." _

_Rolling my eyes, I let her have it too. _

_Out of my second bag the cashier pulled out a long necklace with a tag. I looked at it with dismay. Looking up at Rose she seemed at a loss as well. _

_"__I didn't take that. It must have fallen in or something. I wasn't even looking at the necklaces." I was shaking my head frantically. This couldn't be happening. _

_Rose spoke up, "We were at the back look ingat the little girls things the whole time." _

_The aging cashier glared at us both. "Sorry, girls, you'll have to speak with the police." She pointed to a sign that said, "Shoplifters will be prosecuted."_

_"__But—but—..." I rambled. _

_Behind me Lauren and Jessica were doubled over trying to stifle their laughter. My blood boiled. _

_"__Bitches."_

_Before I could do anything, Alice popped up out of nowhere, all _deus ex machina _style. "Ma'am? I think you might like to see this!" She was waving a small digital camera in her hand. _

_The lady glared at her. "I don't have any time for more excuses. I had my eye on these girls—"_

_Ali interrupted her, "No, you really want to see this." _

_We all crowded around Alice to see the camera. It showed Jessica dropping the necklace in my bag as I stomped by. I gasped, as did Jessica. _

_Jessica started to scramble for an explanation, but settled on blame. "Lauren told me to do it!" _

_The cashier turned her wrath on Lauren and Jessica. "You girls need to wait here. I think mall security would like to talk to you and your parents." Turning to us, she looked apologetic. "You girls can go."_

_The mall security wasn't pleased with the video Alice hand-delivered to them. Ali heard them talking as they walked into the store and spotted us. She had stayed hidden behind an earring rack while they made plans. Deciding to watch it play out, Alice taped the whole thing on her camera, catching the set up on video. Lauren and Jessica didn't fare very well, and had avoided me ever since. I was happy to be avoided. _

_I was just glad to have the drama behind me. _

I waited until Rose and Alice stopped glaring, and another ding at the door signaled their exit before I broached my next question.

Rose muttered, "Skanks," under her breath.

Ali had a calculating look I didn't want to think about.

"So, I need advice. Girl advice." Their heads snapped to me, giving me their undivided attention. "My shrink thinks that my flashbacks come from a feeling of danger, and until I deal with Jimmy I won't be safe. She thinks I need to confront him and then I'll finally be able to be... touched."

Ali looked concerned. "Are you ready for something like that yet?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

Rose took my hand in hers. "Ali's given me bits and pieces, and all I can tell you is that you shouldn't do something until you're ready. I had a possessive boyfriend once, and no matter what people told me I didn't do anything until I was ready."

"Thanks."

She smiled. "No prob. And remember, it's okay not to be ready."

I nodded.

Ali took my other hand. "And we're here for you. You don't have to do anything alone."

"I know. Thanks."

OoOoOoOoO

I walked into the house, calling out to Charlie to let him know I was home. I felt more home after three months in this house than I had at my mother's house where I lived for almost eighteen years.

"In here, Bells," Charlie called from the dining room. I'd taken over his office for the new nursery. Alice, Emmett, Jazz, and I cleared out all of his clutter and even painted the walls yellow. We had ordered a crib and changing table from Ikea and were just waiting for them to be delivered.

Entering the dining room, I found Charlie hunched over a scattering of papers everywhere. He even had a timeline written on a white board propped against the wall. I let my eyes take in the words slowly. "8:30 arrival at Jackson's. 11:00 admittance to the hospital." And so many details filled in between.

"Dad?"

"We need to talk, Bella." He looked up tiredly.

"What's going on, Dad? You haven't told me anything." I placed my hands on the table. "I know you've been looking into this, though I told you there was no point. What have you found?" My voice was sad. I wanted to hope, but I couldn't let myself.

"We found something. Liam McCartney and I have been doing some digging. I've been talking to some of my old contacts in Forks and Port Angeles. People knew that something wasn't right. That mugger came clean too easily. But people were scared."

I quietly sat in a chair across from him as he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "What do we need to do? Is there any kind of chance?" I stared down at the table, tracing the grain of the wood with my finger.

"Of course there is a chance, Bella! What we have to do is go to Forks."

My head shot up. "Go back? To Forks? How can you ask me to do that?"

He shook his head sadly. "It's the only way, honey. If I could do it from here, I would have already. But you need to file official charges and a statement."

"But I already tried to do that!"

"I'll be there this time and they won't be able to brush me off."

I got angry. He sounded so confident in his ability. "Where were you?"

"What?" His head cocked and his eyebrows tweaked.

"Where were you? Why didn't you help then? When I needed it most! Renee didn't even believe me! I was all on my own, and no one would listen to me! Once I came to my senses I went to the police, but everyone brushed me off! Where were you then?"

Charlie looked stricken. His face scrunched and I watched tears pool in his eyes. Immediately, I felt regret. It wasn't his fault. I was the idiot.

"Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." I rested my head in my hands.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I should have been there. They should have listened to you and we shouldn't have to do this now." Tears leaked from his eyes. He sniffled and cleared his throat.

"I'll go," I whispered.

"Bella?"

"I'll go," I said louder this time. "Mom wants me to come visit for Thanksgiving. Can we wait till then? It's three weeks away."

Charlie's face was tight. "The longer we wait the more difficult it will be. We need to go sooner than that. Next week or next weekend?"

"Okay." I nodded. I had no idea what I was going to do. Forks. I didn't want to ever go back there again, but it seemed like I had no choice.

I stood up and left to go to my room. I turned at the doorway. "Dad, you have a plan, right? This will work?"

Charlie's lips were in a grim line. "This will work."

"Okay. I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Bells."

I was going to go to Forks. I was going to confront my rapist. I hoped that _I_ was ready. I wasn't sure if I was.

Well, that dang therapist was going to get what she wanted.

Oh, crap. Edward was _not _going to like this.

* * *

**And the suspense begins!**

**Recs:** (The first two thanks to MsWDarcy) ;)

**Against the Pull of Gravity by Rosybud **I've never been a Quil/Claire person, but this fic created a new convert.  
**Summary: Quil has always been there for Claire. He's her best friend, her protector and though she thinks it's impossible, she wants more. But in a world where legends are real, the path to true love is not easy — even when it's destined. Quil/Claire **

**Ladder to the Sun by Rosybud **The unique premise made me start reading, but the characters kept me hooked. I want a cottage by the lake!  
**Summary:How can you die when you've never really lived? That's the problem Bella Swan faces when she's told she only has a year to live. Can she make up for a lonely, unhappy life in the short time she has left... and maybe find love too? All-human, EXB**

**The Art Teacher by spanglemaker9** Only two chapters, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it!  
**Summary: He gave me art and words and passion and life, but all I wanted was him. **


	26. Consternation

**A/N: Things I'm thankful for: my awesome betas twicrack83 and MarchHare5, my twilighted validation beta nowforruin, you my amazing wonderful creative readers, free online word processors, dictionary(dot)com and thesaurus(dot)com, a moleskin notebook that holds all my ideas, crazy and sane, fantastic fanfic for which to use up all my spare time, a silly cat named Jack who likes to attack my hairbands, creepy old men in Borders who like my hair, my hubby who is currently making my dish for thanksgiving dinner so I can post this, teapots, 50% off coupons, almost 300 reviews, and Twilight, because that is why we are all crazy obsessed, right?**

**Happy Thanksgiving!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** Language **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 26: Consternation

Today was going to totally suck balls. I wasn't sure if I'd survive the day

One: I had to arrive without puking.

Two: see Renee.

Three: talk to the police without wanting to go all homicidal.

Four: confront my rapist without having a horrendous flashback that shows just how weak I really am.

That would be just fantastic and give Jimmy another advantage over me. It was enough that the thought of coming within hundred miles gave me hives, let alone the ramifications of a flashback in his presence. I'd wake up and it would be like the dream wasn't a dream after all.

The idea of it made me want to swear or hurl... firetruck. Time to go back to the old standbys.

I gazed dismally at the evergreen landscape from the plane's tiny window. The pines were as they'd always been. Tall and dark emerald with a mist making them seem more majestic and mysterious than they really were.

I missed the heat. The dry heat that sank into your bones, taking away the numb feeling in your toes that never goes away in the wet, dank Pacific Northwest.

I missed the earth. The hundred tones of brown. Everyone thought that brown was just brown, but the different shades were taken for granted when all you could see was a pervasive green. Green was supposedly a symbol of life, but it just looked fake to me. Like one of those Thomas Kincaid paintings they try to sell in a commercialized gallery in the mall, the picture was too perfect to be taken seriously. Life isn't a painting, and it shouldn't look like one.

But then here we were. Washington State, in the good ol' U.S. of A.

I knew that I was complaining and I had no right to complain. Even to myself. I'd agreed to this. I told Charlie that I was willing. To come back to Forks, the scene of the crime and make _him_ pay. He was going to get what was coming to him, whether he knew it or not. My baby would not suffer her life with him as a father. He would not be a part of her life. Over my dead body.

It took a little bit of time to plan this trip, longer than Charlie had wanted. We were a week behind the desired schedule but it couldn't be helped. We couldn't fly without approval from my doctor, especially since I'd finally entered my third trimester. I was officially twenty-eight weeks along and Thanksgiving was next week.

Dr. Randall hadn't been pleased with our plans to fly to Forks, but she understood the reasons. Since my pregnancy was going so well, without any complications... well, except for the conception, Dr. Randall seemed to be more amiable with our plans despite my "high risk" case. She cautioned me to have as many sick bags near me as possible. My tendency to puke could be heightened due to the motion of the airplane. Fortunately, her predictions hadn't come true yet. I attributed it to my nerves of steel. At least, that was what I kept telling myself.

Randall did give me one restriction, to not place me or the baby in risk of any harm. She understood my desire to see Jimmy slaughtered, but our health came first. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, because that was a "no, duh" in my mind.

Edward was not as understanding as Dr. Randall. The green outside my window blurred and changed as I remembered.

"_You're going to do what?" Edward's voice raised in volume, probably enough to start a small avalanche. _

_I gritted my teeth and smiled. "I'm going back to Forks."_

"_Why on earth would you do that?" he retorted. I watched as he gripped the life out of my poor comforter. _

"_Charlie has a plan. He says that now is the best time. As soon as I'm cleared by my doctor we're going to fly up and file official charges against Jimmy." I ran my fingers through my hair, holding it out of my face. _

_Edward stood up and paced the length of my bedroom. I'd taken him in here to give us some privacy. I didn't want Charlie to think less of him if he didn't react well. So far, I was glad that we didn't have an audience. _

"_Didn't you do that? When he raped you?" His back was to me, and I winced at the word. I hated that word. _

"_No, by the time I went to the police they had already 'solved' the case." I rested my neck against the head board of my bed. _

_Edward paced back toward the bed, forcefully placing his hands on the foot board. "Then, why now? What's the rush?" _

_I looked up into his eyes. His eyes softened when they slipped into mine. I still wondered what he saw when he looked at me. A girl? A victim? A mistake?_

_Someone he cared about?_

_I managed a small smile, which for some reason despite his obvious frustration he returned. "Why now? I don't know. Charlie says he has a plan."_

"_Says he as a plan? You don't know what it is?" His face went rigid again, like it could crack at the slightest provocation. _

_I looked down at the white embroidery holding my comforter together and shrugged my shoulders. I really didn't know. Charlie had been more tight lipped about the whole thing much more than I liked. It was my life! My case, I thought I deserved to know, but he hadn't budged. _

_Edward didn't seem to like that either. He rammed his hands down on my bed frame, causing me to jump. _

"_No!" My eyes shot up to his, they were wild. "No way. You aren't going." My eyebrows raised at his command, but he only pleaded with me. "Don't go. It's not safe." _

"_I have too," I sighed. _

"_No. You can't go, not without me." He said it like it was an absolute. "If you're going, so am I." _

_I smiled but shook my head. "How are you going to convince your parents? They barely let you out of the house to go to school and see me! And how are you going to get away with missing school? They watch you like a hawk! Dr. Banner said that if anything else happens, no matter what, you'd be expelled!" _

_He waved his hands in the air dismissing my reason. "Who cares about Banner? He's a fucktard anyway!" _

_I gave him a look. We'd talked about language. We'd agreed to no more swearing because my baby's first words were going to acceptable to share in public. _

_He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, sorry. And who cares about my parents? I'm eighteen, what can they really do?" _

_I rolled my eyes. "They can ground you forever." _

"_Already there." _

"_They can take away your car... and cell phone, computer, ipod, you name it!" _

"_So, I'll live without modern technologies. People lived once without them. So can I," he snorted._

_I searched for another valid reason. "They can refuse to pay for college!" _

_His face went stony again at the mention of higher education. "As if I'm going to get into any respectable colleges right now anyway. The only school I'm going to attend is the community college, and that I can pay for myself," he said confidently. _

_I gave up. "Fine. Whatever. You can come... as long as it's okay with Charlie." _

_He beamed triumphantly. Edward walked around the bed, taking a seat next to me. Unconsciously, I snuggled into him. His side was strong and warm. I could almost feel the waves of masculinity rolling off him. _

_His hand gently cupped my cheek, tilting my face up to his. "The only way you are going back there to that freak show is with me by your side. That ass... jerkface won't come near you." _

_Edward kissed my smiling cheek softly then whispered in my ear, "You are mine." _

_A nervous giggle escaped my lips. I hated Jimmy's possessiveness, but Edward's sent a thrill through me. "Then you must be mine?" I whispered back. _

_He wasn't possessive of me as an object, but taking me as a part of his own self, he was quickly becoming a part of me. _

"_Always," he breathed before his lips caught mine. _

I sighed, thinking back to his kisses. They sent a butterfly feeling throughout my whole body, ending in my core. I wanted to arch my back and moan at just the memory.

Unfortunately, Edward's plans didn't go over well with Charlie. Despite his repeated insistence, Charlie thought he was a liability. Even with me around his anger was volatile. Charlie didn't trust Edward to keep his temper in check if we came in contact with Jimmy, which according to him was inevitable.

Edward said he would control it. He said no matter how much he wanted to ring Jimmy's neck.. or tar and feather him... or build an old fashioned rack and "lengthen" him, he would keep his cool.

When he made the argument that I was worth more than pummeling Jimmy, part of me melted inside. My safety was worth more.

But once again Edward put his large foot in his even larger mouth. Charlie did not appreciate Edward's insinuation that he could not protect his daughter. I could tell Charlie was taking this just a personally as Edward was. My protection was a matter of pride to him... and he'd already failed once.

So, here we sat, Charlie and I on an evil plane that was more a toy than a mode of transportation, and I didn't even have Edward along as comfort.

Speaking of evil, Dr. Young, the evil shrink, thought the whole expedition was an excellent idea. I was surprised she hadn't invited herself along to watch the experiment.

I'd been to her twice in the last week to prepare for my "confrontation with my past" as she liked to call it.

_Both times I'd sat on her newly upholstered yellow sofa, counting the plaques on her wall. She had a surprising number of them. Most of the fonts were too small to read, so I wasn't sure what they were actually for, but they did create the look she was going for, "smarter-than-thou." Though for all I knew she could be certified in nose piercing, and placed the plaque up there to make her look better. It would be just like her to do that. _

"_What are you going to say, Isabella, when you come face to face with him?" She looked over her glasses at me, then back at her notes like she had a pre-decided list of questions to ask me. _

"_I don't know." _

"_Are you going to tell him about the pregnancy?"_

_I snorted, "Don't you think that's going to be a bit obvious?"_

_She smiled softly. "You'd be surprised how dense men can be." _

_I nodded my head back and forth, unable to keep from agreeing with her. It was true. "I don't know. I think I'll probably avoid it if I can. I don't want him to think he has any say or any possible future involvement." _

"_Let me ask you this. What are you going to tell your daughter one day when she asks where her daddy is? Why she doesn't have a daddy like all the other children?"_

_I clenched my teeth. How dare she infer that she would want him in her life? I glared at her. I didn't __say anything. I didn't know what I would say. _

_She sighed lightly and turned the page in her notebook. "How are your flashbacks? Are they improving at all?"_

_I crossed my arms over my chest resting them lightly on my extended belly. "I haven't had one in a few weeks, but I haven't tried to touch anyone since Jasper." _

"_And what can you recount of that experience?"_

_I leaned back in her couch, counting the frames again as I retold the flashback. _

"_Hmm, this dependency on this _boy _concerns me. Why can you touch him and no one else?"_

_I didn't like how she talked about Edward, as if we had a creepy co-dependent relationship. We understood each other. We weren't exploiting each other's weaknesses. "I don't know." I looked away from her prying eyes, studying the floor. _

"_Did you know him before? Was there any kind of relationship that would cause this?"_

_I shook my head. "I never laid eyes on him until August. I didn't even know he existed, and he didn't know about me either." _

"_Tell me about Edward." _

_I answered her prying questions, finding no more answers than any of the times I'd thought about it on my own. I tried to adequately explain what Edward was to me, but I was pretty sure that I didn't get it across. I could tell that she viewed me as a love sick teenager. _

_She was very pleased that Edward would not be coming on our trip. Her eyes twinkled when I vaguely explained the situation. _

"_This is fantastic, Isabella-"_

"_Bella." _

"_Closure is very important to the process of moving on. Much of your symptoms are residue from the experience that has not been resolved. You will remain the victim until you take charge. Only when you have control can you move past your flashbacks." She nodded to herself importantly. I almost expected her to be taking notes on herself. _

_Her words sounded all nice and flashy, but I didn't think it would be that simple. I'd gained control over my life three months ago. I'd taken charge and responsibility for my life. Confronting Jimmy might create closure, but more important than my closure, it would create a safer world for my daughter. _

_I smiled and nodded, giving her what she wanted. I hoped that she would help me, but at this point it didn't seem likely. I didn't buy into her mumbo-jumbo. But I knew that I might be able to learn something, pick and choose what would actually work for me. _

"Please buckle your seat belts. We'll be landing in Port Angeles shortly, at 2:25 pacific standard time," the pilot came over the intercom, fuzzy and distorted, pulling me out of my mind.

Charlie began to reassemble the dozens of papers he had spread over his little lap tray. At first I tried to read over his shoulder and figure out what they were, but I couldn't make any sense of them.

He stuffed them in his briefcase and flipped the tray up, locking it in place. Turning, careful not to bump me accidentally, he smiled. "Bells, you ready? We're almost there."

Pressing my lips together, I returned a smile that didn't reach my eyes. "Sure." I turned my whole body to look out the window; the mist and fog in the middle of the November afternoon mirrored my mood perfectly.

OoOoOoOoOo

Charlie rented a small SUV and drove like an old lady, as if he'd forgotten how to drive in the rain in the years he'd been gone. I would have volunteered to drive if my belly wasn't so big. I could if I wanted. It just wasn't as comfortable as it once was. I could still see my feet, but they felt a long way down.

There was a light drizzle outside, but the rain wasn't the problem. It was dark. The clouds obscured the sun from reaching the ground. The gray haze made it feel like it was perpetual twilight. Not day, not night, but always in between. It was like it gave cause to living in the gray areas, not black, not white, but always ambiguous.

I sent a quick text off to Edward. _I'm here. I'm fine. Call you later. -B_

A few minutes later I received his reply. _Call me if you need anything. I'll be there. -E _

I sighed. I really wished Edward could be here.

I watched Charlie as he drove hunched forward, concentrating. "What's the plan, Dad? You promised you'd tell me." His focus was visibly taken from the road.

"I will, Bells. Just give me a little more time. I need to check on a few things. Once everything is in place, I'll fill you in."

I shook my head, tired with the whole beat around the bush routine. "What is there to get into place? Me? Well, I'm here."

"Bells, patience. Just a little more patience, please. It's for your benefit," he pleaded.

"Fine," I said and rested my head on my elbow as watched the mist and trees blur by.

Before I knew it we reached the city limits and we passed the sign welcoming us to Forks. The wooden sign was older than I was, and it had been about that long since it'd been painted. I gave myself a promise right then and there that I'd never come back. Once I was truly free, nothing could ever bring me back to this god-forsaken place.

The houses soon began to add up. A single house in the outskirts, and then a cluster, and exponentially more the closer we got to town. We'd have to go all the way through town, past the school, past the diner, past the grocery store and the gas station, past the police station and town hall, past Mary Jackson's house and Bree's before we'd finally reach Renee's.

I wondered if I'd see them, any of them. And what would they say when they saw me. But I already knew the answers to my questions.

"_Iz! Oh my gosh, Iz! You won't believe what I just heard?" Bree came barreling to our typical lunch table. We'd been sitting in this corner of the cafeteria for the few short weeks we'd been at Forks High School. Being a freshman was hell. I still wasn't used to High School, the drama, the gossip, the popularity contest. Mostly I'd kept my head down and gone with the flow. _

_I discretely wiped any crumbs from my mouth and faithfully gave my full attention to my best friend. "What did you just hear?"_

_Bree erupted in a fit of giggles. "It's just too good, you'll never believe it!" She said this almost every day as prelude to sharing the latest gossip. I didn't know how she knew the things she did, but somehow she heard things before anyone else. Sometimes I thought she had super hearing, or at least sneaky spy skills. _

"_Chelsea Afton got knocked-up at the Homecoming bonfire!"_

"_What?" My attention was fully grabbed. _

"_Chelsea Afton, you know the head color guard, girlfriend of Felix Corin? She's pregnant!" Bree beamed, proud of her intimate knowledge. _

_I fiddled with my apple, rolling it back and forth between my hands. "Aw, that's terrible, poor girl." _

_Bree rolled her eyes. "Poor girl? My mom says that she shouldn't have opened her legs if she didn't want a baby! But I'm sure that Felix will pay for the abortion. He's going to UDub next year, and she can't ruin her life with something like that!" _

"_But she must be so scared." I looked at my apple, unwilling to disagree with Bree much more. _

"_I guess... but, she'll get over it. If she does have the kid, can you imagine how fat she's going to get? I bet she'll blow up like a blimp." _

_Bree kept going on about the details, but I blocked her out, nodding only when necessary. _

_I watched as Chelsea entered the cafeteria, the whole room hushed. Her face blotched up, matching her red rimmed eyes. She looked for support, for her friends. The girls in the color guard just giggled, and spread out at their table, so there was no room. Chelsea looked to Felix next, but he was almost as red faced as she. He threw away his uneaten lunch and tromped out of the lunch room without a backward glance. At his rejection all the color drained from her face. She looked from table to table searching for a friendly face to sit with. When she reached our table, I dropped my eyes, unable to invite her over. _

_Eventually she gave up and sat alone at an empty table. _

Charlie pulled into a familiar gravel driveway; it led to a small cape-cod with a single gable. My home for the past eighteen years.

"We're here, Bells," Charlie said, stating the obvious.

We sat for a few moments in the drive, each gathering our own thoughts. I was prepping myself for the impending encounter with Renee. She didn't know we were coming. She'd been bugging me to visit for Thanksgiving, which was only a week away, but I'd given no promises. She probably wasn't going to like our reasons for coming. We'd rented a hotel room in Port Angeles in case she didn't want us to stay. Honestly, I felt like it was a toss up, she could welcome me with open arms or throw me out on the curb.

Moments later I was standing on my own front porch, knocking on my front door, unsure as to whether I'd be received favorably. I hadn't received Renee well when she'd showed up in Phoenix. It would only be fair.

"It'll be fine, Bells. Breathe," Charlie said. I let out a shuddered breath, resolved again.

I knocked again, harder this time. Shifting from foot to foot reminded me that I had a full bladder I needed to empty soon. No one was coming to the door. It was almost four in the afternoon on a school day.

"She's probably still at school."

"Do you think she'd mind if we let ourselves in?" he asked.

I shrugged. "There's a spare key in the fake rock under the hydrangea bush, Dad." I pointed to the flower bed to our left.

He gave me a closed lipped smile. "I remember."

"Yeah." I picked my nails awkwardly.

Charlie quickly got the key from the purple, plastic rock with yellow specks that didn't blend in with the flowers even in the spring.

The inside of the house was just the same, albeit a bit more messy than when I lived here. Bright yellow cabinets with blue kitchen supplies everywhere. The old wooden table was covered in stickers, stamps, and glitter.

I walked through the house, noticing little changes here and there, mainly from her lack of cleaning. She probably hadn't done a load of laundry or vacuumed since I left.

"I'm going to use the restroom and put my bag in my room," I called back to Charlie.

"I'll just be making some calls, 'kay?" he replied.

"Okay."

I made my way up the stairs. The pictures on the wall chronicled my life. Each embarrassing school picture, each staged Christmas photo hung framed on the wall like it always had. I stared at that girl and barely recognized her. She wasn't a part of my life anymore.

After using the small bathroom, I dumped my bag on the floor at the foot of the twin bed. Everything looked like it hadn't been touched since I left. Two of my drawers were still open from my last minute packing. A few books lay on the floor near my bookshelf when I'd decided to leave them behind.

I picked up the old ratty teddy bear that Charlie gave me when I was three. I held it to my face breathing in the comforting smell of childhood. Sitting on my bed, I released a sob I didn't even realize I was holding in.

I held the teddy bear against my face to silence the noise. Holding my breath, I forced myself to regain control. I could do this. I had to do this.

Despite Charlie's love and support I felt alone, terribly alone.

My cell beeped in my bag. I lay down on my side on the bed and picked my bag up off the floor. I had a message from Alice.

_We r on our way. We'll b there late 2nite! -A_

My eyes widened. We? What? Coming? What? I texted as much back. Not a minute later I got a reply.

_Edward, me, and Jazz. U didn't think we'd let u go w/o us? -A_

Suddenly, a huge burden was lifted from my chest. A burden I knew was there, and had been willing to bear alone. But I didn't have to anymore.

Taking a deep breath I squared my shoulders and walked to my closet door. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. I stood on my tippy-toes shuffling some shoe boxes out of the way and untapped the flash drive I had from the top shelf. Shoving it in my pocket, I pushed the shoe boxes back into place.

Feeling lighter, I bounced down stairs. Well, as much as a seven months pregnant woman can bounce. I knew that Charlie was not going to be happy about our impending guests. This was a kink in his plan, but it was my life and I was glad they were coming.

I walked in on a phone conversation. All of Renee's elementary crafts had been pushed into a basket and set aside. Charlie's papers were strewn in their place.

"We'll be there in an hour. We're just waiting for Renee to get home... Thanks, Pete. I owe you one." He shut his phone and gave me a small smile.

"So Bells, it's all set up to go down to the station around six." I nodded and sat down in a kitchen chair. "I made a few calls, one to your mother. She's on her way now. She said it's fine that we stay here."

I nodded again. "I got a text from Ali."

"How's she doing?" he said, routinely.

"She said that she's on her way."

His head shot up, and a few papers slipped from his hands. "What? On her way here?"

I leaned my head on my hand. "Yeah, Edward and Jasper, too."

"What? I told him he couldn't come! He could jeopardize the investigation!" Charlie's fist pounded on the table for emphasize. I couldn't help but flinch away.

Tolerantly I said, "Dad, they're coming and I'm glad they are."

"You don't know how they could interfere!"

"I need them. I need their support. I know I have you, but I need them too. They'll arrive sometime tonight. Ali said late." I took a pony tail holder off my wrist and pulled my hair back. "Now, tell me what's going on."

Charlie kept eye contact with me for a long time before lifting his hands in defeat. Something in my face or eyes must have shown how serious I was. I was glad he didn't fight me over it.

He pulled out another chair and sat down across from me. Shuffling his papers, he pulled out three separate ones from each of the piles.

Charlie looked up, watching my face carefully. "There are witnesses."

"What?"

"That's what I've kept from you. We have three witnesses." He set the three papers in front of me.

My brain was spinning from this sudden information. "What?"

"We have three witnesses. Two from the Jackson girl's party, and the nurse at the hospital." He clasped his hands in front of himself, the picture of a collected cop.

I ran a hand through the hair that had already escaped my pony tail. "Why didn't they come forward before?"

Charlie shook his head in disgust. "Scared, confused, I don't know. You name a weak excuse and one of them has it."

I looked down at the papers. Each of them detailed the witness and their story. I knew the witnesses from the party. I'd seen them every day at school. They knew what'd happened; I was telling the truth, and they let me burn.

"Why now?" I glanced back and forth between the papers searching for an answer.

"You just asked, and you need to know before anyone else gets involved."

"No, why now? Why would they be willing to come forward now, when they weren't before? It's been seven months!"

"I've told them about you... your conditions."

My face froze. "Dad!"

He waved his hands to explain. "I had to convince them somehow! I barely got the information from the original police report. It was buried. Despite that, they weren't that surprised when I called."

"Are they really willing to back up my story?"

Charlie rubbed his hand together nervously. "As long as we get to them first, and no one scares them off."

I nodded, and read back over the papers. It was a definite possibility that Jimmy's father could get to them first. He was a powerful man in this tiny town. No one wants to rock the boat of a small community. One mistake could ruin your reputation or your life.

Handing the papers back to Charlie, I leaned back in my chair, shifting back and forth, fixing the belly band that held up my unbuttoned jeans.

"Will they be there tonight?"

Charlie shook his head. "No, but as soon as we give their names, the officers will interview them to double check your statement."

"Okay." I nodded. This was much better than I expected. I hadn't even known we had any kind of witnesses when I decided to come.

Still stuck in my reverie, my bubble burst when the door opened, and a voice called out, "Isabella! You're home! Finally!"

My chair scraped against the floor as I jumped to my feet. The screeching sound was almost as bad as nails on a chalkboard. I hunched my shoulders inward as I gazed at the shadowy figure in the door way.

"Isabella! Aren't you going to give your mother a hug?" Renee stepped into the light of the kitchen, no longer obscured by shadows.

I gave a sigh of relief, unsure as to what I was relieved about. "Hey, Mom. How are you?" I moved awkwardly around the table straightening my clothes as I moved. The green plaid shirt I wore over a simple t-shirt did nothing to hide my belly, which was now more than clear. Alice would be horrified at my choice of attire. I was glad I brought some of the maternity clothes she purchased for me.

I gave Renee a loose hug, but she pulled me in tight squashing me against her. Actually, she squashed herself against me, not much of me was budging nowadays.

"Oh, honey, you are getting so big! Are you taking weekly pictures with the camera I sent you for your birthday?" She smiled largely.

I quirked my eyebrows. Who was she? And what did she do with my mother? "Mom?" I asked.

Her smile faltered. "Isabella, you know how I feel. There's no point in arguing anymore, is there?" She began to bustle around the room, creating more clutter with the papers she brought from school.

From my left Charlie cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. "Renee."

"I saw you, Charlie." She gave him a look that made him shift all the more awkwardly. I didn't know what it meant, but they had been married for almost ten years. "This isn't a social call is it?"

"No, it isn't." He walked forward and placed his hands on the back of a kitchen chair. I took this opportunity to sit down, and part of me was dying to watch the show. Just how he was going to explain this to Renee... I couldn't wait to see what he had to say.

"I made a few breaks in Bella's case." He looked pointedly at Renee.

"Bella's case? What case?" She sounded just as clueless as usual. I withheld a well deserved eye roll.

"Renee, you may act dense, but we both know that you aren't."

"Fine. You are going to accuse the poor Crawford boy of assault or rape? What makes you think that you can prove that?" Renee asked. She pulled out her own chair and sat down like she was trying to make a point.

Charlie glared at her and gathered the papers on the table, placing them haphazardly in a file. Handing the entire file to her, he said, "See for yourself, Renee. Use the brain that I know you have and put two and two together. Or maybe you could have trusted your daughter in the first place. I know you are going to wish you had." I snorted internally. I wished she had too.

Renee flipped her short brown hair over her shoulder. "You don't know anything about me, Charles. You haven't in a very long time. As for trusting my own daughter, at least I've been here, can't say the same for you."

Charlie winced at her low blow. I shook my head but it didn't remove the disgust from my face or my voice. "Enough. I'm right here in case you forgot. Deal with your own problems on your time. This is about me." I tried not to grind my teeth. "Renee, just read the stupid file. And, Dad, it's time for us to go."

Renee released a whiny breath and set the file on the table. "How come I'm Renee and he's dad?"

I placed my hands on the table and rose to my feet. "Because he's the one who's on my side and you haven't been in a long time."

Reaching across the old table, she placed her hand on top of mine. "I'm always on your side, Isabella."

"It's Bella. And just read the file." I crossed the kitchen trying to not release the string of swear words that she made congregate on the tip of my tongue.

Charlie handed me my coat and watched while I struggled to put it on. After a second of searching for the left arm hole, he looked away, probably so he wouldn't be tempted to help. I took my purse off the hook, while he opened the door for me.

Calling over my shoulder, I said, "Oh Renee? Three more guest are going to arrive tonight. Pick up a bit?"

I didn't look back to see her expression. It was petty to pick on something that she could barely help. I'd always been the one to keep things neat. But I was feeling petty tonight. Don't screw with the pregnant chick.

Charlie smiled tightly at me. "Ready, Bells?"

"Sure." I slid into the rental's passenger's seat. What the heck? It was time to set things to rights.

* * *

**Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed on the last few chapters! I really appreciate them. I'm sorry I haven't replied to most, if any of them. I love them, they keep me writing!**

**So, what are you thankful for?**

**Recs:**

**Sibling Rivalry by RooseGirl **Interesting premise, right?  
**Summary: What if Bella was embraced by the Denali coven before the Cullens? After Bella finds happiness and sisterhood that she never had, how have would her relationship with Edward panned out then?**

**A Rough Start by ItzMegan73** Ultimate daddyward and teachella  
**Summary: Overnight irresponsible Edward goes from bachelor to father of a 5 yr old. Meanwhile responsible, prepared Bella begins her first job as Kindergarten teacher at Forks Elementary. When irresponsible meets the epitome of responsible, sparks will fly!**

**Boy in the Red Sweater by Starrynytex** One of the first ff I read, a classic.  
**Summary: Complete. Laced in silence and bound by his black web of a backpack, the new boy dressed in the faded red pullover is driving Bella insane with curiosity. Don't judge a boy by his sweater. AH. M for future chaps, language, dark themes.**


	27. Calumny

**A/N: DUN DUN DUN... see you at the end...**

**Thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83, I adore you both. *muah***

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** Language **  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 27: Calumny

Have you ever noticed that the police stations in cop shows are so much more impressive than in real life? All TV shows may not have high tech devices or fancy sets, but there is always the clutter of purpose. The bustle of movement showing our police officers protecting and serving. Forks' police department looked like it was dying to have something interesting happen. The coffee maker even looked like it had been cleaned today, twice out of boredom. It flipping shined.

They were in luck; we were about to bring them the case of a century. A rape, a cover-up, a corrupt politician, and the corrupt enforcement that helped him. I just hoped that we didn't get the corrupt cop.

Charlie and I sat in the metal holding room chairs, the fabric cushions long since worn out. We'd been sitting here for a while and they still hadn't seen us. At least we weren't naked in backless gowns.

I tapped my foot impatiently, shaking the whole table. It wobbled back and forth like one of the legs was too short. Every now and then I would subtly tap my pocket where my flash drive rested. It was my last resort. It wasn't much, but I hoped it would help my case.

Finally, the door swung open. And in walked two officers carrying coffee and a legal pad of paper. The first was a female with mid-length black hair cropped directly at her shoulders. She walked with her shoulders, like being a female on a mostly male police force made her that much more butch. Surprisingly she wore light make-up that brought out the grayish-blue color of her eyes. She pulled out a chair and sat across from me. I watched as she sized me up, taking in my appearance, my... ahem, condition without any judgment. I didn't know whether that was a good or bad assessment.

The other officer wore a suit and tie, but it didn't hide his increasing girth. He looked like he wanted to unbutton the top button of his oxford shirt, but resisted because it hid his double chin. He was balding and couldn't hide it anymore. He gave Charlie a tight-lipped smile with a nod like they knew each other.

Charlie probably knew most of the police officers here. It was where he worked for ten years before he left Forks.

"Pete." Charlie stood and shook the hand of the second officer, confirming my suspicions. I also recognized him as the man Charlie had spoken to on the phone on several occasions.

"Good to see you, Charlie." He pulled out a chair next to the lady officer and flopped unceremoniously down.

"This is my daughter, Isabella," Charlie introduced me. I gave a short nod.

Pete smiled, making his face wrinkle around the eyes and a dimple appear in each cheek. "I'm Peter Greene, and this is my partner Tia Verner." He offered his hand to shake.

I bit my lip and stared awkwardly for a moment at the table. By the time I looked up, his hand had dropped as well as his smile. I tried to explain myself. "Sorry, I can't... uh... touch... uh men," I ended quickly.

Officer Verner's eyes narrowed while Pete's widened in confusion. I could almost hear Charlie grind his teeth. "It's a side effect of the PTSD."

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Verner's hand started to write quickly on the pad she had brought.

I fiddled with the edge of my shirt. "I was diagnosed by a Dr. Lucy Smith at Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles at the end of June. It's been confirmed by my doctors in Phoenix, too."

Verner twiddled her pen between her fingers and took the moment to tilt her head back. Pete rubbed his chin. I waited while we sat there in silence. I knew that we were the ones bringing the charges, but did they even know what they were doing?

Charlie cleared his throat. "Bells, why don't you tell the officers your story." I nodded, but Verner held up her hand to stop me.

"Isabella—"

I cut her off. "It's Bella."

She looked up from her notepad, and smiled sardonically. "Bella, then, why exactly can't you touch men?"

I sighed deeply. "Every time I touch a man I relive that night. It doesn't matter how or why, a passing touch or purposeful, each time I see Jimmy Crawford and what he did to me."

Verner "hmmed" and continued to write. I could feel Charlie lean back in his chair next to me. I looked over to find one hand over his face and the other crossed protectively over his chest.

Pete's eyebrows scrunched together. "Okay, why don't you tell us what happened that night."

I turned to face Charlie. "Are you sure you want to hear this, Dad?"

He lifted his hand from his face, displaying a collected mask. "Yeah. Go ahead."

I placed my hands flat on the table to stop myself from wringing them while I spoke. I took a breath then looked both of the officers in the eye, making sure I had their full attention.

"On May ninth, I went to Mary Jackson's house for an end of the year party..."

OoOoOoOoOo

"Ms. Swan, just to get my facts straight, you arrived at the Jackson home around 8:30 p.m. and you were admitted to the hospital at midnight." Verner's eyes were still cautious, like she didn't know whether she believed me or not, like she viewed it as a matter of pride to stay objective. That was fine with me as long as I wasn't blown off. Not this time.

I nodded at her assessment.

"In the time between, you spent a half hour to forty-five minutes at the party. Before 9:30 you drank from a cup that was not yours." She shook her head in disbelief, but continued, not waiting for my response. "You found your way into an empty room, in an attempt to find the bathroom. You were dizzy, weak, and disoriented, but you hadn't lost any time or memory."

I tersely nodded again.

"You recall a person opening the door and shutting it. Not long after the accused entered the room. He baited you and hit you. You struggled, but ineffectively. After beating you, he forced himself upon you."

"Yes," I hissed, pissed at the unemotional retelling of the most horrible night of my life.

"The accused left you alone and you blacked out. You were brought to the emergency room just before midnight."

"Yes. Are we done?" I asked of both officers and Charlie.

Charlie chose this time to step in. "There are three people unaccounted for. I took the time to track them down. First is the teen who opened the door directly before the assault took place. Second is the person who took Bella to the hospital, and third is the nurse who did the rape kit at the hospital that night." He handed the officers some papers from his folder. "I have also managed to resurrect the original file made that night by police before the mugger confessed." He took out another folder, handing it to the officers. "This is a copy of it. You'll notice that the officer is no longer part of the department, but was transferred to Olympia four months ago."

Pete and Verner looked at each other, some message being passed between.

I bit my lip and tried to interpret what was going on. If they were concerned about their own jobs, would they help me?

Before they could say anything about the information in front of them, Charlie dropped a bomb. "I have been working very closely with the District Attorney in Seattle. He is the one who has helped me obtain information which was mysteriously overlooked last May. Sam Uley assures me that if I brought it to the attention of the local P.D. it would be dealt with in-house. If matters aren't handled properly State Police will step in."

At these words, Pete stood and offered my dad his hand. "We'll do all that we can. Thank you for your help."

Charlie shook it and a "cop" look passed between them. They began to speak quietly between themselves.

Verner finished her notes and capped her pen. She tucked the pad under her left arm and offered her right hand to me. I stood and shook her hand firmly.

She gasped as she looked down at me. I looked down at myself; my green plaid shirt had fallen away revealing the t-shirt underneath, and more importantly my growing belly. I released her hand immediately and closed my over shirt. I'd been sitting the whole time, and they must have not noticed until now.

"Charlie!" Pete's eyes were wide, flitting between me and my father. "Is she?... Is it?..." His words trailed off.

I took a step backwards, trying to protect myself from their prying eyes. Their shock. Their disgust. Their pity.

Charlie stepped in front of me. I watched him try to hold his shoulders steady, but they slumped. "It's his."

Verner hooked on hand on her hip setting the tablet on the metal table, making it wobble and creak. "How do we know that she isn't lying? She's a pregnant eighteen-year-old. I've heard of lesser reasons for this kind of slander."

I glared at her, angry now, confident now. I stepped around Charlie, careful not to touch him, and dug the flash drive out of my pocket. I held the black USB drive inches from her face. "Pictures, time stamped May 10. If the witness testimonies aren't enough, I made sure to document what that bastard did to me."

I slammed it down on the table. "Slander? I'm the one who's been slandered! Driven from my home in fear! Ostracized by my friends, my family!"

"Like I said, if you can't take care of it, the D.A. will be more than happy to do a little... spring cleaning," Charlie threatened.

"We'll investigate, Charlie. No worries," Pete tried to appease us all. He walked to the door and held it open for us.

I snorted internally. _No worries, yeah. Charlie better know what he's doing or we're screwed._

OoOoOoOoOo

We were silent the entire ride back to Renee's house; not that it was a long drive, it was just a heavy silence. Charlie had heard more of the story than I'd told him before, and I'd shared my humiliation with two skeptical strangers, yet again. There weren't really words adequate for what we just did. No father should have to experience that. No daughter should either.

It was dark outside, but the evening had become full night. Charlie pulled the car in to park in Renee's drive way. For the second time today we sat staring at the house.

"I didn't know you had pictures."

"Yeah, I felt like I had to." I rested my head on the side door.

"The hospital's were destroyed with everything else." His voice was tired, yet still seeking an unasked question.

"I have another set of copies on another flash in my desk upstairs. You can look at them if you need to... but I made sure to document everything." I closed my eyes, trying not to think about those pictures. I hadn't looked at them since I took them. I stored them on several USB drives and virtually forgot about them, except I couldn't bear to look at myself in a mirror for months after.

Charlie cleared his throat. "That won't be necessary, at least, not yet."

"Okay." I opened the passenger door, closing it behind me. I didn't look to see if Charlie followed me. I didn't hear the car door, so I figured he needed a few minutes. I knew I did. I trudged up the stairs to the front door, bracing myself for Renee. I only hoped she would take me seriously now.

I opened the door and hung up my purse on the coat hook. I stepped into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Turning the sink on, I filled a glass with water and took a drink. I dumped the rest of the water back in the sink.

"Isabella—"

I dropped the glass into the sink, shattering it instantly.

"Isabella, we just need to talk." The source of the voice stepped into the light from the living room.

I scuffled over to the opposite side of the room. My breath started to come quicker, and my chest hurt. I pressed my hands to my chest trying to gather air, as I angled my body away from him, ready for what would happen next.

"Isabella, I don't want to hurt you."

I dropped my hands and I looked in Jimmy Crawford's eyes. They were light blue, the same color they had always been. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He smiled. "Word travels fast."

"Mom!" I yelled. There was no response.

"She's not here. She left before I let myself in."

"How did you get in?" I asked over my shoulder.

He laughed. "Fake rock? I remember, Isabella."

It'd been months since I'd seen him and he hadn't changed much. He was still tall and muscular. His sandy blond hair hung shaggy around his ears, almost too long in the front, but I knew it was his style he since he went to the barber's every two weeks. He had his hands in his pockets, the picture of relaxation. Jimmy looked like his mother dressed him, and knowing his mother, she probably did. Can't have her baby look any less than his best, even for a visit with his ex.

I turned slowly, facing him now, and protectively placed my hand on my belly.

**Thump.**

I pressed back where she tapped me inside. Comforted by our solidarity.

"Iz," he gasped. Almost involuntarily, he lurched towards me.

I held out a hand to ward him off. "Don't come near me!"

"But, Izzy, you're pregnant! Why didn't you tell me?" His eyes traveled up and down me three times in that question. I wanted to take a shower. Two showers.

"Tell you?" I spat. "You fucking raped me! Why would I tell you?"

He steadied himself on the refrigerator, no longer looking at me, but beyond me. "I'm the father, right? I have to be the father! You were such a prude. Of course, I'm the father."

I shook my head vehemently, holding tightly to the door frame. "You are nothing! This is my baby! Not yours. You will never come near us!"

_Where was Charlie? Why hadn't he come inside yet?_

"I'm the father, Isabella." His voice was like granite. He no longer needed to rest against the fridge. Standing, he crossed the kitchen in three steps, now only inches from me.

I flinched, biting my bottom lip so hard it started to bleed.

"I'm the father. I have rights."

Shaking my head, slowly at first, then more forcefully. "You have no rights. You are a rapist. You're going to find that the state of Washington doesn't look too kindly on the rape and impregnation of a minor."

His jaw jutted out and his eyes flashed. Before I could brace myself he slammed his hands on either side of the doorway, the noise resounding through the house. I emitted a scream before I could hold it back.

A growl came from the back of his throat and he turned, taking a few steps away. "You don't mean that, Isabella."

I took a step back into the doorway, shocked at his absolute gall. "What?"

He turned seemingly contrite. "You don't mean that. You need me!" He got down on his knees before me. "Don't you see that this is our chance? We can be a family."

My mouth dropped open. "You're insane."

"It's my baby, too! This is perfect. We can be together again." He smiled at me, almost beaming as if he'd been given the greatest gift. "I love you, Izzy. We're meant to be!"

As forcefully as possible, I spoke slowly, like he was completely psychotic. "No, we're not. We will never be together again, and you will never be a part of my child's life."

His smile dropped, and his eyes narrowed. "You don't seem to understand, Isabella. You're all alone. I'm all you have."

It was my turn to smile. I let a laugh escape through my lips. "That's where you're wrong. You're the one who can't see. I've moved on. I have people around me who love me and support me."

He stood, brushing off his knees. "I don't see anyone, Iz. You're looking rather alone to me."

He reached out and tried to grab my arm. Out of reflex I jerked out of his way, shouting, "Don't you fucking touch me!"

He chided me in return, voice loud and demanding, "Isabella—"

"Bella? Bells? What's going on?" Charlie's voice floated in behind me, the front door clicking behind him.

Jimmy looked surprised, eyes searching the dark front hallway.

"In here, Dad," I called out.

Jimmy's eyebrows raised, but he took a few steps back, using the kitchen table as a buffer between him and me, as if he hadn't just tried to force me. I stepped into the room so I wasn't blocking the doorway.

"Did I just hear you yell? I thought you and Edward made a swearing pact?" Charlie asked, as he walked into the kitchen with a plastered smile on his face.

Jimmy sent a murderous look toward me. "Edward?"

Charlie stopped a foot into the cluttered room, frozen. "Bella? Who is this?"

I stepped in front of Charlie, facing him with my arms out wide, trying to ward him away from what could be a very bad situation. "Dad, calm down."

"I am calm." No inflection gave away his emotions. This was bad.

"Dad, please don't do anything. You can't help me if you're arrested for assault. Please just don't be rash."

"Is this him?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes."

"I'll kill him. I'll make him fucking pay." Charlie roared, taking a step forward. I stepped with him, effectively blocking him from my rapist. It was a rather ironic situation. But what I said before was true. I couldn't use him if he was spending the week in jail.

"Dad! This isn't going to help! Now stop!"

His face didn't change, but he didn't try to move at Jimmy. I took that as an acceptance of my logic.

I turned to find Jimmy with his arms crossed, furious. "Who's Edward, Isabella?"

"It's Bella!" Charlie interjected.

Chewing on the side of my cheek, I closed my eyes for a second, regaining my center. "Dad, can you go call Renee? I haven't seen her since I got in."

"Bella..." his voice warned.

"Please, Dad? I'll be fine." I looked at Jimmy with a sarcastic grin. "Won't I be, Jimmy?"

He didn't respond.

Charlie huffed, "Fine. I'll be just in the next room. If you try anything, you're going to regret it." He said the last part as a benefit for Jimmy. Unfortunately, he didn't even wriggle under Charlie's cop stare.

We watched as Charlie walked out. "Who's Edward?"

"I told you I had friends."

"No, I can tell. He's more than that."

I smiled again. "I've moved on, Jimmy. I did a long time ago."

Jimmy growled, his teenage dream face twisting in anger. "You'll regret this, Isabella!" His fists shook at his sides, knuckles so white they were probably swelling. "You think you have witnesses? Think again. No one will speak for you! You don't have anything against me. I'm the mayor's son. Who do you think a court is going to award custody to? You're going to wish that you had chosen me." He smiled sadly at me. "We would have been perfect."

"You're completely insane." I shook my head at his audacity.

"You're going to regret this, Izzy. Just wait." Jimmy stormed out of the house, punching the wall next to my head as he walked out.

The moment the door slammed behind him, and I slid down the wall to the ground. I covered my face, hiding tears of anger, frustration, fear, and the wrenching sob I released.

I don't know how long I sat there. Charlie came to check on me once, but I was too caught up to acknowledge him. If he could have touched me, he would have shaken some sense into me, but I wasn't budging.

Renee came home, carrying several bags of groceries. I barely looked up to see her come in. I'd moved from consciously sobbing to silent tears flowing down my face.

"Isabella! Snap out of it! Pull yourself together!" Renee clapped her hands in front of my face. She might have asked Charlie if she could slap me, but I was pretty sure it didn't go over well.

He sighed, a muffled sigh, like he was rubbing his hand over his face. I couldn't tell. My sight was obscured. "Leave her be. She needs to cry herself out."

"Charlie, I'm her mother!"

"Leave her alone, Renee. And if you're her mother, why don't you start acting like one?"

I rested my head against the wall. I wished that I could pull up my legs and hide from the world, but it was no longer a possible sitting position for me. I closed my eyes. My grief continued to rain down my cheeks. I didn't feel in control anymore; it was like my body had decided this was what it needed, and it was going to get it, with or without my participation.

My parents moved around me like little satellites, sometimes interacting, but mostly ignoring each other focusing on their own orbit.

"Ali, how long until you guys get here?... Okay, yeah." He paused, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. "She's not doing so well... See you soon."

It felt hours later when the front door slammed, but it must have been minutes. I winced at the sound, wrapping my arms tighter around me and the baby. Feet shuffled along the wood floor of the hallway. Several things dropped to the ground with individual thuds.

"Bella?" Hands touched my hair, along my arms, and wrapped around my shoulders. A body cradled mine, shielding me. "Bella, it's all right."

Edward.

Another hand, smaller this time, gripped my hand. "We're here, Bells. We got you." Her body was crouched on the floor, close and familiar.

Alice.

A voice a few feet from my face spoke. "Hey, darlin', we missed you today. These two couldn't stand another day without you, so I had to break 'em free."

Jasper.

I cracked a smile, which for some reason only made me cry harder. Edward kissed my forehead. Alice squeezed my hand three times, telling me she loved me. Jasper was just there.

"It's okay, just cry. We got you. You don't have anything to worry about anymore," Edward said with his head propped on top of mine.

I snuggled into the crook of his neck, soaking his shirt with my tears.

OoOoOoOoOo

I woke up with the dawn, my bladder protesting the length of time between visits to the restroom. I sat in bed, finding a very asleep Alice tucked in next to me. Edward was dead to the world on the floor beside my bed. I stepped over him carefully trying not to trip on his limbs splayed everywhere. Jasper was on the floor as well, only on Alice's side of the bed. He looked like he'd lain down on his back when he went to sleep and hadn't moved yet.

Relieving my pathetically small bladder, I reemerged to find a very sleepy Edward sitting up on the floor balancing against the side of the bed. He sloppily rubbed his eyes then his hair, making it stand up everywhere.

"Hey," I whispered.

He smiled his lopsided smile, "Hey beautiful. How are you feeling?"

My face colored, remembering the emotional wreck I'd been last night. "Fine. Embarrassed."

He reached his hand up to me. I took it with no hesitation. Gently, he pulled me to the floor with him, his legs straddling me. I settled my head against his shoulder.

"You know this means you're gonna have to help me up? Now that I'm on the floor, I'll never be able to pull myself up," I mumbled into his neck.

He chuckled softly, not to wake Ali or Jazz. "Taking on turtle-like qualities?"

I punched his shoulder, laughing. "Not funny."

Edward smirked. "I don't know. I think it's pretty funny."

"Ha ha, you're a riot." I leaned back on his chest, laughing lightly, unable to help myself. It felt good to laugh.

We sat quietly for a while, enjoying each other's company until Alice began to snore slightly, interrupting herself with hiccuping noises. We both looked at each other and pressed our lips tightly together. There was no way that we'd be able to keep quiet if we stayed here any longer.

Edward pulled himself up with the help of the edge of the bed, and then grasped my elbows and forearms and hauled me off the ground. I felt like we needed a forklift. We scurried out of my room and shut the door quietly to hear a snore-hiccup as it clicked. I held my hand over my mouth while I hurried down the stairs. At the bottom, I rested my back against the wall, letting the giggles loose.

"That was the most awful sound ever!" I said between breaths.

Edward was smiling. "Yeah, it's a new one. She does the weirdest things in her sleep."

It took me a while to calm down; each time I thought I was done laughing I would look at Edward and it would start all over again. I blamed him. Darn sarcastic smile.

"You need a drink of water, Bella?" He smirked.

I socked him in the shoulder for the second time this morning. "Thanks."

We made our way into the surprisingly empty kitchen; in fact I hadn't seen hide nor hair of my parents since we woke, and you'd think that all the hysterical laughter would have woken them if they were still asleep. As Edward filled up a glass of water for me, I walked down the hall to my mom's bedroom. Peeking in, her bed was slept in, but she wasn't there. I checked the living room on my way back to Edward to find a pillow and sheet on the couch, but Charlie was missing as well.

I bit my lip and shared my findings, or lack thereof, with Edward. He tapped his chin in thought. "I don't know what to tell ya, but I'm sure they'll be back soon. Charlie hovered last night until Ali told him to get some rest."

I nodded. A question popped into my head making me wonder why I hadn't asked sooner. "How did that happen anyway? The whole sleeping in my room?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Well, you were kinda inconsolable last night, and you wouldn't let go of me. Ali finally pried you off, but whenever I tried to leave the room, you'd start crying all over again. Charlie didn't like it, but he gave in eventually."

I rolled my eyes. "Like anything would have happened."

I blushed at my own comment, realizing what I'd said. I risked a glance at Edward to find him a little red in the ears as well.

Changing topics, I asked him about his trip. "How'd you get here?"

"Plane, then car."

I harrumphed. "Other than the obvious."

Edward shrugged his shoulders and broke eye contact. "I'd had this terrible feeling all day yesterday. I guess I was acting really agitated, too. Ali thought it was because you were traveling, and everyone else thought it was because of separation anxiety. But there was something more. I couldn't shake it." He took a sip of my half empty glass.

"You arrived just in time." I traced the pattern of the wood in the table.

He shook his head. "I should have gotten here sooner. Even after we got on the flight it didn't get any better. I just had this sense of dread."

I placed my hand on his. "You got here as soon as you could."

"Actually, I could have taken an earlier flight, but they convinced me to finish the school day and make an appearance at home. Dad had a conference in L.A. and Mom went with him. They think I'm staying with Emmett and Ali is with Rose. That's why they stayed behind, to cover for us."

I squeezed his hand in understanding. "You did the only thing you could have done."

I watched as Edward's body went rigid and his face grew tight. "No. I should have been here. You shouldn't have had to face him alone."

I sighed. It would have been nice, but everything would have gone differently. "No, Edward. I needed to do that alone. I needed him to see how serious I am, not Charlie, not the police, not you, but me." I placed my hands on my stomach, feeling her kicks from the inside and out. "If he thought that I might stay quiet like last time, he would have already won."

Edward stayed rigid, eyebrows narrowed. I could tell he still wanted to be there, but it was too late, and if wishes were fishes he would have already filled a lake. I waited until he relaxed. One part of him at a time lost the tension that he was trying to hold onto.

Eventually he sighed. "Do you feel up to talking about what he said?"

I rolled my eyes. "The question you're asking is if I'm emotionally stable enough to rehash my conversation with my psycho ex-slash-rapist." He winced at my bluntness. "I'm fine. I was just a little overwhelmed last night. I had to talk to the police and then he showed up out of the blue." I shook my head. "I don't even know how he knew I was here."

I looked up at Edward, and he answered for me. "Renee."

I swore under my breath and eyed Edward, giving him the I'm-allowed-to-swear-when-my-mom-rats-me-out-to-my-ex-who-is-also-crazy look. He shrugged, amused. It was I who had imposed the cursing embargo. He was just humoring me.

"How could she?" I continued to shake my head in shock. I didn't know why I was surprised; it was just like her. "Do you think she told him about the witnesses?" I asked Edward.

"What witnesses?" Edward cocked his head.

I waved my hand back tracking. Of course he didn't know; I hadn't known until yesterday. "Charlie told me yesterday that there are three witnesses willing to testify against Jimmy."

He nodded his understanding.

"But when I refused to get back together with Jimmy—"

Edward banged his hands on the table. "He wanted what?"

"I told you he was psychotic. He found out about the baby." I pointed at my budging middle. "And assumed it was his. He wanted us to be a 'family.'" I used air quotes around the word family. It made me want to gag.

"Who is this guy? Was he serious?"

"Yeah, he was serious. But when I turned him down," I gave Edward the duh-look, "he started  
threatening me. His last one was about the witnesses... saying they'd never come forward."

I stood up, needing to feel busy. I moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the mess that my mom had left to sit. I wiped up crumbs, cleaned dishes, and put away all her school supplies, as I continued to voice my thoughts aloud.

"Charlie gave Renee a copy of the file. I think he was trying to get her on our side. She never believed me because everything had already been solved in her mind. Her version of the events made more sense to her. He probably thought that showing her proof would make her believe me. Do you think she told him? Has she ruined everything?"

Edward's eyes followed me around the kitchen. "I don't know. I don't want to think the worst of her because she's your mom. But from what she's already done? Probably."

I wanted to scream. "How could we be so stupid?" I threw the dish towel at the sink and turned to Edward.

"He wants custody." My eyes began to pool. "That's what he said right before he left. He wants her."

Edward stood and placed me directly between his legs. He bent down, touching his forehead to mine. "We'll never let that happen. We'll leave, run. Nobody will be able to find us."

"Is that even possible? We could just leave?"

"I have some contacts that could help us out. And nobody would touch her."

I sniffled. "Promise."

"I promise, Bella. He won't touch either of you ever again."

I licked my lips, gazing into his eyes. I could see a thousand things. His past was there, but not in the forefront as it had once been. His kindness and compassion shone. I could see his need to protect and provide, knowing that it was for me and this baby, for now and the future. His hope and determination flowed. And his love.

We never talked about that word. There was too much going on. I didn't know if either of us was ready, but I could see it. Just like I could see his battered but beautiful soul.

I tilted my head up for a kiss and he smiled, accepting my lips. His mouth was soft and slow, like every other kiss had been a practice for now.

The tears from before escaped, and he gently wiped them from my cheek. I opened my eyes to find I wasn't the only one with runaway tears. I took my thumb and brushed one away. He smiled sadly, one I knew I returned.

"If anything goes wrong, I'll take care of it. You give me the word and we're gone," he whispered.

"What about your family? School? Friends?" I said, just as hushed.

He tucked a stray hair behind my ears. "They'll understand. I'll have you and that's all that matters."

I nodded. If he wanted to be with me, I wasn't going to argue.

* * *

**Sooo... what do you think? Give me the magic ;)**

**Recs: Some oldies but goodies**

**Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003** Epic. Trendsetter. I just started rereading and remembered why I love FF so much. You can probably see her influence on my work.  
**Summary: Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours. AH, Highly OOC, Rated M for dark themes. No rape, no cutting. BxE**

**The Tutor by ItzMegan73** One of the first I read after Wide Awake. Amazing.  
**Summary: New student Bella Swan needs to break out of her shy exterior and her guidance counselor has the answer: tutoring. And Bella is too new to know she shouldn't want to tutor Edward Cullen.**

**Mr. Horrible by algonquinrt** Too funny. If you need a laugh, read this one.  
**Summary:They meet at a gallery, from two different worlds. Watch as they learn... oh, who am I kidding here? They meet. They are opposites. They attract.**


	28. Calculation

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for their wonderful reviews/comments/subscriptions. I wish I could reply to each and everyone, but with life in the way, I feel that you'd rather have me write, right? ;) Christmas cookies for all!  
**

**Thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83! Unfortunately, just because I teach English doesn't mean my own grammar is perfect. These ladies own me. **

**Thanks to nowforruin!**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** This is not for readers under 18! Forewarning: violence and sexual material!  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 28: Calculation

Edward and I sat in the kitchen talking through our fail-safe plans. He had a bank account that held almost five thousand dollars from summer jobs and a left-over inheritance from his grandmother.

I had two thousand dollars, my pitiful college fund, which I imagine would deplete rapidly with the expenses a baby would bring. I'd always planned on getting some kind of job to replenish what would be lost, but the exhaustion of life and pregnancy had gotten in the way.

Our money combined could buy us some time... as long as the birth went well. I shook my head to erase the cloud of doom I felt hovering. If I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong I'd never move forward.

If things went bad here, as long as we got back to Phoenix, Edward knew a guy that could hook us up with some stuff. I asked how a good guy like him, or who he'd been before last spring, would "know a guy." He scoffed and said that he was a nerd; if he had enough time and a laminator he could be "the guy" himself. But we couldn't assume we'd have time, so... he "knew a guy."

I kept repeating to myself that this was just in case. Charlie still had witnesses, the police had my photos, and I was still pregnant.

Around ten, Ali trudged downstairs, resembling a troll. Her hair was literally sticking up everywhere. I didn't know hair that long could do that. I smiled at her, and she returned it with the stink eye.

"Good morning, sunshine. And here I thought that you were the morning person."

"Har har. I am a morning person when I actually sleep." She slumped into the kitchen chair across from me and laid her head on the table.

I looked at Edward who was smirking, and barely succeeded to withhold a giggle. "You looked sound asleep a few hours ago."

"Doesn't feel like it," she groaned.

"You were sleepin', darlin'. We all heard it." Jasper appeared showered and dressed and entirely amused.

Edward scoffed, and I bit my lip. Ali glared at Jazz. "What do you mean?"

He smiled, eyes lit up in teasing. "Nothing, darlin'. How 'bout we get this girl some coffee?"

I moved to stand, but Edward pushed me back down. "I can get it," he said. "Just walk me through it."

While Edward made coffee, I talked Ali and Jasper through the events of yesterday. They were kind enough not to mention my outburst.

"So witnesses, eh?" Jasper rubbed his chin.

"Stupid cowards should have spoken up sooner." Alice grumbled into her coffee. The glint in Edward's eye showed that he agreed.

"Anyway, Jimmy claims they won't help us. So what's plan B?"

"Won't help? Why?" Jasper interjected.

I pursed my lips. "I assume that Renee leaked the information."

"Friggin' bitch!" Ali exclaimed. She stood up, ready for a fight. "Where is she? It's time I took her down a flippin' peg."

"We haven't seen Charlie and Renee since we got up," Edward answered for me. He gave her a look that said they needed to make plans. I rolled my eyes. I was through with my mother; if she was against us—fine. I would have to learn to deal with it eventually.

I waved my hands in the air to get everyone's attention. "Guys! Back to the problem, please. He-who-shall-not-be-named claims that he has my witnesses in his back pocket. What are we going to do?"

I looked at Edward, who looked at Jasper, who looked at Alice. The looks were not encouraging.

"Brainstorms? Anyone? Take down the evil SOB who wants to set up house with me?" I searched.

Edward shot me a look; he didn't think my comment was very amusing. He may have even growled. I smiled, because in the midst of everything, his growl made me tingle. I would need to think up ways to hear it again.

Moving the conversation forward, Edward asked exasperatedly, "Alice, any brilliant plans stewing in that malicious little mind of yours?"

"It's not little!" she retorted.

We all looked at Alice with anticipation, and she stared blankly back. "Why are you all looking at me? Shouldn't we be telling Charlie and hearing what his plan is? Isn't he the mastermind behind this whole expedition? He has to have some kind of back-up plan."

Edward and I exchanged a glance at her last words. Jasper broke in before I could respond. "It's all right, darlin'. You just normally have all the great ideas."

Alice looked a little bit better at his compliment. "Well, before I start scheming we should talk to Charlie." She looked to me.

I shrugged my shoulders, trying not to look as concerned as I felt. "They weren't here when we woke up, and we haven't heard from them."

"Maybe you should call him?" She looked at me like it was the obvious answer.

I patted my sweats for my phone, but realized it was up-stairs. I stood to go get it.

"I'll get it, Bella. Upstairs?" Edward pointed.

I shook my head and waved him away. "I need to get dressed anyway. Give me a few minutes, 'kay?" I headed to the bottom of the stairs, and called behind me, "There's cereal in the cupboard next to the fridge, and the bowls are above the microwave. Help yourself." I heard feet shuffle to where I specified.

Once I got up-stairs I decided to take a quick shower. I felt grimy and tired from last night, and figured everyone could wait a few more minutes. It wasn't as if I primped like Ali.

I found my phone on my nightstand; someone must have put it there last night. I sent off a quick text asking Charlie where he was, before I hopped in the shower. By the time I got out I had received a reply. He and Renee went out for breakfast, but they'd be back soon. My face scrunched when I read it. Charlie and Renee eating... together. Weird.

I got dressed in jeans, belly band, and a long sleeved maternity blouse. I threw a sweater over top. My temperature was all over the place these days; one second I was cold, the next I was sweating.

I reemerged down-stairs to find Edward, Alice, and Jasper, but they weren't alone. On the other side of the table from my three friends, sitting like she was living through the Spanish Inquisition sat my oldest friend.

Her long, light brown hair hung wavy at her sides. She gripped the glass of water in front of her tightly, but it was still full like she hadn't taken a sip. Her hazel eyes flashed from Edward, to Alice, to Jasper and then back again.

She was smaller than the last time I saw her, like she'd lost weight. A pang of concern rang in my chest. She had always been smaller than me, and this kind of weight loss couldn't be healthy.

I cleared my throat as I entered the room, and all four pairs of eyes turned to look at me.

She jumped up out of her chair. "Izzy!"

"Bree," I replied.

She rushed across the room, crashing into me with a hug. She squeezed me tightly as I awkwardly patted her back. Each of my friends shared the same look on their face, asking me if I wanted them to pry her off. Alice actually looked like she wanted to bodily fling her across the room.

"I'm soo soo soooo sorry, Iz." I peeled her off me to find her face twisted and contrite.

"Bree, what are you doing here?"

"I've been getting texts since last night! And I had to know! I had to see you, to find out if what everyone is saying is true."

I looked at her carefully. Her face was tight in anxiety. I recognized that look; something was definitely not right. I gently placed my hands on her shoulders, like Alice had once done to me. "What's going on, Bree?"

She looked back over her shoulder, at my three imposing body-guards, and shook her head minutely.

"Come on, Bree, you can tell me. You know me." I sought her face for some kind of clue or indicator to what made her rush over here after months of silence.

Bree bit her lip, chewing on the bottom with dedication, a nasty habit she got from me. She quickly glanced over her shoulder, peeking through her hair at a pissed off Alice. Ali's arms were crossed, and I was surprised she wasn't cracking her knuckles. I needed to give that girl a Valium.

Edward looked rather imposing, too. He wasn't glaring, but he didn't look friendly either. Plus his obvious hotness wasn't helping Bree at all. She never did have good composure around attractive guys.

I raised an eyebrow. "Can you guys give us a minute?"

"Bella..." Edward warned.

I squinted my eyes at him. "Edward..." I warned right back. I was a big girl.

Alice rolled her eyes at our pissing contest and grabbed Jasper's hand, pulling him out of the kitchen, with a final glare at Bree.

"I'll be fine, Edward."

His jaw jutted out. "I'll be in the next room." He crossed the room, but at the last second stopped and gently kissed me on my cheek. I grabbed his retreating hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I'll call if I need you."

He nodded once before he departed.

Bree's eyes were wide as saucers. "Oh. My. Gosh. Iz."

I smiled, unable to restrain my enthusiasm. "I know, right?"

We giggled together, like we always had.

"You have to give tme he dirt! He is like H-O-T-T! When did you snag a catch like that? And why haven't you told me?" she ended in a whine.

I immediately sobered. "Bree."

Her face dropped, and she took a step away. "Sorry, I get it."

I sighed. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

We moved to the table, sitting down next to each other. Despite everything I was happy to see her. She was familiar, a comfort, kind of like home.

She gave a little sigh of her own and began fiddling with her turtle-neck sweater. "Jeremy Smith's sister saw you and your dad going into the police station yesterday afternoon and sent a mass text to the entire school." She looked up at me apologetically; she knew how much I hated to be the center of attention. Just the thought of everyone knowing my business made me cringe.

Bree continued, "Then Kristen Coles staked out the diner across the street with her phone until you guys left. She tweeted a picture and confirmed that you were here!" Her eyes were bright and agitated.

"I couldn't believe it. I hadn't heard from you since July... since the 4th. I know that we've fallen apart, but I thought that I would know if you were here..."

She went back to twiddling with her shirt. "There's been a rumor going around that you are pregnant. I know what you told me... and I know that I didn't believe you. But I thought you'd take care of it." She looked up, pleading with me. "You were only seventeen! I never thought... and then Janie called her cousin who works at the police station as a dispatch caller, and she over-heard that you actually were pregnant!"

She shook her head, as if she were trying to convince herself of something. "I didn't know what to believe. I had to come see you. And then these people were here, and they were asking me questions! I kept telling them that I'm your best friend."

She paused for a long second. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Iz, how could you do this?"

"Bree, I couldn't. You should see her." I smiled. "She's beautiful. And she's really active right now... Do you want feel?"

She looked at me nervously. I smiled wider. "It's okay, really."

I gently took her hand from her lap and pressed it into my belly where my girl had been thumping me all morning. I was getting so used to her movement, I never jumped anymore. I wondered if it would feel weird once she was born. I probably wouldn't have time to notice.

After a few moments, I felt a firm thump directly under Bree's hand. Her face lit up, surprised. "Isabella, that's amazing."

"I know."

Bree's face changed, anguished. "He raped you, too, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I should have listened; I'm sorry." She groaned, wringing her hands. "I should have known better. There's been a lot of rumors. About you, about Jimmy. You got mugged after that party, but people were saying that it wasn't a mugging. I heard you went to the police, but a lot of it was hushed up. And then you were gone."

She went back to biting her lip again. "You didn't show up to school in the fall, and everyone was whispering why." She looked me up and down, finally ending on my face. "Jimmy went to U-Dub in August, but didn't even last two weeks before he dropped out and enrolled at Peninsula College in Port Angeles."

She fell silent. I didn't know what to say. What was she trying to tell me? And why did it make me feel so anxious?

"What happened, Bree? I need to know."

At almost a whisper, she continued, "Jimmy started dating this girl in Port Angeles, Vanessa something. She's younger than you, sixteen maybe, but she looks just like you did when you started dating Jimmy." She shook her head in disgust. "It was so weird. She was quiet like you, with those big brown eyes. We saw her around at parties when he came by; it didn't look like she was having any fun, but she came anyway."

Bree paused, inspecting her shoes, her voice barely audible. "She was mugged about a month ago."

I gasped. My hand lifted involuntarily to my mouth, the other to my stomach. He was so obsessed with me, I never thought... It never occurred to me that he moved on. Even his ranting last night never indicated that he'd moved past me.

Bree kept going, "The mugger hurt her pretty badly too. Some people are saying that it wasn't a mugging. There was too much damage. Plus, they didn't find anyone, and she's saying that she doesn't remember anything."

I sat down abruptly. "Bree, is this true?"

She looked crushed, full of regret. "I thought he was harmless, a little self-absorbed, but to rape someone and get away with it?" She looked away, and spoke as if only to herself, "I would never want anything to happen to you. I didn't know that something this bad would happen...I told you not to go to that party."

My mind was going a hundred miles a second. He raped me over seven months ago, and I let it happen again. To some poor, unsuspecting girl like I had once been. But even then, I'd known better. I knew he was a douchebag bastard. I'd eradicated myself from his life, then placed my stupid, naive self in front of him the second I felt free.

But this girl, she couldn't have known. She didn't date him for years. It was my fault. I let this happen to her. I hurt her like he hurt me.

"Isabella?" Bree asked; she sounded so far away.

"Uh, guys?" Her voice screeched higher than normal.

I felt like I was in an endless loop. I could see what he did to me, but then my mind began to create what he did to her. _It was like I was watching and I tried to stop it; I yelled, but no sound came out. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't move. Jimmy looked over his shoulder at me and smirked. "See, baby, we're meant to be together. I know I can count on you." _

_A sheet of glass separated us now. I was stuck in that room. The stucco walls, ridiculously sharp, and the ceiling fan spinning just fast enough that it couldn't be counted. Jimmy took his fist and slammed it into her face, then her gut over and over again. Once she was barely conscious, he began removing clothes. _

"Bella! Snap out of it!"

My lashes fluttered; I didn't even know they'd closed. My head was in Bree's lap, and I was on the floor. I looked up to see my friends crowded around me. The football huddle had become far too familiar. I didn't enjoy seeing up my friends' noses.

"What happened?" My voice sounded weak, even to my ears. "Edward?"

"Bella, sweetheart, are you okay?" Edward was crouched over me. His forehead was creased and his eyes wide.

"Edward, it's all my fault!" My voice dropped to a whisper.

He gently gripped my face, holding my hair out of my eyes. "No, it's not your fault." He looked lost, searching Alice's worried face and Bree's guilty one.

Jasper interjected, "What are ya talkin' 'bout, Bells?"

"Jimmy, he... he... hurt someone else. I didn't stop him. I didn't stop him in time! I'm too late!" I shook my head free and tried to pull myself up from the floor.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You just blacked out. I don't think you should move, Bella." Alice stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder.

I groaned, leaning back into Bree's lap.

"Is the baby okay? I tried to catch you... but you're kinda heavy," Bree said meekly behind me.

I froze, waiting. **Thump. Thump.** At the tell tale movement, I relaxed. "She's fine." I groaned again. "I'm fine, too. Please help me up."

"Bella—" Edward warned.

"I had a freak out! It's normal. I'm pregnant remember?" I argued erratically.

"Guys, why don't we just get her off the floor?" Jasper interjected evenly. He was standing back watching our little huddle pow-wow at a distance. Currently, he was the only one who couldn't touch me, and I think he was secretly amused. If I wasn't so keyed up emotionally, I would be amused too. Heck, I was amused.

Then, I remembered what I had freaked out about.

"Oh my gosh..." My eyes probably looked like they were going to pop out.

Alice and Edward exchanged a look and a fraction of a second later, they were both holding one of my arms and hauling me into a kitchen chair.

"He did it again, Ali. He hurt her just like he hurt me!" I leaned forward as far as I could to put my head between my knees. My stomach was an immovable obstacle; it made it virtually impossible.

"Breathe, just breathe," someone said.

"Wait!" Alice squeaked. "That's it! That's how we can fix this whole mess."

I lifted my head slowly. Ali was bouncing from foot to foot with a look of glee on her face. Edward pursed his lips. He had knelt down beside me, slowly rubbing my back. "Ali, what are you talking about?"

Jasper's face lit up, like a light bulb had come on over his head. "Darlin', you're a genius." He gave her his signature smile, and she almost became a pile of mush at his feet.

"Okay," she returned to business. "Jimmy told you that the witnesses won't testify anymore. Now, this is just hearsay until we talk to Charlie. But things disappeared, right?"

I nodded.

"Okay, so we just need to get this girl on our side." She turned to Bree, giving her a timid smile. "Can you tell us everything that you just told Bella?"

Bree bit her lip again, obviously unconvinced by Alice's sudden friendliness. I reached across the table to where she sat down and patted her hand.

"It's okay, Bree. You can trust them. I do." I gave her the look.

She sighed exasperatedly, just like she used to when we were little and she knew she'd have to give into my way. I used the look rarely, but when I did, I always won with her. "Her name is Vanessa Masen. She lives in Port Angeles and goes to the high school there. She started dating Jimmy in the beginning of September, as soon as he dropped out of U-Dub. Last month she was 'mugged,' but like I told Bella, there have been rumors that it was a cover-up. She claims that she doesn't remember anything."

"If you can talk to her, Bella, maybe she'll help you, or help herself," Alice said quietly.

"I don't know. What if she can't remember anything?" I replied.

"Anything she knows would help. Maybe she just needs you to show her how to be strong." Edward squeezed my hand. "You're the strongest person I know."

I snorted. "As long as I'm not having a random, weird, emotional breakdown."

"It may be the only way..." Alice trailed off.

I thought carefully. Maybe the witnesses would come forward for me if they knew that Jimmy had another case against him. Maybe they wouldn't be frightened away if they knew that there wouldn't be repercussions for their honesty. Maybe they would see what they would be letting loose if they knew it wasn't a one-time event "getting out of hand" with an old girlfriend. But he preyed on innocent young girls who couldn't see him for the bastard he really was.

I squeezed Edward's hand, and turned to Alice. "I may have a way to convince her." I stood slowly. "We need to stop at a one-hour photo developer before we see her."

Edward's eyebrows narrowed. I pivoted and placed a hand on his chest, he was standing so close to me. "We'll wait to talk to Charlie first, 'kay?"

"Bella, you're not the police, or a detective." His eyes pleaded with me.

"I know, but I can't let them botch this up. Plus, you'll be with me, right?" I raised an eyebrow.

He smirked. "Of course."

OoOoOoOoOo

Bree left soon afterward, promising to let us know if she heard anything important. I'd almost forgotten how amazing the gossip was in this town. It only grew exponentially with technology, like Facebook and Twitter. It was like we had our own version of Gossip Girl right here in Forks.

"Let's go sit down while we wait for Charlie. They should be back soon." Ali grabbed my hand and fussed over me while we moved to the living room. The old, faded couch was in the same position it'd always been in. A few pictures sat around the room, me and Renee and her hair-brained schemes. Some of Renee's latest projects were in the corners, a halfway knit scarf, a hand thrown vase, an almost finished scrapbook. Some old Christmas decorations from last year were still up, Renee forgot to put them away, and I had been too distracted to do it for her.

The room was a testament to Renee's personality, not intentionally cruel, just thoughtless and self-absorbed.

"Ali? Edward?" I started. "Renee didn't do it..."

Alice shook her head in confusion. Edward moved to face me from his casual inspection of our family pictures. "What?"

"The whole town knew before she even had a chance to tell Jimmy. People saw me; that's how he must have found out!"

Edward looked concerned. "You can't assume that. Your dad told her before you left for the station, right?"

I nodded, biting my lip.

Edward looked to Alice for help. "We don't want to get your hopes up. She could have been the one to tell him, or he could have found out the way Bree did."

"What about the witnesses?" Jasper spoke up. "Did Bree know about the witnesses?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. I really hoped that Renee hadn't stooped as low as I thought she did. I was probably wrong.

Alice patted my hand. "We'll just have to ask her, okay?" I nodded. "And if she did it... then I'll take her down." She smiled mischievously.

I couldn't help but giggle. "Okay, go for it."

We didn't have to wait too much longer before Charlie and Renee came through the door. Laughing. They were laughing like they _enjoyed _each other's company. I wanted to barf. I hauled myself off the couch and met them in the kitchen with a glare.

"Where have you been?" I accused.

Renee laughed airily, tossing her hair over one shoulder. "You know, sweets. We got breakfast, then Charlie helped me at the hardware store; you know how I've been trying to fix that bathroom sink. And he needed to stop at the station for a bit."

I gave Charlie a look that I hope read what-the-hell-is-going-on?

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I just wanted to bring your mother up to speed..."

"Why would you do that?" I said a little louder than I meant to.

"Isabella!" Renee said.

"You remember last night?" I asked; Charlie winced. "When my rapist came in and threatened me yet again? He said that our witnesses weren't going to help us anymore! Renee is the only one who knew other than the police."

Charlie looked stunned for a second. But what was insulting was Renee's hurt look on her face.

"Isabella, you think I told him?" she said, almost quiet.

"What else am I to think, Mother? When have you ever believed me? When you've pushed me at him since I was fourteen years old. When you almost forced me to get an abortion. When you told me that you wished you had aborted me!"

"Isabella, I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to do right by you, whether you agree or not."

"Well, too late, you screwed up this time, Renee." I gritted my teeth. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes. I took shallow breaths to hold them at bay. It would ruin my avenging-daughter kick if I started bawling that my mom didn't believe me, and if she didn't believe me how could I ever trust her. Trust that she even loves me?

"I didn't tell him."

"Yeah, right."

"Bella, she's telling the truth," Charlie interjected.

"How do you know? How can you trust anything she says? She cheated on you! And she betrayed me!" My voice cracked halfway through.

I felt a hand on my back. Our connection buzzed through my sweater like electricity. I knew without thinking who had my back no matter what.

"She read the file. She sees the proof. She's willing to testify on your behalf."

"It doesn't prove she didn't tell him," I said quietly.

"You don't have any proof that I did," Renee finally defended herself.

"The past is proof enough." I refused to look at her. "Charlie, I don't want her involved anymore."

Charlie sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. He looked over to his right and gave Renee a nod. I listened as she quietly left the room. I didn't move until I heard her bedroom door click shut.

"Witnesses?" Edward stated calmly, pulling the conversation away from the absence in the room to our immediate problem.

Charlie looked confused. "I don't know how Jimmy would know. But I haven't spoken to them since we arrived." He pulled out his cell phone. "Let me give them a call, and clear this up. For all we know that punk kid could have been throwing around empty threats."

He left the room. Alice and Jasper sat down at the table; Ali gave me a sympathetic look. I knew she could tell how much my mother hurt me, no matter how much I brushed it off.

We sat quietly, trying to listen in to Charlie's end of the conversation, but nothing of note was revealed. Less than ten minutes later, Charlie reentered the kitchen looking like he was going to lose his breakfast. I hadn't seen him that ashen since the night I told him what happened.

"They've all backed out. Each said they wished they could help, but..." he trailed off.

I took a deep breath, trying to center myself. I knew that Jimmy never gave empty threats. "Okay, so we have a plan." I nodded to each of my co-conspirators.

Charlie slumped into his seat. "What's your plan?"

I nodded to Alice. "Bree Tanner came by this morning, and we learned something that may help."

OoOoOoOoOo

What felt like twenty phone calls and an hour and a half later the four of us were on the road to Port Angeles. I'd wanted to drive my truck, but one glance from Edward told me that it wasn't going to happen.

Charlie decided to stay behind and work with the Forks police. We were still getting a few cooperation issues from the she-witch officer who thought I was trying to ploy for attention. The thought made me roll my eyes. _W__ho would want this much attention?_

With a gleam in his eye, Charlie said that he was going to ask Sam Uley, the Seattle D.A., to light a fire under the Forks police. I was almost sorry not to see Officer Verner's reaction, archaic bitch.

We stopped at the Walmart in Port Angeles to get my pictures developed. While we waited, the boys humored us as Alice and I oohed and aahed over all the baby girl clothes. But the cutest moment was when I caught Edward looking at the baby blankets very seriously. I watched with a little smile on my face as he picked out an unbelievably soft pink blanket. I asked him what it was for, and he looked at me like I was crazy, replying that it was for the baby, of course.

Fortunately, the picture development took less than an hour. Paying for the pictures, I stuck them quickly in my purse. Alice cocked her head curiously, but otherwise stayed quiet about them.

I didn't tell them what the pictures were, but they were all pretty smart. I figured that they worked it out for themselves. I didn't want to look at them, let alone show Edward, Alice, and Jasper.

Using Edward's GPS we found Vanessa Masen's house without any trouble. The house was unassuming and small. It was a brown Cape Cod, cookie-cutter like house, almost the same as every house on the block, except this house had bright blue shutters and a blue door. The yard was groomed, but not obsessed over. There was a basketball hoop in the driveway and various kids' toys lying around.

_She must have younger siblings. _

I trudged up the paved walkway to the front door of the house, Edward, Alice, and Jasper trailing behind me by a few feet. We didn't want to bombard Vanessa or her family. Edward and Jazz decided they could wait in the car if she felt uncomfortable.

I timidly knocked on the door. I could hear Ali groan. She pushed her way past Edward, and knocked loudly.

We waited while we heard the bustle and busyness of the family inside. We arrived after school should have let out, so we hoped that Vanessa was here.

A plump woman around forty opened the door. She was wearing a sweater with a giant turkey on it, probably in preparation for Thanksgiving just a week away, and she was drying her hands on a dish towel.

"Yes?" she asked with a smile on her face.

I cleared my throat. "Hi, Mrs. Masen. I'm Isabella Swan, this is Alice and Edward Cullen, and Jasper Hale." I introduced everyone. "I was wondering if we could speak to you and your daughter, Vanessa."

She looked wary. "About what?"

"Jimmy Crawford."

Her smile dropped immediately, and her eyes tightened. "We have nothing to say to you or your friends." She began to shut the door.

"Wait! Please hear me out." She paused momentarily, her glare unrelenting. "Vanessa and I have something in common. What happened to her..." I swallowed convulsively, "happened to me, too."

Mrs. Masen looked like she was going to crumble. She'd stopped trying to close the door entirely.

"Please, I promise not to take too much of your time, but I think we can help each other. Just give me a few minutes?"

She pressed her lips together and succinctly nodded. I sighed in relief, a sigh I heard echoed behind me.

We were led into the living room. It was a nice room, just like the house, unassuming. This was a typical middle class family. No frills, down-to-earth living. Alice and I sat on a worn leather sofa, soft and inviting.

Our hostess cleared her throat. "Would you like something to drink? I have water, milk, juice, soda?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine, thank you."

Ali rolled her eyes at me. "She'll have a water."

Mrs. Masen's eyebrows scrunched, and she cocked her head at me. I smiled and nodded exasperatedly.

The boys indicated that they were fine as well.

"I'll get Nessie and be right back." She tried to smile pleasantly, but she definitely failed.

Silently we sat; Alice twitched in her seat. Edward stood with his back against the wall, arms crossed, thinking too hard. Jazz sat in a chair nearby, watching us all in concern, while I absently rubbed my protruding belly. Oh, the epitome of awkward.

Mrs. Masen hurried back in with my water, this time with a more believable smile, though slightly threatening. "Vanessa will be down in one moment. Before she's here, I need to know how much you have in _common_ with my daughter?"

I bit my lip and looked up at Edward. He nodded. "On May 9th, I was beaten and raped by my ex-boyfriend, Jimmy Crawford." I watched as she heard my words, each one a dawning truth. "I was drugged, but not enough. Evidence was lost, people were paid off, and a perpetrator was caught for my _mugging_."

Mrs. Masen's round face elongated into an oval, her jaw literally dropping "Mugging?"

"Mom?" A young quiet voice almost whispered behind me. "What's going on? What are these people doing here?"

I turned to find a petite figure with shoulder length brown hair. She looked younger than I knew her to be; she looked not a day older than fourteen. Her dark brown eyes were wide, frantically keeping everyone in her vision. But worst of all was the yellow tint I could see around her face, deep bruises that had mostly healed.

I stood up carefully, one hand on my back for support. "I'm Bella. And you're Vanessa, right?"

She nodded and walked quickly past us on the couch to her mother, who sat in a flowery chair in front of the bay window.

Mrs. Masen wasn't watching her daughter; she was looking at me. Well, not at me, but at my baby. Her face held a look of absolute horror. I protectively placed my hands on my middle, almost trying to hide what I knew she could see.

"What do you want?" Vanessa asked, not realizing her mom's fixation.

I nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I was wondering if you could help me?"

"No!" her mom interjected. This lady was giving me whiplash. "No, she's going to stay away from you. She's had enough problems. She's finally moving on." She wrapped an arm around her daughter, who confusingly looked between me and her mom.

"Do you think she can move on from something like this?" I shook my head lightly, sorry for her. "I know I can't."

Ali reached up and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. I closed my eyes for a second. Opening them, I found a transfixed Vanessa staring at me like she'd never seen me before. Not that it was a stretch; she hadn't seen me before two minutes ago.

"Did he hurt you, too?" she asked quietly.

"He hurt me a lot. He still hurts me."

"Me, too." Her eyes were wide, pooling with unshed tears.

My heart crumbled in my chest, thousands of tiny pieces each crying a tear for her. I should have done something sooner. I should have been able to stop him.

I looked over my shoulder at Edward and nodded. He gave me a look that infused me with confidence before he tapped Jazz on the shoulder and quietly left the room, giving us the privacy I knew Vanessa needed.

I sat back down next to Ali, her hand still tight in mine. "Vanessa, I need to know how he hurt you."

One of those tears slid down her face, and she brokenly shook her head. Mrs. Masen watched us in abject horror.

"I need to put him behind bars for what he did to me. For what he did to you. For what he'll do to another girl just like us." I spoke as forcefully as I could. She had to understand. I couldn't let her have the guilt that I did. "Please..."

Ali's arm wrapped around me. I was hunched over, instinctively protecting my baby. Just the thought of him made me cower. I straightened up, looking into Vanessa's young face. Sixteen, only a year younger than I was. But so much could happen in a year.

"Please..."

In a whisper, slowly, so slowly, Vanessa replied, "We were at a party. Jimmy's hands were all over me. He was drunk. I escaped to the bathroom. He caught me on my way out and pulled me into a bedroom. He tried to force me... but I fought back. He was so drunk. He pushed me down on the bed. He ripped my bra, and tried to... touch me. It hurt so much, but he passed out. I called one of my friends to come get me."

"He didn't—"

"No," she interrupted.

"Nessie... Nessie... Why didn't you tell me?" My attention was brought back to Mrs. Masen. She looked ten years older, aging rapidly for the sake of a daughter. Vanessa didn't know the gift she had in her mom.

"I was scared." She looked down, unable to meet her mom's eyes.

Mrs. Masen gently tilted her daughter's face to meet hers. "You never need to be scared to tell the truth. I will always protect you."

I smiled at them through a blur of tears.

"Vanessa, will you help me?" I finally asked.

* * *

**I love your thoughts and comments!**

**Recs:**

**The Port Angeles Players by WriteOnTime **One of my all time favs, plus this author actually knew where my penname came from ;)**  
Summary: New in the town of Forks and eager to please her boss at the university, Bella auditions for a local production of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing". Her co-star is a handsome but confusing local doctor. Is it curtains-up on love? AU/AH Canon pairing**

**Tropic of Virgo by Inabluebathrobe **Beautiful poetry and prose. Makes me wish I was more knowledgeable about music**  
Summary:He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?**

**Hiding in Plain Sight by limona **Love and hate this Edward. Love and hate this Bella. Perfect together. **  
Summary: Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program isn't safe, Emmett asks Bella to pose as his brother Edward's fiancée until the trial. AU, AH, ExB. **


	29. Culpability

**A/N: My deepest apologies for the wait. Life, yada, yada-same song third (4th? 5th?) verse. First, thanks to all my new subscribers and favorites! The sudden influx motivated me to finally finish this chapter. Thanks to dontrun for recing _Untouchable_ in her most recent chapter of _Homecoming_. I was touched and flattered! **

**Also a big thanks to Saillor moon fan, who has read this lil' story not once, but twice. That review lit a fire under me- thank you, my dear, you rock! ;)**

**Thanks to MarchHare5 and twicrack83 who beta'd this baby so quick, it should have been up this morning... but I've been stuck on this FF I was reading [see closing note]. Thank you ladies, your edits and comments make my day. I love hearing what you think, more than you realize. **

**Thanks to nowforruin! ;)**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** **** Language ** ****This is not for readers under 18! Forewarning: violence and sexual material!  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 29: Culpability

"_Nessie... Nessie... Why didn't you tell me?" My attention was brought back to Mrs. Masen. She looked ten years older, aging rapidly for the sake of a daughter. Vanessa didn't know the gift she had in her mom. _

_"I was scared." She looked down, unable to meet her mom's eyes. _

_Mrs. Masen gently tilted her daughter's face to meet hers. "You never need to be scared to tell the truth. I will always protect you." _

_I smiled at them through a blur of tears. _

_"Vanessa, will you help me?" I finally asked. _

Her face changed, moving quickly from terror to grief and back again. Before I could add in a "please" she tore her eyes from mine and shook her head frantically.

"Vanessa... Nessie—" I started to plead with her.

"No." She squared her shoulders, glancing up into my face. She didn't hold eye contact very long before she looked away, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.

"I—I can't."

Trying not to give an obvious external reaction, I closed my eyes, breathing in and out. Alice tucked her arm tightly around me. I knew that this was a possibility. But she had been our last try, our last hope. I thought maybe my misguided witnesses would grow a pair when they heard I had another victim testifying. Vanessa could have been my last card, forcing Jimmy to realize I'd won. But I hadn't.

"Don't you get that he can do it again?" Ali blurted out. "Some other innocent girl may not be as lucky as you. She might be like Bella." I tried to shush Alice. I didn't think she was helping. She glared at me and turned back to Vanessa and the still stunned Mrs. Masen. "Do you think you could live with yourself?"

Vanessa looked stricken and a tear escaped down her cheek. She gripped her mother's hand fiercely and gritted her teeth. "You don't get it. I can't!"

Her daughter's shout awakened her out of her stupor. Mrs. Masen gently shook Vanessa's hand. "Why? Why can't you, Nessie? I can't believe this happened, but I know you would never want it to happen again, so why?"

She looked down, her brown hair swinging in her face, blocking out view. "He promised."

I sat up, alarmed, my back tight. Alice stuttered beside me, "W-what did he promise?"

Vanessa's eyes glazed over, no longer looking at me or Alice or her mom. Mrs. Masen turned her chin, so she was facing Nessie's direction. She put on her mom face, confident, all-knowing, no-funny-business. "Vanessa Carlie Masen, who is this _he_? And what did _he_ promise?"

"Jimmy. He promised that he would make our lives miserable. He knows Dad's boss—Daddy would get fired. And he said that me, Val, and Danny would be taken away." Her eyes came alive, wild, like a caged animal. "He can do it. I know he can."

"Vanessa, we do not give in to bullies," her mother chided almost too softly.

I shook my head. I didn't want this family to be given more trouble than they'd already been dealt. Jimmy didn't give idle threats. I was a testament. "Mrs. Masen, I don't want to hurt Vanessa or your family." I stood up awkwardly, whispering to Alice, "We should go."

"But the witnesses!" Alice whispered back none too quietly.

Mrs. Masen's head snapped in our direction. "What witnesses?"

I sighed exasperatedly. Alice answered quickly, "We had three witnesses that could testify to Bella's story, and they've been threatened or—we don't even know! But if they knew that someone else was hurt... if they knew about Vanessa, they would have to help!"

"Alice," I cut in, tugging on her arm and pulling her towards the doorway.

"Bella!

Not as quiet as I intended, I whispered, "Ali, I don't want to hurt them more than they've been hurt. I will not manipulate her into helping me. I am not him." Letting go of Alice's arm, I placed my hands on my belly and turned to the Masens. "I'm sorry, we'll be going now."

I pushed past the side table holding my untouched water, but stopped abruptly less than a foot away from an imposing man. Eyes wide, I sucked in a surprised breath and hastily stepped backwards, bumping into the old sofa. Like any considerate person he reached to steady me.

I twisted out of his grasp. "Don't touch me!" Wrapping my arms around my middle, I moved farther into the room. I barely contained a whimper. After seeing Jimmy last night, I didn't know if I could stand a flashback without falling apart.

Like magic Edward was in the room with Jasper following closely behind. He rushed past whom I assumed to be Mr. Masen, Vanessa's father, and neatly placed himself as an impenetrable wall between me and any would-be foe.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice rushed to my side. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Liz? What's going on?" A baritone voice came from my close call. Mrs. Masen shook her head, obviously having no more answers than her husband.

"Bella?" Edward asked deeply, the question implied.

"I'm fine. It's okay. I'm sorry." I gained eye contact with Vanessa's father. "Sorry, Mr. Masen, you surprised me." I smiled weakly. It was honestly pathetic.

His face was weathered and wrinkled, but his jaw was strong and his eyes kind. His bushy eyebrows bunched together in confusion as he replied slowly, "That's okay, but..." he looked at his wife again, "you are?"

"Isabella Swan. And this is Alice, Edward, and Jasper."

He offered his hand to us. "Jack Masen." I gulped at the sight of his out stretched hand; fortunately Jasper and Edward had the presence of mind to shake it.

He cocked his head in question, looking at his bewildered wife and guilty daughter. "Can I help you?"

Edward looked to me for direction; my eyes must have still been wide and if I saw myself in a mirror I would have looked like a ghost. I couldn't have called a blush in that moment for anything. I didn't know why he surprised me so much. He wasn't a threat, at least not any more than Jasper was, but I didn't feel like myself here. I didn't feel safe. I wasn't prepared to face a new man today, whether he was the grocery bag boy or the cable man. I didn't realize I needed to prep ahead of time, but it made total sense. Wouldn't you mentally prepare yourself to go into a potentially dangerous situation? I'd mentally prepared myself to talk to Vanessa, to plead with her, to share with her. I hadn't thought beyond that.

Alice stepped in again. "We were talking to your daughter, hoping she'd help us."

"About what?" He moved closer to his family. "Vanessa, who are these people? Have you gotten yourself into more trouble?"

"Mr. Masen, we're not trying to bring any trouble." Edward held up his hands in defense, then smiled his most charming smile. The smile that can get him out of AP English... or at least that I'd heard.

"We were just hoping that Vanessa would be willing to make a statement or testify," Ali continued.

"Statement? Testify?" he asked, his voice hard.

"Jack," Mrs. Masen interjected, "Nessie was attacked."

His head whipped around in concern. "What? Who? Did these punks hurt you?" He glared over his shoulder at the towering teenage boys standing in his living room. Edward crossed his arms. Jasper rolled his eyes.

Leaving me behind the couch—gotta love those protective barriers—Ali pranced around the front and sat daintily on the couch like it was a throne. "Honestly, you guys need a circle of truth in this house. Jimmy Crawford, that's who." She ended in a very unladylike snort.

_Circle of truth? Where does she come up with these things?_ I took the time to roll my own eyes at the ceiling and hold them there for a second. It was necessary.

"Guys, I think we need to let the Masens talk." Alice snorted again. I bent down to retrieve my purse where I'd dropped it earlier. Reaching inside, I pulled out the envelope of developed pictures. I uncapped a pen using my mouth and neatly wrote down my name and cell number. I groaned as I stood, the joints in my hips, knees, and ankles creaking and popping. I placed a hand on my lower back and arched, popping it as well. I smiled impishly at Edward, who chuckled at the audible-ness of my body.

Vanessa hadn't said a peep since her father arrived, but I could see the sorrow in her features. And I knew what that was like.

"I hope you reconsider, Vanessa." I moved until I was standing directly in front of her. We were exactly the same height, and if not for the baby weight we would have been the same size too. I gently tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear. "You're not alone." I placed the envelope in her hands. "In case you forget, or you need proof... I know what you've been through."

A tear slid down her cheek, but she kept her eyes on her feet. I smiled wanly at Mrs. Masen. "My number is on the envelope if you have any questions, or if you reconsider. Thank you for your time."

I walked widely around Mr. Masen but smiled, and as calmly as I could, I scooted by him through the crowded living room. Edward joined me quickly, placing his hand on the small of my back.

Alice and Jasper exited the room. Ali's lips were pursed, but Jasper's hand in hers was keeping her from saying something. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Just before we were gone, I stopped mid step and looked over my shoulder. Mrs. Masen had pulled Vanessa into her lap and was petting her head. Mr. Masen had knelt down on the ground so that he could get closer to his girls. His one arm around his wife, and his other hand was holding Vanessa's.

"Vanessa?" I asked. Her head popped up, probably expecting us to already be gone. "Your family loves you. You don't realize what you have."

The moment we were in the car Alice released a barrage of questions and complaints, but mainly complaints. I leaned my head back in the seat ignoring all of them. After a few minutes she stopped asking them and huffed.

"Alice, just let it go. We did our best." Edward said quietly.

"But—"

"Sorry, Alice." I couldn't help but apologize. I felt like she expected this to be some magic cure-all. We'd come, she'd help us, and all would be saved. That's not how life works.

"Argg," she groaned. "It's not your fault. But I just wish I could string that bastard up by his balls and... yank off his finger-nails!" she ended dramatically.

I think I saw both boys flinch.

Edward rested his hands on the steering wheel, still staring up at the Masen's front door. "Where to? You want to head back to Renee's?"

I shook my head. "Let's get some food... I don't know, maybe they'll come around."

We made our way into town, Alice and Jasper commenting and arguing about the trees. Mainly it was Alice arguing about the trees and Jasper laughing at her. Edward took my left hand in his free one as he drove with only one on the wheel.

I closed my eyes, getting lost in the sensation. Edward's thumb moved slowly, repetitively along my hand. His touch made me feel safe. Like I was home. This place, the house where I grew up, even Phoenix wasn't my home. It was right here. Holding his hand.

"Oh my gosh! Is that... what do they call it? A redwood?" Alice screeched.

"Darlin', those are in California, we're in Washington."

"Same coast, whatever." She giggled.

I sighed. _Yeah, this is home._

OoOoOoOoOo

"Eww, mushrooms! How do you even eat that stuff, Bella? It's like a fungus!"

I rolled my eyes. "You wanna try some, Ali?" I dangled a forkful of ravioli and mushrooms in front of her face. She made a funny face as she squealed and hid in Jasper's arm.

I stuffed the forkful in my mouth, smiling through it. I was starving. We had finally decided on an Italian restaurant called Bella Italia—_Bella _Italia. Edward thought it was hilarious. But I'd been there a few times and remembered they had great pasta.

They did have good pasta, but the service was terrible. The stupid waitress couldn't keep her eyes or hands off of Edward.

S_peak of the devil_, Edward chuckled. "You're glaring again."

I stabbed my ravioli a few times. "No, I'm not."

Alice giggled. "I wouldn't be surprised if she spit in your food, all the foul looks you keep giving that poor girl."

I turned my glare to Ali this time. "Ha, funny." I looked down at my pasta dish and suddenly set down my fork.

Edward guffawed. "Aw, sweetheart, I'm sure she didn't do anything to your food. You wouldn't want that to go to waste, right?"

His eyes were alight with mischief. But it was true, I was hungry and I didn't want it to go to waste. I picked up my fork begrudgingly and took another bite.

"That'a girl." He smiled his lopsided smile.

"You need anything else?" The touchy-feely waitress showed up again, placing one hand on Edward's shoulder and the other on his lower arm.

My glare turned on again and I might have growled.

Edward looked pointedly at her lack of subtly and responded, "We're all good, thanks." The second she moved away, he whispered, "Down, Bella."

I huffed, turning back to my meal and grumbling to myself about what I might do with her hands the next time she came over.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, both protectively around my tummy. "Come on, you know you're my girl. She doesn't even compare to you."

I sighed. "She doesn't resemble a beached whale."

"You're not a whale." He chuckled.

"Not yet."

"You're beautiful. You glow." He kissed me on my temple, just below my hairline.

"Aww, come on, guys! Get a room!" Ali whined, but I could hear the teasing in her voice. Despite my crushing on her brother, she was happy for us.

I giggled and pulled away so I could smack a huge kiss on Edward's cheek, and if it just so happened that Miss-Little-Too-Helpful came back at just that moment ...oops.

I gave her a self-satisfied smile.

She returned it with a glare of her own. I would not be refilling my drink anytime soon.

As Edward paid the check, Alice and I took a visit to the restroom (well, it was my third one in the past hour), my phone rang causing us both to jump in surprise.

Alice squealed. "Is that her? Is she gonna help?"

I checked the caller ID and shrugged. It wasn't a number I recognized, so it could be Vanessa.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby—" I snapped the phone shut.

Alice looked at me expectantly. I shook my head. "Wrong number." She squinted her eyes at me, but shrugged, accepting my lie.

_Bastard. How did he get my number?_

It rang again, making me jump again. "Hello?" I asked hesitantly this time.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Nessie. Can I talk to you?" My shoulders sagged in relief.

"Sure."

Alice's eyes were wide as saucers, and she kept mouthing something that I assumed to be "Is that Vanessa?" or "I love Jasper." Either was valid, so I just nodded.

"So, I talked with my parents... They think that I should help you."

I was momentarily elated, but she hadn't said whether she'd help. It had to be her choice in the end, no matter what her parents wanted. I waited, not knowing what to say.

"You there?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm still here. So, what do you want to do?"

"These pictures, are they real?"

I sighed. "Yeah, they're real."

"Why'd you give them to me?"

I switched ears. "I don't know. I guess I thought that it'd convince you, or remind you."

"I didn't look this bad."

"Well, Jimmy was more sober. And he drugged me." I paused. "I couldn't fight back."

She was silent for a few moments. Her voice cracked when she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Bella. You must think I'm a horrible coward."

"No, no. Just the opposite. You see, this happened seven months ago, and I'm just now trying to do the right thing." I sighed. "I'm not really doing it for me either. I'm doing it for my baby. I didn't protect myself... or you... but I won't make that mistake with her."

"It wasn't your fault, Bella."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "I know."

She sighed. "Okay. I'll do it."

"You sure?" I held my breath.

"Yeah, it's the right thing to do."

"Thank you... You don't know what this means." I bit my lip to keep from crying.

"So my dad wants to talk to the police tomorrow. Is that soon enough?"

"That's fine. Thank you, Vanessa."

"Nessie." She said so quietly I could almost not hear.

"Nessie."

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You know what you said about my family?"

"Yeah."

"You said it like you don't have one. But you do."

"What do you mean?" My head tilted in confusion, even though she couldn't see me. My mom didn't believe me like Mrs. Masen. My friends had shunned and ostracized me. Sure, Charlie believed me, but he wasn't here. He didn't protect me.

"Your friends with you today. They're your family."

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, eyes bright, honey brown, stunned. She was right. "They are. Thanks."

"Bye, Bella."

"Bye." I hung up the phone. Alice was waiting, bouncing from foot to foot, like she was ready to take flight.

Inspecting my reflection, flushed cheeks, pink lips, protruding baby bump from my tiny body, I spoke to myself just as much as her. "She's going to help."

Alice screeched, jumping up and down with joy.

I watched my face break into a beaming smile. "She's going to the police in the morning."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Alice yelled, causing the other patron in the bathroom to bypass washing her hands and leave the room as quickly as possible. _Can I say ew?_

"We have to tell the guys." I bolted out the door, flying into the atrium of the restaurant. "Edward! Nessie just called me. She's going to help!"

He was leaning against the opposite wall, ankles crossed with his hands in his pockets. His auburn hair was sticking up everywhere. His face snapped to mine, his eyes assessing me before he took the two steps between us, breaching the distance. Edward scooped me up in his arms. "That's great news!"

I pulled away, more happy than I'd been since I'd arrived in Washington. Edward was smiling so big I was afraid his face would crack in half. Unable to contain myself, I kissed him.

Full body, lip nibbling, tongue massaging, music swelling, movie climax kiss. Hot. Damn. He might as well have dipped me.

Pulling apart, Edward's eyes twinkled and there was something deeper there, something my insides were buzzing over. Looking into his eyes, I could still feel it, that buzzing out-of-this-world connection, like we were some ridiculous lost soul mates who searched for each other every generation. Cheesy, but it felt so real. Alice and Jasper didn't even notice us; they were doing a little dance. Well, Alice was doing a little dance pirouette thingy while Jasper held her hand over her head and laughed.

The locals probably thought we were crazy.

"We should head back to Forks," Edward stated. He may have still sounded a little out of breath. I licked my lips. They were a little swollen. Edward was staring at them as I rubbed them together. I would have paid money to know what he was thinking at exactly that moment. If we didn't need to get back, I might have given into my baser urges... within propriety of course.

"Oh! We need to tell Charlie!" I exclaimed.

Alice shouted in a mock-whisper, "Do you think he'll get the witnesses back?"

"One can only hope, darlin'," Jasper answered for us all.

"One can only hope," I whispered to myself. I'd forgotten all about the "wrong number" call in my excitement.

OoOoOoOoOo

Nessie did just like she said. On Saturday morning we got a call from both the Forks and the Port Angeles police departments. Forks informed us that, even though the crime took place in another city, Vanessa's testimony could help support my case as a character witness against Jimmy. The Port Angeles DA would also be filing her own charges against Jimmy in a second assault case from Vanessa's statement.

Charlie basically danced from the kitchen to the family room all morning. Every time he got another call he did this insane little jig; I think it might have permanently affected my psyche. Ali took all the good news personally, like she single-handed lyconvinced Vanessa to testify against Jimmy.

We hadn't heard from the witnesses, but Edward was sure it would only be a matter of time.

We sat around the kitchen table talking, sometimes about the case, but most of the time about random stuff, like Jasper's weird obsession with Westerns. According to Alice he had an entire book case at his house full of them.

"Jazz, aren't they all the same? Like romance novels? Once you've read one, you've read them all!" I asked, genuinely curious. I was partial to the classics.

He groaned, leaning back over the kitchen chair. "Bella, darlin', so misguided! They are not all the same. And they are not romance novels!"

Alice crossed her arms and huffed, "What's so wrong with romance novels?"

I looked at her agape. "It's like reading soft porn!"

"So?"

Jasper's eyes widened before he awkwardly laughed. Edward's embarrassment was evident, and he glared a little at Jasper. Poor Jazz raised his hands in defense, still laughing.

I continued. "Well, they're so predictable. You can tell who'll end up with who from the first chapter."

Alice sighed dramatically, "I know. It's so wonderful."

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled. "You're hilarious."

"I'm just saying, if I'm gonna read something, I have to know that it's gonna end right. What's the point otherwise?" She fluffed her hair over her shoulder, sniffing pretentiously.

"Whatever you like is fine, darlin'," Jasper saved.

"What about you, Edward? What do you like to read?" I asked, turning my body towards him. He blushed lightly as I directed my attention to him, or... he had a very interesting reading collection.

Alice giggled. "Science fiction! Space ships, aliens, mind reading. Romance is normal compared to him."

"Hey, it's intricate story-telling." His ears were pinker than they were before.

"Sure, for geeks," Jasper joked.

Edward raised his eyebrows. "At least it's not about a lone gunman regaining his honor to earn the attentions of the local barmaid."

"Ah, come on, man." Jasper reached across the table to grab Edward. I don't know what he was attempting to do, some weird male wrestling thing, but I pushed my chair back to stay out of the way. Edward pushed his chair away too, just to go flying around the table, narrowly missing Alice to tackle Jasper, hooking him in a head-lock. They were laughing and goading each other on when Alice jumped on Edward's back, yelling like a banshee. He released Jasper and swung her around, tickling her sides till she let go of his neck.

I was laughing harder than I'd laughed in a long time. Quickly tired out, all three of them collapsed onto my mom's tiny kitchen floor, spread out but still touching.

"You guys are crazy." I giggled.

"You know you love us, lil' momma." Jasper drawled, eyes barely open.

I smiled even bigger. "Yeah, I do."

Alice propped her-self up on one arm, and twisted to look at me over her shoulder. "What are you gonna name her anyway?"

"The baby?" I cocked my head. Edward sat up too, scooting across the floor to lean against the bottom cupboards. He watched me intensely.

"Yeah, you have some names right?" She smiled, her eyes lit up with ideas.

"I have a few ideas, but I'm not really sure yet. I think I want it to be a surprise," I said, thinking aloud.

"Aw, but can I help?" Ali whined.

"Alice, it's her baby. She should decide," Edward interjected, but he wasn't looking at Alice, he was still focused on me.

"Well, Nessie said something to me yesterday. She said that you guys are my family, so if you have any suggestions, I'll consider them," I said quietly. I looked down at my growing belly; it looked bigger every day. She was growing like a magic bean!

"How about Alice Jr.?" Ali squealed and clapped her hands. We groaned simultaneously. "Okay, then what would you pick?" she pointedly asked the boys.

Jasper opened his eyes; his brows bunched in concentration. Pulling himself off the floor, he plopped his gangly form into the chair opposite me at the table. Edward looked equally focused. He pursed his lips, and stared at my belly. Feeling self-conscious, I rubbed my middle with my right hand. Catching the movement, he looked up at me and smiled.

"Amanda or Emily," Jasper spoke up. "Something sweet, like the sugar she'll be."

"Oh! I know! Sophie or Tavia," Alice continued.

Jasper and Alice started throwing names back and forth. Jasper liked traditional feminine names where Alice liked unique names that no one else had. She believed that it was important to be the only one in your class to have your name so you don't have to be Emily S. or Emily L. It kept going until Alice passionately shared her top five girl and boy names for her own kids.

I watched bemused. Looking across the kitchen, Edward was still thinking. His eyes would move from my face, a small half-smile playing on his mouth, to my belly. I stood up and walked over to him, sliding down the cabinets to sit next to him on the floor.

Now face to face, I asked, "What do you think?"

His eyelashes were thick, framing his green eyes. It was at this moment that I wished that he was my daughter's father, so that she would have a chance to inherit his eyes. They were breathtaking.

I took his hand in mine, placing it on my belly. She'd just woken up from a nap and had decided to kick my ribs. His eyes lit up in awe.

"C—" he started.

"We got a witness!" Charlie whooped from the other room. He came flying into the kitchen, sliding on the floor. "She just called me and said that she'd testify that she saw Bella in the game room before and after Jimmy was there."

"What?" I asked, out of breath, like the wind was knocked out of me.

"Really?" Alice yelled, argument forgotten.

I placed my hands on the cupboards behind me, trying to pull myself. Edward's hands on my waist steadied me. "Dad, start over. Which witness?"

He looked like a kid who just got first prize in a pinewood derby; he sobered suddenly to explain. "A girl from the party stepped forward. In your testimony you mention that after you entered the room with the pool table and collapsed in the corner, someone opened the door and peeked in. Mary Jackson is the girl who saw you in the room. Allegedly she came back, but it was too late."

I took a breath. I didn't want to know earlier who they were. Now I had a face. She had known. I was relieved and angry at the same time. I was grateful that she stepped forward, but pissed that she wasn't willing to do so until now. She knew what Jimmy was capable of... I had to dash these thoughts from my head; they would lead me nowhere.

My therapist would love this.

Charlie's smile returned to his face. "This is just the start. Once the others hear, they'll step forward too."

I took another deep breath, steadying myself. A hand slid into my own, rough and huge. I smiled softly up at Edward, who tilted his face down to kiss my head. "Everything is going to work out, you'll see."

I nodded. "Tell me the name later?"

"Yeah." He squeezed my hand reassuringly.

OoOoOoOoOo

Charlie was right; it was only the beginning. By two o'clock p.m. we heard from the female nurse at the hospital who did the rape kit, and all the evidence that later disappeared. But she could testify that it had been rape, due to the internal and external damage done.

By dinner time we heard from the kid who drove me to the hospital. After Mary Jackson found me in the game room, she asked Tyler Crowley to take me to the hospital. It was obvious that I'd been hurt. Tyler had carried my unconscious body to the emergency room and left me there. He was afraid that they'd think he was responsible, so he took off. His testimony would prove that the original mugging was a cover-up.

It seemed like all the pieces were falling together.

Alice and Jasper ran out to the diner to pick up our take-out. None of us really wanted to make dinner, even though Renee had picked up groceries. She'd been avoiding us since I banished her. Part of me felt guilty for sending my mom to her room, but the other part of me felt validated for keeping her out of it. She'd proved herself to be loose a cannon time and time again. This was not a time to take risks by including her.

While we were clearing dinner, Edward came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my middle and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Hey, beautiful, whatcha doin'?" he said, slightly muffled because his nose was in my hair. I chuckled as he inhaled deeply.

"Washing the dishes," I replied.

"Want me to dry?" He kissed my shoulder.

"Sure." I handed him a dish towel.

"How are you doing with everything?" He nudged me gently with his hip as he took up a clean, wet plate and rubbed it with the towel.

I shrugged. "Good. Tired. Overwhelmed. Grateful. But mainly relieved that they're going to arrest him tonight."

Charlie informed us that the Forks P.D. had enough information to obtain Jimmy Crawford's warrant for arrest for sexual and physical assault, perjury, and obstruction of justice.

_Woot. Go us._

"He can't get away with it this time." Edward's voice was hard. I peeked over my shoulder to find him gritting his teeth.

I nodded, hoping to reassure him. I turned the water on and off, scrubbing and rinsing another plate. "I'm more worried about him getting off on bail. He's not going to react well, and I'm pretty sure that his father is going to freak."

He stacked his dry plates neatly on top of each other and took the wet one from me. "His dad is the mayor, so they have to know that something is coming."

I chewed on my lip, rinsing another plate. "I don't like that much either."

Edward dropped the dish towel on the counter, placing his arm around the top of my back, pulling me tight to his side. "Don't worry. I won't let him touch you."

"I know. I can't help it." I sighed.

He kissed the top of my head again before he went back to drying the dishes. I smiled. He'd been doing that a lot lately; I could get used to it.

I helped him put them away; two hands made the work go faster.

"Take a walk with me? It stopped raining." He looked at me with puppy dog eyes. I melted instantly. He didn't even need to pull out the look; I would have said yes anyway.

"Sure, let me grab my coat."

Edward helped me put on my jacket, and I yelled to Charlie and Alice, "We're gonna take a walk. We won't go far."

"Wear a coat!" Charlie called back.

"Take your phone!" Alice hollered.

Edward and I snickered. "Got it!"

He held the door open for me and took my hand as we stepped down the slick front stoop. I'd forgotten how much it rained here. It was literally the rainiest town in the US. More rain fell here than any other town in the entire country. Lucky us.

Interlacing our fingers we started off down the street. It was amazing; we literally started like this, walking down the street hand in hand. This is how we started trusting each other. And here we were in another state, dipping into my deepest and darkest secrets, but still hand in hand walking down the street.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do after all this?" Edward asked, turning his head to watch me.

I shrugged. "Go back home. Go to school. Get the baby's room ready. I guess just back to life." I paused a few minutes, still walking. "Charlie said the trial won't be for a while. They might try to rush it, but I won't be able to travel again until after the baby is born. I might have to tape my testimony before we leave, or from Phoenix."

"Are you okay with taping it, or would you rather be there?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just want it over. I want her to be safe."

"Me too. You'll both be safe." He squeezed my hand.

"I'm sorry this is so crazy. It's been all about me and whatnot."

He guffawed. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You've been there for me when I've had a hard time, and I wanted to be here for you."

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked. It was awkward, but it was nice.

"What the hell? Isabella! What the fuck are you doing?" His voice came up behind us. I don't know how we didn't notice anything sooner. Jimmy was in his red sports car. He'd stopped in the middle of the road and proceeded to get out, slamming the door behind him. "Who is this guy, Isabella? You whoring around, you little slut?"

He tromped over to us. I froze. Edward stepped directly in front of me, using his body as a shield.

"I'd advise you to keep your mouth shut," Edward said, gravely soft.

"Who the hell are you? And what do you think you are doing with my girl?" Jimmy spat, now less than five feet away. "Isabella, come here, baby. You knew I'd find you."

_Jimmy squatted down in front of me and gently moved my hair out of my face, holding his hands to my head. He forced me to look up at him, tugging my hair in the process._

"_I've been looking for you everywhere, Isabella." He smiled. "I always find you."_

Shaking my head, I stepped out from behind Edward. "I'm not your girl!"

"You need to leave, now." Edward warned again. He sounded so controlled, scarily calm. I didn't know whether to be proud that he hadn't pummeled Jimmy's face in yet, or worried that he was about to. I grabbed his hand tight and held it in my own.

"Do you even know who I am? If you know what's good for you, you better leave now. Isabella, get in the car." He pointed sharply at the red car behind him. His face was murderous, even worse than that first night when he surprised me in the kitchen. His face softened for a second. "You don't want him to get hurt, do you, Isabella?"

_His hands held me against the wall, and one reached up to grip my face. He forced his lips against mine, his breath tasted like ass and alcohol. _

_I tried to turn my face away. _

_He laughed darkly. "Come on, baby. Don't be such a prude. You know you want it." _

Edward squeezed my hand tightly, pulling me out. "Call 911." With my free hand, I pulled out my cell phone, dialing the police. "I know who you are, Jimmy. You're the bastard that raped my girlfriend. You're the son of a bitch that beat her up and terrorized her. You're the motherfucker that changed her life forever. And you're not going to get away with it."

"We're being threatened by Jimmy Crawford on Calawah Way North. He's cornered us on the road," I explained quietly to the operator.

"What are you doing, Isabella?" Jimmy growled. His fists tightened at his sides and he bared his teeth like he was an animal.

_The terror rose up in my throat, but I couldn't eek out a scream. Instead I began blubbering, the fight almost gone from me. _

"_Stop. Please. Stop. You're hurting me. Don't hurt me." _

_He yanked at my shirt again, tearing the rest of the buttons off so that I was exposed, my little blue bra bare to his hungry eyes. _

"_Stop fighting, baby. You know you want it."_

"Please come quickly!" I hung up and dialed Charlie.

"Hey, bastard, look at me!" Edward yelled. "You are not going to get away with what you did. You're going to rot in prison. You know what they do to pretty boys like you in prison? Especially rapists?"

"That's it. Isabella, I warned you!" Jimmy pointed at me, sneering.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" I whispered frantically.

_Ripping, tearing, shredding of fabric. A blow against my face, whipping my head to the side, smacking it on the floor. Grasping, shoving—penetrating_

_The sharp pain—that never stopped. _

_The violence, the rage, the victory in his eyes._

Without warning, or perhaps with a lot of warning and a little bit of baiting from Edward, Jimmy barreled towards us, yelling loudly.

"Hello?"

"Charlie!"

And he took a swing not at Edward, but at me.

* * *

**dun. dun. dun. ;) You know you loved those E/B moments! I think I gave myself butterflies ;) xoxo  
**

**Recs:**

**High School Confidential by troublefollows1017** This story kept up til 2am on a school night, and then I tried to read it between periods all day. Addictive, and soo good.  
**Summary: Bella, fresh from a breakup, starts a new job as a guidance counselor at Masen HS under the watchful eye of her very handsome but very married principal, Edward Cullen. A connection begins to develop as they work together to help the troubled students.**

**The Day the Earth Stood Still by Sare Liz**  
**Summary: Her body, her mind and her blood - these were the three things my world now revolved around. I don't know what I'll do if I can't have all three... -Winner of two Mystic Awards.-**

**When Fiction Becomes Reality by BITTENEV**  
**Summary: Bella is a writer whose most successful book is one she wrote about Edward, her high school crush. Edward is now an A-list actor and has signed on to star in a movie based on Bella's creation. AU/AH**


	30. Culmination

**A/N: And here it is. **

**Thanks to so many people. Thanks to my amazing betas MarchHare5 and twicrack83. These ladies are so great. Without them this story would not be here; I would not have gotten this far without them. **

**Thanks to MsWDarcy who started this whole journey with me, she is the one who encouraged me to start writing. Who told me this idea wasn't too bad. ;) As she said at the very beginning, "let's have a baby!"**

**Thanks to my amazing husband, who has patiently listened to my ideas and rants, and who probably never wants to hear the names Edward and Bella again. I love you. **

**Thanks to you my readers. To those of you who have been reading since May and those who found this last week. Thank you for the subscriptions, the favorites, and mostly the reviews. You've kept me writing when I didn't think I could.  
**

**Thanks to nowforruin, my twilighted validation beta. **

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** **** Language ** ****This is not for readers under 18! Forewarning: violence and sexual material!  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Chapter 30: Culmination

_Without warning, or perhaps with a lot of warning and a little bit of baiting from Edward, Jimmy barreled towards us, yelling loudly. _

"_Hello?" _

"_Charlie!" _

_And he took a swing not at Edward, but at me. _

And damn it hurt.

His right hook came directly at my cheek, before Edward or I could react. The second he hit me, my face exploded, like it was on fire. My vision blurred, the colors of the street blending together, the blacks and grays and browns muddling into a kindergarten art project mess.

Not a second later the back of my head collided with something; it felt like it cracked open like an egg.

Then everything went black.

_Before me was a long dark hallway. The corridor reminded me of a movie I'd watched on PBS, one of those period pieces. The floor and the walls were built of gray stone. A distant dripping could be heard, like the time when Renee broke the faucet on our kitchen sink and it took two weeks to convince her to call the plumber. She kept trying to fix it herself, until there was a constant drip. I would lie in my bed counting the drops as I fell asleep. _

_Not knowing what to do, I hesitantly stepped forward. I looked down to find my feet naked, not a sock, shoe, or slipper in sight. I scrunched my toes and shivered as I took another on the biting stone. I reached my arms around myself, rubbing up and down to get warm. I was wearing the white sun dress Renee got for me a few summers ago, but I never wore. It never got warm enough to wear in Forks, even on the hottest day in August, and I never visited Charlie to get any use out of it. It was a thin lacy fabric, one only Ali could name. It had skinny straps that crisscrossed over my back, but left most of it bare. _

_I looked over my shoulder, nervous. A wind brushed past me, blowing my hair in my face and my dress through my legs. _

_In the distance I could see a door with a light shining underneath it. _

_Looking over my shoulder once more, I picked up my slow pace to a jog, my feet slapping the floor. I slid to a stop in front of the door, placing my hands on the unsanded wood. If I ran my hands down it, I would receive a number of splinters. The door handle was an old fashioned metal ring, as if I were in a medieval castle. I glanced back down the long stone corridor, not ruling that possibility out. _

_I tugged on the ring, hoping to open the door, but nothing budged. Leaning my ear against the crack I could hear voices beyond. _

"_Shut up!" _

_Crying increased from either a baby or an infant. My breath hitched and I immediately placed my hands on my center, seeking reassurance from my baby. But she wasn't there. I had no pregnancy bump; I had no evidence of her. _

_The crying pitched higher into an inconsolable wail. _

"_I said, shut up, you little bitch!"_

_My heart rate increased, and I began tugging on the door all the more. Finding it still immovable, I began pounding on the door, my fists over and over against the rough wood. _

"_Let me in! Baby, I'm coming! Let me in! I want my baby," my voice screamed, but no answer came from inside. _

_I don't know how long I stood there, yelling and pounding on the door, but by the time my voice was hoarse and my hands raw and bleeding, I had sunk to the floor. On my knees I leaned my forehead against the door, desolately sobbing. _

"_I need my baby..." I whimpered. _

"_Isabella! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere. See, I told you I'd find you." A hand grasped my shoulder, spinning me around on my knees. I looked up at the dark figure and screamed. _

"Bella? Sweetheart, you have to wake up. Bella! Come on, wake up!" a forceful voice pleaded with me. I woke slowly to my body shaking. A pair of sea-glass green eyes were staring down at me. The moment I connected with them, his body pulled me tight into his arms, rocking me back and forth frantically.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." he repeated my name over and over again. "Don't do that to me ever again," his voice cracked.

"Edward?"I croaked. I lifted my head, surveying the scene around me. I was once again on the ground... the wet, cold, hard ground. Lights were flashing, white and red.

"Sweetheart, I'm right here." He pulled back, and I noticed puffy swelling already on his jaw, as well as a gash above his eye. He might have had a black eye as well.

"Oh, Edward, are you hurt?" I lifted my hand to touch his face. He winced under my feather touch.

I was on the ground. Edward was hurt. It was raining. The police were here. And I had one hell of a headache.

Shit.

Jimmy.

I pulled farther from Edward's embrace, searching the area for him. "What happened? Where is he?"

Edward's eyes darkened and his grip on me tightened protectively. "He ran as soon as he heard the sirens." I groaned silently, closing my eyes. _Great, just great. _

"Bella? Bella?" Charlie yelled. He pushed past the few police officers that had formed a perimeter around us. Two boys, no more than five years my senior, held out their hands, keeping him back.

"I'm sorry, sir, you need to stand back," the officer with the wrestler neck said.

"That's my daughter!" Charlie roared.

The taller officer looked over at Edward, who nodded at him. The first one dropped his arms letting Charlie past. Charlie rushed up to me, stopping a few inches short. He dropped to his knees and reached out, eyes wide and staring at my face. I cringed back instinctively to Edward's arms. Charlie dropped his hands, crestfallen.

"Edward?" Charlie asked, a contrast to his yelling not moments before.

Edward's arms began to shake; I held on to him tighter as he answered. "He attacked us. He was yelling that she had to leave with him and then he attacked her." He shook even more. "He got by me somehow! I wasn't quick enough," his voice broke. "I got in a few good ones before the sirens made him take off. I would have gone after... but Bella... The police tried to check on her, then she started screaming."

I looked up at him, horrified.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"Shh, no, it's not your fault. I should have—I wasn't—" He pulled me up onto his lap, rocking us silently.

Charlie was still there, shock written on his face.

"Mr. Swan?"the first officer inquired. "We need to take Miss Swan and this young man to the hospital." He pointed to the open ambulance. He looked at Edward. "Do you need help?"

Edward shook his head. Adjusting me in his arms, he slowly rose, still carrying my pregnant self. He cringed twice and winced when I leaned against his ribs.

"Edward, I can walk. You're hurt," I told him quietly.

He gave me a look.

"Edward, put me down," I said more sternly this time, giving him eye contact. I don't know what he read, but he set me down with a glare and a sigh.

The moment I tried to stand on my own, I felt like that world was tilting underneath me. I teetered to the right, and Edward scooped me up again.

"See?"

I ignored him, setting my head on his shoulder. Trying not to jostle me, he walked quickly to the ambulance, setting me down and jumping up inside to help me in. Just as I was stepping into the back of the truck, I heard a screeching noise behind me.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Alice came scurrying through the police and other random people that always show up at crime scenes. Jasper was following her, looking frazzled. He was carrying what looked like Ali's jacket; his was only half on.

I nodded quickly, then winced as the pain in my head began to throb powerfully. I didn't know it was possible to see your pulse.

"She needs to get her head checked out. Meet us at the hospital, Alice?" Edward cut in. He was still tense, not that we'd had a chance to calm down... or that he'd calm down any time soon.

She agreed succinctly, "We'll be there before you even arrive. Come on, Jazz." Alice grabbed Jasper's arm, tugging him back the way they came at a jog.

"Isabella? Izzy! Are you okay, honey?" Renee appeared out of nowhere. It was like she used her evil witch magic to poof into existence, full of seeming concern. She looked hysterical, hands flying every-where as she asked what happened. The wrinkles she tried to hide around her eyes showed more clearly as she narrowed her eyebrows.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Who would do this to you?" she basically yelled at Edward and me.

"Who do you think?" I sighed.

She gasped, both hands covering her mouth. "No, he would never!"

"Pull your head out of your ass, Renee," Edward said disgustedly and pulled me the rest of the way into the ambulance, helping me sit on the stretcher. He tried to get me to lie down, but I just raised my eyebrows.

"He wouldn't..." Renee said to herself. Shaking her head more forcefully, she looked up at us with a gleam in her eye. "Isabella, what did you do?"

I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. Edward leaned closer, kissing me on my head before he turned to my mother. Sincerely cold he drew out each word, "You are poison. You're a virus. This girl here is the bravest person I've ever met. She doesn't get any breaks, and yet she hasn't cracked, she's still strong. No thanks to you. I don't want to you to come near her again. Unless she contacts you first, you are dead to us. You turned your back on her when she needed you most; even now when she has bruises on her face you still leave her in the cold. This is the last time I will warn you. There are no more second chances."

He slammed the ambulance door shut. I didn't even get to see the look on Renee's face.

Head still in my hands, I leaned against one and reached the other out for Edward's. His fingers were laced with mine before I had time to think another thought.

We didn't need to speak. The silence spoke enough for both of us.

I sniffled, surprised to find tears streaking down my face. Sitting up, I touched my face lightly, pulling my hands away, and looked at the salty evidence on my fingers. A single drop fell from my hand to my lap and I struggled to breathe as sobs took over my body.

Edward sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap. I don't know how he bore the weight; I was no spring chicken anymore. Wrapping his arms tightly around me and my tummy, I placed mine around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder, his shirt soaking in my tears.

"Please, don't ever leave me—" I shuddered out between sobs.

"Never. You're stuck with me forever," he spoke roughly into my hair.

OoOoOoOoOo

So I was pretty sure that Dr. Young, my shrink in Phoenix, would not be pleased with the "confrontations" with my rapist. She had been so sure that by standing up to him, showing him I would not cower or give into his demands, would "heal" my inability to touch men.

Not. True.

Strike one for the shrink. Upon arrival at the hospital the EMTs had rolled me into the pit. Despite Edward's and my protests they forced us to be separated and checked out individually. I also tried to explain my... issues. But every time I explained it, that person would get called away and I'd have to start all over again. There was no reason for Forks Community Hospital to be so busy. Once the doctor arrived, a tall man with tired eyes, I assumed that he'd read my chart or talked to one of the six nurses I'd explained my no-touching condition to. My message did not get through.

It was a particularly bad flashback. It didn't start at the beginning, but at the worst part. I had to live through Jimmy's fists, taunts, and grunts. But more embarrassing than having a full-blown exorcist flashback in an ER, I started screaming. It felt so frakking real. It didn't help that this room was the first place I had had a flashback. I could feel the bruises that his fists made.

And the meadow didn't help. Dr. Young had tried to prepare me to think "calming thoughts"; she needed to try and think calming-firetrucking-thoughts as she relived her rape. It didn't even crack the memory. Strike two.

"Get the hell away from her!" Edward was growling over me. The poor doctor's face was blanched white. Edward continued, "Didn't you hear her? I could hear her explain it to everyone that came over! Don't touch her!" I could see the bandages on his hands and face.

"Edward, I'm here. I'm okay," I said. I reached out for his bandaged hand. He turned, his face red with fury, and took my hand gently.

"It's not okay. Especially after he attacked you."

I shook my head, "You're right, but this isn't helping." I looked up at the doctor. "I'm sorry, I thought I told everyone. I get flashbacks from men's touch. It's nothing personal." He looked regretful, then confused, staring at our intertwined fingers. I shrugged. "Can we just get this over with? Maybe you can get a nurse to help you?"

He agreed and checked us both out. I had a slight concussion and he wanted me to be watched carefully, woken every two hours tonight. _Crap._ He also had the OB/GYN do an ultrasound. Fortunately, my baby girl was fine. I was worried enough that Dr. Randall would kick my butt for letting myself get put in this dangerous situation. She had lectured me enough before allowing me to fly at seven months.

Alice had been true to her word and had arrived at the hospital before our ambulance. She and Jasper had been forced to wait in the waiting room where Charlie was filling out my paperwork. Edward told me later that she had heard my screams and his outburst and had tried to force her way in. Charlie had managed to calm her down before he charged in and told off the nurse. I guess; he even made her cry. I felt kind of bad and a little loved.

Sitting on the hospital bed, waiting for discharge, I nagged Edward to tell me what happened while I was knocked out. Unfortunately, this caused him to pace and glower and mumble unintelligible words.

"Edward, you know I'm just going to bug you until you tell me," I argued reasonably.

He looked up from his pacing across our little room and glared. I smiled, until the pain in my cheek made me wince. He growled again.

"Bella, I just didn't... He... That... He hurt you! Look at your face! It's already purple!" he said, stilted and passionately. I waved him over closer to me; he came at once, lying down beside me, his face close to mine.

"It's not that bad, and I've had worse."

He groaned. "You shouldn't be hurt at all! I should have stopped him." He was quiet now, almost defeated.

I gently touched his face, tracing his eyebrows, lips, nose. I grazed over the bruise on his jaw and the butterfly bandage on his forehead. His eyes closed as I examined him. I ran my fingers through his messy copper hair, pushing it out of his eyes.

"You couldn't have known he'd go after me. I was just as surprised."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," he grumbled.

I laughed. "Yeah, well, maybe this will." I stretched my neck and tilted my head so that my lips were waiting for his.

He couldn't contain his smile as he closed the gap, kissing me lightly, once, twice, three times. His smile pulling away was exactly what I wanted to see. The darkness from his eyes had seeped away momentarily. The rigidness in his jaw relaxed; even his body didn't look like it was a wire coiled to spring.

"Almost, but not quite," he teased, going in for kisses four, five, and six. I happily appeased him.

"Tell me what happened?" I asked quietly once he lay back down next to me.

He sighed, a hand immediately moving to ravage his hair. "You went down, and Bella, you don't know what that did to me. I don't know what I'd do... After you fell, he moved towards you, like I wasn't even there. I wouldn't let him touch you—never again... He's stronger than I expected. It wasn't like Newton. He knew what he was doing, probably more than me. But I wasn't going to let him near you. As soon as he heard the sirens he took off. I tried to stop him, but you were still unconscious... I didn't know what to do."

During his story, my hand had moved his out of his hair, and I ran my fingers through it, soothing him as he spoke. I didn't know that I could do that, but it definitely helped ease the tension in his body.

"You did the right thing. You did all you could do. It's up to the police now. They'll have no choice," I reasoned.

Edward leaned his forehead against mine. His voice cracked. "Bella, please don't do that again. I don't think I could live through it."

It was my turn to be strong. He was just as scared as I was. I couldn't promise him anything; it wasn't like I had tried to get hurt. We had gone on a walk... gosh, that felt like eons ago. So instead I kissed his head, then his eyes, his nose, ending on his mouth.

I could kiss those lips forever. They were soft, yet firm. Demanding and gentle. I sucked his bottom lip between my own, then opened mine slightly, accepting his tongue into my mouth. He massaged my tongue with his, making our kisses more urgent and needy. His hand went to my back, pressing me against him tightly. I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips. I'd been dreaming about making out with this boy, and the dreams didn't even come close.

Someone cleared their throat. I jerked back, blushing fuchsia. Edward chuckled, but even he was a little red around the ears. We'd been interrupted by the illustrious members of the Forks Police Department, none other than Officer Tia Verner, my favorite police woman, and her even rounder partner, Officer Pete Greene.

I coughed slightly and we both sat up. I acknowledged their presence. "Officers, this is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen." I stuttered a bit over boyfriend, but he'd called me his girlfriend while he was baiting Jimmy. I mentally shrugged. I guessed it was okay.

Verner looked from him to me several times before she pulled her notebook and pen out of a pocket. No facial expressions gave her away. I couldn't tell whether she approved or not, or if she thought everything was still a ploy to get back at an ex-boyfriend who'd knocked me up. Poor Pete was flushed scarlet. He looked like he would rather hide than talk to two teenagers just caught making out. He was not the one who'd cleared his throat. Darn Verner for ruining the best part of my day.

"We just need you to give us a statement about the incident today." Officer Verner spoke while she jotted down some preliminary notes on her pad.

Edward took the lead. "We were taking a walk and Jimmy Crawford pulled up behind us in a red Mercedes-Benz. He got out of the car, ranting and raving at Bella. He called her names—"

Greene cut him off, suddenly a police officer, "Such as?"

Edward's face clouded over. I interjected, "Whore, slut." Edward growled.

"Go on," Verner urged, still a picture of disinterest.

"As I was saying," Edward continued, "he called her names, while I had her call 911. He began acting more erratically and I asked him to leave. He tried to get Bella to go with him—"

"I refused," I said, glaring now at Verner.

"Then he attacked her. He ran when he heard the sirens," Edward finished.

"You look like you were in quite the fight," Verner assessed, the sneer not hidden from her voice.

Edward tensed beside me. "I did what I had to to keep him from hurting her any further. He looks worse than I do," he said with a smile.

"Thank you for your time. We will let you know once we've found Jimmy," Officer Pete said amicably.

As they turned to leave, I called out after them, "Thank you, officers, I'll be glad once justice is served."

Pete just smiled with a nod of his head. Verner didn't acknowledge my thanks or us as she left the room. She was one less person I could add to my fan club. _Yay._

It didn't take much longer for them to process us, discharging us around ten p.m. I couldn't believe that we had merely taken a walk after dinner. With all our plans panning out and Jimmy's impending arrest we'd be leaving sometime tomorrow afternoon, hopefully. I'd already missed school on Thursday, and we'd all missed Friday. I was worried about Edward, Alice, and Jasper, who could be in trouble for coming along. We needed to be back in school on Monday.

Once again, for the third night in a row we all crammed into my little bedroom. Ali and I shared the bed, while Jasper fell asleep on Alice's side, and Edward on mine. I was worried about the boys sleeping on the floor, but they both assured me that they would feel much better with us while Jimmy was still free. After that I didn't argue.

OoOoOoOoOo

We woke to a loud banging on the front door of Renee's house. I jumped out of bed, startled, almost stepping on Edward. Grabbing a blanket from the foot of my bed, I wrapped it around myself as I hurried down the stairs. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen as I went by to see that it was 5:30 in the morning. Who pounds on someone's door before six a.m.? My only guess was it could be something about the case.

Despite my pregnant condition I was the first to the door; Edward had trailed after me once I left my room, and Charlie was just pulling himself off the couch. Renee didn't make an appearance, but I didn't even know if she was here. She was staying true to Edward's threats; it seemed like someone finally got through to her.

I opened the front door, not to the Forks P.D., but to a very furious Dr. Cullen and weary Esme.

My eyes were wide, and I looked over my shoulder to see Edward make the "oh shit" look. Charlie looked a bit guilty, too. He must have assumed that Edward and Alice came with permission.

Putting on my calmest face, I welcomed them, "Dr. Cullen, Esme, good to see you. Won't you come in?" Placing a hand on my stomach, I opened the door wider.

Dr. Cullen huffed in, glaring at Edward. Esme smiled softly and gave me a quick hug. She also kissed her son on his cheek, asking, "Is Alice here, too?" Edward nodded. She patted him on the cheek and followed Carlisle into the kitchen.

I sat down at the table and Edward got me a glass of water. He knew how thirsty I was when I woke up. Sitting down next to me, we watched Carlisle pace the tiny kitchen. I think we both knew that we needed to let him speak before we explained. He knew why Edward, and consequently Ali, had come. He just didn't like the way they did it.

"What did you think you were doing?" Dr. Cullen finally growled. His hands went to his hair in frustration, and I almost laughed at how alike he and Edward were.

"You skipped school! Not just you; I expected you, but your sister, too! And you had Emmett lie for you!" His voice rose exponentially with each statement. "If you're going to have someone lie for you, at least choose someone good at it!" he said exasperatedly.

Alice came groggily down the stairs, hair in disarray. Jasper was less than a step behind her, as usual. The moment she saw her parents she squinted, scrunched her eyes closed, then looked again. Once she realized they were here, she looked paler than I'd ever seen her.

"Crap," she mumbled.

"Crap indeed! You're in trouble, young lady! I expect this from Edward, but not from you! Irresponsible, reckless behavior!" he ranted.

Alice's eyes filled with tears, but at the same time her jaw tightened. I didn't know if she was going to cry or yell back.

"Carlisle—" Charlie cut in, but Dr. Cullen glared at him.

I had finished my glass of water, and Edward stood to refill it, not even acknowledging his father's rant other than listening quietly. He didn't even look upset. I smiled at him as he set down another full glass in front of me.

He mouthed, "Hungry?" I shook my head. I was okay for now. I didn't think Dr. Cullen would take kindly to Edward making a full-blown breakfast for me right now. But my stomach growled, giving me away. Edward smirked. I rolled my eyes and mouthed, "Cereal?" He nodded, getting up again.

"This was foolhardy, especially after Charlie asked you to stay home. You don't think before you act; you never see beyond your own selfish desires!" Carlisle started to pace again, but not as forcefully as before. As if in the middle of a thought, he stopped and turned to me. "Are you alright, Bella? Baby okay?" he asked full of concern, a complete one-eighty from his previous tone.

I smiled. "Baby's okay. I have a slight concussion, but Edward was waking me up every two hours. I haven't had any problems."

Carlisle's eyes went wide, and Esme shot towards me, asking, "Concussion? What happened? Are you sure the baby's okay?"

Her arm was wrapped around me; I patted her hand. "Baby's fine. They did an ultrasound at the hospital last night. And I got a concussion from Jimmy attacking us yesterday."

Edward set my cereal down on the table, and I smiled my thanks. Now that Carlisle had stopped yelling, Alice and Jasper joined us at the table.

"Jimmy attacked you?" Esme asked, alarmed still.

"Me and Edward," I explained. "Edward saved me."

Edward snorted. "You shouldn't have been hurt at all." I raised an eyebrow at him. We'd already discussed this. He just raised one back. _Snot_.

Esme moved to her son, just now seeing his injuries. "Oh, Edward, are you okay?"

A little sheepishly, he replied, "I'm fine, Mom. A few bruised ribs, nothing bad."

Carlisle finally cut in, "Not that I can condone violence, but he looks worse, right?" Lips closed, Edward smiled lightly and nodded. "Good."

"Daddy? We had to come. Bella needed us, still needs us." Alice looked at her Dad, sincerely explaining herself. "We've helped a lot, promise. And we haven't been in the way."

I nodded, looking from Esme to Dr. Cullen. "I don't know what I would have done without them. We would be nowhere. They're my family. I need them," I said quietly.

Edward leaned over and kissed me on the head. Alice gave me a beaming smile over the table. I smiled back. It was true; I went from no family or friends to gaining friends that became my family.

"I'm still upset. You lied. You traveled across the country!" Carlisle insisted.

Sighing, Edward replied, "Dad, did you really think that I would let Bella go alone?" Charlie snorted. "And do you think Alice would let me come without her? You can be upset, that's fine. But be realistic. You knew the moment you booked that conference this weekend."

Carlisle didn't respond, and Esme joined her husband, hugging him to console him.

"Why did you fly all the way up here? Why didn't you just call?" Charlie asked.

This time Esme looked annoyed. "We did, no one answered, not all night."

"We turned our cell phones off at the hospital... We probably forgot to turn them back on." I bit my lip, explaining. "Sorry."

Esme smiled apologetically, "It's not your fault, dear. I'm just glad you're all right."

"Right as rain!" I exclaimed. "Well, mostly." I tried to hold back my smile, but didn't succeed. Alice giggled, which only made me smile bigger. I'm pretty sure that Edward and Jasper rolled their eyes simultaneously.

Carlisle and Esme looked exhausted, and I said as much. Charlie offered them Renee's room since she informed him she was staying with a friend. They readily accepted and carried their single bag down the hall. Alice yawned and informed us she was going back to bed. She cocked her head at Jasper, who after a second agreed and followed her upstairs.

Unfortunately for me, Miss-Bouncy was awake and kicking, so there would be no going back to sleep for me. I got up and put my empty cereal bowl in the dishwasher.

"You can go back to sleep, Edward. You don't need to stay up with me."

He ignored me. "You wanna play cards? I have a mean poker face."

I giggled. "Sure, but I'm terrible at anything but Go Fish."

He guffawed as he made his way to the living room to grab a pack of cards from my mother's game basket. "Well, Go Fish it is then."

We'd played four hands of Go Fish when Edward decided to teach me Rummy. After a bajillion questions and two rounds I was finally getting the hang of it. But around seven o'clock we were interrupted by a loud yelling outside.

"ISABEEELLLLLLAAA! IZZY, IZZY, IZZZZYBELLLLLLA!" we heard coming from the front yard. Charlie, who'd fallen back asleep on the couch, woke up mid-snore.

"Is that who I think it is?" Edward asked.

I nodded.

"ISABELLA! I know you're in there! Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Glass crashed against the front of the house. It wasn't a window, but something thrown at the house.

I moved towards the foyer, by the front door, but Edward grabbed my arm, pulling me back. I turned, perturbed. "I'm not going to open the door and let him in. I just want to see. Come on." I invited him to come with me.

I looked out the small side window next to the door. Jimmy Crawford was weaving across the front of Renee's lawn, yelling and throwing empty beer bottles. _Classy_.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in!" He yelled, giggling to himself. "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"

Charlie had called the police as soon as he knew who was in the yard. Still talking on the phone, we over heard, "He's in the yard, raving like a lunatic... Yeah, we'll try to keep him here... Okay." He hung up. "They're on their way."

"ISABEEEELLLLAAA!" Jimmy hollered again. "You better come out, bitch!"

I inched back from the door, like he sensed I was there.

"You know I'll always find you!"

I cringed, angry at my own reaction.

"Why is he always saying that?" Edward spouted, furiously beside me.

"It's what he's always said, after I broke up with him... and then that night," I answered quietly. I turned and wrapped my arms around him, hiding in his chest. I could be stronger, but I didn't have to right now, and gosh darn it, I didn't want to.

"Come on, baby! I know you want to! Just talk to me! I know how you love talking!" His voice was coming from just the other side of the door. No longer in the yard, he started banging on the door, yelling for me to come out.

Carlisle and Jasper showed up in the kitchen, hair messed, but alert and ready.

"Baby, I know it was good for you! You were so tight!"

Edward went rigid and he growled. I gripped him tighter. It would be no good if he answered Jimmy's goading. The police were on their way; it was time they took care of it.

"And now," he laughed hysterically, "you'll always have a piece of me with you!" He pounded on the door a few more times, this bringing Esme and Alice to the kitchen. Both looked terrified, hugging each other for support.

Jimmy started ranting about how I had ruined his life. If I'd only been a good girlfriend, none of this would have ever happened. All of us were tense; even Jasper had lost his perpetual cool, his fists tight at his sides.

My head snapped back to the door as I heard sirens in the distance. Jimmy yelled an expletive as he ran down the front stoop like a herd of elephants.

I looked frantically at Edward and Charlie. We had to keep him here until the police arrived. Tearing out of Edward's arms, I ran for the door, flinging it open, and yelled his name.

"Jimmy!"

He froze in place, turning, a sly grin on his face. "Isabella, I knew you would come to me."

I gave him the death stare extraordinaire with every fiber of my being. "You are even more delusional than I thought!"

He laughed. "You're the delusional one for thinking you can ever get away from me."

Edward stepped past me onto the top of the stoop, standing in front of me, protecting me. "You're never going to come near her again."

"She's mine, Edmund! She'll always be mine! She was with me for years, and she'll come back! She always does," Jimmy arrogantly boasted.

Not wanting Edward to speak for me, I yelled over top of him. "I don't! I've never come back! Where do you get this idea? I have never once wanted to come back since I dumped you! Never once! You attacked me. You raped me! But you never had me! And you never will!"

Three squad cars pulled up in front of the house, effectively blocking Jimmy's car from pulling out if he tried. Verner and Pete stepped out of a car with their guns raised, trained directly on Jimmy.

Jimmy sneered at them. "Don't you know who I am? You can't do anything to me! I'll have your badge. Why don't you get back in your little cars and go on back to your station. This is between me and my girl."

"James Crawford, you are under arrest for assault and battery, sexual molestation, perjury, and obstruction of justice," Officer Verner stated firmly.

"What the hell? Are you insane? Who do you think you are?" he yelled. He was waving his hands everywhere, and alcohol was flying out of the open bottle he was holding.

I leaned forward, placing my hands on Edward's shoulders. He rested his back against me as we watched.

"You have the right to remain silent—" Pete started, but Jimmy panicked and tried to run past him. Pete swiped at him but missed as he ran by. Verner with a gleam in her eye took off after Jimmy, tackling him less than twenty feet away.

We watched as they cuffed and tossed him into the back of one of their vehicles. It was awesome.

Best. Day. Ever.

OoOoOoOoOo

We had to go down to the station to report what had happened at the house. They assured us that with the evidence presented, they would be charging him to the full extent of the law. I did find out I would have to return to Forks once more for the trial. The judge would most likely schedule it for late February or March. The baby would be born by then. At that time, or even as soon as she was born, I could file for full custody. We hoped that Jimmy would just give up any rights in an effort to save himself.

After a long day at the station, and promises to be regularly updated, we all piled into Charlie's and Carlisle's rentals and drove to the airport to head home.

And life went back to normal.

Well, as normal as possible for a pregnant eighteen-year-old girl. I had my dad, my best friends, and I had Edward.

Edward had to jump through a few more hoops with Banner for missing those two days of school, but after my dad came in to vouch for him Banner couldn't do much about it.

The crib and changing table came from Ikea. I went garage sale hunting for some dressers that Edward, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rose, and I painted to match the room. Okay, the boys painted; we gave advice and watched.

Thanksgiving and Christmas passed. I got to experience Alice and Rose's New Year's bash, which made the back-to-school party seem miniscule. Edward and I shared our first New Year's kiss.

The closer I got to my due date, the more protective everyone became of me. I continued with my doctor's appointments, OB/GYN and the shrink. The OB/GYN appointments were much more beneficial, but I hoped that I was getting better mentally. I really looked forward to the day I could give my Dad or Emmett or Jasper a hug. They all deserved it.

But now it was the week AFTER my due date. And I was frakking huge. Yes, the swearing embargo was still on, though Edward liked to complain that I liked to only use it when I wanted to. I told him that when he was nine frakking months pregnant he could do what he wanted too.

Dr. Randall said that I was doing well; my baby would come when she was ready. It was the first week in February, my back hurt, my ankles were swollen, and I'd lost my temper with Mr. Molina in Med Bio on Friday. He'd forgiven it, of course, due to the crazy pregnancy hormones. But I was still annoyed.

It was six whole days after my due date. I was flipping ready. It was _so_ time for her to be ready.

Monday morning I decided to come to school because it was better than sitting at home feeling like a beached whale. And I knew I'd have to take time off after the birth, and I didn't want to get too far behind.

I made it through my morning classes without mishap and waddled to lunch. Edward filled a tray for both of us and sat down next to me. Giving me a kiss on the cheek, he laughed at my scowl and handed me an apple to start with.

Emmett flopped down across from me. "Bellasaurus! Or should I say Bellaluga?" I glared at him; that shit was not funny.

"So, I've made the peanut a top ten hits list. She needs to enter this world in style." He excitedly passed me a mixed CD. "You need to put this on your iPod, 'kay?" I rolled my eyes and Edward snorted. This was the third CD this week, and he'd abducted my iPod while he and Alice schemed for the best birth playlist.

I'd been humoring him. Edward was annoyed.

"Hey, Bells, how ya feelin' today?" Rose asked as she sat down next to Emmett, taking a moment to kiss him on the cheek. I'd noticed that she sounded more like Jasper when she was worried.

"I'm fine. Uncomfortable, but fine." I tried to sound appreciative. I probably sounded like an ungrateful bitch.

Edward handed me another item of food to eat and began absently rubbing little circles into my back. It felt wonderful.

"Willow! It's the perfect girl name. Unique enough, but not too weird. It's perfect!" Alice came skipping up to the table, erupting in excitement. Jasper was carrying their lunch more sedately behind her with an amused smile on his face.

I looked up at her. "Wasn't she the witch on _Buffy, the Vampire Slayer_?"

"Yes! Her loyal and trusty best friend!"

"Didn't she go evil?"

Ali stopped buzzing, her face twisted with confusion. "Oh yeah. Oops." She pulled up a chair, sitting down next to me, eating something off of Emmett's tray.

"Hey!" He covered his food protectively with his arms. Jasper laughed from his seat, and slid a bagel down the table. She caught it deftly before it fell off the end.

"Hmmm, how 'bout... Guinevere? Beautiful Queen of Camelot. Wife of King Arthur. Strong, interesting, and different name." She rested her head on her elbows, turning her face to study me.

"She cheats on her husband with Sir Lancelot. She runs off to a convent, and Lancelot goes to a monastery. Arthur dies in battle alone," I retorted.

"Hmmm, just wait, I'm sure I have a good one." She was not quelled.

We'd been doing this since Christmas. She really, really wanted me to name the baby Alice Jr., or at least tell her what the name was, but I wanted to keep it a secret. Edward didn't even know. Plus it bugged Alice and gave me an endless source of entertainment.

Lunch ended and Edward put away our tray. On the way to Med Bio I felt a twinge in my stomach. Groaning, I reached into my purse for my bottle of Tums. Everything these days gave me heartburn.

A few minutes later as we sat down in class, I felt the pain again, only stronger this time. I winced, but brushed it off. I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a while now, and little pains were normal. The first time I had them Charlie had rushed me to the hospital, only to be sent home four hours later.

Edward stared at me oddly through the entire class. I'd been squirming in my seat. The Tums hadn't affected the pain, and they were definitely feeling stronger than anything I'd had all week.

Mr. Molina finished up the lecture, and I handed Edward my notebook. He hadn't allowed me to carry a book since we came back from Christmas break. I knew not to argue, not that I wanted to anymore.

I wobbled to my feet and the moment I stood a wetness gushed out of me. I gasped, staring down at the puddle around my feet.

_Oh crap. _

"Edward?" I asked, my voice higher than normal. He was staring at the puddle around my feet; in fact most of the class was, too.

"Miss Swan?" Mr. Molina asked.

"I think my water just broke... I've been having contractions all class."

Edward stood up, absolutely frantic. "What? Why didn't you say anything?"

I rolled my eyes. "I thought they were Braxton Hicks; I've been having them for a week." Edward's face had lost all its color, and he looked like he'd stopped breathing.

"Edward! Breathe! I'm fine. Can you take me to the hospital now?" I tried to snap him out of it.

Edward gasped, breathing finally. "Yes!" His voice squeaked.

I smiled at the class. "Okay, time to go have a baby! See you later!" I gave them a little wave. They were either looking at me in awe or confusedly waving back.

"Miss Swan, would you like the school to call your father?" Mr. Molina asked as I reached the classroom door.

I smiled back at him. "It's fine. I'll call him once we're in the car. He'll freak if it isn't me."

"All right." The teacher stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

Edward, who had gone into his own world, was mumbling to himself incoherently. I touched him on the arm calmly. "It's okay, just breathe, Edward."

He nodded, his face still too white.

"Can you go grab Alice out of class and let her know what's going on? She can tell everyone else. I'll meet you at the car." That snapped him out of it.

"Are you crazy? I'm not leaving you alone!" Edward looked insulted, and the color began to come back to his cheeks.

"Call her then?"

"Fine."

I could hear the screeching on the other side of the phone, or maybe I could just hear it from the other side of the school.

We made it to the hospital without mishap, and only six contractions, though they were getting closer together. We'd called ahead, and Dr. Randall was ready to see me as soon as we arrived. I thought Edward was going to faint the moment we entered the birthing room. I was okay with him being there, if he stayed by my head the whole time. This was not how I wanted him to see me for the first time.

Charlie arrived, rushed and worried. These were the times when the no-touching was so inconvenient. I wanted to hold his hand or give him a hug. He looked just as faint as Edward.

I felt like I needed to reassure them.

Labor was long and, well... laborious. I have never worked so hard in my entire life. And I have never been so happy to have a giant needle stuck in my back. _Hallelujah. _

I was finally dilated enough to start pushing around eleven that night, but my beautiful dark-haired baby wasn't born until Tuesday morning at 1:13 am. She was seven pounds two ounces and a whopping twenty inches long. She already had a full head of hair and came out wailing. That girl had a set of lungs on her.

Charlie got to hold her first. He looked at her, cooing quietly as she lay in his arms. Edward got to hold her next. I watched tiredly as tears ran silently down his face. He handed her to me, and she nestled perfectly in my arms.

I watched her with awe. She was the most beautiful, perfect person I had ever seen.

My heart felt like it was bursting. I didn't think I could love her more than I did in that moment.

Edward kissed the top of my head, and asked, "What's her name, 'lil mama?"

I smiled up at him, beaming, and then gazed down at my precious little girl. "Cara."

* * *

**The End.**

**An epilogue will be following in the next few weeks. I hope you've enjoyed the journey. I sure have. **

**Recs:**

**_The Cullen Campaign_ by belladonna1472** I spent all of Monday reading this amazing sexy political banter. I'm jealous of her witty repartee.  
**Summary: Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan both have parents who are powerful on Capitol Hill. Problem is, their families are political enemies. What happens when Democrat!Edward and Republican!Bella bump into each other at Union Station in D.C.? AU/AH. ExB**

**_Away from the Sun_ by butterflybetty** I cried through half of this... well written, beautiful characters, amazing story.  
**Summary: When Bella was three, she was found abandoned outside of a hospital in LA. She was placed with Carlisle, Esme, and their twin boys, Emmett and Jasper. What happens when they move to Forks? MA&AH Cannon pairing.**

**_Some Life In Me_ by Pinkpixiechick** Different story, but I love homelessward.  
**Summary:An accident claims the lives of Edward's family. Unable to deal with his grief, he walks away from his life. He meets Bella, a young woman running from her past. He can help her. Can he return to his life? Rated M for content & future lemons. AH**


	31. Conclusions

**A/N: Alas, the end is here. **

**Thanks to EVERYONE. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and rec'd me to friends. Thanks to beauteous-betas MarchHare5 and twicrack83; I love you girls! Thanks to MsWDarcy, who started this journey with me (We had a baby!) Thanks to my husband and my lil sis. Thank you!  
**

**Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. ** **** Language ** ****This is not for readers under 18! Forewarning: violence and sexual material!  
**

**Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie**

**xox****o**

* * *

Epilogue: Conclusions

"Cara! Be careful, honey. Try not to fall too much!" I yelled as my three-year-old went gallivanting off to the swings.

"Okay, Mama!" she hollered back. Her tight brown curls bounced around her shoulders as she skipped over the rubber mulch. I winced as she tripped over air, but caught herself before she face planted. She looked over her shoulder, smiling cheesily. "I'm good, Mama!" She held up her hands to show no scrapes. I nodded and she ran for the free swing.

Chuckling, I watched her dive onto the swing on her belly. Laughter floated over the air, tinkling bells of joy. Her love of the playground was infamous. I circumvented the begging today by taking her to the park before she could even ask. Though it might have been in vain because Emmett was watching her this afternoon and I knew that he'd give in to anything she asked. The last time he babysat she came back covered in melted ice cream and suffering from a tummy ache. I made him stay to clean up the puke.

Sitting down on a bench surrounding the playground, I smiled cordially at the other mothers, ignoring their obvious sneers for my age.

It had been a long three years. The best three years of my life.

Not long after Cara was born, Jimmy was convicted of rape in the second degree and assault of the second degree. He was sentenced to five to ten years in prison with the option of parole at three. Three years was coming up in a few weeks.

The trial felt like yesterday.

_I sat quietly on the stand. I was proud of myself. I'd held it together. I'd clearly and succinctly given them my story; everything was on the table. I nervously twisted my hands then looked up at the gallery. My father sat in the second row; I watched as he wiped his eyes. _

_Next to him was Edward; I could see the tension in his jaw. His fists were probably clenched. He'd been dreading this almost as much as I had. He caught my gaze and I felt it, that sense of completion, endless understanding, and … love. We hadn't said anything like that to each other. But I knew we felt it. Every time he kissed me softly and took Cara from my arms. Every time I found him rocking her, singing some lullaby when she should have been sleeping. Every time he rubbed my back or held my hand or did my homework because I hadn't had time, I knew. I smiled slightly at him to receive a crooked grin in return. _

_And finally next to Edward sat Ali, who was giving the full Alice-Cullen-Death-Glare to my ex. He had the gall to sit through my entire testimony with a self-important smirk on his face, like no matter what we said he would still go free. _

_Emmett and Rose had made the trip up this time. They were currently watching Cara. Rosalie had been a godsend; she had a natural knack with babies. It was just one more thing to feel inadequate about, but she continued to reassure me that the only reason was because she knew she'd give Cara back at the end of the night. Other than my father or Edward, there was no one else I would trust my baby with. _

_A few rows behind them sat Renee. She was still as a statue; not one tear was shed during my testimony. We hadn't spoke since my last visit. I sent her a picture of Cara, but she never responded. I took that as her choice. It was the last time I saw her._

"_Miss Swan, why did you wait until November to bring this to the attention of the police?"_

_I looked at Jimmy's slime-ball attorney. Clasping my hands together tightly, I responded softly, "I was in shock; I was scared. I was seventeen-years-old and the boy I had dated for two years had drugged me and beaten me and raped me. I was suffering from post-traumatic-stress-disorder. I wanted it to all go away."_

"_So, after you discovered you were pregnant you decided to attack the father, accusing your boyfriend of two years of rape." The slime was literally dripping off him. Edward looked murderous. "You're trying to tell us that in those two years, you never engaged in sexual intercourse?"_

_I shook my head. _

"_Miss Swan, yes or no for the record," the judge interceded. _

"_No, we did not." _

_The questioning went on for some time, questions more impertinent than the last. My blush stayed on the surface of my skin, never fading, only growing in brightness._

"_Is all of this an attempt to keep this young man," he gestured toward Jimmy, who now wore the mask of the wrongly accused, "from being a father to his daughter?" _

_I growled at the attorney. _

_Fortunately, Sam Uley, Seattle's DA, who came to personally handle my case, spoke up. "Objection. Irrelevant. Mr. Crawford signed away his parental rights at the time of the child's birth." _

"_Sustained," the judge agreed. _

_Slime-ball bared his teeth at me, attempting a smile. "That is all then, Miss Swan." _

_The judge nodded. "You may take your seat." _

A squeal tore me from the memories. Cara was shrieking in delight as a little boy chased her down the slide and around the jungle gym. Her hair was flying behind her as she giggled and yelled. When the little boy, not more than a year older, caught her, he wrapped his arms around her small torso. At that Cara's yells became more determined as she pushed him away and stuck out her tongue.

"Cara Elizabeth Swan," I said, using my mom voice.

Her face crumpled up in annoyance, but hurried to my side.

"What do you think you're doing pushing other kids?" I asked as I used my thumb and some spit to wipe a smudge of dirt off her face.

"Mama! He was gonna kiss me! Boys are ucky!" she whined.

I tried to withhold a laugh, and barely succeeded. "You don't think Grandpa or Edward or Em or Jazz is ucky." She giggled in response. "Now be a good girl and go play. I don't want to see any more pushing."

"Okay, Mama." And she skipped off once again.

My friends had really been there for me in the last three years. Not just at Jimmy's trial or at Cara's birth, but in the everyday things. They didn't coddle me; it was still my responsibility to be Cara's mother, not that I would have let them take over, but they stood by me through it all.

Ali, Emmett, and Rose were top-notch babysitters. Whenever I needed a night off they were there fighting with each other whose turn it was to watch Cara. Even now, they fought over who got to watch her during my special date with Edward.

After my second year of college Cara and I moved into our own apartment. We'd stayed with Charlie those first two years, not because I couldn't provide, but because I knew that Charlie needed us there. He'd felt so guilty over what had happened to me, especially after the trial. I couldn't hurt him any more by shutting him out of our lives under the guise of independence.

Two hands suddenly covered my eyes, blocking my view of Cara on in the sandbox. I jumped slightly, then relaxed. Lips pressed to the side of my neck. A husky voice whispered, "Guess who?"

I laughed. "Now, I wonder who it could be?"

Another squeal was heard across the playground. "Edward!"

His hands disappeared from my eyes as she swept my little one up into his arms. "Are you being good for your mama, princess?" Edward asked.

She nodded violently. "I'm a good girl!" she announced. "That boy tried to kiss me, so I did what you said and pushed him away!" She pointed at the little boy and shriveled her nose in disgust.

Edward growled, then chuckled. "Good job!" He set her down and she ran off again.

I raised an eyebrow at him, which he only returned as he sat next to me, taking my hand. "I didn't think I'd have to bat them away so soon. Would it be wrong to buy a shotgun now to keep them away?"

"The mothers of three-, four-, and five-year-old boys will _love_ that." I snorted. "Besides, I think Charlie already has you covered on the purchase."

He laughed, running a hand through his auburn hair. It was shorter now than he had kept it in high school, but it still stuck up everywhere like he'd been thoroughly done in. "Yeah, I'm surprised he didn't use it on me."

I giggled because honestly I had been surprised too. But Charlie must have seen the way Edward looked at me and Cara. I leaned in and kissed Edward on the cheek. "It's because he knows how much I love you."

Edward turned, catching my eyes. "I love you more."

I shook my head. "I love you more." Yes, we were _that_ couple. The one who fought over who loved the other one more. Believe me, it made _me_ gag a little sometimes too. Ali habitually liked to make gagging sounds when we were around.

He shook his head. "I loved you first."

I smiled. "Well, can't argue with that." I offered my lips to him, and he accepted them in a chaste kiss.

He'd told me not long after Cara had been born, only a few weeks after the trial. It was almost finals, graduation only a month or so away, and I was stressed out of my mind. Cara hadn't been sleeping, and I was behind in all my work. Charlie kept pressing me to apply for late admission to the University of Phoenix. We were making dinner, it had been two days since I had had time for a shower, and Edward said it. In the midst of the chaos, he told me he loved me, picked up my screaming baby, and told me to go take a shower. I was star-struck.

"Do you think we can drop Cara off at Em and Rose's early?" Edward asked.

I shrugged. "I don't see why not. Rose is in class all day, but Em's off. I can text him." I did, getting a response back in less than thirty seconds. "He says that's fine with him." He actually said "hell yeah," but I was not saying that aloud at a park with little ears around.

Edward clapped his hands together and stood up. "Hey, Cara, do you want to go see Uncle Em?" he hollered in her direction.

Her little head of curls bounced up above the plastic wall at the top of the slide. "Right now?" she squealed back.

Edward laughed and nodded. I could see her jumping up and down, waiting for her turn to slide down. I swear that, even though I didn't name her Alice, Jr., she definitely took on some of her hyper-activeness. Ali was immensely proud. I hurried over with Edward to catch her at the bottom. I laughed as Edward caught her and swung her up onto his shoulders. She yelled, but held on to his hair tightly, beaming down at me.

Cara and I had walked to the park from our apartment, so we got into Edward's car, taking the five-minute trip to Emmett and Rose's off-campus apartment. Edward unbuckled Cara from her car seat and I caught her as she tried to run into the building without us. Both of us holding one of her hands, we walked in together.

We let Cara knock on the door. When Emmett opened it, he acted like she knocked him over when she leaped into his arms. "You're so strong, Jelly-Bean!"

"You're silly, Uncle Em!" Cara giggled.

"You know what we're going to do today?" Emmett mock-whispered.

Cara's eyes got big as saucers and she shook her head. "What?" she whispered back.

"We're going to make princess crowns and watch your favorite movie!"

Cara jumped up, clapping her hands in glee. "Cinderella! Cinderella!" she chanted.

Edward laughed and guided me into the room as she went running off to find her favorite movie. Emmett picked himself off the floor, brushing himself off, and enclosed me in a huge hug.

"How ya doin', little mama?"

I hugged him back. "Great, really, we're doing great."

He kissed the top of my head, and released me to shake Edward's hand.

It'd finally happened. After a year of intensive therapy and medication after I'd finished nursing Cara, I touched someone other than Edward. It was an accident really. The shrink and I had planned out when it would be, but one night after getting Cara to sleep I sat down next to Charlie on the couch and leaned my head against him in exhaustion. He went so rigid it was almost funny. But I didn't react to his touch, and he leaned his head down on mine, kissing me softly on the forehead.

It wasn't an immediate thing like most people expect. There wasn't a switch in my brain that turned back on, allowing men to touch me. I had good days and bad days. But those bad days were so few and far between now that I barely even thought of it when I gave Charlie, Emmett, or Jazz a hug. I barely even prepped myself to shake a new acquaintance's hand anymore. We'd spent a long time practicing and learning to deal with any flashbacks that did come along. But here I was, able to give one of my best friends a hug, and it felt good.

The meds had helped a lot. The shrink put me on some anti-anxiety medication and lowered my dose over the years. I now only took the lowest dose as needed.

"Thanks for doing this Emmett, especially letting us drop her off early," Edward said.

He brushed it off. "My pleasure."

"She probably needs a nap around two, and make sure she has some vegetables with dinner?" I instructed.

He held up his hands. "Don't worry. I learned my lesson with the ice cream last time."

I shook my head, smirking. Edward clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't let those puppy eyes get to you."

Emmett rolled his eyes at Edward. "Yeah, I'd like to see you say no to those eyes." He was right; we all had a hard time saying no to her puppy dog look.

"You ready to go, sweetheart?" Edward asked, rubbing my lower back.

I nodded. "Cara! Mama and Edward are leaving now," I called. The pitter-patter of little feet came galloping our way. I bent down as she swung her arms around my neck. "You be good for Uncle Em."

"Okay. I love you, Mama." She kissed me sweetly on the cheek.

"I love you too, baby."

She turned to Edward, saying goodbye and giving him a kiss, too. I swear he always got misty-eyed when she told him that she loved him.

"We'll be back later this evening," Edward informed Emmett. He'd been planning our little date for weeks, asking me to keep this day open. I still had no idea what we were doing; my questions nor kisses had done nothing to crack his shell.

Emmett gave Edward a giant smile. "You kids have fun! Don't worry about Cara; we'll be fine."

I nodded and Edward ushered us out the door.

We'd been driving for a while, and Edward still refused to tell me what was going on. Then I caught a sign in the distance: Sedona, twelve miles.

I gasped. "We're going to Sedona?" Those red rocks of Cathedral Rock Trail highlighted my early memories of Edward. Our first date, our almost first kiss, and the place I'd told him the truth.

He smiled freely. "I kinda want to finish our date this time."

"As long as you promise to keep the scorpions away from me." I had a healthy fear of those little buggers.

He squeezed my hand gently. "I promise."

An hour later, we'd parked and made our way up the trail to the exact spot where we spent our first picnic. Lounging in the warm winter sun we talked about school. I was getting a degree in social work. I really wanted to help girls like me, young girls who didn't have a family like I did. Edward was getting a degree in education, so he could teach high school science. I thought he was a little crazy for wanting to go back to high school, but he just said schools needed more teachers that actually cared about the students, not just the subject material. We talked about Alice and Jasper, and Rose and Emmett. I really didn't know what I'd do without them. We talked about Cara and the trip that Carlisle and Esme wanted to take us all on over spring break.

I loved this about us. Talking, spending time together. Not only did I love Edward, but he was my best friend. And even though he didn't have the title, he was also the best father for my daughter.

Towards the end of the evening, as the sun was setting and a thousand colors of orange, red, and yellow were exploding across the sky, we went to stand at the edge of the cliff. I tried to get as close as possible to the life-size painting.

"It's beautiful," I said, just as I had those years before.

"Yes, beautiful," Edward replied. I turned to find him looking directly at me. He let go of my hand he'd been holding, and I noticed that it was shaking. Reaching into his pocket he brought out a small red box with a little snap button on the front.

My eyes went wide as he slowly knelt down on one knee. Opening the box and holding it up to me, he asked, "Marry me, Bella?"

I gasped and gazed into the eyes of my other half.

"Yes."

* * *

**Leave some love for me and the monkey ;)**

**Recs **

**Bittersweet Irony by SweetVenom69** I don't think I've cried so much during a story. The story pulled me in so completely I couldn't help but be broken hearted with Bella. Don't let the crying keep you away... I'm an easy crier ;)  
**Summary: Bella and Edward's lives have been intertwined since they were born. When Edward and his parents wind up missing, Bella's world spirals out of control. What happens when she finds him years later?**

**Just One Night by LittleMissInnocence** I've been a bit obsessed with pregnant Bella/Bella with a baby. This is one of my favorites.  
**Summary: AH. Bella is 16 and decides to let go for one night and ends up pregant by Edward Cullen, a boy she really doesn't know. Homeless, alone, and terrified, Bella is at a loss until a green eyed boy steps in to help.**

**The Geheime Vernietiging by amoredjenaue** Sexy, mysterious, and just downright awesome. The plot is excellent. The characters are well rounded. Definite read.  
**Summary: AKA The Secret Destruction. FBI Agent Cullen returns to NY to take down the Draconi crime family. But will his return bring more than he bargained for? Or something he never knew he always wanted. Secret missions, love & family secrets abound...& destroy.**

**La canzone della Bella Cigna by philadelphic **What if Bella was an amazing singer (no pun intended) and didn't meet Edward till college? It's a good spin with traditional characters.  
**Summary: A famous voice teacher. A mysterious piano prodigy. Backstabbing classmates. Music school is competitive, and aspiring singer Bella Swan is determined to succeed. Hard work she can handle, but who expected music school to be dangerous? A story in 3 acts**


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